14(1) ∞ what she remembers

“I know you liked this guy, Yoona. Maybe even loved him. That’s why I’m so curious.” Donghae said, looking straight at me, “It must difficult for you but – I really want to… understand.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know either. I just know I have to. You don’t want to tell me?”

I shook my head. “I would like you to know. I mean, we have been going out for a hundred days or so already… I just – I don’t know what good it would do if I told you.”

“Want me to tell you about my first love?” Donghae said cheekily. The tone of his voice was light, but there was an underlying tone I’m so sure was there. I rolled my eyes at him and smacked his arm hard. He grinned, rubbing his arm.

“Don’t you think the past should stay in the past?” I said so softly, part of me wished he didn’t hear me. But of course he did and he shook his head.

“The past is what made the present. Before we met, Sooyoung said that you used to be so bright and cheerful. Honestly, I was afraid you’d be the cheerleader type and I hated that kind of girl.” His eyebrow was raised when he said this and I had to smile.

“But then I saw you and you weren’t as bubbly as I expected.”

Of course I wasn’t. I nodded sheepishly, biting my lip. “Yeah…"

“I have a feeling there was something that happened with Changmin. Something that changed you somehow…”

He took my hand, and as I looked down at our hands, he squeezed them softly. “I know you remember. Won’t you tell me?”

Remember?

Of course I did.

I remember what happened.

“Okay.”

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes briefly. I spoke once I opened them.

“Changmin has always been indifferent. When I first met him, he barely even looked at me. But there was something good about him that I felt and liked, so I befriended him. To my surprise, he let me into his life and I got to know him better…”

“He was smart, sarcastic and surprisingly funny. With the way he was brought up, I didn’t think he would be able to crack a good joke.” I said wistfully, smiling out the corner of my mouth.

Donghae nodded, slowly and letting the words sink in. I held my breath for his reaction but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he looked at me pointedly – as if asking with his eyes, “Then what happened?”

FOUR YEARS AGO…

“I saw something today but I won’t te~ell!” Yeonhee chirped, surprising me from my note taking.

I blinked up at her in surprise as she sat down in front of me, grinning from ear to ear.

Here was one of the most serious people I’ve ever met – she was an honor student and on her way to become a doctor – and yet, she was smiling and laughing excitedly. I knew my friend Lee Yeonhee well enough to know that this person in front of me must be an alien.

“Eh?” I said, more to the air than to anyone, and raised an eyebrow at her. “Who are you and what have you done to my friend?”

Yeonhee wrinkled her nose at me. “I’m your friend, Yoong.”

“Are you sure? Because my friend doesn’t usually look this excited after getting off her part-time job.”

She laughed, “Come on! Didn’t you hear what I said? I saw something today and I won’t tell you!”

“The way you say it makes me curious!” I laughed, slapping her hand playfully from across the table. “Does it have something to do about Hankyung? Did you see him practicing how to ask Sooyoung out or something? Because if you did, we have to help him out! That boy needs to learn Korean faster!”

“Wait, what? Does Sooyoung like Hankyung?!” She shook her head, laughing as well, “Okay, I agree with you but no, that wasn’t what I saw.”

I clicked my tongue. “Ugh, too bad. Still, I’m interested. Yah, Yeonhee – tell me already!”

“It’s a secret!”

I frowned and Yeonhee laughed again, ruffling my hair. I rolled my eyes at her as I combed my hair with my fingers. She spoke again in that overly-happy tone:

“Let me ask you this first: If, for example, I saw Changmin buying a ring for–let’s say, you… would that make you happy?”

I felt the roots of my hair standing up, and my cheeks begin to burn. I my lips and went back to my papers after saying a quiet, “Yes” in response to her question.

“So you really really like Changmin?”

I began to shuffle my papers to appear busy and nonchalant. Too bad my cheeks were giving me away. I coughed, “Yes."

Yeonhee squealed, slapping her hand on the table in excitement. And I begged her to be silent. She couldn’t sit still though and grabbed my hands. “I knew it! Oh my gosh, you should tell him!”

“Will you tell me what you saw then?”

“Nope! Because if I told you, you wouldn’t tell him!”

I threw a piece of crumpled paper at her. “I hate you.”

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