Two big, golden brown eyes glowing in the darkness. Was it a dream? Was it real?

A mouth with full, red lips, trembling. Was it her? Why was she there?

I watched the lips parting in slow motion, revealing those perfect teeth, letting out those muttered words, those words that were practically begging me to stop being an idiot.

“So choose me. Pick me. Love me. Please…”

My eyelids flung open and I stared at the wooden ceiling above my head. I sighed as I stood from the mattress and met the cold air of the night. Was I a fool for letting go of her? And when exactly did she came inside my mind? When exactly did she began being a part of me? How on Earth did I manage to fall for her?! And now…what was there to do? What was the solution to this situation?

“God help me, ‘coz I see no way out of this,”I turned to the starry sky, holding tight on the small, silver cross I was wearing around my neck, on the silver necklace. I was a Christian and I was not ashamed to admit it. I felt at peace after I embraced the so called ‘heathen’ religion. I was reluctant at first, but then I came to know their God…not a mortal like Buddha used to be. Or like Confucius. But an entity with no form, an entity that created us all after his own face, giving us what was best for us.

And being a Christian didn’t stop me from learning and teaching about Buddha. It was quite interesting as now I was seeing everything from another angle. After all, philosophy was to entertain the mind, to keep it awake and fit, while religion was for the soul, to heal its scars and to help it pass through the darkness that threatens to take over the heart and mind….

“What are you doing, son?”father spoke as I packed some things for the road.

“I’m leaving.”

“Where to, if I may ask?”

“To Japan. I need to meet padre Domingo,”I answered as I took my shoes and stepped in the morning’s air. “I’ll be back shortly.”

And I left him there, looking after me from the doorstep of our house. I knew he never understood me and why I chose that path in life when no one in our family changed his religion before. And how was I going to explain to him that it was the heart that led the way for me and not the mind? That fateful year while I was away in exile I met not only the peace I needed in order not to seek revenge, but also the peace I needed for my heart and soul? That’s how I managed to realize that my love for Mi Ru was not love, but merely a form of admiration. And now, our parents wanted us to get united forever…

♃~✵~♃

The ship moved alongside the waves and the seagulls that were screaming on a high pitched tone in the sky. Somewhere in the distance, the shore could be seen…but I looked down at the water who’s drops were jumping on the wood, sometimes hitting my skin. It was incredible to think that by ones powers, everything we see was made, everything we touch was born. It was amazing the thought alone that there was someone waiting for us at the end of the journey, where depending on our actions, we were going to be rewarded or punished.

“Yesung!”

I turned around. There was only a person that could have called me that way… “Padre Domingo!”I felt like something fell off my heart as I bent down and kissed his right hand. “Bless me, padre. ‘Coz this child has lost his way…”

“Yesung, my son,”his shaky hand rested on my shoulder, forcing me to stand right. “Come! Let’s go and have a talk!”he led the way to the carriage that was waiting for us. “To the monastery!”

The carriage  passed the crowded streets of Saga. I peeked at padre Domingo, who’s eyes were closed next to me. I admired him from our first meeting, when he addressed to me in Korean. And apart from that, he spoke Japanese fluently, he was soft spoken and had his own power to make his way in people hearts. The children on the streets loved him, the people around him respected him and I admired him for illuminating my way just when I was about to give in to the darkness in my heart.

“I bet you’re hungry,”his soft voice said, indicating the smile on his face.

“No, padre, I’m not.”

“Yesung…will you sing for me one more time? I feel like it hundreds of years passed since I last listen to your voice.”

“Sure, padre,”I took the shamisen from his hands and took a sit on the floor, on the same place where two years ago I used to cry out my heart every single time something made me remember of home. This time I was stronger. Or…was I?

“Lower yourselves and crawl, the enemy has eyes

Be quiet and don't breathe, the enemy has ears

Like shadows infiltrate and set up our decoy...”

“Child, why are you singing a war song?”padre Domingo looked at me carefully.

I placed the shamisen on the floor, next to me and I sighed. “Padre, I’m afraid I’m going out of my mind! I…I no longer know what’s the best option. I think I fell into the devil’s trap.”

“What happened?”

And I told him everything. How I met Ae Ri and how she set that evil plan to conquer my heart and then step on it. How we fled Hanyang together and lived in a village, far away from anything that could have hurt us, how I watched her every single day, noticing her change of heart, her sparkling eyes and wide smile every single time we were talking, how I grew fond of her and her shining smile, how I began falling for her stubbornness and childish behavior, how she transformed into a wife even though I never asked her to do so… I told him everything. Yes, I was in love with her. Since when? Since that evening when she suddenly disappeared and I looked after her, feeling like I was going crazy, not knowing what happened to her, feeling like my heart was going to stop at the thought of her leaving me to return to Hanyang.

“…we returned because her father had problems. But we never imagined something like that was waiting for us,”I continued after a small pause. “Jun Hyung, her br