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The next chapter will be 8 years later, but please stay and read this chapter too!

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Back in the hospital, the next day…

“Kim Junsu. I am in a hurry. Please keep up.” Changmin frowned at the boy wrapped in his own coat and his oversized t-shirt, while the latter hobbled clumsily behind.

“He is expecting. Please be gentler with him. Bring him back in a couple of week’s time.” The doctor’s words rang inside the impatient man’s head while he tried to keep his temper in check and maintain his cool.

“TSK.” Changmin sulked as Junsu lean against the wall for better support, exhausted by the long walk from the ward to the carpark. Without saying much, the tall man walked over and carried the boy up. Gathering him gently into his thick arms for the second time, the man carried him up the small flight of stairs and finally, placed him into the new car he purchased.

The boy remained silent as he dozed off, leaning against the new cushion, head lolling back while he rest. Changmin can’t but pity the boy, trying to put himself into the boy’s shoes. He then positioned the boy’s legs and hands comfortably beside him and kicked start his engine.

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Changmin’s POV

The guy sure sleeps like a log. I don’t know if it’s the effect of his brain injury, or is it because he has nothing better to do.

I don’t know why I pity him too. The hospital just sent both of us off with a card full of appointments, expecting me to bring him back for follow ups like I am his husband or something. I hate this! I didn’t want to get married because I don’t want so many unnecessary hassles. This is precisely the reason why I don’t wish to get married! The responsibility of taking care of someone! First the wife… then the kids… tied down forever.

Nevertheless, I did buy a new bed and tidied up my guest room for him. He just remained still as death no matter where he is. I got sleepy too, just by looking at him how exhausted he is.

Resting on my comfortable couch, I forced myself to stay awake while I tried to make arrangement to search for his origins and family again. But to no avail. I should have just memorized the ID number! I am such an idiot that I can’t stand myself sometimes…

Before long, I was consumed by darkness, and even though it was only early in the evening, I found myself snoring.

End of POV

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“Clack!” A loud sound jolted Changmin from his slumber. It was already pass midnight, and the man found himself half sagging off the couch with his laptop sitting dangerously close to the edge of the tea-table.

Standing up and spinning his throbbing head around, he found Junsu on the floor.

“What are you doing?”

“I need to go somewhere.”

“Where? You remembered something?” Changmin immediately became much more alert, within a split second. The thought that Junsu might have remembered something made him really happy, and he did not bother to hide it.

Junsu shook his head and blushed really hard. “I want to do something.” The boy said while clutching onto his abdomen. Junsu needed to pee.

“Ah! Toilet?”

“Eh? Uh.” Junsu nodded his head doubtfully.

“Aigoo… don’t you dare release on me!” Changmin quickly swept Junsu up from the floor and ferried him to the toilet.

Changmin then made a note to himself that he will not be deceived again. Neither will he expect the boy to remember anything, anytime soon.

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A few days later, in a small gloomy apartment…

“Is Kim Junsu in?” A mail man knocked onto the door while Yoochun sat on the couch in the living room, downing the second bottle of beer even though it is only a little pass noon.

Yoochun was unable to convince Junsu’s immediate relatives to do anything. They were in such a bad stage of denial that they did not even bother to take a look at the face of the corpse. ‘Junsu’ was cremated and brought back in an urn in a blink of an eye.

To make matters worse, Junsu’s father had to suffer a heart attack, so Yoochun is left in charge of settling the house Junsu used to live in and sending back Junsu’s belongings to his hometown. However, Yoochun is sure his lover is still alive, and refuses to acknowledge the ashes. He did not attend the ‘funeral’ even though he was invited by the boy’s brother.

Yoochun even bought the apartment they used to share, stationing himself inside the tiny apartment day and night, and waiting for the boy to show up. Hoping for a miracle of sorts, Yoochun got nothing but a mailman knocking on his door after half a week of keeping vigil.

“Please sign here, thank you.”

“Thank you. May I ask what this is about?” Yoochun asked the mailman, but the guy just shrugged. “Confidential stuff.”

Hoping that there is something useful inside, the man quickly used a letter opener to disclose the content inside. Yoochun was disappointed to find only a letter addressed to Junsu from a hospital just somewhere around their university.

“… Your results are positive. We will need you to come over for another check up.” Yoochun muttered as he slurred on the words. Inside, was a DNA report attached, and the small markers indicated some form of error, and then a word caught his eyes. “Foetus.”

Apparently, a month before their break up, Junsu had been visiting the doctor for symptom management. The constant nausea and vomiting made him believe he had some gastric issues. The doctors could not find anything at first, until some physical checks revealed a soft mass on his abdomen. The doctors thought it was cancer, but his blood results for cancer markers came back clean, so they did tests, and the results were supposed to be for Junsu. Junsu never confided in Yoochun, choosing instead, to keep a positive mindset and not bother anyone else with his own burdens. 

The boy is supposed to see the letter and go back for further physical checks as there were physical anomalies discovered in him. Nonetheless, only Yoochun got to see the report.

Re-reading the report that makes no sense to him, Yoochun flipped through the pages and digested the contents as fast as he could. There was also an ultra sound report, and some other things.

Thinking that Junsu might have gotten another girl pregnant, Yoochun called the number indicated on the letter head.

“Yes… I understand. Thank you.” Yoochun managed to confirm that the procedures are done on his lover, and not some random girl. The revelation was hammered on to him so hard that he had to down another carton of beer to knock himself out. He can’t believe his lover is pregnant, but he is secretly happy, because that is the thing that will tie them together for as long as they live.

Most importantly, his lover is certified dead, so there is really no point in feeling happy or upset.

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Junsu’s POV

I don’t really know why I keep feeling that a part of me is missing. At first I didn’t even know what is happening, and then I slowly picked up the things along the way.

I don’t know how I am able to speak fluently.

I don’t know how I know what I need to do whenever I need to do it… like when I need to use the toilet or when I need to shower and stuff like that.

I don’t know the man who brought me home… and I have absolutely no idea where I met him.

I don’t know a lot of things… all of a sudden. I actually feel kind of crippled. The doctor, the person in the white coat, told me that I am sick, and I will remember the things I need to remember slowly… but I can’t.

Nothing is coming back to me.

The man is good to me… but I don’t really know why he always looks so upset. I tried cheering him up… and I don’t even know why I would think that way, but I just did, and he will be happy after that.

I have been trying to figure out a lot of things lately, and I realised that he… Changmin, is not actually comfortable around me… and I don’t know why… but I wouldn’t ask.

End of POV

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Changmin’s POV

We just got back from the hospital again today, and the doctors said that his amnesia would depend on how well he recovers.

Then as for the baby, whom I have NO IDEA why it even exists, is fine too. They suggest that I seek second opinion for this particular defect. I don’t know. Should I even bother myself? Does the father know about his kid? Does he even know his lover boy is pregnant?

I constantly think about how I want to get rid of him… since he is growing onto me dangerously. I hate the fact that I am faltering because of his one little smile. I hate the fact that he can make me do many things for him without even trying. I can only say I am kind at heart.

Anyhow, it has been very freaking long since I last posted the Polaroid of him on the newspaper… and no one has contacted me about him yet. All hope is lost to me now. I searched through the universities in Seoul… but the name ‘Kim Junsu’ is so common that I have no idea where to begin. I have a few thousand 18 year old Kim Junsus on my search list… and I have a few hundred coming from Gwangju and Gunsan. I am tired.

Why can’t everyone just call their kids ‘Shim Changmin’? TSK.

Using ‘Chunnie’ made the search even worse. I will not talk about that. Chun hyung… Chun hei... Chun ji… what else?

“Changmin.” I heard the sweet little voice addressing me as I rested my head on my desktop, squeezing my eyes shut.

“What?” I answered a little rudely, unintentionally, regretting it immediately. “What is it?” I lowered my tone and softened my facial expression the best I can.

End of POV

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Junsu saw that Changmin is sighing non-stop and approached the man. However, seeing that the man is not exactly 'amicable' at the moment, he just shook his head quietly and turned to leave.

Unable to fathom why he himself did that, Changmin ran up to Junsu and tried to ‘apologise’. “You can tell me. What do you wish to tell me?” The man probed while the boy struggled on his way back to the guest room.

“I didn’t mean to bother you. Sorry.” Junsu smiled weakly at Changmin, turning the man away.

Changmin’s hostel attitude towards Junsu made the boy really uncomfortable around him, and Changmin knows that as well. He is simply unable to bring himself to say kind words to Junsu.

Sitting and staring blankly at Changmin’s fish tank. Junsu felt really lost. For the first time since his memory loss, he is actually thinking about how he came to exist and all. As his brain picks up parts and parcels of his surrounding and pieces them together, nothing made sense.

Thinking back on the questions that the people at the hospital asked him, Junsu tried his best to answer them while he sat in the dark guest room. Only the blue neon light of the fish tank aided his vision as he stared at his own reflection, on the glass surface. The fishes were darting around, but he remained still.

“Kim Junsu?” The boy mumbled as he looked at the cast on his injured leg. The nurses and doctors were really keen to have him around, and even left their signatures and numbers on top in case he needed help, but he wouldn’t call them. “Kim Junsu…” the name sat well with him, but his body is just too disconnected from his mind to process anything other than his own name, which was supposedly given to him by Changmin.

Standing up, the boy limped out of the room and made his way to where Changmin is, lying slumped onto his bed and talking to himself in his sleep. Junsu repositioned himself beside the man and looked intently at the violent person, who is thrashing around and cursing at imaginary people as he remained dead to the world.

As if his automatic body sensors can detect that someone is in his room, Changmin’s eyes opened, and yelled at the top of his lungs when he found a big pair of light brown eyes staring at him. The facial features illuminated by the faint moon light shining into the cold room. “YAH!! You scared me! I thought you were a ghost or soemthing!! TSK!!” Changmin shouted at Junsu after switching on the bedside lamps.

“Changmin. I cannot answer the questions the doctor asked me… what do I do?” Junsu called Changmin by his name.

“It’s in the middle of the night for god’s sakes! Go sleep! We will figure those stupid questions out tomorrow morning!” Changmin scratched his ears and waved Junsu off.

“Changmin. I.” Junsu is interrupted when Changmin raised a hand up abruptly.

“Enough! If you do not need to sleep, I still need to!”

“… … Those questions are stupid right?”

“THAT’S WHAT I SAID!”

“… … okay… good night.” Junsu paused in front of the door, looking unusually pitiful, before exiting, limping pathetically. Changmin regretted being a mean bastard again. He hates to be awakened from his beauty sleep.

Tossing and turning in bed, trying to ease his conscience and go back to sleep, Changmin failed to resist the urge to check on the boy. Even though his muscles were protesting, and wanting to stay in bed, Changmin still leapt out and made his way out of his own room, switching on the lights as he moved along the corridors.

Junsu has mysteriously disappeared and the tall man couldn’t find him anywhere, even in the guest room. Bothered and irritated, the man made his way outside, to his private pool and garden, and spotted a pair of crutches sticking out by the pool side. That incited panic.

Rushing forward, Changmin found himself panting as he ran towards the pool. Splashing sounds got louder as he neared, and Changmin almost out upon seeing Junsu struggling in the pool.

“!!! !!!” Cursing angrily, the tall man dove into the deep pool and dragged the boy out, as the latter hung onto Changmin’s thick arms tightly. The cast was dragging the boy down and he would have died if the man hadn’t come to his rescue.

“WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?! HUH?! FIRST, YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU WITH MY CAR! THEN YOU WANT TO DROWN YOURSELF IN MY POOL?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS? KISS YOUR MOTHER?! GOD DAMMIT!! I WASN’T EVEN THE ONE THAT KNOCKED YOU UP!! FIND CHUNNIE IF YOU WANT REVENGE, YOU IDIOT!!” All the pent up frustration were diverted at Junsu as the soaked and very furious man roared.

Equally soaked, Junsu caught his breath and rubbed his doe eyes with his wet hands, coughing out water as he gasped.

“YOU ARE SO OUT OF MY HOUSE THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!! I CAN’T GIVE TWO ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!” Changmin continued and got onto his feet, trying his best not to shove the boy unnecessarily. The resolve to send Junsu packing just got stronger.

Terrified by Changmin's outburst, and seeing it for the first time, Junsu quickly got up and started to make his way to the main door, opposite to where Changmin was headed. Crying as he went along. His face becoming wet again by the tears as he limped, holding onto the wall and rails for support.

“Where are you going?! YAH!!” Changmin stopped walking after hearing wet feet dragging themselves from behind him. “Yah!!! I SAID TOMORROW MORNING!!! WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO SO LATE AT NIGHT?!” the boy continued.

Sprinting towards Junsu, Changmin stopped the limping boy in his tracks and lifted him up, bringing him back to the house and chucking him roughly onto the toilet seat. Taking out a towel, the initially furious man started to dry the boy’s wet hair while the other hung his head low, avoiding eye contact.

“Idiot.” Changmin whispered as he pulled Junsu’s shirt off and replaced the wet ones with a dry one. “What do you think you are doing? What do you think you are? A fish?”

Widening his eyes, Junsu looked up at Changmin, mouth hanging open, as though he had just remembered something really important. “The fishes!!” Junsu gasped as the tall man frowned, brushing Junsu’s damp hair and tucking it behind his ears.

“What?”

“The fishes!! The fishes, Changmin!” Tugging at Changmin’s hands, Junsu urged the man to bring him back to the pool by pointing in the direction of the swimming pool, trying to get up as the man pushed him back down onto the seat. “There is two more fishes on the floor!!”

Upon Junsu’s weird request, Changmin returned to the poolside and spotted a small plastic bowl, overturned and floating on the surface. There is also a small fishing net at the bottom of the pool. The fuming mad man simmered down almost immediately, after realising the real reason behind Junsu’s ‘suicide’ attempt. Breaking into a laughing fit, the man sat onto the bench nearby, trying to suppress himself.

What actually happened was that Junsu was too bored and wanted to distract himself. Thinking that the pool is bigger and better for the fishes, he wanted to transfer them to there. However, he accidentally dropped the net into the pool and almost died trying to retreive it. He thinks that the pool is shallow just by looking at the surface.

“Here fishy fishy.” After a long moment of uncontrollable laughter, the tall muscular man peeled off his own wet clothes and climbed onto the pool to retrieve the net and plastic bowl. Then he swiftly scooped up the goldfishes that were swimming around aimlessly, dying from the chlorine overdose.

Returning half , Changmin saw Junsu waiting for him anxiously and felt very self conscious all of a sudden. Trying to sulk, the still grinning man threw the fishes back into the tank and quickly dressed up in a new set of clothing.

“We have to go back to the hospital now.” The man patted Junsu’s head while the younger latter plastered his face to the glass, switching his attention back to the fishes.

“Kim Junsu…” Changmin watched the boy as the latter watched the fishes. The neon lighting did wonders to Junsu’s features, and Changmin found himself almost to the stage of being needy. Just looking at the clueless creature in front of him made his heart flutter, and he actually felt warm even though he was soaked to the skin earlier on.

“… … We need to get your wet cast replaced.” The man treated himself to one last look at Junsu and left the room. Digging through the key box for his car keys.

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On the journey home from the hospital…

“Changmin.” Junsu called the name of the driver while he looked at the man driving.

 “What?”

“Can you not hate me?” Junsu asked all of a sudden, causing Changmin to lose focus for a second.

“… …” The man did not reply or give any form of an indication.

“Changmin.” Junsu called out again, after a long moment of awkward silence.

“What?”

“… I will leave tomorrow morning if you don’t like me. Please don’t hate me! I don’t have any friend like the fishes! You are my only friend!” Junsu pleaded, attacking Changmin with big watery eyes.

“… …” The man wanted to pinch Junsu’s cheeks and reassure him that he is not hated, but he couldn’t. He is driving.

“Changmin.” Junsu called out again after Changmin ignored him, looking at the man beside him worriedly.

“What?”

“Who is… Chunnie?” Junsu asked again.

“… …” Changmin almost lost control over the wheels upon hearing the name, swerving back into the correct lane again.

“Changmin.” Junsu attempted to start a conversation again, with the frowning man.

“What?”

“… Nothing…” Junsu decided to just shut his trap this time, in case Changmin ends up getting irritated. He can tell that the creases on the older man's forehead is getting deeper.

Not wanting Junsu to misunderstand the situation, and being unable to keep his eyes on the road with the constant distraction, Changmin jammed break and brought his moving car to a halt. On the empty and quiet roadside.

Looking at Junsu with a serious face, Changmin felt his heart skip a beat and he looked away instead. It is a bad mistake to look Junsu in the eye.

Instead of feeling happy that Junsu asked about ‘Chunnie’, Changmin felt a strange pang of unrest, amounting to jealousy. “What do you remember of Chunnie?” Changmin redirected the question at Junsu.

“Chunnie?” Junsu asked and Changmin nodded.

“I remember you asked about him.” Junsu said with a firm tone, meaning what he said.

Chuckling, the older man shook his head slowly and sighed deeply. “I am Chunnie.”

“OH! You are not Changmin?” Junsu looked at Changmin with wide eyes and laughed ‘eu kyang kyang.’

“Junsu…” The older man’s voice trailed off as Junsu hit him playfully. “I don't believe you!! You are Changmin!!”

Instead of nodding his head, Changmin lean over and gave Junsu a soft peck on the cheeks, stunning the both of them, especially Changmin. He does not know why he did it either.

~End of Chapter 5~