It was Christmas again. That year, I had been most excited for Christmas. Everything was going to be so great; my friends and I planned a wonderful trip to the central city to go shopping. Of course, we planned for that in the holidays. The term has not ended yet, and there was still the end of year Christmas party. It was where Hanrim Girls and Hanrim Boys High School sent each other Christmas notes, and many people choose this time to confess. I thought back on the Christmas time in year four, when Sungjae had still liked me. Did he still like me? Had everything changed since then?

On that particular day, I went to school, and I remember that during 3rd period, during a Japanese lesson, I received some notes. Many of them were sent from my friends who had wished me a happy Christmas holiday. But then, one stood out from the pile, because it had been highlighted a green colour. The rest were pink as they were sent from those in Hanrim Girls High School, but green? I instantly flipped the note, and sure enough, it said that it was from Sungjae. I couldn't help but think that it was a prank. When I read the message, I was even more shocked. It read

"To: Minyoung
Hanrim Girls
Message:
I love you <3
From: Sungjae"

When I read this message, I remember that the first thing I did was hide it in my wallet. I did not want my friends to tease me from getting a green note, traditionally one that came from the Boys School. But, why? Why did he send that if he did not appear to like me anymore? Did he just send that so that I would be happy, knowing that I still liked him?
I was so confused at that state. I did not believe that he would send me a note like this, but he wasn't the type to play a prank either. It had to be sent by someone else in the school then, but no one else knew about Sungjae and I.

When the class ended, I caught up to Heejin to tell her about it. "Heejin! Is it weird if Sungjae sent me a note?"
"What! He did? Nice!" she shouted, as if she heard me say something joyous. "What did he write?"
"Um... I love you?" I said quietly to her, in case any of my other friends heard.
"WHAT?" she squealed, obviously as surprised as I was, "What happened between you guys!"
I went on to explain how I felt like it was a prank, but that I was very confused who else could have sent it, considering that it evidently came from the Boys School.
"Can't you just live in the moment, and accept that he still likes you?" she scolded me that day, but even after that, I could not believe it. Did he really still like me? That was what I kept asking myself that day.

When I arrived home that day, I immediately went on chat. If Sungjae was online that day, I would've confronted him about it to find out the truth. He was not online though, so I had hesitated. Should I ask him about it anyway? He would see it next time he logged in.
I clicked on his name, and a chat box popped up. "Sungjae is currently unavailable, so please send a message, which can be viewed when this user next logs in."
I started typing a message. "Today I received a note. It had your name on it... did you send one to me?"
I deleted most of the message, and started to type again. "Hey Sungjae, I received a note from you. Did you really mean it?"
I deleted the whole message again, and then stared at my screen for another minute. Would it make a difference even if I found out the truth?
I started typing again. "Hi Sungjae. I just wanted to say... I like you too. I had liked you from year four, but I never imagined that we had to leave each other so soon. We only had a year... but I wanted it to last forever with us. I really like you."
I moved my cursor to the send button, but jumped up at the presence of my mother in the room. "You know, you always chat to that Sungjae person. Don't you have homework to do?" she told me, and then walked back out the room.

I do, mother, I do. I always chat with Sungjae. But he can never reply, because I never sent him any messages. None that revealed my true feelings to him. Sometimes, I wonder why I write messages that I never send.

I moved my cursor to the delete button, and clicked it. "Are you sure you want to move this conversation to trash?" the screen asked me.
I stared away, with tears forming in my eyes, and pressed enter.
I remember that at that moment, a song started playing.The lyrics said:

"I’m always searching
For your figure to appear somewhere
Even when I'm crossing a street, even in the midst of my dreams
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place

As this song finished playing, my heart welled up with regret. Yes, I am always searching for you Sungjae, but why are you never there? Yes, I love you Sungjae, but why am I too scared to ever say it?

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Hi everyone! I hoped that everything liked this update >_< I'm sorry for updating so late (edit: i actually posted this a while ago, but i forgot
to untick the 'hide chapter' box! sorry guys >_<)!!!
Some ideas from this chapter come from the amazing movie "5 Centimetres Per Second"
but of course, I wrote it here because it was appropriate:)
The song was the theme song of that movie, and the lyrics are great^^
Anyways, this story might be ending soon! It may be slightly sad, but I'll have to see where this story is going
to determine when to end it... so don't worry too much yet!
I'll be slightly busy this week, so I may not update, so I hope this new chapter will be good enought for you!
Yes, and any new readers, please hit subscribe and comment!^^