The Naive Me
My First Love is You
It was the Tuesday of the last week of year seven that it happened. Although it had passed for so long, I still think back on it sometimes and smile. But until that afternoon when it happened, everything seemed quite gloomy to me. Nothing had gone right that day.
It was a rainy morning, and I had woken up late because I was lazy, and wanted to sleep in for another 5 minutes. And those '5 minutes' ended up turning into half an hour. Yep, I ain't going to blame it on a broken alarm, or a traffic jam; I was just too damn lazy. I sprang up and looked at the clock. I faintly remember that it read 7:23. I panicked of course, and ran to the bathroom to change into my uniform. I had not even eaten breakfast that day, because my train was due to arrive at 7:45, and it took me at least 8 minutes to walk to the station. I made it to the station in 5 minutes however, and the train screen read 7:39. "AH!" I shouted angrily under my breath. I regretted not having taken a piece of bread or some other food down to the train to eat. The worst thing though, was that I was soaking wet, because I had ran out of the house without bringing an umbrella. Sometimes, when you grow old, you think back to when you were young, and mentally slap yourself for being so dumb in the past. This was definitely one of those moments.
My first period at school was not too great either. I had received a mark for a test I did two weeks earlier, and I couldn't have done any worse. If it wasn't for the teacher slacking off at the end of the year, I would've never even made a B for my report. When all things couldn't seem to get worse, I got told off by a teacher that day for not bringing my shoes to PE class. Who could blame me, when I was a hungry girl, barely dry from the rain in the morning and having just gotten a bad result from her test, for not bringing her PE shoes? I was to blame of course, for that one choice of sleeping in for '5 minutes', but having a teacher telling me off on seemingly one of the worst days of my life didn't seem to please me very much.
But then it happened. I had not seen Sungjae online on chat for many weeks already, and out of all days, he came on today. Out of all those bad things that happened to me today, what bad could it do me to chat with Sungjae? I smiled, and pressed his name on chat. I stared at the screen for 10 seconds, but I could not think of what to write. Should I just say hi? Then what would I say after that?
I decided to just say hi, but he didn't reply me for a few minutes. I became impatient, but more so sad. Despite it being common for a friend not to reply for a long time due to many reasons, I felt like he did not want to talk to me. I was about to move my mouse to close the chat when he finally replied. 'Hi:)' he said to me.
I smiled at the smiley face he posted to me, and replied. 'So... whatcha doing?"
'Nothing much.... just got home.'
After that, it really seemed like our conversation had ended, and I was desperately trying to think of things to tell him, or to ask him about. But then, at that moment, I thought of something that I had been curious about for an eternity. "Sungjae... he liked you." Bec's voice rang in my head, and I built up my courage to confront him about it. It shouldn't be too hard for him to just reply yes or no right? I was hesitant, but what could be worse than all the things that happened to me that day? "So Sungjae... did you like me before?" I looked away after pressing enter, nervous for his reply. "..." he replied.
I knew what he was thinking, so I told him I didn't really care if he liked me or not.
"Fine. I liked you." Sungjae replied. At that instant, I felt the a rush of joy in me. It was better than the time when Bec told me about it, and I couldn't stop smiling that whole afternoon and night. Although we stopped chatting soon after since he had to go to dinner, I was so happy at that instant. I told my one friend who knew about Sungjae about it, and she felt so happy for me too. "But why did you ask him about before," she told me, "Pabo, you should've asked him if he still liked you!" I could only regret at that moment that I had not asked him that, but I was too happy to think about anything else. I felt like I had the whole world in my hands at that moment, but I was too naive to know anything then. Fairytales don't exist in this world, and only in fairytales could you find the happy ending of the poor peasant marrying the handsome prince. Life wasn't as simple as love and hate. There is jealousy, sadness, loss, and ignorance to go with it. And when all these things happen, you can only choose to forget, albeit you'll hurt for your entire life.
'Nothing much.... just got home.'
After that, it really seemed like our conversation had ended, and I was desperately trying to think of things to tell him, or to ask him about. But then, at that moment, I thought of something that I had been curious about for an eternity. "Sungjae... he liked you." Bec's voice rang in my head, and I built up my courage to confront him about it. It shouldn't be too hard for him to just reply yes or no right? I was hesitant, but what could be worse than all the things that happened to me that day? "So Sungjae... did you like me before?" I looked away after pressing enter, nervous for his reply. "..." he replied.
I knew what he was thinking, so I told him I didn't really care if he liked me or not.
"Fine. I liked you." Sungjae replied. At that instant, I felt the a rush of joy in me. It was better than the time when Bec told me about it, and I couldn't stop smiling that whole afternoon and night. Although we stopped chatting soon after since he had to go to dinner, I was so happy at that instant. I told my one friend who knew about Sungjae about it, and she felt so happy for me too. "But why did you ask him about before," she told me, "Pabo, you should've asked him if he still liked you!" I could only regret at that moment that I had not asked him that, but I was too happy to think about anything else. I felt like I had the whole world in my hands at that moment, but I was too naive to know anything then. Fairytales don't exist in this world, and only in fairytales could you find the happy ending of the poor peasant marrying the handsome prince. Life wasn't as simple as love and hate. There is jealousy, sadness, loss, and ignorance to go with it. And when all these things happen, you can only choose to forget, albeit you'll hurt for your entire life.
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