HOMESICK
Watching Over You
It was chaos.
Seunghyun could still hear the helicopter orbiting the rooftop of the hotel. He was inside a makeshift tent where a doctor examined him. From the other side of the white fabric he could see shadows of the members impatiently waiting outside, pacing to and fro from the entrance.
"What happened to me?" Seunghyun asked innocently. He just wanted to understand why was he being examined and why was there a helicopter, ambulance, and police outside.
"Do you not remember why you were here?"
Seunghyun remembered wanting to get fresh air, following the emergency exit signs, standing on the ledge and reminiscing the day when he and Jiyong renewed their love, the essential turning point in their relationship.
The next moment, he sees Seungri running towards the ledge, shouting all kinds of nonsense.
"You were standing there for more than two hours now."
Seunghyun instinctively looked at his watch. It was past eight o' clock. Sunset was at six.
Two hours.
He couldn't remember two full hours.
Apparently, Daesung, Seungri and Youngbae had been talking to him the whole time, convincing him not to jump. Hyun Suk arrived later and tried to talk him out of it but was also unable to get any response from him. They were afraid to go near him, thinking that he would jump at any second. They called in firefighters to set-up air cushions at the streets below to save him from the fall. Hyun Suk even had suicide negotiators and counselors talk to him but Seunghyun stood there still, not talking and just looking blankly in the distance. They used all kinds of techniques but it didn't work. They contacted his family, but it seemed like the voice of his mother couldn't even reach him.
"What's happening to me?" he asked the doctor worriedly.
"Everything's going to be alright." the doctor stood up and patted his back. "Do not try to stand, your legs are still numb. "
The doctor left him alone inside. He could see the shadow of Daesung, Youngbae and Seungri approaching. "Don't go in." he heard the doctor say. "He needs time alone to recollect."
"How is he?" Seunghyun heard Hyun Suk ask. They walked away from the tent so that he couldn't hear.
It was difficult but Seunghyun managed to stand up. His legs felt so dead and light, he felt like falling everytime he took a step. He inched closer to the door to hear them through the fabric. He had only caught a few words.
"...blacking out...symptoms...poor concentration, memory...clinical depression..."
Hyun Suk was shaking his head. "...must tell his mother...can't go like that..."
"...examine behavior...hospital..."
"...fly back...tonight...Jiyong..."
At the last phrase he heard, Seunghyun came rushing out of the tent, marching towards them. "Sajangnim," Seunghyun greeted when he saw Hyun Suk. He didn't mind the doctor's suprised face and just continued talking. "Jiyong will fly back to Korea tonight?"
"Seunghyun, you must sit down and rest." he doctor reminded him. He put a hand on his back and tried to lead him back to the the chair. Seunghyun shrugged him off.
"We can all go back now, right Sajangnim?" Seunghyun asked him hopefully, with wide eyes and a smile.
Hyun Suk answered him with a sad face. The doctor had just told him Seunghyun was emotionally unstable. By the information they gathered, it appears that Seunghyun was blaming himself for Jiyong's death. He needed to be examined.
"I'M FINE!" Seunghyun snapped at the doctor who was still trying to usher him to the tent. "Right Sajangnim?" his expression changed when he spoke again to Hyun Suk.
It was hurtful seeing Seunghyun like this.
"The plane we're prepared will leave for Korea tonight with Jiyong's body. His mother wants him in Korea for the wake tomorrow morning." Hyun Suk explained. "Youngbae and the others can go, but you- You might need to stay here for a little while. Just until you get better."
Seunghyun's hopeful face contorted into one of disbelief and discontent. "I'm fine!" Seunghyun insisted, putting an incredble amount of stress in the second word. "Nothing's wrong with me!" he looked at the others for support. Surprisingly, everyone was silent.
"We can leave now Sajangnim." Seunghyun started walking towards the exit. No one followed him. "What are you all waiting for?" he looked back past him. "Come on guys, we can finally go home!"
"We must go to the hospital first Seunghyun," the doctor called to him. "You can't fly like that."
"NO!" Seunghyun angrily shouted now. "I DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE! I'M FLYING BACK TO KOREA TONIGHT!"
"Hyung!" Seungri ran towards him and grabbed his arm to stop him. He was advancing at the doctor with a deadly look on his face.
"I think we should listen to them Seunghyun-hyung. You need to rest first." Seungri tried to calm him down. "I can stay behind with you and we can go back the day after tomorrow."
"No!" Seunghyun shook his head and sighed in apprehension. Everyone just looked at him like he was crazy. Seunghyun didn't care. "I said I'm FINE!"
"Can't hyung come with us Sajangnim?" Seungri pleaded to Hyun Suk. He couldn't handle seeing Seunghyun going beserk like this.
Hyun Suk didn't answer but just kept looking at him sadly.
Seunghyun thought everyone might really be going crazy. Why is everyone acting so immature? He just wanted to go home. It was just one simple plane ride and no one would let him take it. He just wanted to be with Jiyong in his final journey, and make sure his body comes home safe.
Home.
Seunghyun thought.
To everyone's surprise. Seunghyun suddenly went infront of the monitor and called for his mother. "Umma, it's me Seunghyun!" he shouted on the monitor.
"Seunghyun, my son!" his mother appreared at the monitor. "What have they done to you? Oh my sone I love you so much, always remember that..! I love you so much..."
"Umma, they won't let me come home. They won't let me go back to Korea." Seunghyun explained desperately to his mother. "They said I need to stay here and keep me in a hospital. I don't want to stay here anymore. I miss you so much umma, I miss you so much. I want to see you and eat kimchi." Seunghyun laughed a little.
At that Mrs. Choi suddenly burst out in tears. She had been crying since yesterday. From the moment she received news that an accident had happened in his son's concert, she had been worried sick. She almost went delirious when Seunghyun didn't answer her calls after the announcement that a member of Big Bang died. A
thorn was lifted in her heart when she heard that Seunghyun was alright. But later that night, she receives a most disturbing call, informing the mother that her son was on top of a building, ready to jump.
What mother would not listen to her son's pleas?
And a mother's cry cannot go unheard.
"Yang sajangnim..." Mrs. Choi's broken and pleading voice resounded from the computer. "Please let my son come home to me. Let him come home..." she wailed. "Please..."
Hyun Suk didn't answer.
"Yang sajangnim..." Mrs. Choi called out again. "Don't you dare keep my son from his mother. Look at what you're doing to him! My son has done nothing wrong and he's suffering!" her voice raised a little for a while but her cries continued on. "My baby is scared and he needs me. He just needs his mother..." Mrs. Choi cried loudly. "Yang sajangnim!"
Hyun Suk was whipering something to the doctor. The doctor had his eyes closed and was nodding.
"We'll get him to you Mrs. Choi." Hyun Suk said out loud, bowing low to his mother at the computer. "You will see your tomorrow morning."
"It will be alright Seunghyun..." his mother smiled to the webcam sweetly. "Mom's here."
"See you soon umma..." Seunghyun sneaked a glance at the doctor, a triumphant smile plastered on his face.
-=oOo=-
The car ride to the airport was short. As expected, there were fans and media all over.
It was chaos.
The road to the airport were full of fans lighting candles on the street and waving banners with "We will never forget you Kwon Jiyong" or "G Dragon lives in our hearts forever."
Seunghyun looked behind, to the hearse that contained Jiyong's body. The sight looked like something straight from a really sad movie. It seemed so unreal.
For Seunghyun, it was finally sinking that Jiyong was gone in the real world.
Everywhere he turned he was reminded of it.
When they got to the airport, there were still fans campaigning for safer stages for their idols. Some fans were crying silently and some were chanting messages to cheer them up.It would have been nice if there weren't heartless media harassing them.
One interviewer had slipped from the guards and started to head to them, armed with a tape recorder and offensive questions.
"Why did you want to kill yourself?" the interviewer asked hurriedly, linking an arm to the boy, making sure that the answer would be clearly recorded. "So the rumors are true that you and Kwon Jiyong had a romantic relationship?"
Seunghyun couldn't take it anymore.
"HYUNG!"
He grabbed Seungri by the shoulder and dragged him away from the reporter. "Please give us some time alone to grieve." he shouted loudly so that the other reporters could hear.
"Thanks hyung..." Seungri smiled at him.
Seunghyun felt sorry for Seungri. The media got a hint about the incident at the rooftop. Surprisingly, the story had twisted into one where Seungri was suicidal because Jiyong was dead. A clip was circulating on the internet, taken from a helicopter, where Seungri was shouting something outloud then was running hurriedly toward the ledge, apparently wanting to kill himself. Seunghyun had come off as a hero there, when he tackled Seungri down to stop him.
He kept Seungri close until they reached the plane.
"Just a little more Ji..." Seunghyun whispered as they watched the coffin being loaded in the plane. "We'll be home soon."
Seungri looked up at Seunghyun's face. Then to the man's hands tightly grasping his shoulder.
He felt safe for the first time. Calm. Peaceful.
The thought of going home, being with familiar faces, familiar landscapes, filled Seungri's heart with tranquility. He understood Seunghyun's urge to go back to Korea tonight, as soon as possible, that even tomorrow couldn't wait. It was as if there was closure there back home, some sort of ending to all the sadness, pain and suffering they're experiencing right now.
Seungri took the window seat. Usually Seunghyun would be a big baby and fight him for it but today the man let it it slide. The window wasn't of any use though. It only gave him an unexciting view of dark blue. Nothing more. But in a while he started to appreciate how enduring the color is. They were flying steadily for a while, and the lights to their cabin were dim. It made him feel sleepy. Not to mention he hasn't had sleep since the accident.
He yawned.
"Here."
Seungri turned to look at Seunghyun beside him. The man was motioning for Seungri to lay his head on his shoulders.
He hesitated.
Seunghyun noticed.
Seungri regretted giving a delayed response when he saw Seunghyun's reaction. Youngbae had revealed Seunghyun's ual orientation that morning. It was quite a shock for Seungri; he never would have imagined his hyungs being capable of these things. But he also never thought that it was disgusting.
Seunghyun regretted his offer when he saw Seungri's hesitation. He just wanted to be a hyung to the maknae and let his friend sleep comfortably. He never meant to put Seungri on the spot. Now that it was out in the open that he had a relationship with Jiyong, this situation would really look awkward. But he never really thought of himself as a lover of men. Just the lover of Jiyong. Other people, men or otherwise, did not count.
Seunghyun was surprised when Seungri laid his head down his shoulder nonetheless.
"Was Youngbae-hyung telling the truth? About you and Jiyong-hyung?" Seungri asked while closing his eyes.
Seunghyun was glad for the boy's frankness. All the awkward feelings suddenly disappeared.
"Um." Seunghyun answered. "I'm sorry we've kept it from you. Jiyong's very sorry too. He always wanted to tell you but I-" Seunghyun took a deep breath. "I always seem to stop him."
"Why would you stop him hyung? You know us, we won't judge." Seungri said, his whispers getting louder.
"He always put the music first. Then the team. Then me." Seunghyun answered. "He feels it would ruin everything we've worked hard for. He isn't as selfish as he seems. He always put himself last."
"You could have at least told ME!" Seungri adjusted his head on Seunghyun's shoulder for a more comfortable position. "I felt so dumb when Youngbae-hyung knew and I didn't."
"I'm sorry." Seunghyun said apologetically. "You can hate me all you want but please forgive Jiyong."
Seungri opened his eyes to look up at Seunghyun. The man had his eyes closed. "What are you saying hyung? Of course I forgive you!"
Seungri could feel the smile forming in Seunghyun's lips.
They stayed silent for a while.
"Does Jiyong-hyung always sleep like this?" Seungri said after a while. The thought was discomforting but Seungri couldn't help but wonder. It was so relaxing to have Seunghyun around, having to sit beside him and share his warmth. It was like being in a soft, large bed with fluffly pillows and warm blankets.
He had always thought that Seunghyun was like a sedative. Maybe bacause he was slow in his movements and his voice was too deep that sometimes it sounds like a lullaby. Maybe that's why he was comfortable with Seunghyun, because his aura is so relaxed you can't help but be drawn into it.
Now that he thought about it, if Seunghyun was a sedative then Jiyong would be some sort of amphetamine. A drug that elevates your mood and makes you ridiculously excited. Because of his hyper actions and high tones he counter acts every lethargic cell in your body and you feel like you have all the energy in the world.
Put the two together and you create a balance. Seunghyun gets energy from Jiyong. Jiyong gets rest from Seunghyun.
Perfect combination.
"Not always. Most of the time he sleeps at my lap."
"I have to try that sometime..." Seungri slurred, his consciousness slowly surrendering to the night.
Seunghyun watched as Seungri's eyes slowly began to get heavy. He was thankful for Seungri for bringing him back from his blackout from the roof earlier. What he did was dangerous and risky. Seungri also took the heat from the media when it should have been him. Seungri should have been the hero instead. The hyung should be taking care of the maknae, not the other way around.
For that Seunghyun was grateful so he let Seungri borrow his shoulder.
"Shut up and go to sleep." Seunghyun forwarned with a laugh.
Like he would let anyone take Jiyong's special spot.
-=oOo=-
Seunghyun looked past the window and the clear blue sky. Soon after he could see trees and buildings in the distance. The pilot has just announced that they've landed in Korean soil.
He didn't want to wake Seungri because he thought the maknae needed the sleep. He waited until the last second to wake him, until the pilot said they could deboard. Seungri thanked him sleepily.
As soon as he stepped out, he saw a familiar sight of fans, police and media all over again. He had expected this at the least.
"We're back Ji."
Seunghyun said as he watched the coffin be unloaded from the plane. His heart would ache terribly at the thought of Jiyong but somehow he felt at peace, knowing Jiyong was home at last.
"Welcome home."
"Hyung!" Seungri called to him. His sleepy voice had disappeared and has transformed to one of alarm and utter fear.
Seunghyun turned to Seungri's direction. "Omoni!" he called when he saw his mother. He ran to her and gave her a hug. He kissed his cheek and smiled.
It didn't stay in his face for too long however, as he saw the doctors that came with her.
"Everything's going to be alright Seunghyun." His mother told him as she his face. "These doctors are here to help you."
"B-but-" Seunghyun interjected. He wanted to run away from them and escape but he could not leave while his mother held on to him.
"You're going to be alright now." his mother released him from the embrace and surrendered him to the hospital people.
Seungri watched as Jiyong's body was carefully put in the hearse while the doctors urshered Seunghyun on the hospital car.
Seunghyun looked back to them with pleading eyes. He looked dazed and confused.
"Are you sure this is necessary?" Mrs. Choi tearfully asked Hyun Suk before getting on the other car.
"Yes, he is clinically depressed." Hyun Suk told her somberly. "He's a danger to himself. He needs this."
Seungri shook his head.
No doctor could cure what Seunghyun had.
They would never find the right amphetamine.
TBC
A/N: Jiyong's spirit suppossed to appear but I split the chapter because it took too long. Please let me know what you think and comment and I promise to update faster!
Comments