Rooftops make him feel alive.

He looked at the horizon, to the line where the night sky meets the glow of the busy city. The height scares him more than he would admit to himself, but the view alone was worth the fear it brought.

He always liked the view. Especially at nights like these, when the stars are brightly twinking above, car headlights are speeding in the distance, all the city lights are alive and burning. It reminds him of the stage, where fans would hold glowing sticks and wave them around,  and different colored spotlights and lasers would come blasting from every direction. Even the busy city noises sound like fans chanting. Just the image of it gave him power. It was like electricity rushing to his veins. He was absorbing all the energy of the people in the city, of the city itself.

And like the stage, rooftops gave him confidence.

Jiyong stood there for who knows how long, just staring into the distance. He was about to make the biggest decision in his life. He had been thinking of this for days now, trying to decide if this was the right thing to do. Up until now he still hasn't reached a conclusion.

He stepped forward, positioning his feet between the bars on the bottom and his hands on top of the railing. He was just a few inches higher but the distance seemed very great. He looked below, to the side of the building, to other insomniacs walking like ants in the concrete below. He wondered how hard the fall would be from this distance.

Would it be harder than falling in love with Seunghyun?

Oh Seunghyun. 

The thought of this man scared him so much. Seunghyun made him feel so many emotions he haven't felt before and didn't know a person could feel. His heart would ache everytime he sees him. His insides would cringe everytime he is near. His blood would turn warm and his skin would tingle at every touch. His body, every cell, longing to fuse with Seunghyun. His soul, to the core, aching to belong to him.

He didn't want to be G-Dragon anymore. He wanted to be just Jiyong for Seunghyun. He didn't want to be a celebrity. He wanted a simple life with Seunghyun. 

He didn't mean for it to happen. For sometime, he didn't even realize he had changed. Back then his dreams were his music playing everywhere, people singing his songs, his performances making legends, inspiring people to be what they could be, exploring the limits of creativity and changing the world. Music was his life. Ever since he was little, music was there. It was eveything that he knew and it was the only future he could see.

Now, because of one man, he had been losing this dream. Losing himself. Little by little. Seunghyun occupied his mind more and more. To the point that he was all that he could think about. Everything suddenly revolves around him. His happiness, his sadness, everything.  His time, his attention, his strength, his affection, all of it was for Seunghyun. All of a sudden, there was something more important to him than music.

He hadn't realised this until the president made a comment about the lyrics he recently made. "This sounds like a great ballad" he said with a smile. It was a compliment and everyone agreed. No one made a big deal about it. But when you are writing hip-hop music, you can't help but question yourself when it comes out as "a great ballad".

Music was all he had. It was something that made him special. The one thing that made him important. And as he read all the music he wrote, volume after volume, page after page, line after line, Seunghyun was there. Everything was about him. How Jiyong loved him. How he was sad when he was away. How broken he would be if Seunghyun would leave him.

And the thought of Seunghyun leaving him was too much to bear. Just the thought of Seunghyun exchanging affectionate glances with another person, laughing, smiling, holding hands with another person crushes his heart. He couldn't even imagine Seunghyun saying I love you, embracing and making love with a person other than him. Because that thought would bring out emotions to strong that his heart would explode and he would die. He would die, and would kill, before he sees Seunghyun do this. 

And it scared him.

If he was to give up his music and give all his heart to Seunghyun, what assurance would he have that Seunghyun would stay? Seunghyun loved him because of his music. Seunghyun was proud of him because of it. Seunghyun cherished him because he was someone of worth. If that connection was gone, why would Seunghyun stay?

If he gave all his heart to Seunghyun, and when he leaves, what would be left for Jiyong?

Jiyong reached to a conclusion. Being this high above earth made the answer so very clear. He had to stop now, before he gave all his heart away. This had to stop when he still had strength to let go, when a part of his heart still remained, when his feet was firm on the ground. Because if he falls, he will fall hard, and there will be no stopping.

The door to the rooftop opened. He didn't look right away because he knew who it would be. His gaze was fixed on the horizon and Jiyong was glad that he was still on the rooftops that gave him confidence.

Seunghyun has arrived.

-=oOo=-

Seunghyun didn't like rooftops very much. Simply because the height scares him. 

He wasn't a bit surprised when Jiyong sent him a message to meet him there tonight. Oftentimes, Jiyong would ask to meet at a coffeeshop or a bar to eat, drink, talk and laugh. But was it also not unusual for Jiyong to ask for  him at inconvenient places and times. One time Jiyong asked to meet him in the middle of the day, at the dressing room in a mall, just so that Jiyong could ask him what he thought about his new hair. On another time, Jiyong would ask to meet him in the bathroom in the middle of a CF shooting just so Jiyong could tell him how awful his day went. 

And sometimes, Jiyong would beg. He would use his most disarming voice and convince Seunghyun he needed to see him as if his life depended on it. Seunghyun would make excuses, sneak out, and even buy a plane ticket to see Jiyong. And when he does arrive to where Jiyong is, the boy would just smile to him, give him a light kiss on the cheek, hug him tight and send him back again to where he came from.

It was confusing for Seunghyun but he didn't mind. He wanted that feeling. The feeling of being wanted, being needed, being loved by Jiyong. He didn't care when and where Jiyong wanted him. Hell, he would go to the moon if Jiyong said to see him there. He promised himself he would go anywhere, and do anything, to make Jiyong happy.

And true to his word, Seunghyun was walking up the long staircase leading to the rooftops where Jiyong asked for him to be. It was an odd place to meet, considering this particular rooftop didn't have those fancy garden swings he likes so much. It was that type of rooftop where you have exhaust fans and rusty railings. He wondered what could Jiyong want from him there.

When he opened the door, the cold night breeze crept at his feet. He stepped outside, fully appreciating the deepness of the night. It was dark and the only source of light was from the emergency light from the door and the city below. As he stepped out further, panic came over him.

Jiyong was dangerously standing in the railing.

His first impulse was to run to Jiyong and grab him before he falls. But it was far, too far that he wouldn't make it if Jiyong decides to jump that second.

He cautiously made his way to the railing. "Ji, what are you doing? Get down from there. You're scaring me." He said with a laugh to lighten the mood.

Jiyong didn't seem to hear him. He didn't even make a movement to acknowledge Seunghyun was there. 

Seunghyun didn't understand why Jiyong was doing this. Was Jiyong planning to kill himself? Or was it just one of those things that the crazy Jiyong does in his own world? He decided the reason was not important. Getting Jiyong off that unreliable railing was.

"Ji, would you please come down now?"

"Seunghyun hyung," Jiyong called, not even bothering to turn around and face him. "Do you really love me?"

Seunghyun didn't understand why Jiyong was doing this. Jiyong would be overly dramatic with other people but not him. He would usually play these mind games with the other members, but not with him. They had that unspoken understanding that could transcend all of that crap. Why was Jiyong being like this now?

"Yes." he answered simply.

"Would you love me, only me, forever?"

"Yes." he repeated. Seunghyun did not like being confronted about his feelings. It was like Jiyong was not convinced that he loves him. Though he liked the feeling of being needed, questioning him like this made him feel inadequate. What should he do to give Jiyong some assurance? What more could Jiyong want? What more could Seunghyun give? Is this a test of his love?

"Would you give up everything for me?"

"Yes."

"Would you be willing to go anywhere for me?"

"Yes."

"Do anything for me?"

Seunghyun didn't know what to answer anymore. It looked like his answers weren't satisfying Jiyong. And by the tone of his voice he knew Jiyong would get mad if he answered with a joke. He knew Jiyong was serious so he had to somehow give him a sincere answer to convince him. It took him a while to think but all that occupied his mind was how to get Jiyong off that railing. He decided the truth was the only answer he had.

"Yes."

The answer seemed to reach Jiyong as the boy finally went down the railing. Seunghyun was about to shout at him and reprimand him to never pull such a dangerous stunt again when Jiyong slowly turned around to face him and look straight into his eyes.  

"If i told you i don't want to do this anymore, would you let me go?"

Seunghyun realized that this was not a game. This was not a test. Jiyong was being sincere. He had shaky eyes and Seunghyun could see his whole body shaking. Though he was confident on the outside, Jiyong looked lost. Confused. Uncertain. Seunghyun could feel the internal stuggle he's experiencing at that moment. Seunghyun could feel the burden and hurt this conversation was causing him.

"If..."

Seunghyun paused. Just the thought of being apart from Jiyong broke his heart. But this was not the time for weakness.

"If that's what you really want. If it would make you happy."

"Hyung..."

Jiyong spoke in a whisper, moving a step closer to him. Seunghyun could hear the apology and gratitute in his voice.

"D-Don't worry about me." Seunghyun managed to smile sweetly. "You do what's best for you. I don't want to be the one who's stopping you."

Seunghyun knew from the start that this was dangerous. Seunghyun knew the risks in loving Jiyong. He knew they had to make great sacrifices. This relationship would affect every aspect of their lives - their careers, their families, their futures. Seunghyun gambled his heart and now he lost. But even after everything, he does not regret this. He will not regret loving Jiyong. 

Nor will he deny Jiyong his happiness. Seunghyun may live the rest of his life in misery, but at least Jiyong would be happy.

He walked up to the silent Jiyong. He was staring at the floor now, not making any movement or noise. Seunghyun reached out, touched Jiyong's chin to lift his head. Seunghyun looked lovingly to his eyes. He scanned Jiyong's face, trying to imprint the image in his memory - his reflection in those sparkling eyes, the feel of Jiyong's soft skin, the way his hair danced in the wind. Jiyong lifted his hands to hold Seunghyun's hand on his cheek. Seunghyun was glad for the gesture - this memory of Jiyong's warmth would remain in his heart forever.

He quickly put a hand in the back of Jiyong's head, pulled it close and held it dear. He kissed Jiyong's temple hurriedly before turning away from him. If he had stayed any longer, he wouldn't have the strength to leave. He might beg for Jiyong to change his mind and make him take him back. He had to leave before he sheds a tear and breaks down in front of Jiyong. He had to leave to let Jiyong see that he was strong. If it was to be Jiyong's last image of him, it would be of him as a man walking away with his pride.

Jiyong closed his eyes when Seunghyun kissed him. The moment he opens them, Seunghyun was waking away. Away from him. Leaving. Leaving him.

It was all so fast.

It was all over so fast.

He had been practicing what to say, preparing for every objection that Seunghyun could give. He was prepared to fight for his freedom. As a last resort, he would lie and tell Seunghyun that he never really loved him. He would even threaten Seunghyun by telling him he would jump from the building if Seunghyun doesn't let him go.

But Seunghyun let him go. The man did not resist. He did not ask for his reasons. He had no objections. There was no resistance. 

If that's what you really want. If it would make you happy.

Seunghyun's answer echoed in his head. After accomplishing his mission, even after he got his freedom, he thought he would be happy. He thought that after getting what he wanted, he would be happy. He was supposed to be. But why wasn't he?

He watched Seunghyun's figure slowly disappear. Jiyong's hands were trembling, his throat got tight, his feet frozen on the spot.

There, was the man who would give the world to him, whose love he offers freely without hesitation. There, was the only person who truly understood him, who loved him despite of his imperfections, who would trade his happiness for his own. The man loved him, loved him so much he was willing to let him go when he asked.

And he was letting this man walk away.

You do what's best for you.

He was letting the best thing that happened to his life walk away. They say you would only realize how important something is once you lose it. When Jiyong lost Seunghyun for this brief moment, he immediately understood. He can't remember his reasons anymore. They all seemed unimportant now. They all seemed little now. Compared to what he was giving up, none of it seemed to matter anymore. 

You know the one thing that would make you happy even if you're the happiest man in the world? The one thing that would make you even a tiniest bit happier when you already have anything you could ever want? Seunghyun was that happiness. When you thought you couldn't be any happier, Seunghyun happens and changes everything, makes you experience all kinds of joy you didn't know you could have before.

Now that jiyong had lost his most important thing, it immediately left a hole in his heart. A hole so big that it would take another lifetime to fill. A hole that Jiyong felt was his heart itself.

"S-Seunghyun...!"  

Jiyong called out weakly. His voice was trembling and it failed him. He hoped that Seunghyun would hear him and look back. He had that deep connection with him; sometimes he would just think of a thought and Seunghyun would read his mind. But it was not working now. That connection was slipping away from his fingers now..

"Seunghyun!" he called out again.

The man just continued walking. He looked so far even if he was just a few meters away. Seunghyun had reached the stairs and was closing the door. When Senghyun was completely gone from his sight, Jiyong panicked.

"S-Seunghyun? W-where are you?!" 

Jiyong shouted desperately. He looked around him. Seunghyun was gone. Jiyong lost him.

"SEUNGHYUN!"

Jiyong ran after him, shouting his name again and again. If there was one thing he would regret it was not sending Seunghyun away - it was letting him walk away. 

-=oOo=-

Seunghyun had just set foot on the landing when he heard Jiyong call to him. He dismissed it as a product of his imagination. He was not apart from Jiyong for too long but he misses his voice already. And by God, was it painful.

"SEUNGHYUN!"

He was about to look back but then he felt Jiyong's body crash to his back, his hands trapping him in an embrace. Was this Jiyong's goodbye?

He would have liked if Jiyong would have left him alone at this time. His resolve was already crumbling and hanging by a thread. He may not have enough strength to resist hugging him back and kissing him senseless if Jiyong doesn't stop now

"I still have feelings for you Ji. This is difficult for me. I'll just go now."

He stared to walk but Jiyong didn't let go of him. In fact his hold had become tighter.

Seunghyun was angry at Jiyong now. He was confusing his already muddled heart. He wanted to confront him. Shout at him. Be angry. Be hated. If that would make Jiyong forget him faster, he didn't mind. If he was to be the enemy, be the bad guy, he didn't care. 

"Don't go..." Jiyong cried, pressing his tear stained face at the back of his coat. "Don't leave..."

Jiyong hugged him tighter. For a moment Seunghyun relished in Jiyong's warmth. It seemed like forever since he last held him. Why was Jiyong making this so hard for him?

"I was afraid to lose myself. I'm not me when I'm with you. Because I love you so much, I'm changing too much and I don't know how to stop. I'm scared of how you're changing me!" Jiyong blurted out in a breath. He had finally regained his speech and every thought went straight out his mouth. 

"I was scared and wasn't thinking straight. Please take me back Seunghyun. I don't know what I would do without you. Please take me back!" Jiyong tighened his embrace, almost crushing the man in his hold. He would never let Seunghyun go again. Never.

They stayed for a while like that. Seunghyun motionless and Jiyong sobbing quietly at his back. 

Jiyong was surprised when Seunghyun pried his arms open and escaped from his embrace. He looked at Jiyong with a incredulous face as if mocking him. Jiyong had never seen Seunghyun like this. It was as if Seunghyun was saying "You already hurt me and now you want me back?" Jiyong searched Seunghyun's face and all he could read was "You were so easy to throw me away, why would I want you back again?" 

Jiyong could not stand in front of those angry eyes. He bent his head low and let his knees sink to the floor. He held Seunghyun's hands lightly.

"I'm so sorry Seunghyun. I'm so sorry..." he said with his head down. He didn't dare look up. If Seunghyun were to leave him there on the cold floor, he would not dare to lift his head. To see Seunghyun walk away the second time would be the end of him.

Seunghyun observed Jiyong. There was so much regret in him that Seunghyun could not help but feel moved. Jiyong was so confident when he asked him to leave on the rooftop. But now Jiyong had laid bare his soul, showing his weakness, his vulnerabilities. A grown man looked so pitiful in those tears, even kneeling and holding on to him. Jiyong looked so pathetic at his feet, begging him to take him back, asking for his forgiveness. 

Jiyong was still crying silently when he felt Seunghyun snatch his hands away from his hold. Seunghyun was leaving him. It was the end, he thought. He had lost the one thing that mattered most. 

He had fallen and there was no way of stopping. He thought about the railing and how he could easily climb over it. He thought of the cold, hard concrete that he would meet later. He had forgetten that it could stop the falling and it would finally be the end.

He was surprised when Seunghyun's hand cupped his chin again. He lifted his head to see Seunghyun kneeling in front of him with tears on his face. Seeing Seunghyun smile to him in those tears was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. Seunghyun embraced him while they knelt. 

"Never..." Seunghyun whispered in his ears. He kissed Jiyong's temple once more. "Pull such a dangerous stunt ever again."

Jiyong smiled while he cried.

-=oOo=-

Jiyong stood on the railing once more but this time, Seunghyun was hugging him from behind. They had spent the rest of the night at the roof like this. Jiyong looked far at the horizon, to the sun that was about to rise, while Seunghyun had his eyes closed, head pressed on his side

There was peace in their world once more.

"Don't ever leave me again my Seunghyun..." Jiyong said as he the man's arm on his waist. "Even when you think it would be best for me, even if I say so, even if the whole world tells us to, you can never leave me."

Seunghyun tightened his embrace as a response.

"Even when I say I don't need you, when I say I'm not happy anymore, you have to fight for me." Jiyong continued. "Even when I die, you can't stop loving me okay?. You can't give me up that easily." Jiyong entwined his fingers to Seunghyun's.

"Um." he answered.

Seunghyun opened his eyes, to the darkness once again. Oh what would he give to see that sunrise with Jiyong one more time. Ever since that day,  whenever he wanted to reconnect with Jiyong, whenever they felt lost in their relationship, they would go to the rooftops and remember that promise. The promise of not giving up loving each other.

“IF HYUNG IS JUMPING, I’M JUMPING WITH HIM!”

Seunghyun turned his head to the side to see Seungri running toward the ledge.

Seunghyun didn't miss a heartbeat.

“YOU FOOL!” Seunghyun shouted as he pinned Seungri down. He held Seungri’s hands above his head to make sure he didn’t escape. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

“But Jiyong-hyung’s dead and-”

“SO YOU DO KNOW HOW PRECIOUS THE LIFE THAT WAS STOLEN FROM HIM!” Seunghyun angrily shouted at the maknae. “HOW COULD YOU THROW YOURS AWAY LIKE THAT?”

And as Seunghyun continued to pin Seungri down, the maknae’s eyes shed a lone tear.

“Seunghyun-hyung...” Seungri smiled at him. “You’re back.”

Seunghyun looked around him. There was a crowd watching them. Daesung and Taeyang was standing not far from where they lay. The president and their manager was also there. There was also a man in a suit, he looked like those psychiatrists who negotiates with suicidal patients. There was also a computer with his crying mother and sister in the monitor.

Seunghyun released his hold on Seungri. He straightened his back and Seungri immediately threw his arms around  him. “We thought we’d never get to you. I thought I was going to lose you too hyung...”

Seunghyun stood up straight. He shielded his eyes from the bright light of the helicopter that hovered above them. He assumed the sirens he  was hearing was from the local police and ambulance waiting for him down the street.

Daesung put a jacket over him, whispering “Everything’s going to be alright hyung. We’ll get through this together.” while led him away from the ledge and into a chair where the doctor examined him.

He realized he was out of the real world for a longer time now.

“I’m glad we got you back hyung...” Daesung said as he put another coat at his shoulders.

Seunghyun looked at him, expressionless.

“I’m back.”

TBC

A/N: Sorry it took so long, this chapter is not what I originally planned. But what do you think?

I'm missing Jiyong as a spirit so he makes an appearance in the next chapter. That's literally so watch out!