A/N: Sorry I had to put the author's note in the beginning of the chapter. I would just like to thank everyone who's reading my story, especially those that stuck with it from Chapter 1.  THANK YOU SO MUCH. If you are not aware, this chapter will be the last so I hope you enjoy my story until the end. I am afraid I will disppoint you so I ask that you read  the ending with love and understanding. I made this in a rush, in an effort to finish it (and as usual, will proofread it some other time). I'm planning to list some plots for future stories in my profile sometime soon and you can tell me if you'd like another teary continuation or a fluffy one for a change. Thank you for all those who left their comments! I will read your fics too (give me time though) and return you the favor. Happy reading!  

-=oOo=-

“We’re like that way, in a bit. We just get together, GD and I, we sometimes have a talk over wine. A day is sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter. We had a lot of hard days since we were young. Many times we think we live in a dream. There’s that kind of sweetness but I think such a lyric comes from pain. So we ponder if this is a dream or a reality. We have problems with that ourselves.”

Seunghyun heaves a deep sigh as he empties his glass. It was that time of the day where everything seems to stop; that small space in a day’s time where nothing was planned for him. No rehearsing lines, no dance practice, no studio performance, not even travel time.

Wine suddenly fills his glass as Jiyong tips the bottle’s mouth onto it. He puts the bottle down the table, sits himself back to the couch beside Seunghyun and just stares ahead into nothingness.

Seunghyun could tell Jiyong was tired. Their schedules separated them the whole day and the only time they could see each other was this same empty line in their timetables.

Jiyong looks away and coughs. Seunghyun began to get worried that Jiyong had caught another cold. He was about to open his mouth and tell Jiyong to take care of his health when he felt a hand held his.

Seunghyun turns his head to stare at Jiyong. They have just entered into this relationship and even though they knew they had feelings for each other even from before this, both of them didn’t expect how awkward the transition period from friends to lovers would be.

 “Ji…” Seunghyun calls, trying to get the boy beside him to look at him. It was endearing to see Jiyong try to hide his face. It was his first attempt to try to hold hands with Seunghyun now that they were lovers.

Jiyong was shy.

“No need to be so awkward with me.” Seunghyun scolds at him playfully. He laughs a little to lighten the mood but Jiyong still kept his head turned away.

The laughter dies down. It was Jiyong’s turn to stare at Seunghyun when he felt the other boy’s hand reciprocate his gesture with a tight grip to his own. This time, it was Seunghyun’s head that turned away. His thumb caressed Jiyong’s slowly, gently squeezing it now and then.

 Time passed and their hands seemed to melt into each other. It was surprising how well their hands fit together.

Jiyong clears his throat again and the silence breaks.

“Is this really happening to us?” he asks.

Seunghyun too often wondered if all of this was real. Had he really confessed his love for Jiyong? Had Jiyong really accepted his feelings? Had they really decided to give this relationship a try? Or had all of what happened that one faithful night been just a sweet dream?

His throat got parched from the thought and he reached for his wineglass. He was stopped by Jiyong’s death grip on his hand when he tried to let go.

Seunghyun turns his head and he finds Jiyong staring at him. He had that apologetic look in his face. Jiyong was thinking that his question made Seunghyun angry or that it scared Seunghyun away. Both of them were at the stage of doubt. This relationship was unchartered waters and the uncertainty of the future scared them both. Had they made the right decision?

Don’t let go, Jiyong’s eyes tried to say.

“Everything will be okay.” Seunghyun smiles as an answer.

Jiyong loosens his grip when he sees the assurance in Seunghyun’s eyes. He missed the warmth of Seunghyun’s hand when he let go to pick up his wine glass. After Seunghyun finished the drink, he reaches out for Jiyong’s hand to hold it once again.

When Seunghyun’s hand was firmly back in place, Jiyong’s doubts disappeared. Surprisingly, it wasn’t hard to believe in Seunghyun.

Everything will be okay.

-=oOo=-

Seunghyun shifts in the bed. He feels a soft pillow under his head and a warm comforter covering him. He opens his eyes slightly.

The image was a blur but he could see a few people in the room. In the corner was his stylist – it looked like she had just finished arranging her make up kits and was now busying herself with hanging his suits on the clothesline. Directly opposite the bed was his manager. He was talking to someone on the phone, saying that that other members had safely arrived at their families’ houses. It was an unusual sight, but Seunghyun sees Hyun Suk by the door, eyes glued to his phone, apparently watching something very engrossing.

He tries to sit-up, wanting to greet them. He feels as though he just woke up from a very, very long sleep. He remembers a nightmare but quickly shrugs the thought away.

Today was just a normal day, he thought. He senses that the next thing he would hear would be the leader’s voice or the next person to come into his view would be his lover’s figure. He feels a warm hand grasp his.

“Jiyong?” he quickly calls out as he tightened his grip on the slim fingers.

He thought about the past three days and how it could have been all a dream. It seemed something happened to him and he had been unconscious. Had he finally woken up from the nightmare?

“Seunghyun!” his mother’s voice greets him and soon he was enveloped in a warm hug. Seunghyun notices it was her hand he was holding on to. “How are you? Are you feeling better?” she grabs the towel from his forehead, dips it in cold water and places it back.

Seunghyun nods, knowing this was the less worrisome answer. If he said that he felt like then she would be fretting over him nonstop.

“W-what happened to me?”

“You collapsed. You had a very high fever.” 

Seunghyun closes his eyes and settles down the bed comfortably. It felt like ages since he had laid down a soft bed like this. How unusual this feeling was. Everything seems so calm and peaceful. Had everything really been a nightmare?

“Where’s Jiyong?” Seunghyun asks, gripping tightly to his mother’s hand lest she tries to escape with the answer.

Her mother looks over her shoulder to Hyun Suk who was just as surprised as her. “Do you not remember?” she asks worriedly.

Whatever happened to him wasn’t Seunghyun’s concern. It didn’t matter if he had amnesia. It didn’t even matter if he had been in a coma. If this was an alternate universe, he wouldn’t give a ing damn. He needed an answer.

He rephrased his question. “Is Jiyong dead?” Seunghyun almost yelled, a hint of impatience in his voice.

She nodded.

Seunghyun lets go of her hand and brings it to his face. All at once the weariness and fatigue came back to him like an avalanche, covering his whole being and burying him in it deep. No matter how many tears he shed, at the mention of Jiyong’s death, he would feel agony. A pain in the core of his heart, so unbearable, so insufferable so that it enfolds his whole existence.

It was cruel.

That tiny hope that everything was a dream was so cruel.

“Can we have a moment alone? We don’t have much time.” Hyun Suk approaches and Seunghyun could tell that her mother still doesn’t want to leave his side. It was Hyun Suk’s idea to check in Seunghyun at the sanatorium and Mrs. Choi was regretting sending her son there. She wanted to distrust him but then, it was Hyun Suk who rescued Seunghyun from the riot in his villa earlier that morning. He had help from the police to extract him from the house and bring him here.

 Everyone, including his mother, left the room. Hyun Suk took his mother’s seat from earlier and Seunghyun felt like he was receiving a long lecture from the president. And as usual, a punishment was waiting for him at the end.

After all, everything about Hyun Suk was business.

“Sajangnim, didn’t you get my letter?” Seunghyun tries to pre-empt him. He already wrote a very long explanation letter on why he was leaving the company. Because of what he had done, he had ruined not just his career but the career of other members too. Because of his stunt, he dragged Big Bang and all of YG entertainment down. Because of his daring performance, everyone would have a hard time. “Please worry about the others; you shouldn’t be taking care of me.”

“I am doing this for the others hn?” Hyun Suk closed his eyes to try to end this conversation quickly. “Besides, that letter doesn’t absolve me of my responsibilities to you.”

Hyun Suk’s answer renders Seunghyun silent.  

“What do you think you are doing? Did you even think before acting this way?” the president continues to scold him with closed eyes. “Did you think you could get away with what you’ve done so easily? Everyone’s having a hard time because of you and did you think of them before doing this?”

Seunghyun tried to sit-up again. Truly, he had acted selfishly. He wanted to bow to Hyun Suk to apologize, but it seems like sitting up would require all his strength.

“We are still grieving over Jiyong’s loss but you- ” Hyun Suk paused. “You have to make things more difficult. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I’m very sorry.” Seunghyun sat up successfully and bowed low to Hyun Suk. He didn’t raise his head right away and waited for the president’s reply.

“Okay.” Hyun Suk seemed to accept his apology just like that. He just needed Seunghyun to undesratnd the gravity of the situation. He never meant to make him more upset. “Please don’t do anything rash the next time.”

“Yes sajangnim.”

“I’m having a media conference about the accident later this afternoon.  I will explain how Jiyong had lost his footing during the encore stage and hopefully it will clear rumors. Are you aware of what really happened?”

“Yes.” Seunghyun answered dejectedly. How could he forget? How could he forget he was the reason that Jiyong died?

“I am not announcing this to the media but I want you to come with me later. To formally announce your leaving the company.”

Seunghyun finally lifts his head.

“You may also want to clear up anything regarding your relationship with Jiyong. If you want to take questions – it will all be up to you.”

Seunghyun takes a deep breath. He knew he would be doing that sooner or later. He didn’t quite expect he would get the opportunity so soon, today even. “What will happen after that?”

“Your mother was asking me about sending you abroad. Take her advice and get out of the country. Get some rest and start a new life there.”

His words were like a stab in the heart. To leave Korea, his home, was a thought far from his mind. But alas, it was the necessary step he needed to make. Everyone could forget him faster and everything could go back to normal for everyone once he was out of the picture.

“For now, you should be making statements for some of the issues concerning yourself. I’ve readied a list of the questions we might encounter later and I want to know your response.” Hyun Suk handed him a laptop. “Before you start, you should read the news first.”

Seunghyun accepts the laptop. “What is this?” he points to the open page labeled as his personal blog.

“I think it would be best if you would make a statement confirming…” Hyun Suk paused, “or denying, your relationship with Jiyong. It would make things less difficult later.”

 Hyun Suk gets up. “Don’t you think you owe an explanation to everyone? Let me know when you’re done.” He exits the room, leaving Seunghyun to his thoughts.

Seunghyun stares at the monitor. In reality, he and Jiyong had prepared their statement even from before all of this. Jiyong made it back then, memorized it and saved it in his head. It explained the pain they went through in hiding their relationship and the liberating feelings they had when they decided to reveal it.

Jiyong was even torn in picking a picture to come with it. One was from when they went abroad. Seunghyun had surprised Jiyong when he hugged him from behind and twirled him around making both of them dizzy. Jiyong lifted the camera to take a picture of them from above to capture the moment. The other was a recent one. They had just woken up and Seunghyun was teasing Jiyong’s red nose. Seunghyun wouldn’t believe his nose was in the same color so Jiyong asked him to take a selca with his phone and he failed miserably. The picture was his final attempt and it managed to take a picture of Jiyong apparently trying to steal a kiss.

The memory makes Seunghyun laugh. It was amazing how even Jiyong’s memory brings him so much happiness.

He readies his fingers at the keyboard. He decides it was time to make things right. Time to be a man and clean up the mess he had made. For everyone that he hurt. For everyone that he loved.

For Jiyong.

 “I…” he paused for a moment. He thought about what the president said about confirming or denying his relationship with Jiyong.

 “…I am revealing this in the hopes of saving Jiyong’s name.” Should he deny being in a relationship with Jiyong? That would be the easiest escape. He could just say the song he made was a tribute for Jiyong. There was no proof that he and Jiyong were in a relationship anyway. He could be forgiven this easily and no one would bother him tomorrow.

But then again, who could deny loving Jiyong? After knowing Jiyong had accepted his feelings, after knowing Jiyong had agreed to marry him, after knowing that Jiyong had died for him, how could he deny having a relationship with Jiyong?

That was impossible.

 His fingers glided through the letters. “I, Choi Seunghyun, have been in a romantic relationship with Kwon Jiyong…”

-=oOo=-

It was time he exacted Seunghyun’s revenge.

He tries to look over the crowd, trying to put into memory everyone’s faces, determined to haunt each and every one of them in their sleep.

Jiyong was distracted by Seunghyun’s sharp intake of breath and the sound of ice hitting the pavement. Jiyong hovers fast to the scene, wanting to see the face of his first victim tonight.

He finds a little girl, holding dearly to a picture of him. It was such a big photo of him, the same size as letter paper - it had his autograph, sealed tight by a pink frame with a black ribbon tied to one edge.

“You shouldn’t be using Jiyong-oppa!”

Jiyong was taken aback by her words. This girl was defending him. He turns to Seunghyun and sees him looking over the crowd, probably thinking the same thing as him. These people, they were here because they loved him. 

How could he hate them?

Such ignorant people. When will they know the truth? When will they know that he truly did love Seunghyun?

With a last look to the crowd, Jiyong follows Seunghyun to the van. Seunghyun looked confused as he found his stylist inside. She tries to clean his face but in the end Seunghyun does it himself. He couldn’t remove much of the filth though, as his hands were shaking uncontrollably.

“What are you doing?” Seunghyun wipes his forehead. Beads of sweat had started to form. Didn’t Yang-sajangnim get his letter? Why was the company bothering with him?

“He doesn’t look too good, he has a fever.” She tells the manager in the front seat. “We should take him to a hospital.”

Seunghyun’s shakes his head in protest; his eyes had started to roll upwards. “Not in a hospital.” He tries to open the car door. No way in hell he’ll let another doctor touch him. “Just please…”

“Okay, okay!” the van stops as Seunghyun had opened the car door and was now trying to step outside. “We’ll take you to the hotel. Just hang on until we get some medicine.”

Jiyong watches as Seunghyun struggles with his fever. He sank low in his chair. Jiyong could tell Seunghyun was trying to keep his eyes open, to make sure they were on the right path. If he sees as much as a hospital sign, he would jump out of the car without a second thought.

The van stops at a back entrance of a hotel.  Seunghyun sees a familiar face through the tinted glass.

His mother. His mother was there to greet him.

Jiyong sees a faint smile form in Seunghyun’s lips. He opens the car door hurriedly and steps outside. He takes a few weak steps and collapses in front of her.

As Seunghyun’s mother cried for help, the staff pulled him up, slinging his unmoving arm to their shoulders to support him. He was taken to a room where a doctor as waiting for him. Jiyong was surprised to see Hyun Suk was there waiting for them.

“This cannot go on.” Hyun Suk tells Mrs. Choi as both of them watched the doctor inject medication in Seunghyun’s arm. “You have to make a decision.”

“Abroad. We’ll live abroad.”

Jiyong’s eyes widen with surprise.

“I’ll take him away from all of these. He’ll be with people who understand him and accept him.” Mrs. Choi brings a handkerchief to her face. “I’ll make the necessary preparations. Once he’s feeling better, we’ll go.”

Jiyong panics but what can he do? If they take Seunghyun away, how could he serve his purpose? How could he watch over him? A spirit couldn’t just arbitrarily roam the earth freely. If he was to be buried tomorrow, he would be bound to his grave - only allowed to reanimate in the area where his body lied. Only allowed to reanimate to serve his purpose. If they take him away from Korean soil, how would he find his way?

“Omoni please…” Jiyong pleads to her. “Omoni please don’t take him away. I need to be with him. I need to see him happy first. I need to see him smile again. Please don’t take him away from me…”

His voice. She doesn’t hear it.

 He looks around and finds Hyun Suk sitting in the corner thinking hard. “Yang-sajangnim, please tell her not to take Seunghyun abroad. Tell her she could take him anywhere in Korea. Deep in the forest or high in the mountains, just please don’t take him far away. PLEASE!”

“ARGH!” Jiyong screams his dissatisfaction. No one was willing to listen to him. Who will help him now? Who can help him now? He thinks hard and the first person to come to his mind was Daesung.

He was certain Daesung could feel his presence. Daesung always listened to Jiyong. Daesung always followed his leader.

Before Jiyong could leave Seunghyun’s side, he presses his palms on each side of Seunghyun’s hand. “You have to let me go for now.” He whispers to his ear. “I’ll be back for you.”

-=oOo=-

“Daesung, wake up!”

Since he had overheard from his manager that the members went back to their homes, Jiyong knew where to find Daesung. It seemed he had fallen asleep in front of his computer. However, no matter how he tries to wake him up, the singer wouldn’t wake.

“Please Daesung, I need your help!” Jiyong calls to him. How he wishes his cries would penetrate living world. “Please Daesung, they’ll listen to you. You need to stop them. Seunghyun… They’re planning to hide him abroad. He needs your help… ”  He reaches out for him and for a moment his touch seemed to connect.

Jiyong was ecstatic. It seemed that Daesung could hear him from his dream. His brows were furrowed and his fingers started to twitch. “Daesung, can you hear me? Seunghyun needs your help…” Jiyong pleads. “Please, he can’t just leave. He still needs me to watch over him. You can’t take him away from me just yet… PLEASE!”

At that time Daesung phone rings and Daesung wakes. He sits up suddenly, trying to scratch something away from his neck. He was breathing heavily and he had a scared look in his face.

“Daesung, did you hear me?” Jiyong tries to talk to him once again but then Daesung scurries to his keyboard. He goes to the internet and open TOP’s personal blog.

“Stupid hyung,” Jiyong almost cries when he sees the picture of Seunghyun and him in the internet. No doubt Seunghyun would choose this picture. “You should have posted the other one. We look so silly in here.”

He tries to get a closer look but soon the monitor was flooded with pop up windows full of hateful words towards Seunghyun.

It makes him mad.

“SHUT UUUUPPPP!” he screams at the hateful words and the monitor fails. It restarts and their picture was back. He extends a hand to caress Seunghyun’s image, remembering the time when they had taken the photo. That moment will always be a most precious memory.

“Daesung, you have to help me.”

Daesung abruptly leaves his chair and dashes out of the room. “What happened to you?!” He hears Daasung’s sister shout. “Noona!” Daesung cries out.

Jiyong realizes that Daesung might not give him the help he needed. Not while he was in this emotional state.

Jiyong leaves the house. Now that he knew he could somehow reach s, he didn’t waste time. Seunghyun could leave the country anytime soon and he has to somehow stop him.

He needed more help.

“Youngbae.”

-=oOo=-

Jiyong didn’t think he would see this sight.

His own wake.

He comes here as fast as he can when he learned that Taeyang was coming. He steps inside carefully, admiring the flowers that adorned the room. He took his time to see who his visitors were. He didn’t think so many people had loved him. He didn’t think so many would miss him.

He floats around and it doesn’t take long for him to spot his mother.

“Umma.” He approached her. His mother paused for a second, as if she had heard him, then continued attending to the guests. “Thank you.” He told her with a smile. He refers to the time when she rescued Seunghyun from the sanatorium. “Thank you umma.” He thanks her again, this time for moving his funeral to tomorrow. “He will come tomorrow, I’m sure.”

His mother quickly dashes out of the room and Jiyong follows her.

“Oh. I thought you went home?

“Youngbae!” Jiyong could almost flip in joy. “Boy am I glad to see you!” he rushes to Taeyang’s side.

“I came back. Are you alright Ajumoni?”

“You already went, you should be resting now.” She patted Taeyang’ back before disappearing to the other room.  She tried to give Taeyang some privacy so that he could say his goodbye.

“Youngbae, you hear me don’t you?” Jiyong talks to him loudly. “You can understand me, don’t you?”

 Taeyang just stood there silently.

“Youngbae listen to me carefully…” Jiyong starts. “They’re planning to take Seunghyun abroad, can you believe it?” Jiyong almost thinks he could hear Taeyang reply. “I know! They’re being ridiculous right? You have to help him. You have to help Seunghyun…”

Taeyang looks past his shoulder.

“You can just nod if you understand alright? No one’s here to see it.” Jiyong refers to the empty room. “I want you to convince the others not to take him away. Seunghyun… He still needs me.”

“Please Youngbae, you’re the only one I can depend on.” Jiyong extends his hands to him. “I need to see him get through this. I need to watch over him, you understand?” He was about to touch him but there was some sort of force field that held him in place. Like a protective film that separates Taeyang from him.

“Youngbae!” Jiyong pounded on the invisible shield. It seemed like it was preventing his voice to reach Taeyang. “What is this? Youngbae!” he continued to pound on it. “Can you hear me???”

Taeyang steps back, a look of fright in his eyes. Jiyong wonders what could make Taeyang act like this?  He had never seen Taeyang look at him with such fear. Taeyang collapses at a chair as asks his mom if he had gone crazy.

“No…” Jiyong gives up, realizing that his attempt to reach Taeyang was futile. Taeyang must be thinking he was just a product of his imagination. He was so sure he would reach Taeyang but then again he failed.

Who would help him now?

There was only one member left.

-=oOo=-

Seungri was back at the dorm. He didn’t go to his parent’s house right away. He was tired and he needed to rest first before journeying back to the provinces. However, rest was far from his mind now as he continued to follow the news about Seunghyun.

“This is SO getting out of hand.” Seungri places both hands in his head as he listens to the newscaster. LGBT activists was in front of the Central Government Complex, campaigning for their equal rights. On another channel, there was a discussion on how Seunghyun could be charged with draft dodging after revealing his uality. After all, they considered people like Seunghyun to have a “behavioral disability.”

Bull, if you asked Seungri.

He flips the channel again and he finds another commercial for Jiyong’s tribute concert that night. YG had somehow given the go signal to let other artists use Jiyong’s songs and even gave them a copy of a song Jiyong had written but was never released.

YG should have given it to him. But who was he to complain?

All day Jiyong’s music videos kept repeating on the TV and radio. Seungri even monitors the web so he would find tons and tons of fanmade tributes and dedications. Hits to the YGE official website skyrocketed and it was no wonder how Jiyong could be trending even after his death.

Seungri shifts back to the television and waits for another Bigbang related news. He hears another Butterfly rendition by a female artist and he growls, hugging a pillow and pressing his ears against it. 

Jiyong finds him there, sitting at the couch, too lazy to turn the volume down and too lazy to even move. He admits he didn’t expect to see Seungri like this. He had been angry and violent before but now, it seems he was back to normal. He used to be a crybaby; crying for a solid twenty minutes when that scandal broke out but Jiyong was glad Seungri was handling all of these well. Too well, in fact.

“Seungri…” Jiyong called to him.

“What?!” Seungri answered through the pillow. He was whining as if Jiyong was disturbing his sleep.

Jiyong looked at Seungri with disbelief. Had he really heard him so clearly?

“You have to help Seunghyun. You can’t let them take him away from me.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Seungri slurs but then he sits up abruptly and looks around. He blinks his eyes thrice and shakes his head. Had he just imagined all of that? He was conversing with Jiyong and he even told him he’d help Seunghyun. It was weird dream but could someone fall asleep that quickly?

The news was back on for a special report. YG was holding a live media conference about the accident in the concert abroad. Hyun Suk refrained from making any statements and decided to end all of their questioning at one go. Seungri knew this would happen today. But then he sees Seunghyun trudging along beside the president and he knew something big was going to go down that minute.

Seungri takes note of the name of the hotel and dashes over there.

Finally, Jiyong thinks.

Help has come.

-=oOo=-

He didn’t like to be pitied.

But Seunghyun thought he needed pity that day.

Although his stylist was the best in Korea, no make-up could hide his red eyes, nor the dark circles surrounding it. He insists on not wearing sunglasses, to show the public the sincerity in his face. He feels like he would cry the second he talks about Jiyong and he didn’t want the make-up ruined so he decides less of it was the best. He decides his hair didn’t need much styling too, to go with the minimalist look. But he didn’t want to look pathetic so he picks a nice suit for the event. After all, he had announced his relationship with Jiyong and Jiyong’s fiancé should always be presentable.

People still might throw rubbish at him and hate at him; he was prepared for that. He’s accepted that he has to face the public someday and that there was no point in beating around the bush. To be able to do this, to speak to the people live, was a rare opportunity and he decides not to waste it.

They entered the room. Hyun Suk in front of him as he followed behind. He could hear the media acknowledge his presence and the conference room turned to a beehive in a flash. Buzzing was all around and it made Seunghyun’s heart beat hard in his chest. It feels like his heart would escape from his throat from all the pressure.

The president sat in the middle of the table and Seunghyun sat in the seat next to him. He looks at the people waiting. This wasn’t like the other press conferences he had with Big Bang before. He didn’t feel like a celebrity now.

He felt a criminal on trial.

Hyun Suk starts off the conference with a greeting. He reminded everyone that he won’t be taking questions today before he makes his statement. Before coming here, Hyun Suk tells him he only needs five minutes and that Seunghyun could have the other five to himself.

Seunghyun took all afternoon to think about what to say but even as he sat there, he still couldn’t find the words. On second thought, he had found the words but not the courage to utter them.

It was surprising how fast five minutes seemed to pass and Seunghyun now finds himself being bombarded with questions before he could even greet them. All of it seemed like mindless buzzing to him so he continued to speak while everyone was asking him questions.

“I am here today to apologize.” Seunghyun breathes in the mic. “The statement I made regarding my relationship with the late Kwon Jiyong has made it difficult for me to continue working. Effective today, I am resigning from my company.”

Some hecklers were shouting a lot of offensive names at him. There was boos and cheers but all Seunghyun continued on.

“So, as of this moment, I am announcing my retirement from the entertainment industry. I am leaving Korea in hopes that this country could heal from the damage that I have caused. I have decided to live in a secluded temple abroad and live a life of isolation. While I do this, please find it in your heart to absolve me of my sins.”

Everyone, including Hyun Suk, was put in shock for his last statement. He knew he had agreed to going abroad. But living in a temple? In isolation?

“This will be the last time that I appear in public like this. Thank you for taking the time to come and see me.”

Seunghyun abruptly stands up and bows to Hyun Suk before pushing his way through the mess of the people.

“I will take your questions.” Hyun Suk distracts the media, trying to deflect their attention from Seunghyun to him. But then the crowd followed Seunghyun outside and the few meters to his van seemed like miles for all the obstacles that stood in the way.

“Don’t think we could forgive you that easily!” Some of the people started to yell. “Coward!” they shouted.

Seunghyun had made up his mind about leaving and he would let no one change it. Let them think what they want. Maybe if Jiyong lived, he would still care. But now that he has nothing to protect, what the people thought was not important anymore.

“If you don’t leave Jiyong alone, I am going to kill you!”

Funny. Death threats don’t even have an effect on him anymore.

“AHJUSSHI!”

Seunghyun turns his head to the familiar voice. He sees the image of the little girl from that morning. She had thrown iced water in his face but now her eyes had gone teary. She still held on to Jiyong’s picture. “Did you really love Jiyong-oppa?” she asked from afar.

Everything was not for nothing though. It seems his sincerity had convinced one person and that was more than enough. He was wrong; he still had something to protect. “Yes. With all of my heart.”

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled the apology and she went out the police line to give him a hug. Seunghyun knelt in front of her, ready to accept her, but then a police officer blocked her way and the little girl fell down.

“Little girl, are you okay?” Seunghyun went to her amidst all the chaos. The little girl nodded but then the officer forcefully pushes the girl out of Seunghyun’s reach and roughly gets her back in line. She drops Jiyong’s picture and the officer steps on it, breaking the frame. 

The officer looks down and realizes he broke something. When he sees Jiyong’s picture, he looks at Seunghyun and gives him an evil grin.

“Hey!” Seunghyun tries to get the officer’s attention. “Here you go,” Seunghyun picks up Jiyong’s picture and hands it back to the girl. She cries at the broken frame.

“You should apologize.” Seunghyun taps the officer’s shoulder. The officer brushed his hands away and roughly pushes him in the shoulder. “Don’t touch me you freak.”

“HEY, DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME?!” Seunghyun grabs the officer’s shoulder, forcefully now, and turns him around before landing a straight punch to his face. “I SAID SAY SORRY!” The officer’s nose broke and blood was gushing out of it.

The next moment, Seunghyun gets tackled down by police and the side of his face hits the pavement.

There were loud gasps from the crowd. Just when you thought that things couldn’t get any worse, everything seems to go wrong all at the same time.

Media was already there to cover the scene. They were streaming live so the whole nation witnessed his arrest.

When will this madness stop?

“Hyung!”

Seunghyun hears Seungri’s voice calling him. “Hyung! What’s happening?” He sees Seungri’s face in the crowd. One moment ago he was just walking out of the hotel and now the police were putting handcuffs to his wrists. The van was just a few meters away, and yet Seunghyun couldn’t even make it there without making a scene.

“What happened?” Seungri fights his way through the crowd.

He looks at Seungri and shakes his head. He thinks about it real hard and asks himself the same question. What happened to him? Why was he being dragged to a police car?

He only loved Jiyong. He couldn’t think of any other reason.

He knew it from the start. Something so good should be illegal.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law-”

Seunghyun pliantly followed and didn’t resist arrest.

If loving Jiyong was a crime –

He was guilty.

-=oOo=-

Unpredictable.

One couldn’t grasp the true meaning of the word until they met Seunghyun. In his career he was known to be impulsive. He appears at an award ceremony with white hair. He sings and dances weirdly during a stage performance. Variety shows love to have him a guest because he was so random and it was funny.

Who could predict what he would do next?

Noon that day he confesses his relationship with a former band member. That afternoon he announces he would be retiring from the entertainment industry and living in isolation abroad. Now, he was in the precinct, being searched and having his personal properties taken.

“One housekey.”

“A bottle of aspirin.”

“Wallet. National ID. One credit card. No cash.”

“Watch.” The police paused to admire the Rolex. “Gold.”  

“One cellphone.” The police eyed him suspiciously. “Pink.”

“In the bag.” The police points to the rings in Seunghyun’s palm. They were the only items left to surrender. “That looks valuable.”

Seunghyun looks at the police officer with a death glare. The rings’ cost was someone’s life. Damn right it was valuable.

Seunghyun looked at it lovingly before carefully placing it in the brown bag. He felt sorry for parting with it but then something so pure shouldn’t be around all of this corruption.

He placed his palms on the machine for scanning and if being finger printed wasn’t humiliating enough, he was made to stand in the wall to be photographed.

“Hold the corners.”

Seunghyun was given those placards with his name and booking ID.

“Turn this side.”

After the mug shots, Seunghyun finds himself in a cell. It was funny how that same time yesterday he was on a similar situation. The night before, he was in a white room in a sanatorium in the border of the city. Tonight he was locked up in jail.

Seunghyun wonders where he’d be spending the night tomorrow.

To hell with it.

He doesn’t care anymore. He’s tired of caring and nothing he does ever makes a difference.

To hell with all of this.

“Don’t I get a phone call?” Seunghyun stands up and the guard lets him out. He’d meant to call Hyun Suk but he guesses the president was tired of hearing him say sorry. He’d call his mom but she’d cry to him for ages before he could get anything out of her. He thinks about calling his manager but he didn’t have a manager anymore. He calls for the next best thing.

“Yah, Seungri?”

“S-seunghyun –hyung…?” he hears Seunghyun stutter from the other end. “Hang on, I’m watching Jiyong’s tribute concert on TV. Hey, wait… You’re in jail right?  Oh my god, did you use your phonecall on me?”

“Sorry I couldn’t talk to you earlier.”

“What the hell hyung! Do you know they got a warrant for your detention? They found out you tried to escape the crazy house yesterday and now you’re a threat to the safety of the citizens. They can keep you there for ten days! The arraignment is tomorrow and it seems like you’re going to be indicted. You know they’re not going to be easy on you even if you’re a celebrity.”

“Couldn’t you at least ask first if I’m okay?” Seunghyun rolls his eyes.

“Your mom is freaking out and Hyun Suk is really mad. You should see his face… It was priceless hyung.” Seungri laughs. “Daesung and Taeyang were really freaking out earlier too. They’re seeing Jiyong-hyung’s spirit or something. I was at the dorm too and Jiyong-hyung is haunting the house, for real. Remember that time in Japan when your ipod suddenly turns on by itself? This is on a higher level hyung. Jiyong keeps asking for you. I think you should really come to the burial tomorrow.”

.

.

.

“Seunghyun-hyung?”

.

.

.

“Are you there?”

.

.

.

“Hello?”

.

.

.

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun swallowed hard. “He’s what-? But that can’t be… I-”

He already fulfilled his promise.

“Hyung, you’re not making any sense. Are you okay? You don’t sound too good-”

“Seungri, listen.” Seunghyun cut him off. “I have to make it tomorrow. I have to get out here - break out if I have to.” Seunghyun whispers to the receiver. “And you’ll help me.”

“Hyung, you sound like a real criminal.” Seungri whispered back.

“We don’t have much time.” Seunghyun looks at the guard who was tapping his wrist. “Tell me everything you know.”

“It’s all over the news hyung. They’re saying you’ll be charged with assaulting an officer of the law. The penalty is one year in jail and a large fine hyung. Anyway, bail hearing will be tomorrow morning. Let’s just hope the judge is a fan.”

“I don’t care about the bail. No matter how much it is, just pay them. I need to get out of here fast.” Seunghyun smiles to the guard. “I gotta go. Thanks. Bye.”

He hangs up and drags his feet back to his cell. He’d already accepted his fate in this hellhole. He was at that point where he couldn’t care less what happened to his life. But Seungri, he said something that made him want to fight again.

Jiyong’s spirit.

It can’t cross over.

Seunghyun paces in the small cell, trying to think. He admits - when he fulfilled his promise to Jiyong, it was more for self-realization. He wanted to do it for Jiyong’s memory. Jiyong deserves that much. That was what he wanted to believe. He wanted to believe that Jiyong was in heaven now. That he was happy.

He remembers Jiyong’s mother and her message: Please see him in his final resting place. That was the only time where a person who was supposed to tie a knot could visit his departed significant other.

Had she moved the date so that he could visit Jiyong earlier? So that his spirit could finally rest?

If spirits do exist then Jiyong’s were trapped in this world. If what Seungri said was true, then Jiyong still had unfinished business. But what could it be? Jiyong fell from the platform so there was no way he was exacting revenge.

Seunghyun thinks and thinks hard. He paces the cell, sits down on the bed and stands up again. Had he made a promise he couldn’t remember? Does Jiyong want to say something to him before he died? He remembers Jiyong calling for him before the encore stage started. Did he have a message for him?

He puts his hands together to think and massages his ring finger. What was Jiyong doing before he died?

He stops from pacing. He remembers the reason for Jiyong’s death. He was trying to save something.

His ring.

That was it.

Jiyong wanted to be buried with the ring. That was what he needed. Jiyong needed it back. Jiyong was trying to wear it before he died. The explosion threw him off and he fell before he could put it on.

“The ring? Where’s the ring?” Seunghyun searches his pockets, then remembers that he had surrendered it to the police before coming here.

“HELP!” he shouts to the guard. “HELP ME PLEASE!”

The guard looks at him skeptically.

“I need my things! Please, you don’t even have to set me free!” Seunghyun shouted when the guard lost interest in him. “There’s a ring in my things. It’s platinum, it has gold band and engraving inside. If you could just take it to Jiyong tomorrow. He needs it to cross over. PLEASE!”

There was no response. Not even a sneer or a call to shut him up.

Seunghyun could almost cry.

“Please help me…”

-=oOo=-

“Wake up Mr. Choi.”

Seunghyun opens his eyes. He was greeted by an officer looming over him. “Sorry for the rough treatment last night. You can go now. ” He pointed to the open door of the cell. “You’re being released.”

Seunghyun sits up, still confused about what was happening. He was expecting for Jiyong’s mother to appear in front of him at least, to rescue him again somehow, but she was not there. Who could have helped him this time?

He didn’t ask questions and just followed the officer outside. He was given a set a papers to sign. They were explaining that a bail commissioner held an emergency hearing that night and that he was granted personal recognizance.

Seunghyun didn’t understand much. All he knew was that the police were releasing him on the condition that he would appear in the trial.

“Your things.” The officer hands him a brown bag. He takes his stuff out. Keys, pills, wallet, watch, cellphone.

Rings.

Seunghyun immediately slips the larger ring on his finger. He lets a finger caress the hammered platinum. The familiarity of the feeling of the ring in his fingers gave him an unexplainable comfort.

He puts Jiyong’s ring in the insides of his coat pocket, the pocket close to his heart.

He greets the police officers goodbye. Something he thought he would be able to do. He even thanked them and smiled as he walked outside.

He steps outside the precinct. Seunghyun thought it was strange that the media wasn’t there to harass him. His anti-fans were nowhere to be found too. He was cautious as he took a step. A gentle breeze blew by it and he inhaled the chilly air. He looked at the morning sky, lifting a hand near his face to cover the sunlight. The clouds were parted and the sun was peeking from behind.

The heavens.

They seemed to welcome Jiyong.

The destination was clear in his mind and he walked at a fast pace. He passed by a newsstand and saw his picture on the front page. The headline was about him trying to help a little girl that an officer was pushing around, resulting to his arrest. Though he could be charged of misdemeanor in the first degree, the public sympathizes with him and the probability was high that the charges could be dropped.

Seunghyun walks on, and while he waits for the traffic light to turn red, he hears a radio playing nearby. As of that morning, lawmakers had announced a draft granting LGBT groups equal rights in Korea. It was a step closer to their acceptance and the whole world was rallying support for the nation.

He walks and walks, slowing down a little bit when he sees Hyun Suk on the television. He was in a commercial trying to promote a documentary about the Kwon Jiyong, the artist. He was inviting everyone too, to come to a concert of YG singers to be held in Jiyong’s memory. He explains they had stopped with their schedules yesterday to prepare for this event.

He was a walking for quite some time now and his legs were getting tired. He sees a road sign pointing to the direction of Jiyong’s gravesite and finally, he sees an end to all the suffering.

He places a hand near his heart and feels  the ring poke his chest.

The future doesn’t look so bleak in spite of everything.  

“Choi Seunghyun.”

He stops and turns around slowly. He’d been walking around all morning without a disguise, it was about time someone recognized him.

He sees a figure standing in front of him and his hands automatically clasp to his side. He missed a breath as a force hard enough to knock him down hit him in his abdomen. He hears the gunshot then and he lifts a hand to his face.

Blood.

His body pumps out the adrenaline and his body gets weak. He loses footing and falls on the pavement from shock. Everything seemed to go to slow motion.

“I told you to leave Jiyong alone.” He hears the crazy fan as she passed him by.

So fast. It all happened so fast.

Seunghyun’s eyes were wide open as he struggled to breathe. The initial adrenaline wears off and he feels the searing burn around the wound as the hot lead singes his flesh. He feels throbbing pain, like a bomb was exploding inside of him.The drop in blood pressure makes his vision blurred but a light burst from out of nowhere and he sees a familiar figure approaching him.

“Ji – Jiyong…”

-=oOo=-

“Ji – Jiyong…”

“Seunghyun! Don’t move!” Jiyong panics when he sees Seunghyun coughing up blood. “HELP! Somebody help him!” He tries to look for passers-by but this side of the street was empty. Everyone was on the other side of the avenue. “I’ll get you help Seunghyun, please don’t die!”

“L-l-listen to m-me…” Seunghyun extends a hand to stop him from leaving. He was crawling to him closer.

“Oh my god Seunghyun hold on!” Jiyong looks left and right but in the end there was nothing he could do. In the end, he was still useless. He could not even keep his promise of hiding his existence from Seunghyun, to let him dream about him enjoying the heavens.

“Don’t worry Seunghyun, I’m here now.”

Jiyong sits beside his head and places a hand on his forehead, trying to fix his hair. “I won’t leave your side again.” Jiyong spots a jogger not far from where Seunghyun lay. He seems to have noticed something was wrong. “You’re safe now.”

“Y-you have to…” Seunghyun closes his eyes and forcefully opens them. “L-let me go…” Seunghyun raises a hand to touch his face. “Please…” Seunghyun cries, his tears continually falling from his cheeks. “Set me free.”

Jiyong didn’t understand what Seunghyun was saying. “But you still need me Seunghyun. That’s why I’m still here even if you fulfilled your promise.” Jiyong smiles t him. “That’s the purpose of my existence.”

“N-no… you can’t s-stay here anymore…  ” Seunghyun coughs out more blood. “You can’t keep holding on to me…”  He closes his eyes.

Seunghyun was wheezing at this point. Every breath was agonizingly painful and terribly short.

“I-I can’t move on Ji…” Seunghyun’s hand drops to his side and his head “…unless you let me g-go.”

Seunghyun’s dying image was like a wake-up call for Jiyong. The pool of blood was like a splash of cold water that opened his eyes to see the truth that was there all along. Jiyong thinks, and he remembers.

Never once, in this existence, had he wished for Seunghyun to move on. All he could see ahead of him was the pain and agony Seunghyun would go through life. It was his validation that he was Seunghyun’s true love. For Seunghyun to suffer life without him was the ultimate proof that he was loved and that was what Jiyong stayed here for.  

Never once did he imagine Seunghyun happy without him. He never wished for Seunghyun to find another person he could love. He never wished for him to find a lovely girl to marry, to have loving children to take care of, to have grandchildren to tell stories to. It never once crossed his mind that Seunghyun could be happy in this world without him.

Never once.

Even when he was alive, he was so greedy.

"Would you love me, only me, forever?" He asks. “Even when I die, you can't stop loving me okay?”  He makes him promise.

Only now he realizes that  it wasn’t Seunghyun’s love that ties him to the world. It wasn’t Seunghyun that makes him stay.

It was him.

He was the one who couldn’t let him go. He was the one who couldn’t accept his passing.

And now that he holds the dying Seunghyun in his arms, he has to make a decision.

Stay in this world and watch Seunghyun live a life of agony and pain over his loss.

Or let Seunghyun go so he could move on and live a full life –

Without him.

The answer was obvious. However, the enactment was the hard part.

“I love you Choi Seunghyun…” Jiyong stands up and leaves Seunghyun’s side. The jogger had called the attention of the store owners nearby and had rushed to Seunghyun’s aid. Seunghyun went to shock and was now unconscious.  “Always remember that.”

He hovers from the ground and he feels like the sky was opening up for him.

“When you wake up, I want you to feel happy hn?” Jiyong puts a hand over his mouth. “I want you to find a lovely girl who’d take good care of you. She has to be pretty alright?” A tear escapes from Jiyong’s eyes. “She has to cook you tasty kimchi and clean the house every so often ‘cause you know how messy you can be.”  Jiyong cries hard. “You can’t be mad at her for letting your children play with your toys.” Jiyong sees an ambulance pull over. “You know how you could get revenge by letting them eat all the ice cream they want right?” The paramedics place a cardioverter in Seunghyun’s chest. “You’re going to live a long life and have many, many grandchildren who will love you and adore you more than I ever can because you deserve all this love and much more, so much more, my Seunghyun.”

Jiyong flies to the beam of light that seemed so welcoming. He could feel once again and he wishes all of heaven had this warmth. “Thank you Seunghyun, for everything. ” With a last look to the one he loved, Jiyong musters all of his courage to say his goodbye.

“Farewell, my love.”

 He follows the blinding light and he hears Seunghyun’s pulse echo through the sky and soon Seunghyun will wake up to a whole new world of happiness and fulfillment.

A whole new world without Kwon Jiyong.

-=oOo=-

Light temporarily blinds him and his eyes dart to random things in the room all at once.

An oxygen mask in his face.

A heart monitor on his side.

An IV drip on another.

A dim light above.

An empty ceiling.

And tears. Hot tears on his face.

Like a newborn baby being thrown into the world, Jiyong wakes up crying, tears unstoppably falling, hot and sharp to his skin. He sits up and cries out loud to lift the pain in his chest that wouldn’t ease.  He remembers the goodbye he said moments before and his heart breaks into pieces, and the hurt was too much, the aching was too much and he cries and cries a lot more.

Through the acid tears he sees Seunghyun’s figure by the door and he weeps, wishing Seunghyun would get better, wishing his wound heal fast and that whatever pain he’s feeling would cease.

“Don’t cry Jiyong…”

He feels a tender embrace, a familiar warmth that envelops his whole body. A hand wipes his tears away and brushes his hair to the side.

“S-Seungh-hyun…?” Jiyong manages to mutter as he studies Seunghyun’s face. He busied his hands to lift Seunghyun’s sweater to examine the fatal wound that was shot there.

“I’m okay, I’m alright.” Seunghyun gives a reassuring to smile to the confused Jiyong. “Hey baby… I missed you.” Seunghyun hugs him again. “I missed you so, so much. I feel like going crazy.”

His words made Jiyong cry again because he knew. Jiyong knew how much Seunghyun missed him.

Seunghyun continued to comfort him, but the tears kept on coming. He held Jiyong’s hand to soothe him. The action seemed to calm Jiyong. Seunghyun helped him lay down comfortably again. Seunghyun laid his head on Jiyong’s stomach and turned to the side so that they could lock their gaze in each other.

Jiyong seemed to still be in a daze from his dream but his eyes were slowly regaining their usual shine.

“No!” Jiyong protested when Seunghyun let go of his hand. Tears were beginning to form again and he feels the pain in his heart as the warm hard leaves his own. “Don’t go.”

Seunghyun retrieves something from his pocket. He slipped the platinum ring in Jiyong’s finger.

 “I never left your side.” Seunghyun clasps Jiyong’s hand more tightly now. “I’ll always be here…” Seunghyun closed his eyes as he kissed Jiyong’s eyelids.

“Watching over you.”

END