False Reality
Watching Over You
"OH MY GOD IT REALLY FELL HOLY WHAT THE !"
Jiyong cursed as he stepped away from the falling metal, Seunghyun's hands on his shoulder pulling him back to safety. In his disbelief, Jiyong just stood there with a mouth open as the whole platform came crashing down the stage.
Everyone started to gather to where they were. After the incident, there was a talk going around about canceling the whole concert. The deliberations ended after an hour or so, with results being that the concert would continue as long as they could fix the damages on time. They would use the main stage only - no cherry pickers, no flying carpets - just a solid stage to be safe.
Along with these changes were adjustments to the performance. The members and dancers had to re-learn their positions quickly and master them before the start of the show.
"Jiyong-ah came to us earlier saying to check the platform."
Jiyong heard a crew say to the investigator while they practiced.
"He asked us twice actually, it gave out the second time. I don't know how he knew that it was broken."
Jiyong wanted to correct them and say that it was Seunghyun who thought it was faulty. He turned his head left and right to look for the man.
He wasn't there.
"Keep practicing okay?" He excused himself from the rehearsal and quickly ran back stage. Seunghyun should be at his dressing room.
"Hyung?" he called as he opened the door.
He spotted the man sitting on a chair facing the mirror, arms crossed and fierce looking. He threw a sharp look at Jiyong who was at the door.
"Hey..." Jiyong greeted in uncertainty. "Were you meditating? I could come back-"
"How could they just leave it like that?!" Seunghyun spat at him, his voice raised. "They're planning to continue even without a complete stage? Are they crazy? And look at the others - they're scared! They're not in the condition to perform after that!" Seunghyun stood up so abruptly that it caused the chair to fall. "They could at least move the date or change the venue or something?!"
He threw another sharp look at Jiyong. "I don't believe this." Seunghyun closed his eyes and shook his head.
Jiyong had seen Seunghyun angry before, but not like now. He closed the door behind him so that no one would hear. "I know but-"
"Do they even care Ji?!" Seunghyun wouldn't even let him respond. "What would they have done if the platform fell with you in it? Do they realize you could have died if- "
Seunghyun became silent all of a sudden. The thought of him dying must be too unbearable to imagine.
"About that...I'm sorry." Jiyong cautiously stepped closer to him. He could tell Seunghyun was shaking in anger. He reached for Seunghyun's hands and held it for a while. The physical contact seemed to calm down Seunghyun's nerves. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."
Seunghyun sighed deeply, feeling guilty for directing his anger to Jiyong. If anyone should be mad, it should be him. He should be shaken up too but chose not to show it for the sake of others.
He gave Jiyong a hug. "No, no, no, it's alright." Seunghyun patted his back. Jiyong rarely apologized so he felt bad whenever he was upset enough to say sorry. "Me too, I'm sorry."
When Jiyong wrapped his arms around his neck, Seunghyun knew his apology was accepted. With his eyes closed, Jiyong pressed his face in Seunghyun's chest.
"Can I stay here for a minute?"
"Um."
They were silent for a while. It was odd, that as lovers, they found themselves communicating without words. Seunghyun would know how Jiyong felt just by the pressure of his fingers at the back of his neck. Jiyong would know what Seunghyun was thinking just by the sound of his heartbeat. Sometimes they could answer each other's questions by just a glance, or have a long conversation by exchanging a look.
They had a deep connection. One that you would have when you have been with each other for a long time. They have been though a lot at such a young age and had no one to share their deepest pains and joys to except to each other. They had perfect understanding of one another.
They knew the each other's faces, each other's masks. They can appear childish or mature. They have a lot of roles to play - for their families, friends, members and fans, each one as real as the other.
But when they are with each other, together alone, they retreat back to the persons who they really are. They were thinkers. They exist in the realm of the mind, the intellect, the imagination, the dream. They exist in a time of their own - their ideas are immortal and their actions, eternal. The other members did not understand this. The other members could not grasp this. Only the two of them shared this world.
In that world, they fell in love.
In that future, they still live.
This world they built gave them something the real world could not provide. It was what they found in each other. Comfort. Relief. Security. Peace.
No songs to make. No noise. No responsibilities. No stages. No performances.
They were too tired from fists of emotions. Of lies and deceit. Of hiding and pretending. Of screaming and scheming. Of shouting and crying.
This relationship was real. It was simple.
No games. No deception. No pretense.
It was gentle and calm.
It was their love.
Love was uneventful and boring - not like the other parts of their lives. There wasn't much drama. Only the sense of belonging to one another.
No matter what happens in their lives, in the end of the day, they find themselves in the sanctuary they made.
The sanctuary of each other.
"Thanks to you, the worst is over." Jiyong looked up at him, pressing his forehead to Seunghyun's cheek. "I know eveyone's afraid right now and we might not be able to do this the way we originally planned but it's all the more reason that we try harder right?
Jiyong let him go. "It's up to us to cheer everyone up and make it happen." He looked at Seunghyun intently to make sure his message was heard. "But I can't do this alone."
I need you.
Seunghyun smiled as an answer, thinking what would Big Bang be if Jiyong wasn't in it. If Jiyong wasn't leading them, wasn't pushing them on, how would they survive?
Seunghyun took a deep breath. "Just promise me you'll be careful." He took the smile off his face just to show how serious he was and how much his answer means to him.
"I promise." Jiyong smiled his brightest. He then motioned for Seunghyun to follow him out of the room. "Now let's get that hair fixed."
-oOo-
"Thank you very much!"
Seunghyun waved goodbye to the screaming fans. The encore has just ended and the whole concert hall has erupted in cheer. He looked around him and saw Taeyang giving the fans what seemed like a small speech instead of a short greeting, about how they suffered many hardships to get here but they did it all for them. Daesung coudn't look any sillier acting all goofy and happy while waving at the crowd. Not surprisingly, Seungri was still blowing kisses to the girls at the front while the rest of them were slowly descending back stage.
"Seungri-ah! Come back here!" he shouted while covering his microphone.
He looked around for Jiyong, and when he saw him he couldn't help but cry.
Jiyong was standing in the center looking at him, with red eyes and tears on his cheeks. He was smiling and hastily wiping his tears.
Good job hyung. You worked really hard and we succeeded. We did it!
Why'd you cry you idiot. Seunghyun looked back, also in tears. Now everyone's gonna think Taeyang's speech was touching.
Jiyong laughed as though he heard Seunghyun's joke.
Seunghyun burst out laughing too. Just the sight of Jiyong being happy was enough to make his heart burst in joy. Just the thought of making Jiyong happy was enough to drive him crazy. At that second he knew, loving Jiyong was true happiness.
Seunghyun was so filled with emotion that he strutted to the center of the stage to Jiyong, cupped his hands to either side of the boy's head and kissed him deeply in front of everyone before the hydraulic lift went down, the lights turned off and their figures disappeared from the stage.
Those who saw them backstage froze in place. Seunghyun finished the kiss and smiled to Jiyong, waiting for his response. What was the consequence of this action?
Jiyong stared at Seunghyun in disbelief. For a moment Jiyong's mind went blank and he couldn't move. He had forgotten his name and the function of breathing.
The next moment he was smiling and screaming his head off. He knew Seunghyun was spontaneous, but who knew Seunghyun would be so unpredictable so as to kiss him in front of the camera, declare his love in front of thousands of people and announce their relationship to the whole world who was watching?
" YOU CHOI SEUNGHYUN!" he shouted as he spun around after Seunghyun released him, unable to hide the adrenaline. "I ING LOVE YOU!"
-oOo-
"Are you two in a romantic relationship?"
After the "kissing incident", as the fans had named it, they had decided to appear at a talk show and discuss their relationship publicly. People had mistaken their display of affection as fanservice and it was causing a lot of confusion. If they were making the relationship official, might as well do it the flashy way.
They sat in a sofa, they had a small distance between them that was occupied by hands intertwined at the fingers. Jiyong noticed how often the camera zoomed in at that spot.
He nodded his head shyly while Seunghyun squeezed his hands as he spoke. "Yes, we are." he said without hesitation.
"Wasn't it difficult decision to make your relationship known publicly?"
Jiyong looked at Seunghyun, a smile at the corners of lips. That kiss was unplanned and done without his permission but he decided he had another answer for that question.
"Our relationship would have been more difficult to hide. With us being both men...and celebrities nonetheless. If we decided to make it a secret, we would be hurting more people and at the end our relationship would fail because of that."
"Love cannot grow if you contain it like that." Seunghyun added. "Love is something that you need to share. Something you're not ashamed of."
"What do you feel about the comments going around? That instead of being critized, you are being regarded for your courage on revealing your uality?"
"I feel relieved." Jiyong said seriously. He was answering the questions as if he was discussing a track from their album. "There are many views about same relationships and no one could really tell you which is right and wrong. But for me, I love the person beside me, I love Choi Seunghyun. That is my truth."
"I feel kind of sad." Seunghyun replied. "This kind of relationship is not accepted by all people and sometimes we get very hurtful comments. Oftentimes from people who we have done nothing bad to. They come to judge Jiyong and I feel upset about that. But this is the reality we need to accept. We respect the public's views also."
"How did the other members of Big Bang react when they found out?"
"They were very understanding. We've known each other for a very long time and we treat each other like family." Seunghyun answered. "They were surprised at first but they told us they are very happy for us. I thank Taeyang, Daesung and Seungri for their love. The road ahead us is less difficult since we have their support."
"The music community's reaction were mixed." Jiyong added. "Even those abroad who've we've worked with were suprised. We were added to list of famous same couples. It was unexpected but our friends were supportive. But we also heard some were uncomfortable with the news."
Seunghyun rubbed his thumb at Jiyong's hand to soothe him. He could feel Jiyong's hand was slightly trembling.
"And for those who support our relationship, I thank you." Jiyong directed his eyes at the camera. "And I ask you to not spread hate to those who do not share our views. This is a big favor that we ask of you. Thank you once again."
-oOo-
"Ji baby, you were great." Seunghyun said once the car gained speed. He let his head fall back and turned it laziy to the side to face Jiyong. "You must be tired."
Jiyong checked if there were cameras chasing them. There wasn't a single one.
He put his head on Seunghyun's lap and closed his eyes. Seunghyun let a hand Jiyong' arms to help him relax.
"Hyung, what's that talk about love being shared to the world?"
"What?"
"You better not share your love too much. You know how jealous I could be."
"There's plenty of my love for everyone. You could all share- Ouch, hey?!"
Jiyong sank his teeth in Seunghyun's thigh's as a retort. He laughed at Seunghyun's pained face and congratulated himself for the deed.
"Thanks for saying you love me on air."
Jiyong smiled, rubbing his nose on Seunghyun's thighs to soothe it. "You should say you love me at the next one."
"Or I could just kiss you in front on camera again."
"Mmm." His lips vibrated at Seunghyun's thigh. "That'd be nice."
Jiyong lifted his head to meet Seunghyun's lips for a kiss.
Seunghyun covered Jiyong with his jacket when the boy fell asleep at his lap. Thinking that the ride back to the hotel would be long, he decided to rest his eyes for a bit. However, he too fell asleep not long after.
"Hyung, wake up, we're here." Seunghyun felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake. They have arrived at the hotel.
He rubbed his eyes and looked outside. There was a big crowd blocking the entrance. The media was already there waiting for them. Hundreds of fans were there, campaigning for safer stages for their idols.
Seunghyun put the hoodie over his head and zipped it all the way, just leaving a few inches for his sunglasses to show. He needed it to hide the tears that wouldn't stop flowing.
He couldn't wait to dream again.
Comments