Love Conquers All
Watching Over You
"Seunghyun you BASTARD!"
Seunghyun woke up to Jiyong's drunk voice in his phone. He looked at the digital clock and it read 2:15AM. He sat up from his bed, all thoughts of going back to sleep leaving him. "Jiyong, what happened?" he asked worriedly while grabbing a pair of pants and putting them on.
"Look at what you're doing to me? I can't- I can't-" Jiyong's voice was breaking down into sobs now. "This is all you're fault! HYUNG!"
Seunghyun grabbed his wallet, wishing he could quickly find a taxi in this hour. "Where are you? Wait there, I'm coming for you." He ran downstairs, his tired body protesting the whole time.
"Hyung you promised me..." Jiyong was crying now. "Hyung you said..."
"Jiyong, tell me the name of the bar. I need your address." Seunghyun shouted at the phone. He put in on loudspeaker as he put on his shoes. "Jiyong? Are you there?" he asked when there was no answer.
"DAMN!" Seunghyun cursed as he opened the front door. Now he has to search every bar in the city to find the drunk Jiyong. He thought about the usual places and decided to start from there. Should he try calling their friends? He was beginning to get worried about who was with Jiyong at that moment. But then, he wished that Jiyong wasn't alone by himself.
However, before he could even step outside, someone was pushing him back inside the house.
"HOW. COULD. YOU!" Jiyong advanced on him as he opened the door, a fist pounding on his shoulder at every word. "I trusted you!"
Although Seunghyun was glad he found Jiyong, he frowned at the younger man's condition. He only had one layer of clothing - who knows where he left the rest. His cheeks were stained by eyeliner mixed with tears. He smelled of expensive cigarettes and sweet licorice. He was drunk. And it was not that kind where you're body passes out from the alcohol, but it was the one where your head gets muddled and you do things you weren't supposed to.
"What are you talking about?" Seunghyun was in defensive mode. He didn't want to get angry, but he was disappointed at Jiyong. "Tell me what have I done?" Seunghyun took a moment to think what could make his lover do this. What could Jiyong have seen? What could he have heard?
Jiyong looked at him like he was offended. He was offended that Seunghyun didn't know.
Seunghyun could only watch as Jiyong struggled to answer. He wiped his tears with the back of his hands. He paced the room, pulling his hair as he did, glancing sideways now and then to look at him.
"I LOVE YOU OKAY?!" Jiyong finally stopped to face him. He looked at Seunghyun angrily. "YOU HAPPY NOW?!"
Seunghyun couldn't help but smile at the absurdity of their conversation. That was his crime? Jiyong could be so stupid sometimes. "How is that my fault?" Seunghyun asked. "Then stop loving me." was Seunghyun's solution.
"I CAN'T! THAT'S WHY!" the drunk Jiyong advanced on him, trying to punch him again. He was successful on landing one in Seunghyun's arm. It wasn't as painful as he expected.
By now Seunghyun noticed how cold and weak Jiyong was. He must have stood in front of his house for who knows how long. He must have waited there in the cold, without a coat to keep him warm.
"Why can't I stop loving you? Someone like you who leaves his things around all the time? Who eats ice cream more that he eats real food? Who dances so wierdly, it's embarassing!" Jiyong continued to rant about all the things that he hates about Seunghyun.
Seunghyun watched as the drunk Jiyong made his confession. He actually found it cute. His fascination had turned into concern as Jiyong suddenly cluthched at his own chest and collapsed on the floor.
"I can't breathe!" Jiyong pounded on the floor with his palm. "I can't breathe!"
"What's wrong?" Seunghyun kneeled, examining Jiyong's face which contorted in pain. "Are you alright? Would you like a glass of water?" There was nothing blocking Jiyong's airways but he looked like he was having a really hard time breathing.
"Can't we tell them Seunghyun?" Jiyong looked at him with pleading eyes, still struggling to breathe normally. "How...awful...could it be?"
Seunghyun just stared at the realization. So this was what Jiyong meant when he said he couldn't breathe.
He didn't know Jiyong was suffering. Maybe he knew but he decided he didn't like to notice. He and Jiyong rarely talked about their relationship with each other. They held on to the mutual understanding that the world wasn't ready to know about their relationship.
But for someone who was wild and free like Jiyong, asking him to hide their relationship, even to his close friends and family, was beginning to eat him up inside. And Jiyong was an honest person, having him lie must be difficult. So difficult that every breath he took felt like dying a little.
"You said the time will come..." Jiyong coughed through his tears. "You promised that one day..." Jiyong continued to punch him with weak arms.
"I know." Seunghyun just hugged him tight. "I'll fix this okay? After the tour, we'll tell them alright?"
"After the tour?" the drunk Jiyong looked at him expectantly. "Really? "
"At the encore, after the last song, we'll tell them. We'll let everyone know."
"I'm so happy Seunghyun." Like a child, Jiyong was smiling brightly to him now. "I could wear it proudly then." Jiyong snuggled close, massaging the shoulders he was punching moments ago.
"I can breathe now."
Seunghyun held him in his arms, craddling Jiyong until he fell asleep. He didn't know it affected Jiyong this much. Was this why he rebelled? Why he disappeared at night? Why he drank?
"I'm sorry." Seunghyun kissed the top of Jiyong's head. He was selfish because he asked Jiyong to hide their relationship. He only wanted to protect Jiyong from the condemnation of the world. The world could be very harsh and cruel and it was the only way to save his innocent and precious Jiyong. For Jiyong to hurt, to suffer because of him was the last thing he wanted.
The world wasn't ready to know.
Jiyong wasn't ready.
Morning came and Jiyong didn't seem to remember what happened that night. Seunghyun thought Jiyong just assumed that he was drunk and went to Seunghyun's villa to sleep, and maybe because he missed him.
Little did Seunghyun know that Jiyong never forgot that promise.
-=oOo=-
"Are you ready?"
Seunghyun looked up, biting his lip so hard that it bled. His hands were shaking so bad that he had to grasp the seat tight to stop it from trembling. This was a video from two nights ago, from their concert. It was the encore song and the camera had Jiyong on focus.
Seunghyun wanted to close his eyes but he couldn't. He knew what would happen, he didn't want to watch, but he can't look away. He even wished that Jiyong's mother would be so sad that she'd stop the video. He even wanted to look at the inspector and signal for him to stop. But his eyes were fixed on the monitor.
He was scared.
Scared for what he was about to see.
He didn't need to see this. He didn't need to see how Jiyong died.
Seunghyun held his breath and focused all his energy on Jiyong's image before him. There he was, on his stage clothes, a mic in hand, a towel over the shoulder, covered in sweat, surrounded by glittering confetti and fans shouting his name.
Little by little Seunghyun remembers all the events leading to this moment. That meeting they had with the producer, the one where Jiyong insisted they must have the grandest encore ever. How he wanted the last song of the tour to be the most spectacular, mind-blowing and memorable performance of all.
And then he remembered that night, the night where a drunk Jiyong stumbled on his doorstep.
The three minute song took what seemed like decades in Seunghyun's mind.
And as the song drew close to the end, Seunghyun stood up from his chair. All at once his surroundings changed. He wasn't in the inspector's office anymore. Jiyong's mother wasn't in front of him anymore. He was in the concert hall, in their encore stage, surrounded by thousands of screaming fans, hot colored lights, loud music and back up dancers. He could feel the heat of the stage and hear their music blasting from the speakers. He was back at that time.
The song finishes and the lights went off. The music stops, the stage stills and the curtains close.
Seunghyun feels it once again. The chill that went down his spine, sending every hair in his body to stand, rendering him frozen and breathless at the same time. He had heard a crash then. A loud bang followed by the sound of metal hitting metal.
That was when Jiyong's platform fell.
"Watch closely."
Seunghyun didn't realize that Jiyong's mother was standing beside him now. She was holding his hand tight. Seunghyun took her advice and he blinked at the monitor. It was dark but you could still clearly see Jiyong's figure. As he was waiting for the platform to go down, he wiped his forehead with the towel. His lips were moving, it looked like he was trying to get someone's attention.
In the dark, Jiyong was searching his pockets for something.
Then there was that loud bang.
Seunghyun stared blankly at the monitor. He couldn't forget that sound, the sound that he would always associate with Jiyong's death.
But there was Jiyong, still standing on the platform when it happened. Jiyong was surprised by the sound so he dropped whatever it was he was looking for. Maybe he was so startled that he didn't remember that he was standing on elevated ground that when he reached for what it was that he dropped, he lost balance and fell.
"What...?" Seunghyun was dumbstruck.
"It's not your fault my son." Mrs. Kwon hugged him tight. "The platform did not collapse. He just fell." Mrs. Kwon cried now. "I'm so sorry for being angry at you. Please don't blame yourself for my son's death."
Was this why she brought him here? To apologize?
"We were investigating the production of the set. Mrs. Kwon wanted to take this in court. But then we found this video." The insprector replayed the part where Jiyong was startled and then he suddenly disappeared from the frame.
"He just- " Seunghyun swallowed hard. "-fell?"
At that moment Seunghyun wanted to punch Jiyong. What a stupid way to die, Seunghyun couldn't help but think. The platform didn't even collapse. Nobody even pushed him. He just lost balance and stepped out of the platform in his own accord.
"Stupid, stupid Jiyong..." Seunghyun cried now as he hugged back Jiyong's mother. He couldn't help but laugh as he cried, in the absurdity of it all.
Watching this, knowing this, had somehow lifted a knife in Seunghyun's heart. He had that guilt inside of him all this time, the regret of knowing he could have stopped Jiyong. He had a feeling that the platform was dangerous and if he followed his instincts he could have stopped Jiyong from using it.
But there was no such thing.
Jiyong lost balance and fell.
Seunghyun couldn't help but smile painfully. He imagined Jiyong with a silly smile, sitting on a fluffy cloud in heaven, laughing at him. "I'm sorry for being stupid Hyunnie!" Jiyong says while beaming at him with his playful smile. "I fell!" Jiyong laughs.
"Stupid, stupid Jiyong..." Seunghyun repeats, putting a hand on his face.
Mrs. Kwon pat on his back to comfort him. Seunghyun felt thankful to her. He had thought that Jiyong's mother disapproved of their relationship, but now he believed that Mrs. Kwon was on their side all this time. Otherwise, she could have left Seunghyun live his life in guilt in that crazyhouse.
"Come now. Let's go see him." Mrs. Kwon's mission was still not finished. His son visited him in a dream that night. His spirit led her to his room, in a cabinet, under his favorite shirt, to the notebooks he treasured. When Mrs. Kwon woke up, she left the wake to visit the Bigbang dorm, not minding her husband's protests. She found the cabinet and the notebook, and she came to learn that her son loved his best friend. She called Hyun Suk and found out that Seunghyun was sent to a sanatorium in the border of a city, saying that he had gone crazy, claiming that he could see and hear the dead Jiyong.
Mrs. Kwon didn't believe them. Seunghyun was not crazy. Jiyong's spirit just appeared to him too.
That same night, she receives a call from the inspector, saying he had finally found a video of Jiyong's last moments. He apologized for calling at a late hour, but he was compelled by a dream with Jiyong leading him to the video tape. When she saw the tape, Mrs. Kwon understood why Jiyong's spirit was doing this.
Jiyong wanted to rescue Seunghyun. She needed to rescue Seunghyun.
"He is waiting for you." Mrs. Kwon pulled on Seunghyun's arm. Once she brings Seunghyun to Jiyong, his son's spirit should be at peace. "What's wrong?" she asked when Seunghyun didn't move from where he stood.
"I can't come." Seunghyun looked at her apologetically.
"Why?" Mrs. Kwon asked. She went through a lot of trouble to make his son's last wish come true so she couldn't understand what could possibly stop Seunghyun from coming to the wake.
Seunghyun, slowly lifted his arm and put a hand in his coat pocket.
His answer was a stupid one, Seunghyun thought as his fingers grazed the smooth platinum.
He was a traditional man, after all.
-=oOo=-
Jiyong looked to the sea in the horizon. The waves were steady and the water sparkled. It was noon and the sun was high, its rays brightly blazing. The sky was a heavenly blue and the clouds that highlighted it were white and fluffy. The warm breeze blew by and Jiyong could swear he could hear singing in the air.
Lifting his arms from the railing, he ran his fingers through his hair to fix them, not minding that the wind would mess it up again seconds after. He looked at back past his shoulder, past the white nylon curtains that separated the terrace to the room where Seunghyun was in.
He walked slowly towards the fabric. The windly gently swept it left and right, enough to let him sneak a peek to the person at the other side. Seunghyun was sitting on a wicker chair, elbows propped at the arm rest, fingers hanging loose at the end and feet flat on the floor.
Jiyong inched closer, making sure his steps were light. With a better look, he could see Seunghyun's eyes were shut. His back was flat against the chair but he kept his head straight. His face was calm and relaxed. And the only movement he made was the quiet rise and fall of his chest.
The image of perfect peace.
He stood there for what seemed like hours, just watching the other man sleep, mimicking the pattern of his breathing. Just the sight of it brought him unsurpassable joy and he wished it would last forever.
Longing to experience the perfect peace himself, Jiyong sat on Seunghyun's lap, spreading his legs to either side of the sleeping man. He rested his head in Seunghyun's neck, his hands clinging unto Seunghyun's shoulders. He rubbed his nose on Seunghyun's skin, taking in the minty scent of his perfume. His lips showered kisses on his neck, leaving marks beside Seunghyun's necklace.
He regretted it a little when Seunghyun's fingers started to twitch.
"Ji..." Seunghyun said sleepily, his eyes still shut. His voice was so deep and sweet that Jiyong could have drowned in it. Jiyong could feel Seunghyun's fingers clench the fabric from his shirt, pulling him closer for a tigher embrace.
Jiyong cleared his throat. He wanted to tell him that Taeyang, Daesung and Seungri went to the beach ahead. He already made an excuse that Seunghyun was tired from the hike that morning. Jiyong told the others he'd join them later after he too got some rest. He told them he wanted to tease Seunghyun about wanting to see him in swimwear again since they have rented a private spot on the beach.
But all Jiyong could say was-
"Hey..."
All at once, nothing in the world mattered more. More than the rest that this man in his arms provided. More than the security this embrace gave him. More than Seunghyun's love. Nothing mattered more.
They stayed like that for a minute or so, before Jiyong felt a finger poke him in the side. A deep laugh escaped Seunghyun's lips as he chuckled in Jiyong's neck, trying to contain his glee for the devious act.
"Stop it!" Jiyong shouted outloud, trying to wiggle his way out. "Ahhh! Choi Seunghyun!! It tickles!!!"
They had a small fight where they sat. Seunghyun trapped him in an embrace while he continued to poke the ticklish boy. Jiyong has spent all his energy laughing, almost leaving none to fight back Seunghyun's continuing onslaught.
"Ji baby..."
Jiyong was laughing so hard that he couldn't respond quickly to the Seunghyun that was trying to get his attention. It seems as though Seunghyun didn't notice he already had his attention because he called to him once again.
"Kwon Jiyong."
Jiyong felt his heart ache at Seunghyun's abrupt change of disposition. Seconds ago they were laughing and Seunghyun had a pretty smile. But now his voice was steady and his face had become serious.
Jiyong had to suddenly stop movement while his heart raced and insides tensed. When he finally managed to straighten his face, he slowly lifted his head to look him directly in the eye.
"Kwon Jiyong, will you marry me?"
They say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. In Jiyong's case, his heart stopped and a lifetime of memories came rushing to his head. A second was like a lifetime and he hasn't felt so many emotions in such a short period.
Tick.
OH MY GOD! Is he serious? What am I going to do? Is he SERIOUS? Is this some kind of joke? I swear I'm going to kill him if he's joking with me. Have I done something to upset him somehow? I know I've been so demading this past few months and we rarely saw each other but all that's changed now right? SHOULD I WAIT FOR HIM TO TELL ME THAT IT'S A JOKE? Should I laugh now, poke him in the chest and tell him to get me one of those plastic rings that come with the cereal boxes? CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME A ING CLUE?!
But look closely Jiyong. LOOK AT HIS FACE! Does that face look like he's joking?! It's the same look he has whenever he tells you that he loves you! PAY ATTENTION JIYONG! How could you forget those eyes that bore down into your soul, taking in every fiber of your being... OH DEAR LORD. HE'S SERIOUS.
Tock.
DAMN YOU CHOI SEUNGHYUN! How could you do this to me?! You expect me to give you a serious answer right now? You DO know that same marriage isn't legal in this country? We'd have to get married in canada or Spain or maybe in a casino in Las Vegas or something. HOLY . I just imagined how hot you'd look in a slick black Brioni suit. I'd wear something white to match you though. Or maybe you'd like a traditional Korean wedding or whatnot.
OH GOD. The night of our honeymoon. You're going to buy me a freaking yatch as a wedding gift and me raw while we sail the seven seas. And when we do get to the island where you've built the house of our dreams, you're going to make sweet love to me all night till morning and until the night again. . NOW'S NOT THE TIME FOR THIS.
Tick.
FOCUS JIYONG. Is it worth it? You're going to hurt a lot of people if you marry this guy. You've already hurt them by keeping your relationship a secret. Remember you had to lie, deceive and manipulate people - your friends, your family, your fans, just to be able to date this guy. Think of all those times trying to bury your feelings. Recall all those near escapes. It was hard then and how much more will it be when it's made public? Think about Big Bang. Think about your career.
Why would you want that? All that humiliation. All that rejection. Would you rather go through life being known as the World Renowned Genius Musician you've always wanted to be or as the Teen-Idol-That-Could-Have-Had-A-Bright-Future-But-Had-Finally-Gone-Out-of-Control-And-Became-Gay-So-Now-He's-Society's-Public-Enemy,-Unwanted-Trash,-A-Bad-Example-For-Youth-And-A-Disappoinment-To-His-Parents? TO HELL WITH MARRYING YOU CHOI SEUNGHYUN! WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT FOR ME?!
Tock.
BUT GOD HELP ME. 'Cause I will trade all of the world for US. I'd rather live a life of pain and suffering, than not have you. I'd rather not have everything, than not have you. I can't imagine a life without you- a world without those eyes staring at me, without those lips saying my name. OH LORD, I can't imagine a life without your embrace. I would die in a world without you. I cannot exist.
I want nothing else in this world than to be by your side but it isn't so easy. If I say I needed more time, would you think I love you less? If I'd joke, would you hate me? If I don't answer, would you give up? If I said no, would you still love me?
Knowing everything and still having the courage to ask. You must love me so much.
Tick.
I love you Choi Seunghyun. More than anything else in this world. It would be an honor to live the rest of my life beside you.
Seunghyun waited patiently for Jiyong's response. He could tell that Jiyong was caught in surprise. It was a big decision and he would understand if Jiyong needed the time to think. However, it would be a problem if Jiyong would remain speechless for a long time. Surprisingly the answer came more quickly than he expected. He only managed to think of a single thought before Jiyong answered.
Tick.
I.
Tock.
Love.
Tick.
You.
Tock.
Kwon.
Tick.
Jiyong.
"Yes."
Jiyong told him in a hurried whisper as if the prize would disappear if he had said it any sooner. "Yes, yes, yes, I will marry you!" Jiyong took in a lungful of air. He had blushing cheeks, watery eyes and a beautiful smile.
Seunghyun unclasped the necklace in his neck. Dangling from it were two platinum rings. Both had golden bands on the edge. It was simple, nothing too fancy. Except for the engraving inside that could only be read when the rings were put together.
Amor Vincit Omnia
Seunghyun slipped the smaller ring in Jiyong's finger. "I love you Kwon Jiyong." he managed to say before Jiyong wrapped his arms around his neck and stopped his breath with a kiss.
"OH MY GOD!" Jiyong shouted as he rested his head in Seunghyun's neck once more, not bothering to change his position from sitting on the other man's lap. "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?" He looked at the ring at his fingers once more, adoring how it fit him so well and how its other half was with the person he loved. "AAAHHHH!" He closed his eyes and held the ring close to his heart. "I'M MARRYING CHOI SEUNGHYUN!"
A deep, amused laugh escaped from Seunghyun once more.
Jiyong smiles as the memory of Seunghyun's laughter echoes in his head. He tries to call for Seunghyun but he was too far up for the other man to hear. He remembers the promise Seunghyun made and now was that time. The time where he could proudly wear the ring Seunghyun gave him. It would create a lot of chaos when they appear in the public with matching rings. But it didn't matter to him. It would be the pinnacle of happiness for Jiyong, for the world to know that he belonged to Seunghyun. He reached for his pocket, to the ring he treasures the most. His heart raced, excited to see Seunghyun's reaction when he lets him see that he's wearing it.
He hears a crash down below and the ring slips from his fingers.
Surprised, he tried to reach for it quickly. Once it was back in his fingers, he felt relieved.
He'd die before he lets this ring go.
TBC
A/N: Thank you for reading! Please comment and let me know if you've enjoyed it. Even if it's just a little. I'm kinda down so it would really make me so happy. You are all the best!
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