It was really lucky that they had watched such a sad tragedy that night, because it kept the rest of the members up. They had insisted on watching sad tragedy after sad tragedy. Sehun hadn’t really understood their reasoning behind that, but he was grateful, all the same, that Joonmyun didn’t come to bed that night.

            Luhan was standing in the doorway, staring at Sehun. His eyes weren’t clear, as they usually were, but murky. Sehun didn’t know why they would look like that, but he wasn’t in the mood to ask.

            “Get out.”

            “Sehun-ah–“

            “Get. Out.”

            “Are you even going to listen to me?”

            Sehun paused. “No.”

            Luhan looked a little hurt, and it tore Sehun’s heart to see it. But Luhan had hurt him badly, and Sehun wanted to hurt him right back.

            “At least hear me out.”

            Sehun glared at him.

            “This better be worth it.”

            “It will be.”

            Luhan sat on the edge of Joonmyun’s bed, facing Sehun. Sehun wanted him to come closer, but at the same time, he wanted him to leave.

            Luhan had messed with his head too much.

            Sehun waited for Luhan to say something, but the elder didn’t make a sound.

            “Are you going to talk, or what?”

            Luhan was looking at the ground.

            “Say something.”

            Luhan was silent.

            “Well, you were wrong. This isn’t worth it.”

            And then words were spilling out of Luhan’s mouth.

            “I wanted to say that I’m sorry for what I did to you at the hotel room. It was just cruel to end it like that. I should have done it in person. I’m so so sorry for that. And I wanted to make sure you were okay, because I went to the hotel room after you left, and there was some blood on the sheets, and I was worried that you were hurt. And I don’t want things to be weird between us. I want to be friends.”

            Sehun stared at him.

            “Friends. You want to be friends.”

            Luhan looked scared, his bunny eyes big with apprehension.

            “Is there something wrong with that?”

            “Something wrong with that? EVERYTHING is wrong with that. You can’t actually expect me to ‘just be friends’ with you after all that’s happened between us. That’s almost crueler than what you did to me in the hotel room.”

            Luhan flinched at the mention of the hotel room.

            “Hyung, if you think that ‘just being friends’ is possible, I don’t know what to say to you. IT’S NOT POSSIBLE. Get that in your head. I love you. I did before, and I still do now. And I probably will for a long time. And I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. If you don’t feel that way, just get away from me and stay away. It’s–.“

            Sehun bit his tongue to stop himself from saying the last sentence.

            Luhan was looking right at him.

            “It’s what, Sehun-ah?”

            It’s easier to hurt by myself.

            Sehun couldn’t force himself to say that aloud.

            Luhan stood up and came closer to Sehun, concern in his eyes. Sehun drew away from him.

            “Sehun-ah, when I told you that you could tell me everything, and I would help you with it, I meant it. You can tell me.”

            Sehun stared at the blonde, beautiful boy who was standing in the middle of the room, looking right at Sehun.

            Before he could stop himself, Sehun had gotten up and was standing right in front of Luhan. Sehun was short of breath from being so near him, but it didn’t stop him from drawing his arm back and punching Luhan in the chest.

            Even after everything, Sehun still couldn’t bring himself to harm Luhan’s face.

            Luhan stumbled back; he hadn’t been expecting the blow. Before he could fall, Sehun had already reached out to steady him, not because he forgave the elder, but so he could hit him some more.

            Sehun pounded on Luhan’s chest with his fists, crying and demanding answers.

            “Why did you do it, hyung? WHY? What did I do? Did I do something wrong? What changed between us? Is there someone else? Is there something wrong with me? What was wrong with our relationship? I thought you loved me, Luhan hyung. Why can’t we be together, hyung?”

            Why?

            Sehun was sobbing too hard to talk anymore, but he continued pounding on Luhan’s chest. Luhan made no move to defend himself; he took the hits silently. It took a while, but Sehun was finally able to look at Luhan’s face long enough to see that he wasn’t the only one crying. There were tears flowing freely out of Luhan’s eyes, the eyes that were looking into his.

            Wordlessly, Luhan reached out and steadied Sehun’s arms, stopping the punches. They stood there for a while, Luhan’s hands on Sehun’s arms, their faces only six inches apart.

            Eventually, Luhan stepped forward and hugged Sehun, his arms enveloping the younger. At first, Sehun stiffened up, trying to decide whether or not to accept the hug.

            In the end, Sehun’s heart defeated his mind. He hugged Luhan back, letting Luhan bury his head in his neck, feeling Luhan’s chest heave as he cried.

            “Can you tell me why now, hyung?”

            Luhan seemed to hesitate, but he answered.

            “We can’t be together, Sehun-ah.”

            We…can’t…be…together?

            Sehun couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea. Of all the things that could have been Luhan’s reason, it had to be this one.

            “Why, hyung? Why?”

            Luhan pulled back and wiped away his tears.

            “Reasons,” he said in a fairly steady voice.

            This made Sehun angry.

            “You can’t do this to me and not give me reasons.”

            Luhan looked at him.

            “I know.”

            Sehun couldn’t believe him.

            “Is this because I’m a guy?”

            Luhan looked surprised.

            “Because you’re a guy? What does that have to do with anything?”

            “Do you not…accept the fact that you love another male? Is that why?”

            There was a flicker of apprehension on Luhan’s face. It was quick, but it had been there.

            “Hyung, if it’s because of that, we can work it out.”

            Luhan drew back even farther.

            “I can’t do this, Sehun-ah, I’m sorry.”

            It was the final straw for Sehun. He glared at Luhan, hating and loving him at the same time.

            “Then get out.”

            Luhan looked hurt, but Sehun couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Luhan stepped toward the door, and stopped and turned around to face Sehun.

            Then he ran forward and pressed his lips to Sehun’s, one more time. Sehun closed his eyes, allowing himself to float, as he always felt when Luhan kissed him.

            Then he was gone. Sehun didn’t open his eyes until he heard the door close. He was alone in his room again.

            Alone.

            Sehun somehow got himself to fall sleep that night. How, he wasn’t sure, but he woke up the next morning to find himself sprawled on his bed. He looked over at the other bed and saw that it was still empty. Joonmyun hadn’t come to bed that night. He groaned, half-asleep, and forced himself to get out of bed and into the shower. By the time he was dressed and toweling his hair dry, none of the other members were up. They were all sleeping in the living room, curled up in small bunches.

            Luhan wasn’t there, but Sehun pushed him out of his mind.

            He was about to shake Joonmyun hyung awake, but then stopped at the last minute. Joonmyun looked so peaceful in his sleep; all the worry lines that were on his face while he was awake were gone. He looked about fifteen years old. So instead, Sehun decided to make breakfast. Food was the only way anyone would get up around here anyway.

            When the bacon and eggs were ready, most of the members were up and waiting for the food. Sehun rolled his eyes at his hyungs, but couldn’t help smiling at their dorkiness.

            The members were all sitting around the table, digging in to the food. All the members except one. Luhan.

            Sehun forced himself to push Luhan out of his mind again.

            Wu Fan finally noticed that Luhan wasn’t there. Just when he voiced the question, there was a panicked cry. All eleven of them whirled around, trying to find the origin of the cry.

            Joonmyun ran to the bathroom and flung open the door to reveal Luhan, leaning over the sink. His nose was bleeding, and the sink was covered in blood. Some of the blood was dry, but most of it was still wet and fresh. Luhan looked as if he were about to pass out.

            “It’s…not stopping.”

            Wu Fan took one look at him and scooped him up gently, making sure not to jostle the bleeding nose.

            What happened, hyung?

Joonmyun immediately began dialing the hospital on his phone.

Hyung?

Minseok and Kyungsoo ran to Luhan’s room and started throwing clothes in his suitcase, and hauled it outside.

What’s going on, hyung?

Wu Fan was yelling at Luhan, trying to keep him conscious.

What’s happening, hyung?

Joonmyun ended the call, announcing that the hospital was sending an ambulance, and it would be here in approximately three minutes.

HYUNG!?!

Wu Fan carried Luhan out the door, barking at Sehun to follow him and bring the suitcase. Sehun had been standing, shell-shocked, until then, but managed to unfreeze himself to slip on his shoes and drag the suitcase out the door. Joonmyun and Yixing followed him.

The elevator ride down was painfully slow. Wu Fan’s yells weren’t enough to keep Luhan conscious. His fingers twitched restlessly and his breathing was uneven, like he was fighting for air.

            The ambulance was already waiting out front when they arrived to the ground floor. The paramedics took one look at Luhan and ordered Wu Fan to lay him on the stretcher. Wu Fan obeyed, carefully setting the body on the stretcher.

            Luhan is not a body. Luhan isn’t dead. He’s not a body. He’s not dead. He’s not going to die. He can’t die. He can’t.

            The paramedics loaded Luhan’s body onto the ambulance just as their managers came rushing out of the building. They climbed into the front ambulance car as Wu Fan, Joonmyun, Yixing, and Sehun climbed into the back. The paramedics were working to stop the blood flow from Luhan’s nose, but their efforts were futile. It wasn’t stopping.

            Luhan himself was still unconscious. They were all staring at him when he suddenly gasped and half sat up. His eyes flew open; they were huge and filled with panic.

            Sehun was on his feet and next to Luhan in a heartbeat. He took the elder’s hand and squeezed it gently.

            “I’m here, hyung. Sehun’s here. Relax, hyung, you’re going to be okay. I promise.”

            “Sehun-ah? Sehun-ah?”

            Luhan’s eyes were unfocused. Then they rolled back to show their whites, and his hand turned limp. Sehun panicked for a moment, thinking that he was dead, but then he noticed that his heartbeat was still on the monitor.

            He turned around to see five people looking at him with pity in their eyes. Joonmyun motioned to Sehun that he should come and sit next to him. When Sehun slid into the seat, Joonmyun handed him a folded piece of paper. Sehun somehow knew that it was the same piece of paper Luhan had given Joonmyun the day before.

            “Luhan wanted me to give this to you when…this happened.”

            Sehun took the piece of paper, unfolded it, and began reading.

A/N:

thanks for reading!! I LOVE YOU GUYS :"""DDDDDDD

and really. thanks for the comments, they make me smile :"D