JR's POV

 

This night, I can't sleep at all. After the talk with that blond guy, I didn't return home at once, instead I went out to drink. Again. I really

shouldn't do that anymore, but I don't know better. First fight, then drink and get home covered in bruises, just to see that Ren is

already asleep- and I couldn't bring myself to wake him. So I watched his sleeping figure, so peaceful, so vulnerable. At that moment I

realized that I don't deserve him. A person like me doesn't fit someone as innocent as Ren. The blonde's words keep echoing through

my head, resulting in a terrible headache that has probably also something to do with the alcohol. Feeling like a piece of crap, I lie on

the sofa, not able to close my eyes even for a second. I won't fall asleep anyway, like every so often the past week. Maybe I'm giving it

too much thought, but what if Ren really waits for me to end it? That would explain the distance he keeps, a silent signal to show me

that he doesn't want me anymore. Just considering it lets my chest tighten painfully. I want to do the right thing, but why does it seem

like I keep making mistakes? My own point of view on what is right might be completely wrong. Listening to a stranger though- seems

as wrong. On the other hand, he is acquainted with Ren, so the possibility that he's telling the truth is very high. I sigh, letting my arm

dangle from the sofa in an uncomfortable position. I've made up my mind, even though I don't like it. In fact, I hate it.

 

***

 

The next day begins normal, with me awaking late- right, it's my day off, so no need to worry. I sit up and spot Ren on the table, quietly

munching some cereals, totally spacing out. A common view since we're living together. I almost smiled, but remembering last night, the

smile fades away quickly and is being replaced by a sour expression.

 

Because he hasn't noticed me yet, I arise, approaching him on tippy-toes, placing my hands softly on his shoulders. The effect doesn't

fail to appear. Ren flinches away, his mouth forming a perfect 'O', and I chuckle at my succeeded prank.

"Yah, don't do that..." He mumbles, but keeps avoiding my eyes as he continues to eat, now much slower than before. He looks

troubled. I'm sure he doesn't let me see all of his emotions though, after all this time he's still pretty good in keeping a poker face, even

before me. I wish I could say the same from me, right now, it'd be very useful.

 

"Ren-ah..." I say softly, he still won't look at me. "I have to talk to you about something - important. Our relationship." As if reacting to

some kind of keyword, his head shoots up, and I manage to catch his glance. We stare at each other for a while. What is he thinking?

Does he know that I'm about to do what he waited for? I take a deep breath, this won't be easy. It'll be pure torture for me. "You know,

we can't stay like this. I feel like we both live separated lives." He opens his mouth, about to say something, but I really don't want to

hear it, I don't need to get hurt anymore when my heart suffers enough. "Don't. I know you noticed, too." He closes his mouth, but why

do his eyes look so sad all of a sudden? "It's just that- I've given it a lot of thought, and it was hard for me to accept, but I believe-" I

have to pause, once again, because the words I've already planned out in my head won't come out. Must be because I force them out,

all of them. They aren't my true feelings. But my feelings don't matter, all that matters is the best for Ren. I'm gonna do it, for him.

 

"I believe it's the best if we break up." There, I said it. Upon realizing the meaning of my words, Ren starts to choke on his cereals, and

I quickly come to help, patting his back while everything inside of me cries. Every time my hand touches his back, it hurts. After about

one minute, I take a seat in front of him again, to my desperation, his face is blank. Totally blank, totally rid of any emotion, like back

when we first met, maybe even extremer. He must be holding back his happiness right now. The spoon falls from his hand and lands in

the bowl with a loud 'clang', spilling milk all over the table, but none of us moves nor intends to clean it up. I can't. He can't. Then, he

regains his senses, and shots up, even making the chair fall in his hastiness. All I can do is watch and hold back the tears. Try to

maintain an unmoved expression, try to not show him how much this actually affects me. Ren can't see my tears. He might feel bad

after all, and I want him to just- go. Go and be happy. I'll manage, somehow, though I don't know how exactly I want to do that. Ren's

voice breaks the depressing silence.

 

"I'll go." He turns his back to me, and unconsciously, I reach out for him, but I force my arm down right away and watch him step out of

the room, out of the apartment, out of my life. And that was it. I'm alone, and I can cry now. But the tears won't flow, as if mocking me. I

feel empty. The whole apartment feels empty, and I can't imagine how I could live in here all alone for such a long time, before Ren

moved in. He doesn't have a place to stay. Where will he stay? The worry for him takes over, and I keep reassuring myself that his

'friends' will have him stay at their place.  And there, he'll find happiness, once again. The happiness I can't give him anymore. I sink

onto the ground, powerless, and stay like that for what feels like hours.

 

 

 

Ren's POV

 

 

I can't think straight anymore.  Even though I knew this day would come. The breakup. Even JR threw me away. My inner voice tells me

that I'm not worth it. Not worth anything. And now, I don't even have home anymore. I'm tearing up, and I forcefully try to rub those

stupid tears away with my sleeve, just to notice that I'm wearing a hoodie that once belonged to JR. I feel like ripping it off my body and

toss it into the trash, but that'd be too weird, I'm outside already and there are people around. I don't plan to get stuck in a mental

home or something. Though it doesn't matter, I actually consider it just to have a place to stay, and maybe that's right where I belong.

Just like my 'mom' always thought.  Am I truly a freak? Just then, a hand grabs my arm gently, pulling me backwards, and I let it

happen. I find myself in a tight embrace, pressed against someone's chest, and I don't even mind who it is. His voice gives him away.

 

"Ren hyung, what's wrong, what happened..." The sorrowful voice asks, but I don't respond. The arms wrap around me even tighter.

Now, he's talking to someone else.

 

"Hyung, he won't answer me..." Why does he sound so helpless? Can't he see I'm okay? He obviously can't. Another deep voice I know

resounds.

 

"Let him be for now, but take him with us. Tomorrow, we'll be bringing him to them." I feel that the one holding me nods, hesitantly.

Then, he lets go of me, and I can see his face. Zelo's face. He looks terribly sad.

 

"Ren-ah, don't do that to us." He whines, like the big baby he can be, he shouldn't be sad because of me. Finally, I manage to speak.

 

"I'm alright." Is all I say, but Zelo shakes his head- Was that a tear sparkling in the corner of his eyes? No way. He takes me by my

hand, and, surrounded by the three blond guys, we walk off to someplace I don't know. Again, it doesn't matter. Around them I feel

save, and they can take me anywhere. The only thing that distracts me is Zelo's whimper right beside me.

 

"I'm sorry." He keeps repeating that one sentence. "I'm so sorry." I don't understand why he's apologizing. Zelo hasn't done anything

wrong.

 

Soon enough, we enter an apartment, I haven't been here before, but it must be the place of Zelo, Yongguk and Jongup. They lead me

into a bright room (the whole apartment is bright, so bright compared to JR's) and push me onto a chair. I'm not even surprised upon

seeing three unfamiliar faces. They introduce themselves as Daehyun, Himchan and Youngjae, and I give them a small nod of

acknowledgement. I can't pull off more than that now. Shortly after, a mug filled with some hot drink is being pressed into my hands,

and the six boys take a seat, surrounding me. Yongguk, apparently the leader, clears his throat. Zelo is still whining. The others avoid

my glance and seem uncomfortable. Then, Zelo raises his slightly shivery voice.

 

"I don't think this is the right time to tell him." He says, looking at his hyungs with a begging expression in his eyes, and they all don't

know how to answer. Only the oldest one does.

 

"If not now, when else?" He asks, getting a round of agreement from throughout the room. I can see them sticking their heads together,

mumbling. But under Yongguk's sharp gaze, they quiet down in an instant. He turns to face me. Even his expression is so- sad.

Regretful.

 

"Ren, we've been keeping something from you all this time. We're sorry."

 

 

 

 

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Ufff I did it. It was hard to write this because I DEFINITELY don't want this to happen, buuuut it has to so the story can go on ._. and we all love a bit of drama, don't we? (I don't) >.<  Sorry, you guys. Please don't abandon this fic now xD I already promised a happy end last time.

B.A.P doesn't seem to like it, either. Hah.

 

And something that does't concern the story- please check this blog entry! -----> http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/252423

I'm debating wether or not I upload the stories mentioned (and introduced) in there. I mean, I want to finish this, and if I upload two other stories now, they'll be rarely updated. Please tell me your opinion~ :3 (If you'd even read them xD)

 

And big Thankies again! You all are the reason I keep this fic going! ♥♥♥♥