JR's POV

 

Just when I am about to completely let go of any thoughts not concerning Ren and his soft lips, he interrupts the kiss. He is breathing

heavily with his mouth slightly open, while his beautiful eyes watch me, gotten rid of any light.

 

"I'm afraid." He whispers, and his sudden confession catches me off guard. Even though I knew something was wrong. I want to hit

myself for my stupidity. I should've dug deeper before, instead I acted selfishly, only fulfilling my desires, and left him alone with the

things obviously scaring him. And now he's like that. I sigh, sitting up and pulling Ren onto my lap, so that I now face his back. I believe

he doesn't want me to see his expression at that moment.

 

"You know, you can tell me everything, Ren-ah." I say, trying to sound comforting. I feel his steady breathing under the weight of my

arms wrapped around his small frame.

 

"I know..." Ren mutters, and seems to be searching for the right words to tell me. "It's nothing serious, really. It's just that... agh, maybe

I'm being unreasonable and I imagine too much. I'm such a scaredy-cat." I laugh. He? A scaredy -cat?

 

"Um, Ren-ah, you ran into the line of a bullet. Don't tell me you're easily scared."

 

"But I am." he declares, his voice nothing but a soft whisper. It makes me think. He never seemed frightened to me before, always

keeping his emotions shut. It should be a good thing he finally shows me his feelings. Yet I can't stand to see him like this, and I want to

wipe out the one who made him feel like this.

 

"Being scared is not a bad thing... tell me what bugs you and I'll do my best to keep it away from you." I tighten my grip around him. "I

promise." Ren inhales slowly, then straightens his body just to release tension again.

 

"What I did today" He starts "I wanted to trace someone that caught my attention when we were at the beach." I frown. Why didn't he

tell me that there was someone suspicious that day? As if he read my thoughts, Ren adds: "You were sleeping and I didn't want to

wake you."

 

"That's cute of you, but what if something happened to you?" I can't help it, my voice sounds angry. I don't really blame him, I'm just

worried. Really worried. "If you get taken away from me again. I wouldn't know what to do."  Desperation, the unimaginable fear of

losing him. It all is embedded in my words.

 

"Sorry, hyung... I won't go see him ever again." He starts to play with my fingers, his hands are shivering.

 

"But you saw him today. Am I right?" Instead of an answer, I get a nod. "Why didn't you take me with you?" No response. "That's what

makes me afraid." I mumble, leaning my forehead against his neck.

"I had the feeling he wouldn't come if you where with me. And you had an arrangement with Baekho and the others." 

 

 

"Don't you know that you're more important to me?"  He shakes his head, and I can't believe it. "Aish, just don't do that ever again."

 

***

 

Ren's POV

 

Just don't do that ever again.

That's what he said. A small favor he asked of me, a favor I could easily fulfill, but at the same time I can't. I can't. And it feels like I'm

betraying him.

 

Over the past weeks, I continuously met Zelo, and I've come to think that he's a nice guy. Fun to be with and sweet, not like JR, but in a

refreshing way. For the first time, it feels like having a real friend out there. He's the second person to make me feel warm inside.

Though I still find it weird that he got me to like him so easily, despite the distance I used to keep. There was something about him.

 

Today, he wants to introduce me to some of his hyungs. For that reason, we decided to meet up downtown, where I now am, silently

waiting. Like this, sitting and watching the sky, I remember the past days before I met JR. How was I able to live in that loneliness? It's

good to know that I won't ever have to return there.

 

"Hyungie!" A familiar voice calls out to me, and as I raise my glance, tall Zelo stands before me. A smile creeps on my lips and I arise to

greet him. Only then I notice the two other guys behind him, both blond like Zelo, both without an aura. But, well, I've come to think that

this is not necessarily a bad thing. JR was different from the start, and now he's the person I like. So I decided to give Zelo and his

hyungs a fair chance as well. I bow politely and introduce myself.

 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Ren." One of the guys laughs, it is a full and deep laugh.

 

"Yeah, Zelo-ya told us already about you." His voice is very deep, but warm, yet his intense stare makes me shiver. "I'm Bang Yongguk,

the oldest hyung." Once again, I bow. Because the other guy doesn't seem to want to introduce himself, Zelo takes over.

 

"And this is Jongup hyungie. He's shy, but don't worry he'll eventually open up to you." Jongup nods, giving me a glance, and I nod

back. Even though he doesn't seem to speak much, I feel close to him. Maybe because he resembles me in that point. With the

introductions being done, we start lingering around the city. Zelo keeps talking about unimportant things, Yongguk would sometimes

laugh his rough laugh, and Jongup and me were quiet listeners. At some point, the four of us grabbed something to bite, and suddenly,

while looking at the sky, Jongup addressed me.

 

"I heard you share our love for the sea?" I pause for a second. How does he know? Yongguk notices my questioning expression, as he

starts to explain:

 

"Well, Zelo-ya told us that the both of you met at the beach for the first time. And that two times in a row."

 

"Ah, neh. I love the ocean. Maybe it's because it is of an even clearer blue than the sky. You see, the sky is something I admire, and..."

I trail off, so I interrupt myself. Zelo looks at me with his bright eyes, and frowns slightly.

 

"Why don't you go on, hyung?" I shake my head.

 

"Because it's boring. I don't want to annoy you."

 

"Kid, we wouldn't hang out with you if you'd annoy us." Yongguk declares, and pulls me closer to him, one arm around my shoulder.

Never before was someone other than JR so close to me. My heartbeat fastens. The area where his skin touches mine starts to

prickle, as if electrified, but not in a way that it hurt me. A strange sensation I remember having before, only that it had been with Zelo. I

don't give it a further thought.

 

"Thanks guys." I sincerely feel thankful, and I express my gratitude with those two words. I hope they get the message.

 

 

 

***

 

It is already early evening when I return home, and surprisingly, JR is already there. At first I thought he wasn't, because the door was

locked and it was awfully quiet, but as soon as I stepped into the living room, I saw him. Now I'm standing here, only about two meters

away, when he turns to face me with an expression I can't read. There's - sorrow, anger, live, sadness, desperation, happiness- an

indefinable mix of emotions.

 

"I cooked ramyun. Want some?" He asks, his tone strangely indifferent.

 

"I- I already had diner." JR frowns, but doesn't say a thing as he places the noodles on the table and slowly starts to chew. What a

loaded atmosphere. I don't dare to move, for I know that an angered JR is unpredictable. After a while, he raises his voice again.

 

"Where where you today?"

 

"I went out because you were at work and I was bored." That isn't even a lie, but it feels like one.

 

"Alone?" JR raises an eyebrow.

 

"Um- no. Minhyun accompanied me." I lie, now forced to phone Minhyun hyung and beg him to play along. I believe he'd understand if I

just explained it the right way.

 

"Is that so..."

 

"Yes." And suddenly, there's only sadness in his tender look, and I instinctively know what to do. I approach him, placing a peck in his

cheek, as I watch it flush red.

 

"Don't worry. I'm fine." Another truth that feels like a lie. JR sighs.

 

"It's not that. I feel like we see each other less and less... You're out, I'm out, and I can't help but think of you all the time." His honesty

impresses me, and I immediately understand his feelings, because I feel the same way. Maybe not exactly, but enough to tell how to

make him feel better. I want a cheerful JR.

 

"Hyung, just take me with you, then." I propose, causing him to choke on his noodles.

 

"For real?!"

"Un." And so, his mood brightens in a split second, and he pulls me closer once again, embracing me with those arms I grew to love,

caressing my hair, while whispering sweet words into my ear.

 

"I love you, Ren-ah."

 

"I love you too." My words are sincere, I love this boy wholeheartedly, but they make my heart tighten. Because there's always the

thought of me lying to him. The thought of me being happy without him.

 

 

 

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Hm- dear readers, don't call Ren stupid xD He just wants to have friends... Because he can't stand the loneliness anymore. And yeah, he's naive.

I do feel bad for JR though, it's like he's on Ren-detoxification xD. Oh well, they'll be together in the next chapter anyways.

I hope it doesn't get too confusing and that it doesn't happen too fast.

AND it was fun to let more members of B.A.P appear~

 

♥ comments are loved! :3