I couldn’t do anything. My body was shutting down as my mind was overloading itself, playing back countless memories of her. Of us, together. I had no more fight in me, I could hear my heart slowly splintering into tiny fragments like a lumber jack splitting wood effortlessly. I left some cash for halmoni and hyung before silently leaving without a word. I was a mess and I couldn’t afford for anyone to see me.

I wandered around town for who knows how long.  I was fighting the tears from rolling down my cheeks. The those four simple words that were like death kept flashing in my thoughts. Oppa let’s break up. There was no way to distract my self from the empty feeling I had in my chest, it was like a constant reminder of what had just been ripped away from me with a simple text. Just a text, no explanation. Everything reminded me of the memories I had with her, which only intensified my heartache ten fold.

There was a clenching pain in my chest. I felt cold, my muscles slowly going slack. Before I knew it, I collapsed, falling mercilessly to my knees. For once in my life, I had no strength to pull myself back up. I felt hollow, making me feel horribly empty inside. I didn’t know if I would be able to pull myself out of this… I fell into a deep, dark pit and it was nobody’s fault except mine.

Hours later I found myself stumbling around Gangnam and somehow I got into a random club as a half-hearted attempt to wallow in my self-pity and the relentless agony in my chest. The music was blaring as neon lights danced upon the walls and the bodies swimming on the dance floor. The smell of smoke and alcohol blanketed my body. I watched strangers interacted with one another like lovers. Just the way Yuri and I do… did. Intoxicated individuals clinging to a stranger they barely knew for what seemed like dear life. I had my glass of liquor in hand as I watched, syncing myself with the scene.  I downed it and asked the bartender for another to which he quickly complied.

A girl made her way from the dance floor towards me. Was it just me or was she batting her eyes at me. Was that a wink? Maybe she recognized me through the masses of bodies. Her long dark hair reminded me of Yuri. Her darker complexion did no help either. Her shoulder and skin was tantalizing like Yuri. Everything about her was Yuri. The only problem was that she wasn’t Yuri. She wasn’t the love of my life…  Was this all real or was I just conjuring up images in my head. I tore my eyes from her, looking at the girl was too painful. I swung my legs around, giving me just the right amount of momentum to spin the stool to face the bar. I didn’t know how much longer I would be able to take of just looking at her. She was persistent to talk to me, but I gave her the cold shoulder, shooting a glare her way to discourage her. After ruthlessly downing what might have been my third or fourth glass, she returned to the sea of people in search of another victim to entice. Another man she could charm with her scandalizing outfit and winks, steal his heart and without warning break it, leaving him to be an empty shell of his former self.

I continued to watch these people… dancing to the very music I dedicated a significant portion of my life to create. Then I heard it. I heard their song, “Oh”. It was as if God was trying to toy with me or something?  I heard her angelic voice make its way to my eardrums, please don’t laugh, I’m embarrassed. The memories came rushing back, I fought the fatty tears that threatened to roll down my cheeks. I countless times with this line.  I drank and drank and drank until I went numb. My vision was blurring as my body slowly shut down for the second time that day. I pulled out my phone and that was the last thing I remembered from the night.

The Next Morning

I woke up disorientated with a of a hang over. I rolled over, where I am I? I was in tucked in a comforter, in just my boxers. Holy , did I sleep with someone yesterday? Where the hell am I? I left the warmth of the bed to search for my clothes and some answers to my questions. Unfortunately my clothes were no where to be found so I was forced to venture around in my boxers. I left the bedroom. I smelled aroma of kimchi fried rice and heard the sound of eggs and bacon sizzling in a pan. I found a throw pillow on the couch to cover myself with very little dignity before meeting the mystery woman in the kitchen. I found a womanly figure cooking diligently, her back to me.

"Annyeonghaseyo, thank your for taking care of me... I apologize for the troubles...and if you don't mind me asking, did we do anything last night, miss?" I managed to say despite the ringing in my ears. I held the bow until the woman answered me.

"YAHHH PABO! YOU ARE SO DEAD AFTER THIS!!" a familiar voice echoed in my ears. I lifted my head and in front of me was Taeyeon. I blushed uncontrollably, trying to cover myself. 

"uh... Taeyeon-ah, don't tell me we did something last night?!" I wave of horror swept over me... Dear God, not Taeyeon... Yuri's leader and best friend. I'm really going to die...

"IN YOUR DREAMS!!!" She yelled, angrily waving a spatula at me. "Go put some clothes on!!! I don't want to see your body so early in the morning"

"Pshh, stop acting like you don't like it byuntae...I mean someone had to take my clothes off" I said slyly. Don't get us wrong, Tae and I were close. Actually SNSD became the dongsaengs I never had.

"YAH, watch yourself! Your clothes are in the dryer, they should be done now," she said. I left the kitchen in a hurry to get clothed. I wash my face and rinsed my mouth before returning to the kitchen. "Here eat up before you give me an explanation"

I devoured the food Taeyeon graciously made. I could feel my strength slowly returning to me. I finished and got up to do the dishes but Taeyeon stopped me.

"Leave it, I'll throw them in the dishwasher later. Come to the living room and let's talk" she said, handing me herbal tea and an aspirin. I sat beside Tae on the sofa. "So, why is good boy, Kim ______ passing out at the club? You're lucky the bartender called me and I dragged your sorry back here"

"umm... Yuri blew off our anniversary and broke up with me yesterday suddenly" I choked, the events of yesterday came flooding back to me. Tae took my hand, giving me a firm squeeze. Her eyes were full of concern and compassion. Those beautiful brown puppy eyes.  Would Taeyeon hurt me like this if we were the ones that dated instead? Would she tear my heart to pieces without warning?

"uljima, I don't want to see a grown man bawl" she said gently, her thumb the back of my hand comfortingly. 

"Tae, how could she do this to me??" I whimpered pathetically, 

"I'm sure Yu-" she said, I covered before she could say it. My eyes pleading her not to say her name. I removed my hand from when I was sure she understood, "I'm sure she has a good reason. She's not the person to do things without reason"

"Tae, it hurts" I whispered. She shushed me tenderly and wiped the lone tear that dared to fall. Taeyeon took both my hands and pulled me close. Her arms draped around my shoulders. I leaned my head into her neck. I gingerly wrapped my arms around her. 

"I'm here for you, oppa," she whispered in my ear while comforting circles on my back.

“Gomawo, Kim Taeyeon,” I mumbled into the crook of her neck.

A Few Hours Later

Taeyeon comforted me enough to at least get me stumbling on my feet rather than being in an emotional fetal position. I decided to accompany her for the day. We stopped by my dorm quickly so I could freshen up and get a change of clothes.

I ran back to Taeyeon’s car to find her on the phone. I quietly opened the door and climbed into the driver’s seat. I fumbled with my seatbelt as I waited for her to end the phone call. I twiddled my thumbs awkwardly as the sound of her voice filled the car.

“Oppa can you drive me back to the company? They want me to look over some music for a possible upcoming OST project” She asked me as soon as she ended the call. I nodded my head and ignited the engine. We drove with silence hanging over us. It was probably because I was preoccupied with thoughts of Yuri.

We arrived at the SM building within twenty minutes. We stepped silently out of the car; I locked the doors and handed the keys to Taeyeon. She took the car keys in her right hand and her left hand took my still outstretched hand. Fortunately, she dragged me into through the back entrance of the building. She pulled me into one of the practice rooms that included some recording equipment.  Their manager oppa and a woman was in the room I suddenly found myself in. I greeted them quickly and pulled the chair for Taeyeon to sit down. I gestured to her to text me if she needed anything.

I excused myself to get a drink before any serious dialog happened between both parties. I slowly made my way down the familiar hallway to the vending machine. I had my hands rammed deep into my pockets, shoulders hunched and head down.

“________ oppa~” My ears perked up when I heard a voice call me. I looked up to find ice princess Jessica Jung by my side. I gave her a weak smile.

“Hey Jessi what’s up?” I said quietly, scratching the back of my neck nervously. I wonder if any of the other girls know Yuri and I … broke up.

“I’m just hanging around, want to keep me company? I think Yuri is busy” She asked innocently. I couldn’t say no with her looking at me with those puppy dog eyes. I nodded silently and she responded by linking arms with me, pulling in some unknown direction. I guess I won’t be getting myself  a snack.. oh well. Jessica is really great to have around because she’s so adorably innocent sometimes. We just went around the building aimlessly, but we were in each other’s company nonetheless.

Everything was going fine, I even got Yuri temporarily off my mind. But my nightmare came crashing down when we bumped into her… and the worst part was that she was with someone. Their hands were intertwined. It was Khun hyung… I was shocked. I froze, which stopped Jessica’s cute little springy steps.

My emotions just took over me. I unlinked my arm from Jessica and came charging at the couple present. I forcibly pulled their hands apart… I looked to Yuri then Khun hyung. I pushed hyung back, pounding his chest for mercy as I fell helplessly to my knees. I couldn’t hold back anymore… it was too overwhelming.

“Hyung… no Nichkhun-ssi… how could you do this to me? I thought you always had my back… whatever happened to looking out for your dongsaeng. You knew she was the one… You knew how heads over heals I was for her… how could you steal her like this……” I said just loud enough for them to hear me. The two of them stared blankly at me. Jessica tried to pulled me up from my knees. I looked at Yuri, tears already streaming down my cheeks. “Yuri wae…”

They stared at me for a while before turning tail and leaving. I searched Yuri’s eyes for any sign of sadness or remorse. I felt so betrayed… by two of the most important people in my life. Who would have thought, my best friend steal the girl of my dreams. With Jessica’s help, I managed to get back on my feet. I took her hand and pulled her into an empty practice room. I locked the door behind me. All I could do was pull her into my arms and cry. She held me tightly, holding me as if her life depended on it. She didn’t ask any questions about the scene that unfolded before her and for that I was grateful.