Chapter 20
The Ambiguity Of SelfishnessFinally done with with April/May Doomsweeks Update Part 2! \(@^0^@)/
Juzhou glittered in lights, and people walked the streets long after the sun had gone down. At least, that was what Kai guessed when he read a few of the opening hours of stores. A few people glanced at him, smiling at him. A few others handed him cards with company numbers on them, saying something about modeling. He just nodded and accepted the papers so that they would stop bothering him.
He made sure to scatter his aura away so that any supernatural would’ve thought that he was just another human walking the streets. He knew it worked too, because low level demons slithered close to his feet, a group of incubi sidled up to him, and a diviner tried blessing him.
It was his job to scout, blend in, kill, so he had never doubted his ability before. Now questions blurred his mind. They spat at him rapid-fire, and he had no way of answering them with any kind of certainty. As whenever he was faced with a problem, hypotheticals filled in the spaces, waiting for the clues, the split-second changes to his information, to reveal the most probable outcome and thus his choice of action.
But no clues appeared, and no changes to the information manifested themselves for his mission. Normally, Kai could work with that. An assassin had to think on his feet and secure the kill or complete the goal. Except, Kai was just looking for hints on Hayong and how Minerva could’ve been intercepted. Finding the Arche lord was just an unlikely benefit since Arche angels rarely left heaven, and the angelic holding souls might or might not’ve been a false lead with the coming soul crossings. The chances of finding that holding place couldn’t be calculated either. There was nothing else to think about besides the personal questions that now gurgled up his throat.
So Kai let his feet lead him anywhere. He knew that he should’ve paid more attention or looked more thoroughly or investigated any supernaturals who passed him, but his chest kept hurting, and his mind kept replaying the vibrations of D.O’s power, the way red flashed in his eyes, the coldness in his words.
Something pierced him from within, and Kai scratched at his chest, trying to make it go away. He looked to the bright lights, to the people looking at him with attraction. He sped up his pace until he was running. He must've looked like a literal blur to the mortals, but they wouldn’t have been able to guess what he was.
The only reason he stopped was because something flickered in the environment, and his body involuntarily pivoted. Digging his heel in to stop, Kai found himself in another forest, this one thinner. The lights of the city glowed behind him, and something else glowed in front of him. He couldn’t see this one, more felt it in his aura.
Kai was supposed to be finding clues, not chasing fleeting flickers, but when he stepped away, his aura twitched, folding back towards that unseeable light. Kai gripped his head and screamed a laugh to the ground—ah, but it wasn’t out of happiness if pain snapped harder in his chest. His aura rarely ever reacted while in hell, and now it was seeking some unknown force on Earth? Fine! Maybe he could answer one of those damn questions interfering with his mission.
And then he would ask his commander. His commander would never lie to him.
Flinging himself through space, Kai found the center of the pull in a small cabin. A sign said that it was the ‘Morris Cabin.’ A vacation home? A history souvenir? He crept across the ground, stopped under a window, and peered in. The inside resembled a house, but it was empty, and dust reflected the moonlight.
Then the light shifted.
The light fogged and took shape, growing fingers, a long gown that looked like a toga, a laurel. Kai stilled as more of the lights turned human-shaped. They glided here and there, spoke with each other, though Kai couldn’t discern what, and wisps fell off their bodies. Souls.
Souls gathered in a house near Juzhou, a place up north. Kai couldn’t believe it. He found the lead from Minseok’s friend.
A soul turned in his direction, and he ducked. Was he supposed to be hiding? But he didn’t know who was holding them here or where that who was. If that person wasn’t hosting a soul crossing post, then he would have to get the souls out. With the number he saw, the only plausible option was to port them to hell. They could get lost after they got to the Serene Darkness, but if he was quick enough to teleport them to his commander’s house, but he had never tried teleporting the incorporeal—
Kai dove to the right and spun around at the presence, pulling his aura just enough to summon a knife. But it was the toga-wearing soul, poking their head out, window splicing the wisps of their neck. The edges of his weapon leaned towards the toga-wearer, and Kai felt himself do the same. Was his aura attracted to these neutral souls?
“Fellow soul, we are supposed to be inside the cabin.”
Kai gripped his wits, dissipated his knife away. Think quick. And in Greek.
“Oh, right. I completely… I just wanted to see the moon a bit better.”
“Ah, I remember when its white glow impressed me. Now that I glow too though, it doesn’t matter to me much anymore.”
“I see.”
“Your bêtise must come from something else then, and I don’t think I’ve seen you before, but there are lots of souls in here. I might’ve missed you. What is it?”
“What is what?”
“Your bêtise, of course.”
Kai’s mind whirled through the soul’s words. Context—some vague answer—
“Oh, I used to really like camping. Here reminds me of it.”
The toga-wearer sighed, wistfully, and gave him a sympathetic smile.
“Did you feel any spark?”
Kai looked down.
“Don’t be discouraged. It’s not easy being a soul for so long. That’s why we’re here, isn’t? Because consciousness after living is the worst death of them all.”
“I just thought, almost hoped…”
“That’s quite alright. I know that the guide said that if we found reason again then we could go back to the afterlife, but do not force it. We lived our life and our afterlife, and permanent peace through the Null Balance will simply help the less fortunate. This is an honor.”
His mind grasped at all the soul’s words and also vibrated in subdued panic. What in the nine hells were they talking about? Permanent death for a soul was one of the rarest punishments. But Kai nodded, and so did the soul. They held out a hand.
Aura trembled close by, and Kai shot up.
“You are wise, my fellow soul. If that was my last chance, then so be it. After you.”
The soul smiled and went back into the cabin. As soon as their last wisp faded, Kai flipped around back towards the trees, but the ground shook, toppling him over. Earth burst up and snatched at him, slamming into his side and pinning him down. The earth pressed harder. Slabs of ground and dust crushed his body, and he felt the earth aura splitting at his own. Kai gasped, struggled, bit down a shout as his flesh scraped against his bones and his thinned aura cracked in its existence.
He endured it all because if he let his opponent have the upper hand, they would get careless. Their presence rumbled—earth element—and instead of holding shadows, their power glowed and repelled his own aura—angel. They cast their own light down, creating both their silhouettes, a typical angel move. In that hum and light, Kai knew they were powerful, stronger than any creature he had to assassinate before, and the aura they pressed into his body rooted straight into his soul.
“Ignoble mortal. A thief?”
They barely murmured it, but Kai heard them. If D.O’s voice resembled a single oval of obsidian, then this person’s resembled a bed of river rocks, smoothed at one surface but uneven together. Kai forced his body still, untaut, and his breath even. He knew they bought it when they scoffed.
“You’ll find no earthly possession here. Only the necessities for an unfortunate soul’s happiness.”
The earth loosened, but Kai didn’t move, didn’t attack. He controlled his breathing and listened to the person’s steps fade, for the door of the cabin to creak open. The angel no doubt had sensed him when he had summoned his aura knife, so he didn’t risk teleporting away and exposing his aura. He crawled belly-down across the forest until he reached the cover of the trees and the last of the cabin’s light died to the night.
Then he allowed himself a gasp of pain. His aura wouldn’t pull itself back together. Kai pulled and yanked, but the cracks wedged it apart again and again. He couldn’t gather his aura back, and fear crept up his blood.
No, stay calm. Assess. He had trained to be able to keep his aura scattered for weeks if need be. It was a trade-off—power and versatility for stealth. He wouldn’t be able to teleport even short distances with how wide he had scattered his aura and how the cracks wedged to keep it that way.
That angel poisoned him with magic even though they thought he was a regular human, probably just to spite the 'thief.' Angelics couldn't hurt humans, but inhibiting or spiting them was allowed, mild magic poisoning being the equivalent of a terrible physical and mental sickness but survivable to them, and Kai cursed at himself for not anticipating it. Just because the opponent was an angel and that angel thought he was human didn’t mean that they wouldn’t resort to poisoning him—an atypical but possible as move.
His body shook as he forced himself up. Unless he opened a port to hell and then another to Minseok’s city, he would have to take human transport back. He had never tried portaling with his aura scattered. Would it work? Kai took a deep breath and searched for that connection to the underworld.
And a void stood in its place. That invisible tether of darkness and vastness—it was gone. Kai gasped again but not from any physical pain. Where? Where did it go? His connection to hell couldn’t just vanish. Was it connected to his aura? But Chen and Commander Suho always said that the two were related but separate. The connection marked the fact that he belonged of hell; the strength in his aura marked the fact that he was a high-class demon. He was a high-class demon, right?
A whine screeked in the air, followed by little gasps. And it took Kai a moment to realize that those sounds were coming from him. Something blurred his vision, and when he wiped it away, water beaded off his gloves and skin. He rubbed his eyes harshly. No, demons didn’t cry on a mission. He had to get to Yixing, report what he found. The coordinator would be able to discern whether Morris Cabin was truly a soul crossing post or something else.
Stumbling across the forest, he collected the information and crafted a few conclusions, like a good assassin would. Those souls were in that cabin out of their own will, but based on the toga-wearer, they had a certain mindset. Bêtise—the French candy? But from what Kai pieced together, the soul seemed to use the word to mean something that they once enjoyed but now didn’t. Slang from Purgatory?
The toga-wearer said that consciousness after living was death, that they lived their life and afterlife already. They mentioned a guide, probably the one who led them to the cabin and/or implanted those thoughts in the souls’ minds too. An honor—the soul said that permanent death was an honor because they were helping the less fortunate. That earth angel mentioned the cabin only had requirements to help an unfortunate soul. One person. All those souls and an angel helping one person? How would that work?
D.O’s words echoed back at him. He flinched at the last thing he said to him, then forced himself to think before that. Neutral souls could be bent to anyone’s whims, and if all those souls were helping one ‘unfortunate soul…’
The first reason was always power, but was that noble enough of a cause for a group of souls to willingly stay for ‘permanent peace’?—assuming that Morris Cabin wasn’t a soul crossing post.
Kai shook his head, wincing at the periodic pain, and mentally noted down the questions and conclusions for Yixing. When he reached the city, he pulled out his phone and hovered over his list of contacts. He swallowed at the discomfort weighing in his chest. Calling for help on his solo task? Humiliating. But the mission needed him to deliver his report.
His fingers found Chen’s name first, and his impulse agreed. Kai shook his head and forced himself to think. Chen would be guarding Minseok—he didn’t have Minseok’s number? He wanted it—Chanyeol and Luna did perimeter checks to protect their charges at night. He knew that D.O was best to call because he could move through the earth and relatively instantaneously pick him up, then get them to their coordinator.
But when he saw D.O’s contact, he in a sharp breath and flicked to the bottom of his list, to cover the name. His entire being spiked in a different pain. He couldn’t pinpoint on his body or in his aura. It just hurt in a way that made the will drain from his existence. He took a deep breath and wiped at his face again. Yixing was the last one left.
He texted the angel the priorities, that his ability had been compromised and that he would take human transport back, promising to update him whenever he changed cities. Staying put wasn’t an option this close to that cabin with unknown affiliation.
Some of the humans glanced at him with worry at the train station, so he smiled through the pain, thanked the ticketer, left quickly. He had some human money that he had pocketed off his last target, but he didn’t know how long transport would take even with the estimates written on the boards. He didn’t need to sleep, so he could ride as late as possible.
Once he found a subway seat and sat, his mind faltered a little. His thoughts strayed, and every time he tried to focus on the spot in front of him or on the sign flashing the name of the next stop, something jabbed him in the chest again.
Sometimes the pain came from the cracks splitting his aura, and sometimes the pain seeped in from D.O’s words. All the questions that Kai never needed before came flooding back, and more than once he had to clear his vision from more water.
At one point, the motivation to move his hands petered out, and he let his vision cloud. Chen’s face would appear in the shapes, then Minseok’s, and also his commander’s. Kai didn’t understand why, but he wished that they had been real.
~~~~~
Baekhyun gave a sigh of pure contentment as he closed the door to his apartment and floated down into his living room couch. Yeol’s break day came sooner than either of them thought, so the tall man surprised him by showing up at his workplace with a bag of gummy bears and a bag of kettle cooked chips. Apparently, he didn’t know which would be a better surprise snack so he got both.
After he filed the last of his clients’ progress (and endured the neverending teases of his coworkers), Baekhyun made good on his promise and took Yeol to a pet park, an ice cream parlor, AND a river walk, paying for everything. The entire day they talked and laughed, and Baekhyun absorbed every word the quiet man said. They didn’t really talk about work since both their jobs required confidentiality, and Baekhyun loved it. He only wanted to talk about and with Yeol.
There was one moment that Baekhyun thought was odd, when they were riding down the elevator of his work complex. Yeol had a little crease in his eyebrows as he stared at Baekhyun. He asked if something was wrong, and Yeol rubbed his hands on his pants.
“Did you meet anyone strange recently?”
“You’re going to have to define ‘strange.’ I’m a couple’s counselor.”
“Right. Uhm, like… dark and shady. Maybe a little temperamental, but maybe you did something nice for that person and they were nice to you back?”
Baekhyun’s mind immediately thought back to Jongdae, the probably-government agent who hunted his own guardee. He couldn’t reveal anything for client confidentiality and because the agent specifically requested it, but he wouldn’t lie to Yeol. He just couldn’t tell in detail anyways.
“I guess I did. A new client. They’re… definitely strange, but we agreed on a consultation style.”
“Did they touch you?”
That was a specific question, but the worry knitting in Yeol’s eyebrows made Baekhyun’s chest flutter.
“I guess you can say that we shook on it. The guy didn’t have money, so he agreed to do and… freshen my laundry and help me clean my condo instead.”
Yeol scrunched his nose together in that way he did whenever he was worried. Baekhyun thought it was adorable, but he tried to keep a neutral face instead of cooing.
“Is that allowed? Isn’t it dangerous to let someone in like that?”
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”
“No! I mean—I’m just trying to watch out for you!”
Baekhyun couldn’t resist laughing at the look of pouting indignation on the tall man, and, feeling a little bold—or maybe on a little endorphin high from the fact that Yeol surprised him at work—he parted through Yeol’s shaggy hair and pulled his giant ears. The bodyguard yelped and smacked his hands to the side of his head, and Baekhyun laughed again.
“I’m joking. Thanks for worrying about me. It’s really fine though. I don’t think he’s a bad guy. Maybe a little socially awkward, but he has a clear goal in mind, which is pretty important for sessions, you know.”
Yeol nodded, and even though he still looked a little worried, he let the subject transition to all the puppies he wanted to see at the pet park. Playing with puppies and that one person’s pet bunny, having a heated debate over the existence of chocolate chip mint dairy sweets, and basking in each other’s company during their night walk had been wonderful.
But Baekhyun’s favorite part—he flopped onto the couch, squealed, and kicked his feet in the air now that he was alone in his apartment—was when Yeol stopped them at the crest of one of the bridges as twilight painted the clouds and sky. Surprisingly in the good weather, the people had dwindled to just a few couples in the distance, and Baekhyun enjoyed the cooling breeze of the coming autumn. A tender hand brushed down his shoulder, and when Baekhyun looked to the source, Yeol paused, like he had been caught, before leaning a little closer.
“Can I hug you?”
Baekhyun beamed and nodded, sinking his back against the warm chest of Yeol as the giant wrapped his arms around him. From the way nervousness caused Yeol’s hands to shake, Baekhyun was a little surprised to not feel Yeol’s heart beating through his back, but his own was racing so maybe he just was a bit too excited to notice. And he shot up to cloud nine when Yeol leaned in even closer and planted a kiss to his temple.
Warmth bloomed from the spot and spread to the tips of his fingers and toes. Comfort and the feeling of peace wreathed out of Yeol and melted Baekhyun into a puddle of dreamy sighs and slightly shaky legs. Yeol had to support him up for a little longer as they watched the twilight turn into night, but Baekhyun wouldn’t have had it any other way. Yeol walked him back home, touched his hand goodnight, too shy to try kissing while facing him (evident by his fumbling hands and blush), and Baekhyun squealed at the recollection again.
Nothing could make this night better.
A knock sounded on his door, and he broke out of his dream state long enough to answer the door. And his dream state stayed broken.
Jongdae tapped his foot impatiently with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. Baekhyun facepalmed himself and groaned. Nothing could make this night better, but there were obviously factors that could make it worse.
“Did you have to come today? I just had the best day, and I wanted to float in bliss for a little longer.”
“I told you that I had to come without notice. At least I knocked.”
“Yes, you did the bare minimum of human decency. Congrats.”
“Yeah, so be grateful.”
Baekhyun sighed and let the man in. He slid inside, took off his shoes, and slunk forward, barely giving any part of the foyer or corridors or kitchen a glance before reaching the living room. Oh, right—Jongdae had broken into his house the first time and probably had ample time to mentally map the floorplan.
“Go ahead and sit on the couch. I’ll be right with you. I have to grab my notepad.”
Moving to his bedroom, he hung his coat and found the notepad he used for his last session with Jongdae. He grabbed his desk chair and wheeled it into the living room, plopping into it, before scratching in a line and writing in the new date.
“So did you come today because of a specific event or because you simply had time or maybe something else?”
“You were blessed.”
Baekhyun looked up, schooling his expression into his professional calm. The only reason he would ever mention himself was if he needed to establish trust so that the client would see the reason to one of his pieces of advice or to establish credibility. He opened his mouth to redirect the conversation when his eyes landed on the small kitty eating dumplings that Jongdae now held in his lap—the plush he kept on his windowsill.
“When did you take Minnie?”
“You named the cat Minnie? It’s not even a mouse.”
“Put the judgement in your tone back.” Baekhyun hmphed. “And answer the question.”
“When you went into your room.”
“What? But I told you to stay on the couch. When… How did you—I didn’t even see or hear you.”
“Of course not. I’m a hunter. So you were marked and blessed. Who did it? I already warded your clothes, and the angel should’ve sensed it, so there was no need for them to do either of those.”
“We’re not here to talk about me, you know. What’s going on with you and Xiumin?”
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