Double update because April is doom month for school! Make sure to read this chapter and the next one!

“You take way longer than my guardee, but I do have to admit that your skin looks better than his. Oh, but maybe he self-sabotages that too…”

Baekhyun had never been more confused in his entire life. Wasn’t this man the one who had come into the clinic for an hour then vanished without asking for anything? Guardee? How long has this stranger been in his flat to know that he took longer than this guardee?

“So? Are you done? Will I have to wait longer?”

Baekhyun scraped together his vocal cords and managed to push the panic down enough to make his voice come out. Cracked.

“For?”

“For my free consultation. Well, it’ll be more like a negotiation, but I’ll use the term you’re comfortable with because I’m so gracious.”

Baekhyun blinked, his brain catapulting into Einstein mode. Bewildered Einstein mode.

“You’re here for a consultation? The kind we give to inquiring couples at the clinic?”

“Yeah. It says that they’re free.”

The stranger pulled out some papers and dropped them onto Baekhyun’s bed. From where he sat, he could tell the dark blue backing and yellow font belonged to his clinic despite the mangled mess of paper. It looked like the person had cut up the pamphlet with a box cutter, all except for Baekhyun’s picture and name.

This was the man from the clinic, and he did walk away with something, and it was way more than what Baekhyun was comfortable with giving.

“How did you get in here?”

“Like I would be restricted in where I want to go. I’m not an angel.”

The person rolled his eyes and specifically curled his lip at that last word.

“If you’re not done yet, then hurry up. And don’t think about calling the police. That’s a waste of time and only going to be more of a hassle for you. Mortal law enforcement stopping me, peh! Is that all of you humans’ solution?”

Wondering about this man’s distaste for the police and humans(?), Baekhyun inched backwards into his bathroom, never looking away from the man. He patted around for his phone.

“You can finish your routine. I’m willing to wait.”

“That’s not my issue,” Baekhyun muttered to himself.

The man raised an eyebrow like he had heard him, scanned his room with his eyes, then tossed over Baekhyun’s moisturizer from across the room.

“Just finish it.”

Baekhyun squinted at the man in suspicion, but he just waved for him to go. Confusion swirled in his head, and he jerked and scrambled through the rest of his skincare, too conscious of the stranger on the windowsill. He was pretty sure that he missed a spot with his moisturizer. When Baekhyun finished, he threw on some clothes and pulled up the police number just in case, approaching his bed. He didn’t know what to expect from this wacko, so he kept his distance and hovered over his desk chair instead, grabbing a notepad and pen/weapon.

“Okay, I’m done.”

“Good. Here’s my proposition for you, Byun Baekhyun. I have a guardee, and I'm hunting him. To do that, I need you to be my human mind decipherer. You’re sharper than most humans since you knew that I was following you, and you’re also not all hope and purity, which I can tolerate directly interacting with. I need that.”

Baekhyun stopped functioning for a bit upon hearing that this man was hunting somebody whom he was supposed to guard, and then again upon hearing the man admit that he had followed him.

“Wait, wait. You really were following me?”

“Duh. The weather’s still hot so I don’t get why you would stay outside while you have frozen food.”

Baekhyun bit down his retort because if this ed up consultation was the only reason that he wasn’t being murdered by a strange man who stalked and broke into his condo (he should check how—he made a note to himself), then he would carry on professionally and calmly. He wrote down a few key words and looked back at the man.

The stranger wore a plain black shirt and ripped black jeans—slightly off from perfect murder clothes—and he had distinct cheekbones, a sharp looking jawline, and a lean frame. The man’s body language… Baekhyun didn’t exactly understand. He sat on the windowsill with his legs butterflied out and his hands down the middle. It was a little like how Baekhyun imagined how a cat or dog turned human would sit. Or maybe a frog.

“So?”

He shook out of it.

“Look, you want a consultation, then you’ll get a consultation the clinic’s way. You were supposed to schedule an appointment and sign certain disclosure agreements and papers, and it was best if you brought your partner with you. I’m not supposed to practice any formal counseling outside of the clinic, work hours, and certain forms of agreed communication, or else I could lose my license.”

Instead of looking offended or angry or even desperate, the man just rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“No, we have to do this outside of human rules. I don’t have half the things that your papers ask for, and they’re irrelevant anyway. No one from my team, including my guardee, knows I’m doing this, and it’ll stay that way. And no one from your clinic is ever going to know either because you won’t tell them. Simple.”

“I can’t just lie!”

“Humans do it all the time, and it’s not like this lie will hurt anyone.”

“Yeah, except for me.”

“No, you won’t tell anyone, and your license will be saved. Blab, and you’ll feel the price for the so-called moral law.”

Baekhyun pulled back a little at the man’s acridity in his last sentence. Sure, the barb could have been because the man didn’t believe in the law and was therefore an even bigger threat on Baekhyun’s life, but a hunch nudged him to believe the other possibility—that the man didn’t like a law being judged upon someone unfairly. At a standstill, Baekhyun groaned.

“Even if I agreed, how’re you paying me? I don’t give out my financial information to just anyone.”

“I won’t curse you.”

Baekhyun did a full stop into incredulity.

“You won’t curse me?” He repeated, deadpan.

“If you don’t agree, I’ll make it so that you can never touch anything metal without getting shocked, your electrical wiring will never work properly, and your hair will always be frizzy.”

All his frazzled nerves exploded in a shout. Maybe it was Baekhyun who was crazy for trying to talk rationally to the man.

“I’m not doing this. Get out of my house.”

“You need to help me.”

“Why?”

“Because he doesn’t make sense, and I hate it when I don’t understand something.”

“Why do you feel the need to understand him? He’s your guardee, right? The only thing you have to understand is his schedule.”

The man’s face dropped blank. He looked down to the ground, and Baekhyun felt that familiar disgust with himself leave bitterness in his mouth. He hadn’t said something so cold since—

“That’s true. I don’t need to understand him, but I want to.” He rubbed a hand over his chest. “Not for that reason. I don’t think so...”

Baekhyun pulled back. The snark disappeared and so did the arrogance. The man seemed to be dwelling into his thoughts, and Baekhyun bit his lip, trying to worry the guilt out of himself. He did this with his friend too. He pushed too far because he didn’t want to understand. All the training and patience and years of handling clients couldn’t change his innate reaction. When the problem came a little too close to Baekhyun himself, he snapped, and he knew how to make it hurt.

Taking a deep breath, he ran his fingers through his still-damp hair and sat into the chair, peeking at the man. The stranger stared down at the floor, rubbing at some space near his ear. Baekhyun sighed and thought back through his strange conversation with the strange man.

“You picked me specifically because I’m not all unicorns and butterflies?”

The man looked up.

“Yes.”

“Not everyone at our clinic is like that all the time. We just enjoy our jobs. I might not even be able to help you because my specialization is in relationships—companion, romantic, familial, etc.”

“That’s exactly what I need. He always gets weird when his family is mentioned, and I need to know why.” He tilted his head, but his gaze to the floor stayed in place. “Enjoying a job and recognizing reality are two different things. You have both, and I think that’s what my guardee needs, but I don’t know for sure.”

Baekhyun had to accede there. He was objectively and opinionatedly the most objective of his coworkers. Sometimes that was what an arguing couple needed, more than just gentility and compromise. The piece of information about family problems also nipped at Baekhyun harder than he would have liked. He sighed again, because he already felt his counselor side straightening up and out, ready to start the consultation. Frustration was just one form of investment, as his old psych professor once said.

“Okay, I will help you.”

The man whipped his gaze to him.

“But we have to compromise on how we do this.”

The stranger narrowed his eyes but didn’t make any motion of opposition, so Baekhyun counted off his fingers.

“You can’t do the usual appointments and forms—fine. You won’t do them. You can’t bring your partner here to speak for himself—fine. I won’t require it. In exchange, you can’t ever show up at my workplace unless it is an emergency. If you need to reach me and I’m not home, you leave a paper note on my door since you evidently already know where I live. You don’t get my phone number, and do not come in here without my permission again. Got it?”

The man didn’t move or react for a moment, then he nodded.

“For the sessions, I’m assuming that you don’t have money?”

The man nodded again.

“Then you can pay me by… what can you do?”

“Curse people.”

“Aside from that.”

“…Catch mice. Bestow wards.”

Baekhyun pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What is a ward?”

“Like a charm or blessing, but it can only repel. I can make one to repel those with harmful intentions.”

“That’s a bunch of… you know what—fine, do it around my house and… on my clothes, I guess. But since I highly doubt the veracity of your claim to some voodoo magic, can you cook or clean? Without destroying the place?”

“It’s not voodoo. Those are for human shamans and witches. …And I can learn. My guardee cooks and cleans a lot.”

Baekhyun made some grimace of doubt, and the man narrowed his eyes at him.

“He does a good job, and I learn fast.”

Alright, a compliment. That was a good sign for the relationship at least.

“Then you learn that and then help me clean and cook too. We can set up times after you learn it, I guess.”

“Yes.”

He sighed. He was really about to provide consultations to a man who stalked and followed him with only a partially-represented relationship problem. He was breaking so many counseling rules right now. It really must have been the impulse of the night or maybe some masochistic indulgence that Baekhyun unconsciously had because he opened his mouth again.

“Anything you want to add?”

“You can’t tell this to anyone else in detail, verbally or otherwise.”

“Yeah. Client confidentiality is in my morals.”

“I can’t always come on a day that you expect, so you need to be here or be prepared for me to find you at any moment.”

Baekhyun bit his lip.

“Can you tell me why?”

“Danger is everywhere. I won’t know when I have a free day.”

“Okay, fine. Anything else?”

“I will not tell you my or my guardee’s real name.”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, and the man rolled his eyes.

“That protects him as well as you.”

Baekhyun must've really wanted to regret life the next morning because he nodded. He just gave up his alone time, his privacy, his security, and endangered his job and life. At least he had someone to cook and clean his condo… eventually. Hopefully decently.

Pinching his nose bridge again, Baekhyun wrote down the rules of their weird- contract, signed it, and threw it onto the bed.

“You follow the rest of the clinic procedures for sessions, including my advice and wishes, and we can change our agreement with negotiation in the future if needed. Also, you can’t tell or sell my information, like my address and , and I reserve the right to drop this deal the moment I feel uncomfortable with continuing.”

“Very well. I agree.”

Baekhyun felt something shudder up his spine as soon as the man said those words, but he tried to turn it into a stretch, tossing a pen to the bed.

“Good. Now sign it.”

The man curdled his lip at it before hopping down from the sill and scooping up the stationary.

“I technically don’t need to sign this. I’m bound by every contract I agree to.”

“Then just sign it for my peace of mind.”

Narrowing his eyes, the stranger squiggled something down and handed the paper and pen back. Baekhyun frowned seeing a bunch of random symbols (looked more like a pagan circle with a lightning bolt in the middle) in the signature line but accepted it.

Well, he accepted a lot more than just the paper. Baekhyun smacked the notepad into his face and planted it into his desk. As much as he hated the situation and disliked this man for shattering the relative peace in his life, Baekhyun also knew that he had to help. If nothing else, the stranger’s determination was rather impressive to go to such lengths, and will was necessary to solve almost every problem in a relationship.

“We start now.”

Baekhyun’s head shot up from the desk.

“Now?”

“Now. I already told you that I won’t know when I have a free day.”

He plopped back into his chair, and the stranger hopped back up onto his windowsill… with surprising grace.

“Okay, fine. As part of procedure, you must try all my advice and never lie to or hide anything from me. I can’t help the situation if you cover up something. Also, I might have to ask uncomfortable questions, but I want you to try your best to be truthful. I’m not here to judge anyone.”

“Was that your standard speech?”

“Modified for this ed up consultation.”

For the first time since the man made himself known in Baekhyun’s house, he smiled—or maybe it was more of a curly smirk. Baekhyun sighed.

“Okay, what’s your fake name? Something I can address you as.”

The man tilted his head then looked at the clock on the windowsill.

“Jongdae.”

“Okay, Jongdae. And what’s your partner’s name?”

“He’s my guardee, not my partner.” He looked around the room again and his eyes stopped on the jade bracelet that Baekhyun always wore, a gift from his mother. “Xiumin.”

“Hm, what lovely names. To begin, you said that you wanted me to be your—” He looked back at his notes. “—‘Human mind decipherer.’ Can you explain in further detail?”

“It says in the name.”

“And I don’t entirely understand what it means. Do you have a special definition for it?”

“My guardee is human, and humans are nonsensical. But they must make some sense to other humans since you all have gotten along for the last six million years, more or less. You explain to me his behavior and any questions I have about him or his human weirdness. Human mind decipherer.”

Baekhyun nodded and just wrote ‘says ‘human’ as if he’s not one’ into his notes, next to ‘hunts his guardee.’

“Before, you said that you ‘hunt’ your guardee. What does that mean to you?”

“He’s my prey.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning he’s my target. I’m going to unravel his secrets. Am I only going to be defining obvious things to you?”

“If you want me to effectively be your ‘human mind decipherer,’ then you’ll be defining the whole dictionary if it helps me understand. I need to know what I’m working with to decipher anything.”

Including my stalking, denouncer-of-his-own-species client.

The man huffed but said nothing else, so Baekhyun gave himself that victory.

“Okay, so if hunting means you want to understand him, does guarding him have another definition too?”

“No, I must actually guard him. If I don’t, then I fail my mission, I shame myself and my commander, will be put on probation, and my coordinator will be upset… probably for more reasons than one, and might graylist me.”

Baekhyun blinked.

“Wow, that’s a statement. Do you feel that understanding Xiumin will help your… mission?”

The man stopped and tilted his head to the empty air again. When he seemed done thinking, he looked back up, and Baekhyun could have sworn that his eyes just changed color from brown to something like gold.

“Technically, yes. But that wasn’t the original reason I started hunting him. Before you ask, it was because I was bored.”

“Bored of guarding him?”

“Bored because I should be out tracking and bringing in the er who thought that she could get away with kidnapping.”

Alright—Baekhyun's client was some sort of anti-human government bodyguard with ulterior motives regarding his relationship(?) for which he was trying to get help. And only one side was present. Great.

Sifting back through their conversations and his notes, Baekhyun guessed that he wasn’t looking into the relationship of Jongdae and Xiumin but into Xiumin and his relationship with his family and how that impacted Jongdae’s relationship with him. Baekhyun ran his hands through his hair again and sighed. He didn’t even know where to start.

“Don’t do that.”

He stopped, his hand hovering in the air, his waist twisted to make a ninety-degree angle as he wrote notes but kept his knees pointed at the person.

“Don’t do what?”

“That, with your left hand.”

“You mean rub my hair?”

“Yes, that.”

“Why not?”

“He does that too. I assume that it’s whenever he’s frustrated.”

Oh, this was a little interesting.

“True, people often do it when they’re frustrated though sometimes it’s just a habit. Why don’t you want me to do it?”

“Because your hair will fall out.”

“Did you tell that to your guardee?”

“No, but it’s not like I could help make him less frustrated. And why should I?”

“Why do you feel that you shouldn’t?”

“Because it’s usually just involving his human job.”

“So what about the times when it’s not involving his human job?”

Jongdae paused and looked away, his jaw clenching.

“I guess that I could help.”

Baekhyun held every muscle in his being back from laughing at the way every one of those words seemed torturous to say for the man.

“But like I said, why should I?”

“Well then, what was the reason you told me not to run my hand through my hair?”

“Because it reminded me of…” The man narrowed his eyes at him, and the distinct zing of fear zipped up Baekhyun’s spine. “Stop talking me into circles. Do your job properly.”

Normally, he’d be offended, but maybe these hissy fits were just this man’s defence mechanism. He couldn’t press too hard in the beginning though. He still had trouble believing the man wouldn’t hurt him and needed relationship help.

“Hey, the more you tell me, the more accurate my help can be, but we can drop it for now. Why don’t you tell me about Xiumin? Like, what he does for a living, how that may influence his behavior, things like that.”

“Hm. He’s an office manager at this waste processing plant. His specific title is way too long. He’s respected by all sectors of the plant, including the ground workers, who look down on most of the other office humans for only doing the calculation jobs that can be done in the A/C.”

Baekhyun noted the hint of pride in his voice (although at this point, he wasn’t sure if that was because Jongdae was proud of his guardee or himself for guarding a person with status).

“You said earlier that my specialization was what you needed and that your guardee got ‘weird’ whenever his family was mentioned. Do you have any clues as to why?”

“They’re all dead.”

Baekhyun dropped his pen. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I’m… sorry to hear that.”

The man stared at him, unmoving and unreadable.

“I didn’t know them, but he told me a little about his little brother and I didn’t like him.”

“The little brother?”

“Yeah. I told him that, and he got mad. I explained to him why I didn’t like him—and I had good reason too. He told me what little brothers do in human culture, but his brother was just a parasite. In human equivalence, I’d be a little brother too, and I will not share one of my titles with a human like that.”

The man spat out his last sentence, and usually, Baekhyun could handle any fires and heat a fuming couple exploded out, but he had to shake himself a l