Even when I woke up the next day, the first thing that came into my mind was still the same thing. I thought I will feel better, but no, it gets worse. I wanted this to end, I wanted this problem to be solved, but how? How should I do it when he’s obviously avoiding me. How should I ask him when he won’t answer me?

I want to make everything crystal clear. I hate the fact that I doubt him right now, I hate the fact that my trust on him is slowly fading away. I hate the fact that there is something that he kept away from my knowledge while he knows everything about my past.

I walked out from my room and walked to the kitchen, knowing that Taeyeon was there, preparing for breakfast. I took a seat at the dining table and stared blankly at the table. I don’t know how do I ask her about this.

“Spill it out,” I heard Taeyeon said.

“Hyukjae’s past. Do you know anything about it?”

Taeyeon quickly turned around with surprised expression.

“H-how do you know?”

“Why would you keep this as a secret? Didn’t I have a right to know about this? He is my boyfriend, I need to know about his past. Why is everyone keeping it away from me?”

Silence. She stared at me with an apologetic look.

“What actually happened between them?” I asked.

“They were childhood friends. They have never separated ever since they were kids. As they grew up, both of them developed the same feeling towards each other. Both of them realized that they love each other. It wasn’t something that her parents wanted, they never accepted him as her boyfriend,”

“They sent her to further her studies overseas, and they didn’t let him know. She was forced to go there, she never wanted to go. He only got to know about this almost a month after she left. He was hurt, he was deeply hurt. He never thought it’ll end that way,”

“He wasn’t being himself for a few months. He never smiled, he never laugh and he’s definitely not like what we see in him now. He was completely different. Leeteuk told me about him, and I have no idea why, but I felt like somehow, we can help him. That was when we set up a date for the both of you. Surprisingly, it went well,”

Taeyeon stopped and took a sip of coffee. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“What we planned went really well. Both of you changed each other. He helped you to overcome your fears, and you actually helped him to forget about her. Both of you moved on because of each other,”

“Don’t you think that maybe he’s only using me in order to make him forget about that girl?” I threw out my opinion.

“Fany, he wasn’t using you. He told me directly that this feeling he’s having when he’s with you, it’s much more different than what he used to feel before. He told me that you are the reason for him to face the day, because he knows in the end he still have you. Can’t you see it yet?”

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I tried to control it. How can I doubt him that much when he told my sister that. He wasn’t using me, or at least, at this point, I don’t think he is using me.

“Unnie, how do I fix this? I don’t get it how I can’t trust him,” I sighed in frustration.

“Meet him, and apologize. That is all what you have to do,”

~~~~~~~~~~

Here I am, standing in front of Hyukjae’s apartment waiting for him to open the door. I’ve been knocking for a few times and I finally heard footsteps coming towards the door. I heard a ‘click’ sound and the door was opened widely from the inside.

I lifted my face and saw him standing in front of me, with a surprised look. He wasn’t expecting me, obviously. I’ve been rejecting his calls and why would he ever think I’ll come to his apartment to meet him? I stared into his eyes, not being able to let out any word. I could feel the pain in his eyes, have I hurt him more than I think?

“Fany,” he called.

“I-I... I’m sorry,” the words finally came out from my mouth. I could feel tears forming in my eyes now but I tried to hold it. I can’t cry, I won’t cry.

Few seconds passed. The seconds that passed felt like it’s killing me slowly. He slowly smiled at me, showing his gummy smile. The smile that I fell in love with. I don’t know how, but the tears that I’ve been holding back started to pouring out. I was crying heavily, and he pulled me into his warm hug.

I am a fool. How could I doubt him? How could I doubt someone who loves me? How could I doubt someone who I can’t live without? How could I? Just how, how could I ever think I can survive without him?

“Hush, don’t cry. It’s okay, I forgive you. Please, don’t cry! It hurts me when you cry like this,” he whispered right to my ears.

I wish I could stop crying but I can’t. I feel so stupid. What if he didn’t forgive me? What if he won’t accept my apology? I tighten my hug, not wanting to let him go anymore.

“Tiffany, just remember one thing. I really love you. Yes, there was someone before you but she’s just a past. The one I love now is you. You are the one that I want right now, I don’t need anyone else. So, please, just trust me. I won’t leave you, I promise I won’t,”

“I love you too, Lee Hyukjae,”

He broke the hug and he stared right into my eyes.

“I love you, I love you, I love you so much, Hwang Miyoung,”

He leaned forward and planted a kiss right on my lips. When we broke our kiss, he ruffled my hair and hugged me once again.

Maybe he loved that person, but it was definitely before he met me. I was the one who brought him back into life, I was the one that he loves right now. He’s right, what’s important is the present. He moved on now, and I should not worry about this anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~

April 3, 2012.

The time showed that it’s only 2 minutes left to 12.00am. I fastened my pace as soon as the elevator door opened, while holding firmly the box of cupcakes in my hand. I took out my phone and dialed his number, telling him to open to door right when he answered the call.

“Happy birthday Lee Hyukjae!” I cheered as soon as I saw him standing behind the door as he opened it.

He looks surprised but it didn’t stay so long. He stared at me with worried expression written all over his face.

“Yah, what are you doing here this late? Don’t you know it’s dangerous? There’s drunken people along the streets, what if they did something to you? What will happen to ...”

I stopped his nagging with a peck on his lips. I smiled at him as soon as I broke the short kiss. I walked inside the apartment and placed the box of cupcakes on the dining table. I looked around searching for Leeteuk but I can’t find him. Maybe he’s already asleep.

“You should just appreciate my efforts, no need to nag at me. I made this by myself, I don’t know how this taste like but I hope it’s not that bad,”

I opened the box, revealing two dozens of cupcakes that I baked at home. I took one of the cupcakes and gave it to Hyukjae. He took a bite without saying anything. I know he’s mad at me because I came here all the way by myself in the middle of the night.  

“Alright, I’m sorry. I won’t do this again. It’s just that I wanted to be the first person to wish you on your birthday,” I grinned at him.

A smile formed between his lips a few seconds later. He wasn’t really mad at me, he was just worried. He’s always been, he cares for me more than I even care for myself.

“So, I actually came just to give you this. I should head home now. You’re coming over to my house tomorrow, right? Tell Leeteuk oppa that I came and share these cupcakes with him!”

I was about to walk out from the apartment when he called me. He walked into his room and came back with a car key in his hand. He locked the door and took my hand, leading me to his car.

“You don’t really have to do this! I can just take a taxi home,” I complained as he opened the car’s door for me.

“You’re a girl and it’s not safe to ride a taxi alone especially in the middle of the night,” he said as he entered the car and started the engine.

“You worried so much about me,” I said as I chuckled.

He just smiled at me and threw back his attention to the road. Few minutes passed by without any of us saying anything. He kept on humming the songs played on the radio while I just stared at the scenery along the way back to my house.

“Thank you, Hwang Miyoung. I really appreciate what you did for me. But I still love you even if you forgot about my birthday. As long as I can still feel your love, I don’t mind even if you hurt me,” he said with a sincere smile on his face.

I smiled back at him, trying not to drop any single tear even though I could feel it coming out.

“Don’t cry. I was just saying what’s on my mind,” he said as he caressed my cheek.

He stopped the car as we already reached my apartment. I turned to my side and stared into his beautiful eyes.

“Thank you for the ride. Happy birthday, Hyuk. I love you,” I said before I walked out from the car. 

Quite a long chapter I got here. I hope this will be okay if in case I go on hiatus mode again. I'm trying to finish the story right now, and I'm still working on it since it's a one week holiday now. I'll do whatever I can and try to finish the story during this break so I can just update whenever I got time without having to think of any idea. Hee. 

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