I told him about meeting up. He sounds excited when he heard about it. He told me it’s been a long time since we spent our time together which kind of made me confused.

He seems to be avoiding me and now he told me about how we’re not spending time together that much anymore. I just played along with him, afterall, this will be the last time we’ll have a day spent together. The last time.

He started by planning on what movie we’re going to watch together and what he wanted me to cook for him.

I followed everything that he said and prepared the food, served it on the table. The bell rang and there he was, standing at my doorstep with his gummy smile. I smiled back and gave him a quick hug.

“I miss you. I’m sorry for ignoring you these few days. It’s just... I have to deal with some things,” he said as he pecked my cheek.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,”

I do mind, but I won’t say that I do mind. I’ll let it slip, I just want this last time to be memorable.

He walked to the kitchen, took his favorite place  and started eating like always. He told me how delicious the food are. He told me how he missed my cooking. I wish I can cook for him forever but knowing this is the last meeting, how can I still cook for him in the future?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We finished watching two movies when he fell asleep on my lap. I wasn’t even watching the movie, I kept on examining his face, I tried to remember every inch of him knowing that I can never be this near to him anymore.

He flinched when I touched him and for a moment, he opened up his eyes to see me looking deeply at him. He smiled, he took my hand and held it firmly. He fell back to sleep not long after that.

He woke up an hour later and I was still there, looking at him intently. He quickly sat up and showed me his gummy smile again. I know it’s time for to tell him now but how? How can I start?

I drew a deep breath, trying to gather my strength to be able to tell him what’s on my mind. It’s not something that I wanted but it seems to be the only way out.

“I-I-I know a-about Hyoyeon,”

He looked surprised, his eyes widen in shock while I tried to control my feelings.

“I saw... The both of you... Kissing,” I whispered.

“F-F-Fany,” he stuttered, he tried to pull my hand but I quickly pull away.

“I saw everything. I  can’t stand this. I know you still have feelings for her, right? You kissed her back, your eyes soften when she hugged you, I can see that you love her from your eyes,”

A single tear finally dropped. As much as I tried to hold myself from crying, I still failed.

“She met me the other day, she asked me to leave you. I don’t know, Hyuk. I want to stay, but it came to me that you still love her and maybe it’s best if we... Break up,”

“Hwang Miyoung, what are you saying? You’re not leaving me just because of that right? You know how much I love you!”

“Don’t lie, I know there’s still a bit of yourself that loves her. I knew it when I saw  the way you stared at her when she introduced herself in the lecture. I knew it when I saw  how uneasy you were when she kept on staring at you,”

“Tiffany, don’t do something stupid. How could I let you go? I love you, yes, I kissed her back but I wasn’t in my right mind that moment. The old feeling, it just came back. But it was only that one time, I realized that I love you, I don’t love her,”

“Hyuk, get back to her. I’m letting you go. As much as this hurts me, but I want you to be happy. If you’re really meant for me, we’ll get back together. But now, I’m letting you go. Just bear in mind that I love you so much,”

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. I quickly shifted my gaze. I can’t stand it when he cried. I can’t be weak when all I have to do now is to stay strong.

“Thank you for showing me what love is. Thank you for always been with me all this while. Thank you, for letting me know how it feels like to be loved. I can never forget you, but you’ll be fine with her. I pray for the best for you,” I said as I forced a smile at him.

He looked at me weakly. The tears had fell down, his shoulders were shaking as he tried to hold his sobs. I never saw him like this, this is hurting me so much but I hold myself from pulling him into a hug.

He walked towards me, stared into my eyes, deeply. Without any word, he leaned in closer and planted a kiss on my lips. I don’t want to let go but he did. He gave me a smile, not the one he usually gave me.

“One thing, Tiffany. If this is really for my happiness, you should know that I will suffer. Leaving you, breaking up with you, is not what makes me happy. I am only happy when I’m together with you. But if this is what you wanted, I won’t argue. Just remember that if you ever want me back, I’ll stay here, not moving anywhere,”

He walked away, not even turning back to see me.

This is really the end. I fell on my knees, crying hard. It felt like everything is over. It felt like I have no reason to live anymore. At that moment, the only thing that came into my mind was die. I’d rather die than having to see him suffering like this.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One week. One week and I’m still crying in the middle of the night. One week and I’m still wishing that he’ll come back. How could I? I was the one who decided to end this relationship, how do I even wish he’ll come back?

I see him every day, he looks like everything is okay. He looks fine. At least that’s what I thought. I see him with Hyoyeon, I see them together most of the time. I can see the happiness in Hyoyeon’s eyes but there’s something missing in Hyukjae’s eyes. I can’t see the happiness that was there before. I can’t see his sincere smile anymore.

I miss him so much. I miss being my old self. Almost everyone is mad at me. Taeyeon is completely ignoring me though we’re living under the same roof. Leeteuk is trying not to talk to me as much as he did before.  The only one who stayed are Jessica and Sunny.

I don’t get it. Why is Taeyeon so mad? I’m her sister and yet she’s treating me like this. I felt useless, I feel like there’s really no reason for me to carry on. I need some support, I need to stay strong but each day she’s only making me weaker and I just don’t know, I don’t know how long can I pretend to be this strong.

I know I’ve hurt him, I know what I did is just not logical, I know that he’s suffered because of me, but I’m suffering too. I kept on regretting what I did, I kept on thinking how I should’ve saved the relationship instead of ending it. I kept on thinking and I regret it. I regret it so much but what else can I do? I can’t do anything else.

What’s done is done. No matter how hurt I am right now, the truth is there’s no more us. Truth is, I do feel that dying may be the last resort for me.  

So... I updated and they broke up. Like, seriously? Don't get mad, guys. There's still more to come. Just wait for it. I'll be back soon. Finals in 10 days but since I was using the laptop right now, I think it's okay for me just update a chapter for you. 

I hope you like the update and do comment :D