Without any of us realizing it, we’ve been dating for almost three months now. Everything went pretty well between the both of us. He changed me little by little. He really did what he promised me before. Slowly, I’m starting to overcome my fear. Slowly, I’m starting to believe in him more than I used to.

Up until now, he’s been such a good boyfriend to me. He protects me all of the time, he would do anything, simply anything just to make me smile. Sometimes he even sings to me when I can’t sleep at night even when he’s tired. It’s not that we never fought before but he will quickly give up so it never get so serious.

He even told almost everything about himself to me, except for one thing. It was his past. I tried to ask him but he’ll avoid the question, every single time. It wasn’t once or twice but this happened for so many times. It seems like he’s hiding something from me and somehow, I guess it was about someone. A special someone.

-----

I was woken up by a phone call from Hyukjae, asking me to get ready as he’s coming to my house in an hour to take me out. I quickly get ready while my mind wonders where he is going to bring me to. He really arrived in front of my door step in an hour and he pulled me to a car that was parked nicely in front of my apartment building.

I got inside the car and he started driving without saying a word. I tried to talk but he ignored me completely so I ended up listening to the songs on the radio. It was almost half an hour before he stopped the car in front of an amusement park. I looked at him with raised eyebrows and all he did was smile. He pulled out two entrance tickets from the dashboard and gave one to me.

“Are we celebrating something here?” I asked him.

“No. I just wanted to spend my time with my girlfriend,”

We walked around the theme park together, hands in hands. Hyukjae saw a ride and without a word, he pulled me along. It was scary but knowing I have no other option, I followed him.

We spent hours together, enjoying it as if it’s our first date together. Hours passed by quickly and he decided to go home. It was a long day though. So many rides and as much as I was scared of the ride, I can’t help but enjoy it. It was fun, maybe because I was holding onto him most of the time.

“You know what I wanted to do the most with my girlfriend?” he asked me as soon as we walked out from the Ferris wheel ride, our last ride for the day.

I shrugged my shoulder as I continued to walk to the exit with him beside me.

“I want to bring her here, to the amusement park,” he said softly as his hands wrapped around my shoulder.

“Really? Am I the first person you brought to the theme park then?” I asked him.

I was expecting an answer, a ‘yes’ from him, but he didn’t. He just stopped walking with a gloomy face. There, at the moment, when I saw his expression, I knew it. There was really someone else before me. I’m not his first love. Sadly, I am not.

“There was someone else before me, is it? Hyuk, you know you can talk to me about her. What happened to both of you?” I said as I forced a smile.

He looked at me with a blank stare. It feels weird. I have never seen him looking so down like now, looking all gloomy. Again, I knew it. I knew how much he values the person and how much he loves her, even until now. I can see it from his eyes.

“Can we not talk about this, Fany? I don’t want to spoil our mood,” he said sternly.

Never had he talked to me that way, but today, he did it for the first time. Maybe I should really stop asking him about this, but I can’t. I want the real truth. What’s so hard with telling me about his past.

“Why? Let’s be fair, Hyuk. I told you everything about my past, why can’t you tell me about your past?” I asked him, trying the hardest to keep myself calm.

“What’s important now is the present. Stop talking about this, Fany!” he raised his voice.

“It’s not just a past if you’re acting like this. You shouldn’t get mad if it’s really the past, Hyuk. Now, I just don’t know whether that person is really a past or it’s just what you said to cover your own feelings,”

He ignored my words as he started to walk again, leaving me alone. How should I believe him if this is how he react to what I just said? It’s hard to accept this, but somehow, I know that it’s not really the past. The feelings is still there deep in his heart.

I followed him slowly and got into the car. It’s a pure silence in the car, and I can feel the pressure. I know he’s fighting with things in his mind and so do I. I tried to push away all of those thoughts about him and that person.

Somehow I am scared. I’m scared of what will happen to me if that person came back to him. Looking at him now, I know that it’s not possible for him to leave me just to get back to that person.

I did wonder too, who is that person. What’s so wonderful, what’s so great of her? Why is it really hard for him to move on. How far was their relationship before. How she became the ‘past’? What actually happened? Whatever it is, I know it left a big scar in his heart.

“Hyuk, spill it out. Tell me about her,”

I’m not giving up yet. Though this might hurt my heart, I am prepared. I am prepared for the worst. I just want him to open up about this.

“Tiffany, stop pushing me. I have nothing to say about this,” he replied, eyes still on the road.

“You can’t run away from the truth, Hyuk. You said it’s just a past, then why is it so hard for you to tell me about this?”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say here and I’m not interested in knowing what is this all about,”

I tried to keep myself calm but somehow, in the end, a drop of tear fell on my cheeks. I quickly wiped it away, not wanting him to see it. As much as I tried to stop the tears from falling down, it just didn’t work. The tears keeps on pouring down.

This felt like my whole world is breaking down. I don’t know why I’m crying but I guess I do have a reason. Maybe it’s about him, maybe I’m scared of losing him. Maybe I’m afraid of him leaving me. Maybe I’m afraid that he’s not really in love with me, not as much as he loves that person.

“Tiffany,” he called when we reached my apartment. He tried to put his hand on my lap but I shoved his hand away.

“Thank you,” I replied and I quickly got out of the car.

-----

I quickly lock myself in my room as I reached the apartment. Luckily Taeyeon wasn’t there, maybe she’s out with Leeteuk. I know she’ll shower me with questions if she saw me in this condition.

I lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling blankly. I don’t know what makes me worry too much but there’s something that causes me to be like this.

Too many ‘what-ifs’ came to my mind. What if this, what if that. Will Hyukjae leave me for the girl? Will Hyukjae break the promise he made to me? Will I be able to move on if he really leave me one day? Am I prepared to face it?

Few hours past and I’m still staring at the ceiling. Not moving even by an inch. I feel tired, I feel exhausted. I’ve been ignoring the ringing of my cellphone for hours and yet it’s still ringing.

I don’t know how and when but I finally fell asleep. Thinking that sleep will calm me down, it didn’t. I saw Hyukjae walking away from me with another girl in the sleep. Maybe, maybe is this a sign?

~~~~~

How do I say this. I feel sorry for each of my subscriber. Sorry for being on hiatus for a long long time, it's been months. I thank each one of you for waiting for this story to be updated. It's just I've been too busy with my exams and classes. It's been months since the last time I touched my laptop too. So here I am, updating the story for my dearest subscriber. 

I can't promise when I'll be updating again. Maybe it'll take some more time but I'll try not to make it as long as it is now. I'll update when I'm free from classes. Maybe I can update next week since it's holiday. We'll see. 

Oh, as you can see, I changed my username. It used to be nuramniS before but I changed it to ihearthyukfany now. Hee :D

Thank you for waiting and again, sorry to keep you guys waiting. 

Feel free to comment :)