The walls I put up have been with me as far as I can remember. I remember seeing it the day I lost my family appearing out of nowhere, small and fragile, not even reaching the shoulders of a small child like me. I felt restricted, and was confused why a wall like this would appear around me. It felt cold and empty but I didn't know why. I kicked and punched at it to no avail, so I decided to leave it as it was.

My adoptive mother and father easily climbed over that wall. And when they did, I felt happiness and warmth flood the whole space I had inside the walls. I let people climb over that wall easily, and at first, it was bliss

The feeling of having people around you was intoxicating.

Their laughter and smiles were addicting.

And then it wasn't.

I woke up one day to the people inside my walls setting fire on everything I had built. They were still laughing, but the happiness and warmth I felt from their laughter were gone. I felt their hatred and cruelty. Their eyes that looked at me with disgust as they burned everything.

I drove them all away until all that was left were me and my adoptive family  

Throughout the years, a few people were able to come inside, by climbing up or by asking me to let them in. I took chances and believed that maybe they could bring back the happiness I once felt.

But none of them stayed.

I cried and I took it to myself to fortify those walls. and with every person that came and left, I built the wall with the bricks that represented how much they had affected me. I built it higher and higher until I couldn't even reach the top. It took years of building, brick by brick.

It was now rock solid, and the thickness of plants that surround it show how long it has been undisturbed. I couldn't and didn't want to see the top. The coldness that came with it was now more comfortable than the warmth I used to seek. I was happy with the things inside my walls- a few precious memories that weren't destroyed, and of course, my ever-loving family.

I feel safe and comfortable, away from all the chaos I can see and hear from the other side.

Decembers were always cold, but I was used to that.