(aka the first time I wrote JRen angst and it turned out to be way longer than I planned)(special thanks to my dear friends Aliya and Abe ♥)

Day 8: “We’ve been mutually following on tumblr and I think I might be in love with you, but you just uploaded a picture of your significant other” AU

“Bom, bom, bom, bom mhm,” Minki hums, the music so loud through his speakers that he could barely his own voice but he didn’t mind.

Earlier this morning he had moved his desk and now it’s in front of the biggest window in his room, so when he can’t focus on his work he can stare outside, watching the leaves fall down, leaving the threes one for one.

The song talks about a coupling meeting in spring, a meeting as happy as the song sounds. But spring goes on as does life and while one can the other can’t. Minki huffs, real love doesn’t last for long anyways, what good is singing about it. And he prefers fall over spring anyways.

He starts his laptop and counts the leaves that are falling down to the ground, mentally saying 14 at the same time as the windows tune (which he can dream by now) is heard through his music, indicating that it’s done starting.

The Tumblr notifications are the first thing he looks at and he scrolls down to start at the oldest; he notices that his favourite blog – RoyalWarTurtle – has been posting quite a lot and he doesn’t mind at all. It’s a blog that posts about quite a lot of different things, which explains why it’s so crazy popular, but it doesn’t explain why the “Junor Royal” – as the admin of RoyalWarTurtle calls himself – found his blog, one full with fashion, aesthetics and lady gaga, good enough to not only follow back but also talk to him.

The first time Junior Royal had pm’ed him he had freaked out, not knowing to do, but as weeks went by they got more comfortable. However, their conversations never went further than talking about each other’s latest post or a recent event making Minki unable to explain himself when his best friend asks why he has a crush on the admin.

He likes and reblogs two of Junior Royal’s posts and then comes across the reason why he has so many post notifications from the male: he had done an “ask the admin” and publicly answered all of them, something he doesn’t usually do.

Minki shifts his position to a more comfortable one and starts reading.

Anonymous:

How old are you?

RoyalWarTurtle replied:

I’m of the age that I should start acting like an adult, choose an university and stop hanging around on platforms like Tumblr. I’m 18.

He already knew that the male was 18, it was one of the basic things you learn when you start having a conversation with someone. It secretly makes him happy that he knows things about Junior Royal – or Royalli, as he has started calling him one he found out that typing Junior Royal every time was too much unnecessary work – that his other followers don’t know. The happy feeling is replaced as soon as it came by a nagging feeling that’s caused by the “choose an university”.

He still hasn’t chosen his. He knew what he wanted but his mom didn’t agree and he wasn’t that much of a rebel that he would just sign up at a university that his mom didn’t approve of. His mom wasn’t the only one that told him that he needed to choose a different one either, when his mom started about the topic, his friends agreed and Minki wanted to cry every time it happened.

His friends are supposed to support him with issues like this yet everyone arounds him acts like Minki is just dumbly following his heart and not using his brain. Just thinking about it makes him tear up out of frustration already so he shakes his head and starts reading the next question.

And so he spends a whole hour reading posts that make him smile.

Until he reads the last one.

Anonymous:

Do you have a boy/girlfriend?

RoyalWarTurtle replied:

Hehe, yes! I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and an half already and we’re really happy. Here is a picture of me and Minnie:

[ picture of Minhyun and Jonghyun ]

Minki can feel his heart break. He doesn’t even know what he expected. Maybe he thought he would have a chance with Jonghyun. A weak smile graces his face, he looks at his own reflection on his laptop screen that layers over that of “Minnie” and a sob escapes. He knows he never had a chance – why would he? Their conversations never went that far that the other would have developed anything for him. The sobs become too hard to hold back and he’s downright weeping.

It’s only now that he notices the song that’s playing. His speakers were still playing as loud as before but for some reason it felt like the whole world was put on mute until he heard the words love and he couldn’t handle it anymore, pulling the plug out of the speaker out of the socket.

Now he only hears his own crying. He doesn’t know what’s worse.

The scenery suddenly wasn’t as peaceful as before. It was sad. The leaves were leaving the tree like his friends and family are leaving him. They don’t even leave physical but they might have just as well, that’s how lonely he feels.

His laptop is closed with a bang and he lets himself fall down on his bed with the same aggression, one out of sadness, as he closed the laptop.

Sleeping was not one of his favourite things, Minki thought it was a way of wasting time, but now he welcomes it with open arms and hopes he doesn’t wake up.

-x-

Jonghyun didn’t notice any difference at first. His posts still got as much love as always, if not even more. RunnyBunny hadn’t messaged him in a few days but Jonghyun assumed he was busy. After two weeks he started to worry. FunnyBunny, or Ren, as Jonghyun learned, always liked his stuff even though tho it was two days late and usually reblogged with a funny caption but the familiar “FunnyBunny” captions weren’t there.

Even his followers, of which many followed both him and Ren, have submitted asks inquiring about the other’s inactivity and after waiting for another week, Jonghyun couldn’t handle it anymore. He pm’ed Aron, owner of YoungMindInAnOldBody. He knew the male knew Ren personally and he himself  had talked with Aron quite a few times too, so they weren’t totally unfamiliar with each other.

RoyalWarTurtle:

Hey Aron! Haven’t talked to you in a long time. A small question: have you heard from Ren since he went MIA on tumblr? I haven’t heard anything from him in weeks and I am worried…

Unlike usual, he actually had to wait for a reply. Aron was known for replying, like, in a minute after you sent him a message and it wasn’t night so it was strange.

YoungMindInAnOldBody:

Damn right you should be for all that you did.

Jonghyun stares at his screen for a few minutes. He wasn’t used to Aron being this cute, especially since he was known as one of the funniest and warm people in the gaming part of tumblr, and had no idea what he did to deserve this.

RoyalWarTurtle:

I’m sorry but what did I miss?

The next reply didn’t take as long.

YoungMindInAnOldBody:

It’s a long story.

But you know what, I’m not even going to tell you.

Find it out yourself!

This was getting stranger with every text and Jonghyun really has no idea what the other was talking about.

RoyalWarTurtle:

Aron, I really don’t know what’s going on.

I would find it out myself if I could but you’re the only one that knows him irl, not me.

YoungMindInAnOldBody:

[ address ]

That’s it. Go there and find out yourself.

Don’t text me until you went there and heard the story yourself.

So Jonghyun did.

Ren didn’t live on the other side of the world, thank god. It was two hours by train and the train was quite empty on the Sunday that Jonghyun went to search for Ren.

Getting to Ren’s city wasn’t so hard.

Finding Ren’s house was.

His sense of direction was horrible but after asking 3 strangers for the direction, he stands in front of a house which address matched with the one on his phone.

It’s drizzling outside and Jonghyun breaths in the smell of rain. Time to go in.

The doorbell rings three times before a woman opens the door. Her face doesn’t show any signs of aging but her eyes give off a feeling that makes you think she has lived through and survived multiple wars.

“Good,” the woman looks on her wristwatch, “Morning. How can I help you?”

“Good morning Miss. I’m Jonghyun and I’m looking for Ren-,” the woman gives him a confused look and Jonghyun notices the mistake he made, “I mean Minki. I’m looking for Choi Minki.”

He meets the woman’s eyes again and this time there isn’t confusion, there’s sadness.

“Come inside son, it’s raining.”

-x-

When Miss Choi, as she introduced herself, has given him a cup of coffee she sits down on the only other chair, in front of him.

“How do you know Minki?” she asks.

Jonghyun takes a sip from his coffee. “I’m a friend of Minki,” he starts, but he realizes it would be better to tell the whole truth. “I’m an online friend of Minki,” he tries again. “We met on tumblr and already know each other for a year. He stopped being online 3 weeks ago and I asked a friend of us, Aron” a flash of recognition goes through miss Choi’s eyes, “if he knew what happened to Minki. He send me here to find out the story myself.”

Miss Choi replies with an “ah” but doesn’t look like she’s going to say any more so Jonghyun takes the initiative.

“Could I speak with Minki?”

Tears suddenly gather in Miss Choi’s eyes. “If I could I would let you with all my heart, my boy, but Minki is no more. He committed suicide two weeks ago.” Her voice cracks and the tears start streaming down.

Jonghyun feels sick. He feels as if someone just punched him in the face.

He doesn’t feel anymore.

“He left something for you, Jonghyun,” Miss Choi says, once she stops crying. “Let me get it for you.”

It’s a diary with the signs of being used. “Read it. If you want to talk after finishing it, you can come visit it. I haven’t read it, I couldn’t get myself to do so, but since you’re his friend you deserve to read this.”

And so he does.

He reads on his way back, crying in the train, the train in which are more people than earlier, all staring at and whispering about the boy that’s crying while reading.

He reads when he gets home and doesn’t reply when his mom asks what’s wrong. He just keeps reading.

-x-

His followers finally get a notification of his post again. They’re all excited, sprinkled with worry, since Junior Royal has never been away for so long without any notice.

When they see the post it’s not what they were expecting. It’s no “Hey I’m back! I was gone because…” or a “new gaming walk through” post. None of that all. It was a text post, one called “online friends”.

It started about how one should keep all his friends near and dear, even his online ones.

In the middle, “online friends” suddenly changed to “Ren”, owner of FunnyBunny.

It explained both of their absence.

It almost ended with the notice that FunnyBunny would never return to tumblr, Junior Royal said they deserve to know that, so they wouldn’t wait for something that couldn’t return anymore.

It did end with a notice that he would be on hiatus until he wasn’t mourning anymore.

-x-

“You finished reading, my boy?” Miss Choi asks. Jonghyun can’t get himself to look the older woman in the eye, he keeps staring at his hands around the diary. He hands the diary to the woman, visibly surprising her.

“Why don’t you keep it?”

“I’m sorry Miss Choi, I’m not worth it. I am so incredibly sorry.”

And he breaks down.