CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Just The Way We Are.

Changmin and Kyuhyun had been missing lately. Their members couldn’t find them outside of regular schedules and practices. What was stranger was that they didn’t spend time together. Usually, Leeteuk and Yunho only needed to find one of them to catch the other, but it had not been the case. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Super Junior had finished their late night practice, and being the maknae, after all the years, Kyuhyun was still the one who had to stay and clean up the room. When he almost finished with his duty, he heard a knock on the door. Before he could turn around and see who visited at such late hour, a familiar voice made him startle.

- Hey.

Kyuhyun slowly turned around. His best friend was standing in front of the door, looking serious. Kyuhyun smirked

- Wow, so unexpected! What made the famous Choikang Changmin pay me a visit?

Changmin rolled his eyes

- We need to talk.

- We do? – Kyuhyun furrowed his brows like he was having troubles to understand the simple request. – I thought you were the one who refused to talk to me lately.

- Stop being a drama queen.

Changmin walked to Kyuhyun confidently, even though the way he mumbled the words showed a hint of guilt.

- Stop being a coward then. – Kyuhyun crossed his arms defensively.

The words hit Changmin. He stared at Kyuhyun, and the latter turned away. Before Kyuhyun could say sorry, Changmin blurted

- And you are not so yourself?

- What do you mean? – Kyuhyun raised his voice

- Am I the only one who never told her that I loved her? And isn’t the only thing you have been doing for years to stare at her with longing eyes and quietly love her from afar?

Changmin unconciously raised his voice in return.

- You knew her first. – Kyuhyun felt as if the words started to be out of his control. – You probably loved her first. Why didn’t you do anything before I could love her? Why didn’t you prevent all of that?

- So now everything is my fault? – Changmin felt his heart racing and his head burning with anger. – You have so many chances to be close to her. Why didn’t you confess your feelings and be with her before all this happened?

Kyuhyun was tired and he could no longer supress his anger. He reached out and grabbed Changmin’s collar:

- Stop saying those bullsh*t! You should have known better.

Changmin didn’t know why, but he was mad, and he accidentally punched his best friend in his stomach in an effort to escape

- Get off me

Kyuhyun punched him back while yelling:

- I thought we were best friends. And this is how you treat me?

Changmin yelled back in an instant

- We were. You ruined it. You ruined it when you loved her. You knew I loved her.

Changmin’s voice became hoarse at the last few words, but the only thing that Kyuhyun felt at that time was that his blood was boiling

- How dare you? – Kyuhyun punched him again. – How dare you say that I ruined our friendship when I fell in love with her?

He was running out of breath, so he stopped for a moment and shouted again

- You thought I did it in purpose? I didn’t. I wished I could stop loving her but I couldn’t.

- Then you thought I didn’t try to stop loving her? I did, but I couldn’t.

Changmin punched Kyuhyun as he was yelling desparately.

No more words. They lunged themselves at each other. Throwing fist. Pounding. Kicking. Smashing. They expressed their anger and helplessness through physical fight, until they were both too tired and automatically breaking apart to lay on the floor, next to each other.

For a while, none of them spoke anything. However, as Kyuhyun and Changmin turned to look at each other, they suddenly broke to laugh at the same time. They looked so dirty and funny, with bruises everywhere and clothes looking like they had worn them for years. Changmin was the one who spoke first, his voice was full of guilt

- Kyu, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.

Kyuhyun raised his eyebrows. Changmin chuckled

- Well, that were my true thoughts at some point.

- There you are. – Kyuhyun smiled. – Finally being selfish. And honest.

- It does feel good though.

Changmin admitted plainly. Kyuhyun chuckled.

- How about you? When would you be honest?

Kyuhyun wanted to deny it, but Changmin was quicker

- Oh please. We both know that you think friendship is important, that’s why you haven’t acted on your feelings for years.

- I am a coward, and stupid, am I not?

Kyuhyun whispered. Changmin sighed and nodded

- But I am too. Coward and stupid.

The room became quiet again, until Kyuhyun suddenly laughed.

- Our hyung would die of happiness if they ever heard us say something like this in front of them.

- That’s why they would never hear it. – Changmin grinned.

- We save them from their death. We are such good people. – Kyuhyun smirked

They laughed together again. Like there was never a fight between them. Like they did not love the same girl. Like they had always been: Twin.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

All of sudden, Kyuhyun’s phone rang. He picked up quickly but was startled by the emergency in the sound of his leader from the other side of the line

- Kyu, do you where Seohyunie is? Do you think Changmin would know?

He put on the speaker so that Changmin could also hear it

- No, hyung. – Kyuhyun looked at Changmin for an answer and Changmin shook his head. – Changmin doesn’t know either.

- Huh? – Leeteuk was clearly surprised. – You two are together? I thought…

Some female voices were yelling on the other side, telling Leeteuk to focus on the important problem first

- We are good now, hyung. – Changmin spoke. Kyuhyun nodded.

- That’s good, but we have a bigger problem, oppa. – Taeyeon probably had snatched the phone from Leeteuk. – Seohyunie is missing.

- What? Tell us what happened.

- We came back from schedules and she said that she wanted to go home to see her parents. Manager oppa had something to tell us for the upcoming SMTown concert, so he asked us to gather in the dorm when he stopped by. When we tried to find Seohyun… – Taeyeon still sounded calm, but Kyuhyung and Changmin could hear some small sobbing from other girls. – we haven’t been able to reach her.

Kyuhyun breathed heavily. Changmin tighten his gripped on the phone

- What do you mean?

- We tried to call her, but it kept saying that she couldn’t be reached. Her parents said that she left after dinner. – Taeyeon’s voice was shaking for a second. – We asked all her friends and searched all the places that she normally went to, but…

- We hope you may know where she could be. – SNSD manager spoke.

- We will try. If we find her, we will let you know.

After hanging up, they tried to name all the places that she could go out loud, and compared it against the list of places that Soshi had checked, which was sent to them by Leeteuk why they were still on the phone. However, none of the place that they could think off had not been looked at, until both of them blurted out at the same time

- The piano room.

They both knew what the other talked about: it was a small room with an old piano in a deserted part of SM building. That room was once used for praticing ballet, but since most of SM trainee didn’t learn ballet, it slowly became forgotten.

- That must be it. – Changmin nodded. – We found her there once.

- You’re right. We should have thought of it earlier

They should. That was the place they found her when she was devastated by all the harsh criticism, when she cried until falling asleep in their embrace, leaving them looking at each other and realizing that it was too late for either of them to give up.

And she was there, indeed. Kyuhyun almost knocked on the door, but Changmin grabbed his wrist to stop him

- What, Min? Aren’t we coming inside?

- What would we say when we see her?

- Huh? – Kyuhyun looked at his best friend, and abruptly, his hand dropped. – I- I…

Changmin looked at him solemnly. They could guess why she had to run there: she needed a break from the outside world, from all the pressures and guilts that she felt, because she thought that she had made a terrible mistake falling in love with them both. Thus, the last thing that they could do to her at this time was to put more pressure on the petite girl.

- What else can we say… – Kyuhyun glanced at the beautiful girl who was playing piano in the room, and shrugged. – rather than what we truly feel and want?

- And I guess yours is same as mine?

- You know, it was a rhetoric question. – Kyuhyun grinned.

- Then you know that mine wasn’t an answer either. – Changmin smirked.

They chuckled at the same time.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Seohyun didn’t know how long she had been playing the piano. Her fingers felt as if they were falling apart, and they only repeated some same notes over and over again as her mind wandered somewhere else. She knew that she had to face her problem soon. Very soon indeed. SMTown concert was coming in the next few days and it would be too awkward for everyone if she continued to hide in her own shell or to run away from the problem.

Everyone needed an answer, even herself. She still couldn’t decide whom she loved more, or more important, whom she would like to be with more. They were so much alike, and even their differences couldn’t diminish those similarities. She didn’t even know how that could possibly happen, they being identical and how it happened, she loving them both. And of course, much less how to handle it.

She had thought of swaying to Changmin. They knew each other first. He was more sensitive and took things more serious. Kyuhyun would also treasure their friendship a lot, so it might be easier for him. However, that would not be fair. Changmin would thought of it as an act of pity and she knew that he hated it.

Seohyun sighed. Time was the thing that she needed the most. Only with time, may she tell who could keep a commitment, because being in love in this industry would never be enough. They needed dedication, a lot of it, to make a relationship last. And clearly, both her oppa had so much going on in their minds, like their friendship, like their mutual feelings, to take on more responsibilities.

So, this time, she would be the selfish one.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As Seohyun reached to her bag and looked at her dead, running out of battery phone, two familiar voices suddenly grabbed her attention:

- Joohyun-ah. Here you are.

- Hey, Hyunie. We know that we could find you here!

She startled and looked up. The twin was smilling at her, genuinely happy. It was a smile that she hadn’t seen in them for a long time: since the day they started realizing their feelings toward each other. Her phone dropped on the floor.

- Changmin oppa. Kyuhyun oppa. What happened to you? Did you – Her voice trembled. – fight?

They chuckled and shook their heads at the same time

- We needed som exercise to lose weight for the concert.

Seohyun looked at them suspiciously. Clearly, no kind of exercise would lead to those bruises. However, she had another important matter to discuss with them.

- I have something I need to ask of you.

- Us too. – They instanly responded, and before she could say anything, they continued. They were afraid that she would ask the same thing few days ago, and they were sure that they didn’t want to hear it ever again. – Please hear us out, first.

Seohyun became nervous at the sudden request. Kyuhyun and Changmin probably realized her uneasiness, so gently, Kyuhyun brushed his thumb against the back of her hand while Changmin kissed her hand softly.

- Hyunie, let we both love you. – Kyuhyun whispered tenderly. His voice was so comforting that Seohyun would never be tired to listen to.

- Let we stay by your side and protect you. – Changmin looked at her eyes so she could see how every word was from the bottom of his heart. His eyes had a magical power that she wanted to stay in there forever. – Be how we have always been.

Seohyun looked at them in bewilderment. Did they really know everything?

- Shh. – Kyuhyun kissed her hair. – You thought you made a mistake when loving us both.

- But you didn’t, Joohyunie.

Changmin caressed her rosy cheeks and kissed her ears. Seohyun shivered

- We are not sure if we can let you be happy with one of us and not the other, so we have to be selfish and ask you to love both of us.

Kyuhyun looked her teary eyes and sighed quietly. He reached out and place a kiss on those beautiful eyes.

- You always have a big heart, don’t you, Hyun?

Seohyun nodded, but then shook her head. Changmin chuckled

- We know you do, Joohyun-ah. And as long as we can be loved by you, there is nothing else we could want more than that.

- There is actually one more. Love only us.

Kyuhyun planted a kiss on her neck and grinned as she quivered when his breath touched her bare skin.

- And never tell us to love someone else.

Changmin leaned in and kissed her forehead softly. Seohyun looked at them, and a smile appeared on her face

- I wasn’t about to ask that. I… - She took a deep breath and pulled them into a hug. – I want to ask if you could give us time to see how it will work out. If we could continue to be the way we are.

They tighten their hug and enveloped her in their masculine bodies. Their scents, their heat and their mere appearances seemed so surreal, but at the same time, so familiar that Seohyun couldn’t help but murmur

- I love you, Kyuhyun oppa, Changmin oppa.

And when she thought that they couldn’t hear it, they did.

- I love you too, Joohyunie, Kyuhyunie.

- Hyun-ah, Min-ah, so do I.

They all smiled and snuggled closer.

Wasn’t it the best when they could be just the way they were?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lee Soo Man turned off the TV screen when he heard a knock on the door. The secretary entered and informed him some of his idols were waiting to meet with him. He nodded, and asked the secretary for the list of the performances in upcoming SMTown concert.

- Seonsangnim.

Lee Soo Man smiled at the ones who just entered and gestured to the couch in front of him

- Sit down, kids.

They followed his orders, and naturally, the girl sat between the two boys. Lee Soo looked at the girl and smiled like a dad looking at his daughter

- What did I tell you about them before, Seohyunie?

- Seonsangnim! – Seohyun exclaimed and her face turned to the brightest shade of red. She covered her face with her hands.

Kyuhyun glared at his boss, while Changmin patted Seohyun back lightly. Lee Soo Man shook his head in amusement

- I guess our Seohyunie is truly safe now. Look at your bodyguards.

Seohyun looked at him pleadingly. He gave her a smile and the TV

- I have been waiting for you all. There is something you may want to see.

The TV screen flashed brightly. On the screen, there were many familiar faces: their hyung, oppa, unnie, noona, dongsaeng in the SM family who loved them and whom they loved. They all gathered in a big meeting room, screaming, shouting, trying to get everyone’s face into the scene. Leeteuk, always the MC, was the first one to speak

- Hey Changmin, Kyuhyun, and Seohyun. You never stop making us worry, and extremely so in the last few days.

- Just ditch both of them, Seohyun-ah. – Yuri’s voice could be heard clearly

Kyuhyun mumbled

- I will remember this, Kwon Yuri.

Seohyun glared at him and he quickly shut his mouth, showing her his aeygo: Hyunieeee. She gigled and focused back to the video.

- So we are gathering here today to let you know that. – Yunho turned around and shouted. – Everyone?

- Saranghaeeee

Everyone was saying the magical word, not at the same time, some was not even clear, but the message was never more unmistakable. Seohyun felt tears streaming down on her cheeks. Kyuhyun kept quiet. Changmin flushed and stuttered

- Wha-what is this?

- We will support you no matter what happens, no matter what the decision you make. – It was Taeyeon. – Whomever you choose, Seohyunie, it doesn’t matter.

Minho suddenly appeared on the scene

- Have you forgotten what you told me before, Seororo? Follow your heart and everything will be fine! Hwaiting!

- We still think Kyuhyun oppa is better. - YoonA chirped in. – Changmin oppa, I love you too.

Changmin rolled his eyes. Kyuhyun smirked. And Seohyun gigled. The scene became chaostic with people started running and yelling. Leeteuk tried to get the mic again

- However, let me see you two hurt my princess and you are both dead.

- You are dead anyway. – Yunho took his turn to complaint. – If it wasn’t due to you two, Seohyunie and us wouldn’t get into this trouble.

Eunhyuk snorted:

- Didn’t everyone know for a fact that the two would always find a way to stuck in distressing situations one way or the other? Clearly, you two hadn’t learnt that lesson by heart, or else you should have stopped Seohyun being close to them.

Yunho grumbled

- We kept forgiving them and forgetting it.

Leeteuk nodded and patted Yunho in an effort to comfort his friend.

- But it’s fine. Because you are our maknae. – Taeyeon smiled and waved. Other two grumpy men joined in – And we are your big brother/sister.

The video ended. Lee Soo Man turned back to look at the three maknae.

- Taeyeon unnie. – Seohyun was sobbing.

- Old man. – Kyuhyun held Seohyun’s left hand and mumbled. – is not bad.

- May be I should treat him better. – Changmin reached out to Seohyun’s right hand and quietly said

- They wanted to show it to you last night, Seohyun-ah. Once they knew you were in this building, they asked me if I could do it. That’s why I asked you all to come here.

Seohyun looked at Lee Soo Man and suddenly, all of them stood up to bow:

- Seonsangnim, thank you so much. – Seohyun carefully spoke. – I knew that I had cause a big trouble last night.

- I knew you didn’t do it on purpose. However, you should have listened to me earlier, Seohyun-ah. – Lee Soo Man chuckled as he saw Seohyun blushed. – Didn’t I tell you that you may have both of them?

Seohyun wanted to dig a hole and hid it there. Kyuhyun and Changmin turned to look at him in bewilderment. Lee Soo Man kept smiling mysteriously

- Listen to the elder next time, won’t you all?

Changmin and Kyuhyun chuckled. However, as Kyuhyun thought of something, he kept glaring at Changmin and Seohyun.

- Say what you are thinking, Kyuhyun. – Lee Soo Man looked at the young man

- I don’t know if it is in our best interest to have a duet with Seohyun. – Kyuhyun was hesistant. – Is it possible at this time to change?

Changmin shook his head

- No need, Kyu. I understand.

- It’s not fair. – Kyuhyun scratched his head, clearly frustrating. 

- And you only think of it now? – Changmin rolled his eyes at his bestfriend.

- Yah Shim Changmin.

Before they could say anything else, Seohyun had placed her hands on their hands, and they instantly calm down. Lee Soo Man watched the whole scene, an idea flashed through his mind

- Since you two seem so inseparable, why don’t you have a stage together then? That is fair, don’t you think?

The three looked at each other, and they knew it was a brilliant idea. They should definitely listen to the elders more.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

And so, SMTown that year had a duet of Cho Kyuhyun and Shim Changmin, singing Just the way you are. They wished that they could let the world know whom the song was dedicated for: their precious Seo Joohyun. However, they knew they didn’t have to shout out their love to everyone for her to understand: Because she was waiting for them at the backstage, smiling like the happiest girl on the world as they embraced her into their hugs.

Just like they always did.

Just like how they had always been together.

Just the way they were.

The End.