CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Her To Him.

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Luhan was nervous as he stood in the practice room, waiting for Kris when all s had left after the practice with TTS. Kris and Donghae came in at the middle of their practice and watched them for a while, before Kris approached him and told him that they needed to talk afterward. Thus, there he was, anxiously waiting for almost half an hour, until Kris’s voice was right behind him

- Sorry, I’m late. Donghae hyung kept me for the talk longer than expected.

- It’s fine.

Kris studied the man in front of him. Luhan’s face still looked like that of a child, and he was indeed soft-hearted and childlike sometimes. However, he could be very stubborn. Krish sighed, he hoped that he had made the right decision listening to his sunbae.

- I have something to show you. – Kris was hesitant for a moment. – Listen, I need you to watch this carefully.

Luhan become uneasy. Kris was his leader, even though he barely used his title to order the members around. However, when Kris got serious, members would be sure to tip-toe around him. Luhan was confused about the whole situation, he couldn’t think of anything that he had done wrong that made Kris this serious.

The TV’s screen flashed brightly. It was the record of his practice, or better, EXO and TTS practice for the new performance. However, the camera seemed to only focus on him and Seohyun.

- How did you get this? – Luhan got excited. – Can I have a copy too? And does Seohyunie know about this?

Kris chuckled, but it didn’t last long:

- We asked a technician to cut the record so that it only showed parts that have you two. For your request, no. And Seohyunie doesn’t need to know about this.

- Please?

- That would be an intrusion of her privacy, Luhan. – Kris scolded him.

Luhan pouted.

- Save that for your fangirl. Doesn’t work with me. – Krish shook his head. – And now, watch this.

There was another practice of Seohyun. However, her partner was someone else. He was a person whom Luhan had envied: his voice, his popularity, and most importantly, his closeness with her. The man was no other than Super Junior Kyuhyun.

- Why are you showing me this? – Luhan was confused and unhappy. He saw no reason why he had to watch Seohyun interact with another man.

- Pay attention.

- To what? – Luhan retorted.

- How they interact.

Luhan turned away from the screen. He mumbled in annoyance:

- I see nothing.

Kris remained calm, as Luhan’s reaction was expected. Kris quietly glared at and slowly, magically, Luhan turned back to look at the TV screen, even though he was clearly frustrated.

- Fine, you don’t. I do. Listen to me and watch it at least once. – Kris smiled. Luhan was a kid who needed to be guided.

Luhan only casually looked at the screen at first. However, as the video was showing, his expression became more and more intense. There was an indescribable feeling in his gut when he looked the figures on the screen, but much to his dislike, he was unable to figure it out.

- What do you think?

Luhan shrugged. What was there to think about? Kyuhyun hyung was clearly obsessed with his goddess. But who wouldn’t though?

- Don’t you see any difference between you and Kyuhyun hyung?

- Seohyun and I made a better couple?

Kris rolled his eyes

- Dream on.

- Spit it out. – Luhan folded his arms and looked at his leader. – Clearly you and Donghae hyung planned something together about me and Seohyun.

Kris stayed quiet for a brief moment to consider how to put thing in the easiest way for Luhan, even though what he was about to say would no where near what Luhan wanted to hear.

- We think you need to rethink your relationship with Seohyun.

- What does that supposed to mean? – Luhan was confused.

- Do you truly think you like her more than a friend?

- Of couse. – Luhan was firmed about that. He had loved Seohyun for years to not know what Seohyun was to him.

Kris paused to think of a better way. He didn’t know Luhan was that slow.

- What is her to you then?

- My goddess, my dongsaeng, my…

Luhan was cut off by Kris, but before he had a chance to object, Kris’s words had him

- Have you ever thought of her as something else first before your idol? Or in your words, your goddess?

- Wh-what-t? – Luhan stuttered and clearly surprised by the sudden question. – I have.

- Don’t answer that quickly. Give yourself few minutes to think, Luhan-ah.

The room became silent as Luhan was deep in thoughts. Had he?

The first time he saw her was when his friends forced him to listen to Girls’ Generation in high school. He had liked her along with few other members ever since that. She captured his heart since that first day with her beauty, and as he got to know her through watching shows, like every other fan, she became more than a mere idol. She became one of the reasons that motivated him to study abroad in Korea.

When he got accepted to SM, he thought he could die of happiness. However, with SNSD’s crazy schedule, he got very little chance to see her, until he debuted as a member of EXO. They became good friends quickly, but deep down he knew that there was still a gap between them. There was an imbalance in their relationship as he worshiped her while she probably thought of him as a hoobae only.

- Luhan, tell me honestly now. Have you?

Kris’s voice pulled him out of his own thought. Luhan looked puzzled as he slowly started speaking. For the first time since the start of the dating plan, he was not sure about his feeling anymore

- I-I…need more time.

Kris nodded in understanding. As he walked out of the practice room to leave Luhan his personal space, he pointed to the screen

- Watch them again. You may find something helpful.

That night, Luhan did not go back to the dorm when Kris went to bed. However, the next morning, when he woke up, Luhan was sitting on his chair and looking at him as if he had waited for hours.

- Luhan, are you ok? – Kris immediately became worried. Was I too rush in forcing him? – Did you not sleep?

Luhan nodded, but he had another question lingering in his mind that made him wake up early

- Did you ask him that question?

- Ask who? And what question?

Kris seriously became worried as he heard the vague question from Luhan.

- Kyuhyun hyung. Did you ask him what he thought of Seohyunie?

- Of course not. Why did you…? – As Kris realized Luhan’s intention, he smiled. – Why don’t we go and you ask him yourself?

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They decided to visit SM building in a hope that they could catch Kyuhyun at this early, because there was a meeting later in the morning that all were required to attend. It was definitely their lucky day as they found the Kyuhyun and his close friends in a practice room.

- Hey Kris, Luhan, you two are early. – Changmin gave them a warm smile.

- You too, hyung. – Kris bowed to him and grinned.

Luhan quietly bowed, instead of his usual cheerful personality, which made all the people there surprise. Minho decided to ask:

- Luhan hyung, is there something wrong?

Luhan hesitated. He didn’t know how to ask Kyuhyun that question, especially when there were others in the room. As he turned to look for support, Kris gave him an encouraging look.

- Kyuhyun hyung…

- Annyeong. – A familiar and sweet voice cut him off. – Isn’t this SNSD’s practice room?

All eyes looked at the door. There she was, in a beautiful white dress, smiling like an angel and bowing politely. The beloved girl of all the men in the room: Seo Joohyun.

- Seororo. – Minho was the first one to react. He waved to her. – Come here.

- Yah Choi Minho! Stop calling me that.

She walked to him while laughing playfully.

- What are you all doing here this early?

- Why don’t we practice something, Joohyunie? If it is good enough, I am sure that the managers let us perform it. – Changmin stood up and walked to her. – You have to give me the chance, Joohyun-ah.

Seohyun nodded lightly. She really could not say no to Changmin after what he had done for her. Even though the special stages for SMTOWN were planned and discussed almost completely, he still hoped that they could have a performance with her.

- Yah Shim Changmin! I thought you said you were not stealing her from my duet with her?

- Too bad, Kyu. Know better next time.

Changmin grinned victoriously as Kyuhyun exaggerated his disappointment with a loud sigh. Seohyun gave them a small smile while Minho and Kris laughed out loud. Luhan still stayed quiet as he looked at their reaction.

- Oppa, any idea on what to do?

- How about Just a kiss by Lady Antebellum?

His voice suddenly became a whisper that only two of them could hear: “I thought of you since the first time I heard this song.” Seohyun blushed, which didn’t escape the eyes of everyone in the room. They immediately objected

- Yah Changmin. Stop flirting with her in front of us.

- Oppa! – Seohyun exclaimed as she covered her face with her hands. This is so embarrassing.

- Shut up Kyuhyun! Minho and Kris, you better be careful – Changmin snapped, half annoyed, half found it entertaining. – She is mine for this practice.

Seohyun seriously considered running out of the room, but as she looked at Changmin’s gentle and loving eyes, she sighed in defeat. How could I run away from that?

While everyone was focusing on Seohyun and Changmin’s practice, Luhan quietly approached Kyuhyun. He didn’t know how to start as the man in front of him seemed to have his eyes glue on the beautiful lady at the center of the room. However, without looking at him, Kyuhyun suddenly asked him

- Do you have some questions about Seohyun for me?

Luhan was caught off-guard. He startled

- How did you know?

- I know everything. - He shrugged and said in a joking tone, however, it soon turned to be serious. – I caught Donghae hyung and Kris whisper to each other about you, Seohyun, and me. So Luhan-ah, I have been waiting for you.

Luhan stayed silent for a second, before he finally asked the question that had been his mind all night

- What is Seohyun to you?

This time, Kyuhyun was caught off-guard. Luhan thought Kyuhyun did not hear his question as the man was quiet and kept looking at the performing couple, showing no interest of answering. However, before Luhan decided to repeat the question, Kyuhyun leaned back and looked at him directly. His eyes were burning brightly

- She meant more to me than to any of you, and definitely than you all, or even she, could ever imagine.

Luhan did not know how to respond. He had expected other types of answer, something that should sound similar to his. Kyuhyun didn’t stop there. He turned to look straight ahead, and whispered, more to himself than to Luhan:

- It could be as simple as that I love her. It could be as extreme as to say that she is everything and the only thing that I ever desire.

Even when Kyuhyun said it in a monotomous tone, in Luhan’s mind, the words sounded like an explosion. Desire? Have I ever thought of her like that?

Luhan knew his answer was an absolute no. Seohyun was his goddess, and desire was never a word that Luhan would use for his pure and perfect angel. He looked at Kyuhyun, who still appeared so calm that for the first time, he wanted to admit that they loved Seohyun differently. Kyuhyun always loved her as a woman, but he loved her as an idol, first and foremost.

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Seohyun and Changmin were not aware of the conversation between Kyuhyun and Luhan, because their minds were captured by their charming partner. As they sang the lyrics and looked into each other’s eyes, Seohyun knew why Changmin wanted this: It was just like the way they had been together for years.

I've never opened up to anyone

So hard to hold back

When I'm holding you in my arms

They didn’t know how it happened, but they slowly stopped singing, and their voice became whispers of random words that they couldn’t understand themselves.

Luhan was still absent-minded, unaware of what had been going on when he spoke again

- Should I withdraw from the dating list?

It was clearly that he talked to himself, but the room had been so quiet that his question could be heard by all people.

Minho cleared his throat because he had to used all his effort not to laugh at Luhan’s random, and much needed remark. He almost had to tell the two people in the center of the room that they were not alone, so they should tone it down. How come I never realize it before?

He shook his head, scolding himself for not see it sooner how different they had looked at Seohyun. Changmin was in love her. And he? No more than a teenager crush. A fantasizing dream that he never had the needs to make it true. No wonder Jinwoon told him that he was slow.

No one answered Luhan’s question. Kris played with his fingers, wondering if it was in his, or anyone else’s best interest to intervene. He had been eavesdropping the conversation between Luhan and Kyuhyun, but their voices were inaudible. He wasn’t sure how Luhan’s thoughts had changed. Hopefully for the better.

- Yes.

It was Changmin. Luhan’s sudden question in the silent room had awoken both him and Seohyun. Of course he would say yes. In this matter, it was never the more the merrier. He grinned at the thought that another competitor was gone besides Minho, but he sighed just as quickly. The day he and his twin may have to face each other in the battle for her heart had came closer.

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Seohyun was embarrassed. Her cheeks were burning as her stomach twisted and her heart full of guilt. How could she forget that Kyuhyun oppa was there? How could she forget about the presence of all other people?

- I would like us to have a few minutes alone.

Kyuhyun suddenly spoke, although he wasn’t naming anyone specifically, everyone fleet the room in less than a second. Even the absent-minded Luhan was dragged out by Minho and Luhan. Except one.

Kyuhyun was walking toward her, his gaze had sadden, but was indulgent as always. Seohyun stood frozen, wanted to dig a hole and just hid in there, but she knew she had to do better than that. She had hurt them enough that she would kill herself if she did it once more time. She looked at them and tried to stay calm, but for the always composed Seohyun, it suddenly became so demanding:

- Kyuhyun oppa, Changmin oppa. I think you… - She blinked to see better, because for some odd reason, the view became blurry. – We would all be better off if you found…

Kyuhyun shook his head in disapproval. Changmin reached out to stop her from saying the last word. But none of it was quick enough. Her voice cracked, and the word came out no more than an inaudible whisper

- … someone else.

Her word hit them all.

Hard.

The silence stretched out for what seemed like the longest moment of her life. Seohyun could no longer hide the tears streaming down, but before she could hide her face in her trembling hands, she saw Kyuhyun and Changmin rushed toward her and embraced her into their warm arms and sturdy chest.

Just like they always did.

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Outside of the room, Luhan had finally understood what happened before they got kicked out after Kris’s explanation. He wondered out loud

- Why did Changmin hyung stayed?

- Who knows? – Minho shrugged, but he quickly realized Luhan’s question make sense. – You’re right, why did Changmin hyung stay?

Everyone thought that Kyuhyun asked all to leave so that he could speak to Seohyun privately. However, Changmin had stayed, and there was no sign of him leaving that room. It was like Changmin somehow knew that Kyuhyun asked him to stay, too. But why would Kyuhyun do such a strange thing?

- What are you all talking about?

The boys turned around. Sunny, Leeteuk and Yunho were looking at them curiously. Few other SNSD and Super Junior members could be seen walking toward them, as they had some practice schedules together.

- I sure heard Changmin’s name. Did my maknae do something?

Yunho looked his eyes at them suspiciously when no one wanted to answer this question.

- Why are you all outside SNSD’s practice room?

Sunny crossed her hands, demanding an answer.

- Kris, you are the oldest. Talk to us.

Kris gulped as Leeteuk called his name. The whole situation was too difficult to explain. Even them did not fully understand what had been going on inside that room. Nonetheless, he gave them a quick story of how they met and more importantly, how they were kicked out.

- So, three of them are inside?

Kris nodded. Leeteuk, Sunny and Yunho looked at each other. Their worst anticipation had become true, faster than none of them had expected that it left them with no time to prepare.

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Kyuhyun kissed Seohyun’s hand softly. He sighed, not knowing how to comfort the kind and stubborn girl whom he loved to death

- You are an idiot, Hyun.

Seohyun had stopped crying, but she refused to look at them. She hid her face between her knees, and her hair was falling down, stopping the two men from discovering her expression. Even though they had no plan to, as they could imagine how she would react.

- Kyunie is right, Joohyun-ah. How could I ever stop loving you?

Changmin her hair and smiled bitterly. How could him?

Even when it hurt him deeply. Even when she might never love him the way he loved her. Even one day when he had to let her go, he would still love her like it was his second nature. To love and to protect her.

Seohyun was shaking. She couldn’t bear it anymore. Her guilt had swallowed her for days, woke her up in middle of the nights, and pushed her to think of crazy ideas like dropping out of Soshi. And the worst thing was that she could not tell anyone.

She looked up and gave them a sad smile. Her eyes were desparate begging for forgiveness

- I am a terrible, horrible person. You – She sobbed. – just don’t know everything yet.

- We always know you are not perfect, Joohyunie.

Changmin shook his head like it was the most unexpected thing that could come out of her at that moment. Kyuhyun chuckled

- And why are you so sure that we don’t know everything? We may know you better than you do yourself, Hyun.

- Oppa, I’m sorry. – She bursted to tear the second time. – I’m sorry, so so sorry.

She always knew that they would love her regardless. They loved her for being her. But that would not be fair. Not at all.

Changmin and Kyuhyun shared a quick look before they focused back to the girl whom they both loved dearly. They held her hands and quietly stayed by her side, so as to tell her that no matter what happened, she would always have them.