CHAPTER FIFTEEN: The First and The Last.

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Yonghwa sat in a quiet corner of a café, wondering with questions. Everything happened this morning was so unusual. First, Yonghwa was informed that they were going to meet a collaborator for the coming album, and then he was left here abruptly, like his manager suddenly changed his idea about the meeting place. Thus, he had to wait for his manager to go pick that person up for their meeting His eyes darted around the space, and he felt relief because no guest was present, or else he had to cover himself. His phone rang, and he picked up immediately

- Hyung, how long are you gonna take to be here?

- Yonghwa, since when I became your hyung?

The familiar female voice threw him off. He looked at the phone screen and cursed himself for quickly assuming it was his manager

- I’m sorry. I thought that was my manager.

- Think so. – She chuckled. – I am back to Korea. So so tired.

He unconsciously smiled. He could totally imagine her exaggerate reaction

- Are you free anytime next week?

- Probably, I am just back, remember? I will refuse to do anything in the next few weeks.

- Good. Rest well then. – Yonghwa told her calmly, but the naughty glint in his eyes revealed his true intention.

- Yah, Jung Yong Hwa!!!

He broke out to laugh. She was so easy to be tricked, even after these years they were friends.

- Haha, I’m sorry. I’m free this weekend if you can make it.

- Are you sure?

- Why not? – He was confused.

- Not hanging out with your girlfriend? – She said quietly and then stopped for a moment before continuing. – I knew about the scandal.

Suddenly, he felt tired and defeated. He thought she would have known better.

- You know the whole story. She is not my girlfriend.

- Doesn’t look like it.

He mumbled quietly

- No longer.

She couldn’t hear what he said, but she could felt his mood dropped. She knew it was never a wise idea to mention that girl, but she just couldn’t help it. After all these time, she still couldn’t help it. She sighed.

- I’m sorry.

Before he had a chance to say anything, another familiar voice made him startled.

- Yonghwa oppa.

He looked up. The girl whom he had dreamt about so many times was standing right in front of him, but she didn’t look as happy as the one in his memory. Her face was tired and her eyes were sad. He unconsciously reached out to comfort her, but the voice from the phone had awaken him.

- Is that Seohyun?

His mind was occupied with Seohyun’s image that he couldn’t answer, but the woman didn’t need any confirmation.

- I’m going to hang up now.

- Yes. – He answered absent-mindedly, but quickly realized the mistake. – I mean… I have to go. I’m sorry.

- No problem, Yonghwa. – She sighed secretly, but quickly sounded cheerful again. - See you this weekend.

- Sure. Thanks for calling.

- You know - She took a deep breath and finally spoke her mind. – I miss you.

- Shinhye….

That was the only thing slipped from his mouth before he heard the sounds of hanging up.

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Yonghwa looked up when he realized that there was no longer just him in the café. He had forgotten about Seohyun’s presence and kept staring at his phone since the conversation with Park Shinhye.

- Seohyunie. I’m sor… – He was about to apologize, but then he realized even a greater trouble. – You are the collaborator for my next album?

- Neh? – She looked at him confusingly. – Not something I am aware of.

- So, why… are you here?

- Your manager and my manager brought me here. I thought you wanted to see me?

- Yes. – He nodded, but stopped in the middle as the question sunk in after his tongue had spoken his mind. – I mean no. As in I didn’t ask to see you.

She smiled, and he smiled, too. At his own words. However, as if she thought of something, her face became sadden instantly. She chewed her lips, and was not sure if it was the right time to say what had been in her mind. Yonghwa caught her action and urged her

- Just say it, Seohyun-ah.

- Oppa. – Seohyun looked around for their managers. – I-I am not sure if it is the right time. We may have some work together.

- Could it be worse than what you have told me that day?

Yonghwa smiled bitterly. Her words from the day of the show was still as fresh as it was spoken a minute ago, and his heart still got hurt every time he played back the moment, aching at her sorrowful voice and her ruthless words.

She lowered her head at his question, like a child asking for forgiveness because of her imprudent action. He sighed and turned away to look for their managers. He shouldn’t have taken his stress out on her.

- I’m sorry.

- It was my fault. – Seohyun shook her head. – But I meant it, oppa.

He kept quiet. He was not sure if he could keep his composure once he opened his mouth.

- I don’t deserve your love. – She gave him a sad smile. – I wish I were still the same Seohyun when we first met. The innocent Joohyun. The one who was once…

- Stop it.

Yonghwa breathed heavily. It was too much for him to bear at the moment. He clenched his fist, trying to remind himself to stay calm. But it was near impossible. Because he knew it was the truth. Even he himself couldn’t be sure if he had stayed the same, how could he ask that of her?

Seohyun was no better. She almost said those words, but he had stopped her. She wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, but she was quite sure that her little courage had evaporated once he spoke. Looking away to hide her teary eyes, she whispered tiredly:

- Oppa, you know it.

Yonghwa suddenly stood up.

- Please.

His voice was despairing. His body was shaking. He was not sure if he should be angry or exhausted. Seohyun was too stubborn that he felt as if his patience had worn out faster than he imagined.

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However, they didn’t have a chance to say anything or to resolve their problem.

- Both of you, we need to get out of here.

Their managers ran in, quickly pulled them toward the back door and get on a car. They drove away fast, and only until the café was no longer in sight, Seohyun could fully realize the situation

- Oppa, where are we going? What is this all about?

- We need to find the one who leaked the information about your date last time. This date is part of the trap.

- Found one, but the media came faster than we anticipated. Not all of them was distracted by the fake couple. There might be more than…

CNBLUE manager couldn’t finish his sentence as he received the phone call. After listening to the new information, he instantly became angry and couldn’t hold back but curse out loud. The second one was his assistant. That explained how the media got all the information and came so quickly.

- So, we are done then. – SNSD manager asked. – We should separate for now.

- I need to double check, and then we will leave. – CNBLUE manager nodded.

The car became silent. Yonghwa tried to clear his mind. He felt as if he no longer understood Seohyun, although that should hardly be surprising: They had not talked for almost a year. However, somehow he had hoped that she would stay the same, so that he could look at her and felt that he didn’t change either. But she didn’t.

He sighed in frustration. Seohyun’s words were echoing in his mind, but at the same time, Shinhye voice was also clear. Why do they have to pick the same day to do this to me?

- I think we are all set. Yonghwa, let’s leave.

Before anyone could say anything, Seohyun had spoken. Her voice was firmed.

- Oppa, would you mind driving us to somewhere deserted? Yonghwa oppa and I hadn’t finished our conversation yet.

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They stood in the river bank and looking toward the setting sun. Neither spoke a word for a while, until Yonghwa decided to break the silence

- Do you remember our trip to see the sunrise?

- The weather was so bad. – She smiled. – And we both felt asleep.

Yonghwa smiled at the memory, and he wasn’t sure what he thought at that exact moment, but after so many times, he finally could say what he wanted to say from a long time ago.

- Seohyun-ah, give me a chance to be your boyfriend.

She turned to him. He looked at her hopefully, but she quickly shut her eyes. He tried to shake the negative feelings off, but when she opened her eyes again to look at him, his heart sank. In her eyes, he saw her firm determination.

- Oppa, I wish you had spoken your mind earlier. Much earlier.

She looked at him directly in the eyes and spoke slowly, as if to give him the chance to understand it clearly. And it worked. He couldn’t understand it at first, but as the words sunk in, his worst nightmare reappeared.

FLASHBACK

It was a normal day like any other day. The only unusual thing was that Seohyun hadn’t returned his call even once. No message either. Nothing. It was like she had forgotten about him. About them. It was like there was nothing between them.

Yonghwa was clearly frustrated. On top of the pack schedule, he was worried dead about her, so he was in a bad mood when his phone rang. The phone screen showed the familiar face and new name: My Seohyun, instead of We-got-married Wife.

- Annyeong, Yonghwa oppa.

- Where have you been all day? I am about to come to SM to check on you.

- Oppa, I’m sorry. I was so busy with SMTown concert practice. How was your day?

He felt better that she still cared about him, but some men’s voices in her side instantly made his face harden.

- Are you with someone? If you are busy, I can call back later.

- It’s fine oppa. Just Changmin oppa, Minho and few others.

- You were with them all day?

- What’s wrong? – Seohyun was confused when sensing the anger in Yonghwa’s voice. – It’s SMTown. Of course we are together.

He blurted out before he could think clearly

- You know I don’t like you to be too close with them.

- Oppa. – She tried to keep her voice calm, even though she started feeling irritated. – You know me and my feelings.

At that time, Heechul shouted to Seohyun that they were waiting for her to come to dinner. However, what worse was that he told her to ditch the phone call, and they would find her a real boyfriend. All the people in the room were laughing at that. Knowing Heechul for too long, Seohyun just laughed it off, but Yonghwa didn’t take the joke that lightly.

- You didn’t tell them about us? Do you truly care about us?

Seohyun became quiet. She was exhausted, and the last thing she wanted to hear would be another demand or worse, accusation. So, she blew up.

- Oppa, tell me. What’s there to be tell? I never know about your true feelings.

This time, Yonghwa became quiet. He never proposed to her, but he thought that he had made it clear. Heck, everyone in the country knew that he was obsessed with her. Her name was basically glued on his mouth wherever he went.

- I am the one who should say that.

Seohyun wanted to cry. She thought that he had always understood her. She thought that he would have known better, even when she did not say it. Being a shy girl that she had been, how could he expect her to say it first? Seohyun could sense that Yonghwa had feeling for her, but he never admitted it directly. Saying her name on every show he went on was not something that she considered as proposing, because it could be just marketing. They had been in the industry for too long to not know how to play the game.

- Seohyun-ah, let’s go. – SooYoung pulled her sleeves. – Changmin oppa is waiting for us.

- Us too. – Yuri and Minho were screaming from the door.

Yonghwa was mad. Seohyun was angry. They were both exhausted.

- I have to go, oppa.

- I know.

They didn’t want to hang up. They wanted to hear something else from the other. Just something so that they could be back to normal. A simple sorry would do the magic.

However, Seohyun was stubborn and Yonghwa was no longer understanding. They weren’t sure who hung up first, maybe they did it at the same time, but they hung up without saying any other word.

And that was the beginning of the end.

END FLASHBACK

They didn’t spoke to each other for the next few days after that. When Yonghwa finally cooled down and realized that it was a bad idea for not contacting Seohyun, it was too late. She was out of the country to perform with SMTown. And it didn’t help that he saw her duet with Kyuhyun: Them holding hands, smiling and acting like a sweet couple.

Seohyun was devastated that they could speak before she left the country. Her pack schedule as a member of the national girl group left her no room to breathe. The rumors about Yonghwa and Shinhye only worsen her mood that she had hesitated so many times before finally picking the phone up and call Yonghwa.

Thus, when they spoke again, it was a few months after the last call. The conversation became awkward and short, with them pretending like nothing happened. Neither of them said sorry nor confess their feelings. The call ended without either of them feeling better. So, the calls became less frequent, the days between two dates grew larger, until they finally stopped talking.

And still not confess their feelings, or call it an end.

Would there be an end, though? When they never even had a start?

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After all these time, after so many events happened in her life lately, Seohyun felt that they needed to make it clear. To put an end to everything.

- I had a huge crush on you. – She looked at the beautiful scenery and smiled bitterly. – Maybe I was even … in love with you.

- So did I. – He whispered, tired and lost.

- How come you never said it? Even when I asked you? – She looked at him and raised her voice. Her body trembled and her breath became heavy. – Even when I thought we were a couple.

- And we were. – He yelled. His eyes were red and his voice was shaking – Everyone around me knew that I loved you crazily. Everyone.

They gasped for air. It was painful when the obscure truth was revealed, the truth that they both knew but never admitted. Yonghwa looked at Seohyun’s melancholy eyes and slowly, he leant down, closing the gap between them unconsciously. She looked at him and became frozen, her mind became blank as his breath touched her lips.

FLASHBACK

It was a beautiful afternoon. They managed to see each other for an hour before going back to their schedule. As they leaned against Yonghwa’s car and enjoyed ice cream together, Yonghwa pointed to the view in front of them.

- Seohyun-ah. Look.

- What’s there oppa? – She turned to look at the direction, but she didn’t find anything so she quickly turned back to look at him.

And she felt his lips touching her lips gently. Her eyes were wide open, but as she looked into his loving eyes, magically her eyes closed themselves. Her heart was beating faster than ever and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. It was her first kiss. She was sure that time stopped as her mind went blank.

Yonghwa only wanted to steal a kiss on Seohyun’s cheek, but he would be lying if he said that he did not enjoy how it turned out. Seohyun’s scent was delicate and innocent, her lips were soft and delicious. Was he dreaming? As he slowly tasted her lips and couldn’t help but ask for more, he knew that it was very much real.

The kiss wasn’t a deep one, but no longer a peak on the lips. Their first kiss was gentle and sweet, like how they felt about each other.

END FLASHBACK

He didn’t lean in any more. They just stared at each other, tears streaming down, as they saw their final chance slipped away.

- I’m sorry.

They said it at the same time. They should have said it months ago. They should have said it that night: The simple but much needed apology.

- We made an unforgivable mistake. – Seohyun mumbled to herself, but Yonghwa had caught it.

- But we could still fix it.

- Could we, oppa?

She turned to him, and immediately, he saw her answer in her eyes. Or maybe finally, he could saw his own answer clearly. It was definitely a no.

They could no longer turned back the time to be who they once were. He once thought that they were meant to be, but after the duet on the last date, he doubted it. They were no longer fit as well, but he tried to shake that thought off, with the faint hope that they could be back to their old selves again.

However, at the moment, Yonghwa knew that it was denial to say that he and Seohyun had stayed the same. After all the time of not staying in touch, it was foolish to think that their feelings had not change. They were simply scared and stubborn. He feared his new self and his new feelings. She had her own problems and was reluctant to let the past go. However, the moment was inevitable. Sooner or later, they would have to face it.

- It is too late.

He muttered painfully. It was once in a lifetime. Their one and only love that they had let it slip out of their hand unknowingly until it was too late to do anything.

They stayed silent to calm themselves down. In the tranquil afternoon, their emotions were far from serene. They were unsettled with feelings from the past, and forgotten memories that had resurfaced, but a new and strong feelings finally washed over them: relief. Their relationship was no longer a vague one, they no longer had to ask the ironic question what if, because everything between them had become the past.

Seohyun was the one who broke the silence first. Her voice was stable and clear:

- Oppa, thank you for loving me. I was stubborn. I must have caused you so many troubles.

- You still are, Seohyun-ah.

He smiled. It was not a happy one, but no longer bitter.

- But I was not perfect either. Thank you for loving me.

The wound still needed time to heal itself so that one day they could face each other comfortably, but for the moment, an understanding smile was all they needed to feel better.

- Oppa. – Seohyun was hesitant. – Shinhye unnie…

- What about her?

- Don’t repeat the mistake. – The woman sixth sense helped Seohyun realize there must be something going on between Yonghwa and Shinhye. – I hope you can be happy, oppa.

Yonghwa sighed and reached out to rub her head. At the end of the day, there was something that had not change between them

- So do I, Seohyun-ah. I want to you be happy, with whoever that lucky guy is.

They smiled and nodded. No matter what happened, they would never be strangers. No matter what happened, they would always wish each other all the happiness in the world. Because they once meant the world to each other.

Yonghwa and Seohyun looked at each other for one last time before walking to opposite directions and back to their present, separated lives.

Leaving behind their first love.