Yearning Affections

The Real Me

Ji Wook sees the shock and confusion in her eyes when he said the words.

 

Bong Hee turned her back to him and continues to walk towards a bench in the park, avoiding his eyes and clearing .

 

He took his place beside her and the way she slightly moved further away from him didn't go unnoticed. There was a long silence before he heard the clattering of glass bottles and he sees her opening a bottle of soju before giving it to him. He took it with a small smile and observes as she opened the other bottle for herself, took a huge gulp in the absence of a glass and made a satisfied sound that made his lips twitch upwards.

 

Ji Wook took a sip of his soju as well and breathed into the cold air, raising his head up to see the stars that were barely visible above the city sky. He didn't know what he wanted to tell her, just being beside her at this moment after those two painful years was something he didn't even expect.

 

"Bong Hee-yah." His voice was a mere whisper into the silent night. "I'm sorry...." He said the words that were stuck in his throat for a long while. He had always wanted to apologize to her, for being the one to start it all and then left her hanging after everything that they did. He could only blame his cowardly self for his stupid decisions.

 

But now he hoped for another beginning after getting encouraged by her words through that text. To give it a chance and maybe, just maybe, this relationship will work out in the end. After all, they always said that the third time's a charm right? He knew he had to struggle for it, having it all in his hand in the first place but letting it slip away at a crucial moment. Second chances don't come to you in a silver platter after all, you have to work hard for it.

 

Bong Hee glances at him and the conflict was clear in her face. Her lips slightly trembles and she lets out a shaky laugh. "It's been so long Prosecutor-nim. Why now?"

 

"Because I've always wanted to apologize for everything that I did that hurt you..." There was a trace of nervousness in his voice as he wets his lips and hoped that she looks at him so she could see the sincerity in his eyes. "It's all my fault."

 

She slowly turns her head to him, anguish and confusion mixed in her eyes. "It was actually all my fault. I was assuming and immature. I thought you felt the same way that I did."

 

"No! Bong Hee-yah, it was me. I was wrong." He holds her hand tightly but she withdraws it.

 

"Stop making me misunderstand again. If you don't love me, then you should be helping me to move on. Don't treat me so kindly."

 

"I never said I didn't love you. I only said 'don't fall for me'."

 

Her eyes widen at his statement. The realization and understanding slowly registered in her mind. It made her heart flutter as the hope slowly bloomed in her chest but her brows furrowed as confusion settled in. "Then why?" she stares at him, the hurt slowly making itself known. "Why did you push me away? Was it because you love Anna too? Why are you approaching me again if you two are together?"

 

"We're not together Bong Hee-yah. She left for Barcelona 2 years ago and we never had any contact since then. I admit she wanted to get back with me but i refused because i never loved her in the first place. I kept in contact with her because she was clinically depressed and only started going to a psychiatrist after i convinced her. She needed as much support as she could get and I couldn't refuse. I didn't think I'd hurt you so much at that time..." Ji Wook's words were fast, his lips moving on their own accord and explaining everything he had kept inside for such a long time.

 

"I was planning to tell you everything but then I got scared....I was scared of starting a new relationship....I know this might sound like an excuse but I didn't think I was worthy of you and that I'll end up hurting you which I actually did..." he took a deep breath and held her with his gaze.

 

"I want to make it up to you, to correct everything that I did wrong.....I was late when I realized everything and you were already gone....I want to start from the beginning Bong Hee-yah......Is it possible for me to get another chance?"

 

She didn't say anything for a long while, her tears now flowing from her eyes. His explanation somehow cleared the dark thoughts that she buried inside her heart and she couldn't stop the ache, but somehow, something was still missing...

 

"Why are you so afraid? What happened in the past?"

 

His eyes suddenly went guarded, his face full of conflict and she quickly realizes that he had his wall up again. That was always his reaction whenever she mentioned something about his past. He wasn't ready to open up that part of him yet and she felt her heart lurch in pain.

 

Ji Wook clenched his fists and his jaw grew taut. The fear in his heart seemed to crawl all over his body and he felt suffocated. If he told her everything, will he end up totally losing her? A second chance might not even be possible, he might really not be able to connect their ties anymore.

 

He desperately wanted to be positive. She might accept him...she might even consider it unimportant...but the moment he looks into her eyes, he grew weak and he knew that he wasn't able to take the risk of having her hate him for his past. A previous night courier, a thief who only cared for money, a dead first love whom he couldn't protect, a failed bodyguard with PTSD who had hurt numerous people before and a person with fake identities. He grew nauseous with his own history, how much more for Bong Hee?

 

She sighs and his head snapped up to look at her solemn face, the disappointment wafting in the air. "Prosecutor-nim....do you know about this story?" Bong Hee raised her head towards the sky, her eyes distant as she started her tale. "There were once ex-lovers who met at a cafe after how many years. The girl loves the guy very much but somehow, she couldn't remember the reason they broke up and why she always thought that they'd never work out.

 

While they were seated across each other, the guy starts to grab the toothpicks and rubbed them against each other making the girl cringe and she suddenly remembers, ahh, that was the reason why she broke up with him. That bad habit of his to rub anything small against each other that it got to her nerves. After all those years, he was still the same, and she realizes that they couldn't get back together again because of that."

 

He furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to understand what she was trying to say.

 

"What I mean is...even if we try this again, that reason that made you scared and push me away is still there. What assurance do I have that it won't be the same reason that we might break up again someday?" Her voice was weak but the point she made was ringing loudly in his ears.

 

He bites his lip as he contemplated on her words. Lost at what to say to her, he could only avoid her eyes and stare at the ground. The long silence that followed was painful, each second that passed seemed to kill him slowly.

 

Bong Hee takes a deep breath. She wanted to cry so badly, to just let it all out and sob freely, but she didn't want to look so weak in front of him especially since her face was already wet with tears. Not knowing how to escape nor having the courage to speak first, she fumbles with the phone that she placed beside her earlier.

 

She kept tapping the screen distractedly until she realizes that she entered the messages and saw Ms. Park's name. Her heart suddenly ached and she longed for comfort. How she wished that she knew Ms. Park personally so she could run to her and cry. Before she knew it, she started typing.

 

Ms. Park....are you busy?

 

A sudden ringtone made them both flinch and Ji Wook takes his phone distractedly, wanting to turn it off. His eyes grew wide when he saw the name of the sender and he glanced at her in reflex.

 

His action made her strangely nervous and she wanted to laugh at the mere thought that she actually connected the coincidence of Ji Wook receiving a message right after she sent a text to someone.

 

He blinked nervously and quickly placed his phone back in his pocket. Bong Hee could feel his nervous aura, how he constantly wets his lip and rub the back of his neck as if he was trying to hide something.

 

She furrowed her eyebrows and the crazy thought that Ms. Park might be closer than what she thinks was buzzing in her mind. Her hand trembles as she unlocked her phone once again and clicked on the call button to Ms. Park's name.

 

It's impossible......right?

 

A familiar caller ringtone penetrates the silence and Bong Hee held her breath as Ji Wook refused to take his phone and could only stare at her instead, the fear in his eyes evident. She felt like they were in a horror movie, their tense eyes looking silently at each other while a phone was loudly making a noise between them, demanding for attention at a call that might result to their death.

 

"A-Answer your phone." her voice cracked as she ordered him.

 

He didn't move, his eyes silently pleading her.

 

"Answer it!!"

 

He closes his eyes in resignation and finally takes out his phone, she quickly grabs it from his hand and nearly choked on her breath when she saw her name as the caller ID.

 

She couldn't believe it.

 

All this time, the Ms. Park whom she always found comfort with and who always encouraged her was Ji Wook. She suddenly remembers all those times when she opened up to the mysterious lady. Why was he always lying to her? She threw the phone back at him and stood up. Her whole being was shaking from anger that she didn't notice how his eyes were already wet as well. The pain of betrayal was consuming her and she thought she'd go crazy from the unfairness of it all.

 

"How could you?!" her voice was thick with accusation as she screamed at him. "Did you have fun playing with my feelings? What did I do to you that you keep hurting me like this?!?"

 

He scrambles to get up, his eyes red and his voice stuttering. "It's not what you think Bong Hee, i wasn't trying to hurt you! I knew you wouldn't talk to me if I just approach you directly so it was the only way I could think of to talk to you."

 

She furiously wipes away her tears, the anger in her heart refusing to calm down. She wanted to understand him but she was so blinded by her feelings that she wanted nothing but to be out of there. Bong Hee turned away from him but stops when her wrist was suddenly grabbed.

 

"I was desperate!!"

 

She hears him yell before she felt herself being slammed towards his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. She felt him trembling as his hand held her at the back of her neck and the other one gripping tightly around her waist.

 

"Please Bong Hee listen to me first." he pleads with his voice heavy with tears and she found her walls cracking, her heart aching to comfort him despite the anger. It was the first time that she was hearing him so desperate and crying.

 

"I just wanted to communicate with you....I was suffering...I regret everything....i missed you too much and all this years I felt like I was living but dying at the same time....I need you Bong Hee..."

 

Small raindrops started to fall and Bong Hee stared at the sky, wanting to laugh at the irony of it all. They were getting wet as the rain started getting stronger. Even the heavens were crying at their misery.

 

"You knew what you had." she started, her small hands pushing him away gently. "You just never thought you'd lose it."

 

She saw his eyes fill with regret and desperation as his tears mixed with the rain. His wet hair sticked to his forehead, adding to his miserable look and his hunched shoulders made him smaller compared to his usual dominating proud stance. She could only imagine how messed up she must've looked as well.

 

He refused to let go of her and maintained the close distance. "I'm not perfect Bong Hee-yah, I have a lot of flaws, much more than you could ever know....and I know I don't deserve you after all I've done but I can't help it.......this....." he places his palm over his chest and grips on the shirt as if he could hold his heart and stop it from aching so much; his tears now falling uncontrollably, "This belongs to you now and i can't do anything but obey what it wants."

 

Words seem to escape her and she could only let her tears fall as she listened to him. Happiness, anger, relief, anguish; she felt too much and her breath hitched. He her cheek with a trembling hand and the touch gave her goosebumps.

 

"I love you Bong Hee."

 

Something broke inside of her and she sobbed loudly, her wails being drowned by the strong rain. She had yearned to hear those words from him for so long but why did it only hurt when he finally said it? She felt him wrap his arms around her again and the warmth was too much to bear. The cold air made them tremble and their wet bodies remained intact as the rain continued to fall simultaneously with their tears.

 

.

 

Bong Hee left the door open as she placed the wet keys on her table. Ji Wook cautiously steps inside her apartment, waiting for her to say something, anything. His heart lurched in happiness when she didn't allow him to drive home while drunk, not expecting the kind gesture after the heated argument that they had earlier.

 

His eyes roam the room, it was a bigger apartment that she transferred into after she passed the board exams and started getting her pay as defense attorney. He breathes in her scent that filled the room and immediately relaxes, the cozy ambiance making him want to settle in her couch, drink some tea and maybe stay forever in her presence.

 

Bong Hee goes towards her drawers and grabs a small towel, patting herself dry. He stood rooted at the spot, not daring to do anything until she says so. He sees her glancing at him hesitantly before finally approaching him and placing the towel on his head, her small figure tiptoeing to rub his hair dry.

 

He blinked, his tired hoody eyes still red from the tears a while ago. Here was a girl he had hurt so badly, obviously still angry at him, but offering such kind and caring gestures that he found himself getting weak.

 

Their eyes made contact and her hands stopped fumbling. He stares at her with utmost longing but her face was blank. After a long while that they stayed in that position, her eyes slowly softens and betrayed her; the longing hidden behind the hurt and anger now obvious to his searching eyes. Slowly taking a step, he gauges her reaction and waits for the worst. When she didn't step back, he held her at the waist; her hands fell to rest at his arms and the towel now forgotten on the floor.

 

The next thing he knew, she was kissing him. Her kisses were nowhere as gentle and innocent as before; grabbing the back of his neck and crashing his lips to hers. She was angry and she wanted to make it clear to him; her soft lips taking authority as she bites and his bottom lip, making him whimper and his body hotter than before.

 

Her deft hands quickly removes his wet and heavy suit as she continued to assault him with hard kisses; her lips slowly trailing towards his jawline, tongue darting out to taste his skin before sealing it again with a kiss. The action made him heady with arousal and he responds to her helplessly, his back falling into her bed after she pushed him when they made their way towards her room.

 

Bong Hee climbs on top of him and continued her ministrations, straddling him down with her legs as she bent towards him. He groans into , his fingers finding the edge of her soaked thin shirt and feeling her soft body. She shuddered in response and he the sensitive skin, slowly lifting her shirt upwards as his hands searched the expanse of her back.

 

Ji Wook thinks that he would reach the point of insanity soon. It had been too long since he had any skinship with her and the taste of her lips, her dominating hands and the feel of her wet warm body was driving him mad. He feels the intensity of her emotions; her anger, her hurt, her resentment towards him and he willingly accepts them all.

 

Then she stops.

 

Their heavy breathing was the only thing to be heard in the deafening silence. She slowly pulls away and her weight sits on his waist, her legs spread apart on both sides. He opens his eyes and sees the tears trickle down her cheeks as she silently broke down in front of him. He sits up and positions her more comfortably in his lap as he settles in between her, concern lacing his eyes despite the pounding of his heart. Reaching out a hand, he wipes away the tears on her cheek and wordlessly places a gentle kiss on her lips, tasting the saltiness but not finding it in him to care.

 

She gazes at him with longing and places her trembling fingers on his face as well, tracing his eyes, his nose, his lips, and that small scar on his cheek, as if she was confirming that he was really there in front of her. Her gentle touch somehow conveyed her apology for her actions earlier and he slightly shakes his head with a small smile, hoping to assure her that he was okay. All the while her lips tremble and her eyelids blinks away the tears.

 

"I missed you...." her small whisper penetrated the silence as the first words were finally said since they entered the room. "So much..."

 

His heart aches and he could only respond softly. "I missed you too..."

 

She traces his bottom lip with a finger and her wet eyes made contact with his again. "I'm sorry....but everything still hurts....even being with you now hurts....all this time I tried so hard to move on and I've cried countless times that I can't find myself to forgive you so easily.....I'm sorry..." she bites her lip and glances down, her tears still flowing uncontrollably.

 

He takes her hands and grips them tightly. "I understand.....I won't disturb your daily life and I don't expect you to accept me back easily....just let me love you for now, even from afar......" he touches her chin and made her look up so he could look at her straight in the eyes. "I'll wait until you're ready even if it means for the rest of our lives cause there's no way that I'm waiting for anyone else except for you."

 

She lets out a sob and he wraps his arm around her, their wet bodies providing warmth for each other. He her hair as she trembled in his embrace, placing a kiss on her forehead every now and then. The calming sound of raindrops hitting the windows somehow relaxed their nerves and lulled them to sleep.

 

They didn't even find the strength to care anymore as they slept with their wet clothes on, content with the presence of one another as their arms wrapped around each other during their slumber.

 

Tomorrow would be another day after all and they didn't know how things would change.

 

 

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NOTE: They had the latest model of Samsung so i figured their cellphones must've been waterproof LMAO

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Thank you!
UnknownFanTT
We've reached the end! This has been a long journey and I'll always be thankful to you all for riding this ship with me ;w;
Till next time!~ (ôwo)

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julesfran_81 #1
Chapter 16: Awww!!!! Finally Jiwook!!!
Puppysitehere
#2
Chapter 22: Finally you managed to finish the whole story, although it was quite fast to catch but you were actually indebted to us after a long hiatus writernim hehehehehe. And now, you made the story complete! Congratulations and Thanks a lot! I pray that you were always in a healthy condition. Keeping away the bad viruses! Stay clean and stay fun too! One more thank youu for all jibong drabbles/ stories that you had given to us! We appreciates all of those from the bottom of our heart! Love, from one your dear fans! *I don’t have any twitter account, so I won’t get to follow your doings...Bye for now^^^ p/s: you are welcome to drop by here anytime if you want to give us surprise hehehehehe..
YooSiJin #3
Chapter 21: Aww im so glad you found time to come back to this especially being on the frontline in the battle against COVID-19!

You are so brilliant. Please keep safe.. Hope to see you back soon with another suspicious partner fanfiction soon xxx
RParkSJ #4
Chapter 20: Welcome back!!! Thank you for saving lives at the frontlines in the battle against COVID-19!
You don’t know how grateful we are that there are courageous people like you out there fighting against this SARS CoV2 virus. Just know that millions of people are praying for your safety.

You should be resting in your free time. Yet you are so dedicated as to write for us! Thank you.
God bless you and all your fellow workers!
Puppysitehere
#5
Chapter 20: thank youu !!! I thought the mad confession will be on this chapter but by the way Chinca Gumawo!! ^^ I felt really sorry for lawyer ji tho tsk tsk... But never mind, we have our jiji back to their bubbly spots again^^ Waitttt until the episodes will be released..:)))
Puppysitehere
#6
Chapter 19: That was so great writernim!
I’ve never known you worked in a hospital as the frontliners?? Anyway thanks a lot! You manage to continue the story till the end..I thought you abandoned the story because you choose stop to writing..So great to have you back..Your writing improved a lot!! Even from the beginning you always be my favourite author ^^ Can’t wait to have the next chapter..FIGHTING! ^^
idkbouthattbh #7
Chapter 19: OMGGGGG I can’t believe you came back :’) I literally thought you’d never update your fics uwu thank you ❤️❤️
passantana
#8
Chapter 19: Wow, so happy that you came back! Thx for it! ˆ-ˆ
missHankyung #9
Chapter 19: Mad respect for you. Still writing this masterpiece for us who just lazing around at home during this lock down while you busy being front liner. I pray for you. May all the front liner stay strong and healthy, and none get sick.
piggybank08 #10
Wow! Thank you so much for the updates authornim. Been waiting for so long on your fanfics of Jibong couple. Love them all. Tnx??... please update also your other jibong fanffic.