“Trying hard not to fall. On the way home. You were trying to wear me down, down. Kissing up on fences and up on walls. On the way home. I guess it's all working out, now. 'Cause there's still too long to the weekend. Too long till I drown in your hands. Too long since I've been a fool, oh. Leave this blue neighbourhood. Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh. And it drives me wild. 'Cause when you look like that. I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh. It drives me wild.”—Wild by Troye Sivan

 

Jaejoong was leaving to meet Yunho, they were trying to beat the morning rush and make it to the community pool downtown, when his older sister stopped him. “Who are you meeting with?” she raised an eyebrow.

 

“Friend.”

 

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with your ‘friend’ lately?” She tilted her head, looking nonchalant.

 

He grinned at her, straightening from his position at the door where he was slipping his shoes on. “My male friend, Jung Yunho. Do not worry. I am not having a ‘teenage love episode.’”

 

Her eyes darkening with meaning before saying, after inhaling softly, “Yunho? From yesterday?”

 

“What about it?”

 

“I like him.”

 

He froze, batting his long lashes at his senior. “You do not know him.”

 

She shrugged. “I know. What I saw of him I liked.” She smirked, tapping the corner of her luscious bottom lip. “He is cute. Handsome, actually.” Her eyes shimmered with a secret. “Don't you think so, Jaejoong?”

 

A shiver ran through him.

 

“I….He is not half bad.” Clamping his lips together he forgot his shoes.

 

“Half bad?”

 

He flicked his eyes on her. “I am better looking.”

 

Her guffawed left him confused, stuck between hurt and concurrence. He did find Yunho attractive.

 

“Of course, you are, my little dove,” she purred, petting him like Yunho loved to do. Yunho. He needed to go meet him.

 

“A teenage love is not all that bad, you know? If you were in one.” She paused, assessing him, she moved forward and cupped his cheeks with a strong hand. “I would not mind or reprimand you. You’re eighteen, live life. Fall in love. It is fun.”

 

“Momma would have a fit!”

 

She laughed, releasing him and moved back. “Not if she doesn't know. Enjoy your youth.”

 

He gasped.

 

She looked at him, weighing her words, debating if she should add anything. She decided against what was on her mind. Inhaling, she flashed him a picaresque smile and wiggled her fingers at him, turning on her heels, going back to her room to finish getting ready for work.

 

Lieah was always keen and insightful. Eyes bright with secrets only she knew.

 

He wondered what she was hinting at. She couldn't know about him and Yunho. No, that was an impossibility. Maybe she thought he was sneaking out to see his lady love and not Yunho, his gentleman love. It didn't matter, he decided. This was matter for a later time. He needed and wanted to see Yunho.

 

He was eighteen. He was living life. It was fun. He was also in love.

 

 

His heart clamored as he ran to the train station, his smile stretching his cheeks to the point of pain.

 

He crashed into Yunho’s arms when they met at their coordinated location. There were not a lot of people around and he staged the hug to appear as if he almost fell and Yunho saved him.

 

He felt Yunho’s smile on the middle of his head and a light, scented kiss grazed there before they pulled apart and sojourned to the pool.

 

They spent an hour and a half there before they decided to go to Yunho’s deserted house. On their way there they bought ice cream. Lots of it. They wanted to spend their whole time together on the overly sweet, sticky treats.

 

Crunching on ice-cream bars, the hot sun over their shoulders, drying their bodies, raising their temperature, they walked to Yunho’s home.

 

With school out, the main reason most of the people filled Yunho’s street during the week, it was completely empty and silent; Yunho took the chance to grab Jaejoong’s hand and tangle their fingers together.

 

Startled, but pleased, the singer allowed him to hold his hand. Even giving Yunho’s long fingers a light squeeze.

 

They were silent until Jaejoong began talking, looking far into the distance. “Yunho, can I ask you something?”

 

The teen looked over at him and smiled brightly. “Sure.”

 

Jaejoong directed his gaze at him and lifted the corner of his lips. “Remember you said sure.”

 

“Remember—Why? Should I be scared about what you plan to ask me?” He sniggered.

 

Jaejoong shook his head. “No.” He was lying...or maybe not.

 

“You like me.”

 

Yunho flushed and coughed, “Yeah.” He really, really liked Jaejoong. Did he not show his affection enough? He was holding his hand in public. Something only married couples did.

 

“It wasn’t a question—should it have had been one?”

 

“No,” Yunho denied adamantly.

 

Chuckled, quickly glancing over at Yunho.

 

“You’re playing?” Yunho reached over and pinched Jaejoong’s cheek, making the dark-haired teen giggle.

 

“What I wanted to ask…” the singer paused and inhaled, looking away from his companion once more. Yuhno couldn’t tell if his peach coloring had to do with the weather or his emotions coming to the surface. “When did you begin liking me?” He stuttered. “When did you realized?”

 

Yunho was stunned. His cheeks glowed. He had not expected such a question.

 

“Aah—” It was his turn to stutter.

 

“I told you,” Jaejoong mumbled, laughing a bit. He found a flustered Yunho cute.

 

Swallowing, Yunho nodded. “I cannot say when. I just...” He bravely said, quelling the fluttering of his heart. He caught Jaejoong’s eyes, his courage scampered away. His ears heated up.

 

Jaejoong nodded, softly pillowing his lips. “Fair enough. But, when did you realized?”

 

Yunho blush deepened.

 

“You okay?” Jaejoong asked, just for the comedic value.

 

“You are a devil,” Yunho grunted, his smile shy.

 

. Jaejoong grinned in pleasure when he saw the tip of Yunho’s right ear stained a brilliant red; it made Jaejoong want to squeeze Yunho in a hug all the while kissing him for dear life.

 

“Why do you want to know?” Yunho finally asked.

 

Jaejoong pressed his lips together and casted his eyes on the ground before he quickly said, looking his partner in the eyes, evading answering, "Will you tell me?"

 

Smoothing his left side-burn with two fingers and gripping Jaejoong's hand, Yunho mumbled thoughtfully, "Realized?"

 

Jaejoong nodded. Thankfully Yunho was not fixating on the reason behind his question.

 

Yunho was too busy traveling down memory lane and thinking the question over. He had like Jaejoong for a while now; he could not pinpoint an exact moment when he realized his feelings for him began changing, however. It had happened without his knowledge.

 

What started as him always wanting to be with Jaejoong because he enjoyed being with him, and liked his smile, laugh and personality, changed into this deep aching need to possess and monopolized him.

 

It was scary.

 

"I guess..." Yunho frowned, eyes going blank for a few seconds before they filled with emotion as he turned a deep, dark tomato red. "Remember that night we played hide-and-seek?"

 

Jaejoong’s chuckle was soft and timid. "I do." And he would never forget.

 

"Right." Yunho awkwardly cleared his throat. "You remember. Well," he inhaled, "that's when I realized. Though, I cannot pinpoint when I began to like you. I guess I always did—I liked you for a long time. But...that night, I realized the depth and nature of my feelings for you. There. I answered your question." He cutely grinned at Jaejoong. "Now, you must tell me when you realized you liked me?"

 

Coughing to the point of wheezing, Jaejoong cleared his throat and hid his upturned lips behind the back of his hand that was gripping his melting ice-cream.

 

"Same as you."

 

"Hmm. Why do I feel like you are not telling me the truth?"

 

"Why do you think I am not telling you the whole truth?" He batted his lashes innocently at Yunho.

 

The general tilted his head to the side and cackled, his laughter genuine. "You can tell me when you are ready."

 

Jaejoong stuffed the rest of his treat in his mouth, not answering Yunho.

 

He was not sure he would ever be ready. Yunho did not appear to mind his silence. The gentle smile remained on Yunho’s luscious lips.

 

He came off as if he already knew what Jaejoong was too scared to say.

 

“My mother is really busy right now with work, as it is the matchmaking session,” Yunho offered when Jaejoong asked about his family’s whereabouts after they arrived at his empty home.

 

They didn’t even reflect on how this season also affected them. Sitting next to each other was over powering all their senses, especially their ability to reason.

 

Yunho felt his fingers tremble nervously.

 

Every time they were along together was like the first time.

 

“What movies would you like to watch?” Yunho asked, perusing the small, black colored shelf overflowing with DVDs.

 

Jaejoong shrugged, reaching for his drink, the ice cubes rang as they clinked together and against the water glass.

 

“Anything is fine as long as we’re watching it together,” he declared bluntly making Yunho blush.

 

He loved the way his words drew such reactions from Yunho who appeared shameless sometimes. Unfazed by anything.

 

“Okay.”

 

“But, Yunho."

 

The boy hummed and threw him a quick look.

 

"Why do you have a DVD player? Something so ancient."

 

Yunho snickered. "It's Poppi's." He flipped around. "If you'd rather watch something from Selection, we can always—"

 

Selection, a streaming media and video-on-demand online and DVD subscription site, was all the rage of late because they had the best original shows, good movies, and had a large selection of movies and shows, though it was a bit points heavy. It had become a slang term amongst the younger generation; ‘Selection and chill’ was known used as a euphemism for hooking up.

 

"No. This will do fine enough."

 

It was not like he would focus better.

 

It was difficult to focus on the motions and voices of the actors and actresses when they were right next to each other. Their scent tantalized each other’s noses.

 

 Yunho’s legs and fingers gave away to a nervous quaking. He sandwiched his hands between his knees in hope of hiding them.

 

A few moment later, scooting closer, Jaejoong reached for one of Yunho’s hand and careened his fingers through his and gently laid his head on his shoulder, feeling Yunho’s rapid heartbeats. The quaking quelled a bit, but his belly clenched.

 

Yunho inhaled and exhaled softly, as if he feared Jaejoong feeling his body moved.

 

Jaejoong squeezed his fingers.

 

Their gaze locked and Jaejoong smiled up at Yunho. He felt when Yunho’s heartbeat accelerated.

 

Jaejoong had never wanted anything as much as he wanted Yunho then.

 

Giving in to temptations, Jaejoong tilted his head back and dropped a searing, wet kiss on Yunho’s neck, right on his cervical vertebra.

 

Yunho’s sharp intake of breath lit a small fire within Jaejoong.

 

They began caressing each other’s fingers sensually.

 

Yunho looked down at Jaejoong right as he looked up at him. They were transfixed.

 

With that one arrested look, they slowly careened toward the other and kissed.

 

A steady flame grew within them.

 

It was all rhythm, breathing, saliva, and pressure. Delicious pressure and the correct spots .

 

Out of all their delicious kisses, this was a first and they were lost on what to do, where they could touch and if they could, but everywhere that was contacted was set ablaze.

 

Jaejoong gripped Yunho’s nape, steadying his head, sliding his wet tongue against his bottom lip, biting it before he s his tongue within the crevices of his mouth. A soft sigh of pleasure escaped Yunho’s throat, sending treads of flame down Jaejoong’s body.

 

He wanted to hear it more.

 

Jaejoong pressed his body harder against his, allowing Yunho to feel all the lines of his lithe frame. Yunho dropped his hands on Jaejoong’s hips and pulled him even closer. Their crotch bumped, sending fire sizzling through their veins.

 

They swallowed hisses and moans.

 

Feeling the toned outline of Yunho's body made Jaejoong want...want something more. To feel him more. To feel his hands on him.

 

 He tightened his left arm around Yunho’s shoulder, his shirt, and curled his toes to the point of stabbing pain.

 

Their bodies hardened, and they both felt it. Shamed and desire rippled through them.

 

Feeling Jaejoong’s hard pressing against his chest inspired Yunho to go ahead with his desires and touch him.

 

What more crimes could he commit other than the fact that he was in love with another man? The succeeding crimes were nothing, he decided, kissing his partner openly and hungrily.

 

They both got a bit bold and decided to touch a bit. Their reward was little moans that made their souls burn.

 

Yunho slid his palm under Jaejoong’s shirt and pressed his widen palm on Jaejoong’s hard belly.

 

Jaejoong’s skin was smooth and hot. His skin felt like burning sunbeams.

 

Yunho's kisses felt like looking at the sun—unbearable—but dipped in honey. Jaejoong wanted more but felt overwhelmed. Too good.

 

They felt their cores molten.

 

It felt so right to drag their lips over the other’s cheeks, forehead, neck, collarbone, and bite the other’s ear in unrestrained hunger and passion.

 

Under the intoxicating humidity, with sweat running down their throat, pooling in their collarbone and under their armpits, slicking their hair to their scalp, dotting their forehead and upper lip, they dashed their timidity and reached out and touched each other in private parts they’ve been educated since youth to only allow one’s wife to see and touch, and that it was simply an instrument to replenish the population of their country. The thought and want should have repelled them, but it didn't. The desire congregated in their lower belly and pooled there, cooling down, cementing.

 

The want felt right.

 

No matter how right it felt, they still did not assemble the courage to touch each other how they dreamt and wished, going beyond kissing and the light touches on arms and lower thigh—the area near their knees.

 

Their conscious screamed at them using the voice of their ED instructor. Unlawful. Abnormal. It is wrong to want to touch another male in a ual manner. Wrong. A crime.

 

It didn't dampen the want that sang through them.

 

They wanted the other so badly that their bones ached.

 

Yunho wanted to sink his teeth into Jaejoong and gobble him up, he thought sniffing him. He smelled scrumptious.

 

Breathing hard, they pulled apart.

 

Grabbing their breaths, Jaejoong pulled Yunho close and hugged him as if his life depended on it. It probably did.

 

He asked against Yunho’s throat. “What we are doing.” He wet his dry lips with the tip of his tongue. “Are we committing a crime?”

 

He meant the kiss, while also hinting at the grand picture: their relationship. Their love. Was it even love? Could their love be compared to the love between men and women? They’ve had not known each other for that long. But, at least for Jaejoong, it had been brewing within him since the first moment his eyes landed on Yunho years ago. Yunho’s reckoning was so new, so young. Was it not fickle.

 

It felt so right. So real. So true. So pure.

 

Yunho didn’t respond verbally. He assembled him in his arm and pulled him nearer, dropping a lingering kiss on top of his damped forehead, before he went ahead and implanted his signature busses all over his face, focusing on his cheeks and forehead: sugary and feather light.

 

Yunho’s Poppi and sister came home to eat lunch with them, surprising the duo.

 

Sanah was pleased to see that Jaejoong was over. She showed her obvious affinity for him. “He is so respectful and well reared.” Yunho dissolve into laughter when she had said that, because she sounded like the old aunties and uncles when they gossiped about their friends’ kids, sitting in the community center drinking cold tea and fanning their hot faces.

 

During lunch they made small talk.

 

“Have you decided on what you want to major in when you go to university?” she earnestly asked, swallowing.

 

They were given a list of fields their aptitude suited, which was garnered from the national test they had to take to qualify to be admitted to a university.

 

Jaejoong shook his head, playing with his food. “But I know I will probably do something in the singing field.”

 

“Right,” she exclaimed, widening her eyes comically. “You are an amazing singer. You probably will be scouted to join the National Choral.”

 

He sheepishly nodded, mumbling, “Thank you.”

 

Jaejoong didn’t like to brag over his good fortune. Though he hated the fact that he would be pulled away from his family, he recognized that he probably would go to a state university and join the National Choral. Performing for the rest of his days.

 

The thought didn’t please him much.

 

He looked over at Yunho who was going back and forth with his sister.

 

He supposed he could reject the offer now that he was with Yunho. Jaejoong was not sure he had a say in the matter of his future, however. The option to say no was just that, an option—words of ‘hopeless’ hope. It wasn’t something he could really utilized. Furthermore, Yunho would leave for university, too.

 

Jaejoong didn’t like thinking about the future. It made him filled him with dread and made him miserable.

 

He looked forlorn. He sneaked a quick look at Yunho who saw him and beamed at him. It lifted his spirit instantly.

 

He loved that man—teen. He really did.

 

As they cleared the table, Poppi told them, his expressions schooled, “Beware of mosquito bites.”

 

They looked at each other’s surprised.

 

 “Excuse me?” Yunho blinked at his great—granddad.

 

The elder man demonstrated by tapping the side of his neck. Yunho’s eyes zeroed on to the large bruise on the side of Jaejoong’s neck and other small ones decorating his neck like badges of honor.

 

Jaejoong quickly covered his neck, blushing.

 

They appeared more on him due to his paled skin.

 

Yunho had one going down the slope of his neck too.

 

It took no time for them to realized what it was and how it came to be.

 

They didn’t know that their activities would appear on their skin like that. They blushed hoping Poppi didn’t know where those marks were from.

 

Dread filled them.

 

They helped Sanah cleaned the plates. Afterwards she covered their necks with cute apple green bandages and instructed that they use mosquito spray as religious as they did sunscreen. She didn’t seem to think much of them. They were thankful.

 

Before Jaejoong left for home, he sat outside with Yunho and his poppi amongst the groves of citrus trees drink ice-tea, snacked on slices of watermelons with insides a deep red and played Besike.

 

Jaejoong saw why Yunho was such a good player, he had an amazing teacher.

 

Poppi was easy to talk to, something Jaejoong already knew from his previous conversations with him.

 

When he learned of Jaejoong’s traveling plan, he talked a bit about his own past. He had been to all sixty-four departments. He talked about his most memorable experiences and memories and funny, quirky facts about the departments that left the most imprint on him.

 

Both boys fired questions at him nonestop, and he was more than happy to answer them.

 

“Neap is my favorite department, if I had to chose one. Summers and autumns in Neap are like no other.” He grinned at Jaejoong after answering his question and added, not looking at his cards, “I think I’ve just beaten you two again.” He paused and smiled at a chortling Yunho. “How about that crutch you said no to previously?”

 

“No. It would not be as fun.”

 

“Neither is losing,” Jaejoong mumbled.

 

Poppi cackled. “I like you, boy.”

 

Jaejoong felt warm. He wasn’t sure if he should thank him. Poppi began teasing Yunho who was in stitches.  

 

They played and talked for a bit more till Poppi grew tired of winning.

 

Jaejoong and Yunho began talking amongst themselves, leaving Poppi to his own thoughts.

 

Yunho was talking about YI and his upcoming trip when the elderly man suddenly said blandly, “Trouble times are coming.”

 

The teens stopped talking and blinked at the man.

 

He shook his head at them. “Do not bother yourself with my statement. After living as long as I have and having acquired my amount of knowledge, you look at life differently.”

 

It was as if he was commenting on their bright innocent gazes.

 

“I wished I would travel to the past,” Jaejoong confessed. “I bet it was so different from now.”

 

The older man smiled nimbly and nodded. “A past before my days, my parents’ days vastly differs from our reality. There existed a freedom I cannot fathom. A freedom none of us can fathom.” He sighed laboriously. “Very different from what we have now.” He smiled at the boys

 

They didn’t understand his cryptic words. They were free. Their freedom was the best freedom in the world. They had a freedom no other country had.

 

“We have much more freedom now and our country is definitely better. But just because it is so different I would like to go back in time,” Yunho excitedly shared.

 

“But who is to say that our ‘freedom’ is the best and what everyone wanted and needed. We’ve made it well enough with it. But for how long?”

 

The teens shared a look.

 

Yunho shrugged at Jaejoong’s questioning gaze.

 

His Poppi got like that sometimes. Spouting nonsensical remarks. Those moments were when Yunho thought he showed his age.

 

The old man grabbed his drink and shook it, staring intently at it. He continued mumbling as if the kids weren’t around. “We’re fighting a nonsensical war. A war without a cause. A war the leaders have pulled us into and taught us we want. We’re conditioned from birth to the ashes. Children are taught to die. Battle soldiers created to be slaughtered.” He sighed again, shook his head. His eyes appeared sunken and cloudy and tired.

 

“You okay, Poppi?” Yunho carefully asked.

 

What war was his poppi talking about? Yunho shook it off. He was probably remembering the old wars they fought. He was a history professor after all.

 

“Ooh, I am sorry. What is it?” The man asked the boys. It was as if his thoughts had been vocalized without his intention.

 

The boys shared an awkward glance.

 

“What war—?” Jaejoong began.

 

Sanah popped behind them. She flashed them a kind smile. “Yunho, someone’s on the phone for you.”

 

“Okay.” He nodded. Looked one last time at his distracted Poppi and signaled for Jaejoong to follow him.

 

Yunho saw his sister casting a worried glance at their direction before dropping in the chair closest to Poppi and whispered something that made his usually smooth face wrinkled up in distaste and…. With restrained anger.

 

What was going on?

 

They didn’t have much time to dwell on Poppi’s eccentric behavior because the person who had called was Juhli asking for Yunho to hang out with her and her friends, tomorrow afternoon.

 

“Aah, okay,” he muttered. Why did she want to hang out? They weren’t close.

 

“Yunho?” She stopped him from ending the call.

 

“Yes,” he replied. Jaejoong was leaning his cheek on his back, listening to his conversation. They both hadn’t thought anything of it as it was Juhli and Yunho didn’t need nor want privacy. Plus, she was Jaejoong’s friend.

 

“Can I ask you something...weird?” she sounded anxious.

 

“Sure,” he agreed reluctantly and searched for Jaejoong’s eyes. He shrugged. He didn’t know what she wanted to ask either.

 

“I am...This might be weird but, I was wondering if you were interested in dati—Never mind!”

 

His heart pound hard in his chest. “Aah…” He looked back at Jaejoong who was still leaning against him. His loose position now stiff.

 

They stared silently in each other's eyes.

 

What were they?

 

They’ve yet to say they like or....love each other. Love was a word reserved for family members and married partner. Not for teenage relationships. Was it even love? There was no other word to describe this possessiveness and want they felt for each other.

 

Turning around Yunho cleared his throat and gave her a truthful answer. “You can ask me what you want, Juhli.”

 

It’s nothing. Truthfully.” Her voice as thin.

 

“I am not…dating.”

 

There was a short pause.

 

“That’s…aah…that’s goo—I mean, I.…I don’t know.”

 

Yunho tried laughing to clear the air, but it was so painfully fake and awkward he hated himself. It all made sense now. With his heart clamoring, Yunho listened to Juhli’s equally as painful laughter.

 

It was better when he was ignorant to Juhli’s intentions.

 

“You should invite some of your friends, too. It’ll be more fun that way. See you tomorrow evening.”

 

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

 

“Okay then, bye-bye, Yunho.”

 

She ended the call.

 

Yunho and Jaejoong shared a knowing look.

 

Were they dating?

 

Jaejoong didn’t complain or looked sad. They both looked and felt resigned. Defeated by this system. This society. Which made them feel worse because now they had treacherous, mutinous thoughts.

 

What would they do in the future? They wanted to be together. They didn’t want to be handed to someone else.

 

This was their summer. Their time together. They were thankful for now. They had each other now. They were each other's now. But what would happen after ‘now’ was no more?

 

The thought stung, and it hurt.

 

Looking at Jaejoong’s soft profile, Yunho dipped in for a swift kiss. It was smooth and warm. It made him want another. As most their kisses now did.

 

Jaejoong's cheeks lit up a soft shade of pink.

 

He was beautiful, which made Yunho want to kiss him again. This time sloppy, hard and rough.

 

Yunho wanted to hold his new partner and never let him go. The thought of another having Jaejoong drove him crazy.

 

This could not be healthy, he decided.

 

 

That evening as Yunho walked Jaejoong to the train station, the sky a deep crimson color, time appeared to have cease existing and summer felt limitless.

 

Everything would work out they thought in their inexhaustible youthful trust.

 

“What are you doing?” Jaejoong asked in a soft voice, pressing his forehead against Yunho’s chest.

 

“Nothing,” he breathed on Jaejoong soft, glossy strands.Juhli

 

 

 

Juhli and Hyein came to visit Jaejoong half an hour after he arrived home.

 

They went for a bike ride at the nearest park.

 

"This has been the best summer so far, don't you think so?" Juhli said, smiling tenderly into the darkness, her bicycle still, with her chin on her crossed arms on the handle bar.

 

"No." Hyein shook her head, pushing long strings of hair that fell from the large bun on the middle of her small head behind her tiny ear-shell. "I hate this heat. I hate the bugs." She made a show of swatting the humid air at an imaginary bug.

 

"Well, you say that every year." Juhli laughed.

 

"Look forward to me saying the same thing next year, too." With her eyes twinkling, putting a foot on the paddle, she balanced herself on top of the bicycle as she talked. "And, come on. Let's get our money's worth out of these rented bikes." She began pumping her legs furiously and zoomed away.

“Wait for us!” Jaejoong hollered, going after her.

Juhli slid up next to Jaejoong.

“What’s up, Juh?”

“Have…” she paused and looked at Hyein, asking for help with her eyes. The girl shook her head and sped in front of them.

Sighing, dropped her neck she said, tightening her grip on the handle bars.

“What’s up with Yunho?”

“What about him?”

His heart began racing. He hated talking about Yunho with Juhli. It made him feel uncomfortable and sorry. He felt guilty. A great girl like Juhli deserved–no, should be with Yunho. Not him. A man. But he couldn’t let him go.

“He’s cute, right?”

Staring at Hyein’s small back and her neon pink bottoms that flashed as they passed under each light pole, Jaejoong shrugged.

“I’m sorry, that’s not—” She stopped moving her lips and pumping her legs. She slapped a foot on the cemented ground and stopped her bike. Jaejoong followed suit, eyeing the oblivious Hyein.

Juhli jumped off and began walking. Jaejoong followed suit.

“I feel so stupid,” she muttered, tugging the end of her long ponytail.

“Huh? Why?”

She sighed and cocked her head to the side. “I tried my hardest to not ever do this to you.” She looked in their friend’s direction with fury.

“You’re angry?”

“Huh?” she flipped her head to look at Jaejoong and quickly denied his accusation. “No. No, I’m not. I’m just tired and hurt.” She her bottom lip.

“Hurt?”

She shook her head, shutting down, making it clear she did not want to clarify.

“Why do you feel stupid? You know you’re not, right?”

“Do I?”

Hyein finally looked behind her in the far distance to see that they were walking. She whistled and waved at them when she caught their attention and continued on her merry way.

“You’re not,” Jaejoong reassured.

Holding her breath she became still. Juhli sighed and confessed, “I like Yunho.”

Jaejoong didn’t need bright light to know the tanned girl had turned red in shame, exhilaration and relief of finally telling him. Jaejoong felt burdened.

Why was she telling him now?

She obviously expected something in return. Help, maybe? He couldn’t do anything, though.

Guilt panged him.

She was so sincere in her feelings, so sweet and pure, filled with expectations and hope. She deserved Yunho.

“But I bet you already knew,” she added when he said nothing.

“I didn’t. And, I…I…I don’t know what to say,” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

“Right. Just support me, please.”

The hard, sharp thud of his heart was so loud, he foolishly hoped she wouldn’t hear it.

The cicadas crying grew.

“What do you want me to do?”

She grew quiet. “I’m not that selfish.”

“I know, Juh. I…” She wanted something from him, it was clear.

She sighed loudly once more. “I just want to know if he…If I have hope.” Another sorrowful sigh. “He is perfect: smart, good looking, nice, tall, gentle, great smile, great hair…”

Jaejoong awkwardly cleared his throat. She slapped a hand over .

“Sorry.”

Chuckling, he shook his head. “It’s fine. I think so too.” It was too late when he realized he spoke his thought.

Juhli did not comment on his slip of the tongue.

“You can tell, right? I have no hope. I should just stop.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. She was too immersed in herself, her feelings and hopelessness to see anything.

“Did Hyein force you to talk to me about this?”

She froze, eyes darting around before she sheepishly nodded. “Kind of; she told me to ask you for help because you two are close.”

“I’m sorry, Juh. I really…” He shrugged, a troubled look glazing his prettily drawn face. “I don’t know.”

She inhaled, chest inflating. “Right. I should talk to him myself. Instead of feeling glum and bringing the mood down and living in ‘what-ifs.’ I should try my luck. But—” She looked over at Jaejoong, the fear clear in her eyes, paralyzed him. “I fear I already know the outcome: He’s out of my league.”

“No, he is not.” He slung an arm over her shoulder, their bike on the outside of their bodies. “You are perfect: pretty, smart, and nice.”

“I love you, but you do not have to.”

“You are all of those adjectives.”

Jaejoong wished Juhli knew how beautiful she was. She was no Hyein, but her beautiful personality, optimistic outlook on life and beautiful eyes made her beautiful.

Yunho was gorgeous, in the interior and in the exterior, but he was not above Juhli and would never be. She just could not have him. And Jaejoong could not look Juhli in the eyes.

He refused to lie to her and lead her on to avoid hurting her.

“Can I be truthful?”

“Yes. Please.”

“I…I say go for it. Try your luck out.”

. He was too weak.

She lit up.

Gulping air and saliva he said, “But please expect the worse. Protect yourself.”

She nodded, cheering up. “I know. Yunho is very patriotic.”

He chuckled against his better judgement, and raised a quizzical eyebrow.

She simply laughed and touched his arm as she did so.

He loved her too much to see her hurt.

It was hard to choose.

 

Writer’s Note: This chapter is not well edited, sorry. Thank you to those who commented on the last chapter. I enjoyed each and everyone of them and

they all encouraged me. Please share your thoughts on this chapter if you like it and want to. Love you all!