INTERLUDE

i. Fine

“When one day, one month, one year passes

Will we be living different lives?”

2019 - TAEYEON

The lights are dimmed as they make their way to their stage position for the final performance of the night. Taeyeon lets a wide grin spread across her face as she soaks in the energy of the crowd, their excitement palpable.

As a group, they weren't doing so bad she thinks.

The stage lights come to life, directing a beam of bright light onto their faces and on cue, the crowd cheers. Hundreds of voices, competing to be heard, to express their admiration and support for the group on stage. And despite the feeling of immense pressure she always feels before a performance, Taeyeon readies herself for the opening lines of their song. She concentrates on the beat, the chanting of the crowd and finds herself slipping into what performers would call "the zone" .

As quickly as the song had begun, it ends and Taeyeon finds herself physically and emotionally drained, but proud. She stands with her fellow group mates, the five of them all sweaty, tired, and wearing expressions similar to hers.

Not bad at all she thinks and smiles wryily.

They are ushered into the rooms backstage and are immediately swept away to another schedule. The five of them clamber on board their company van and Taeyeon's sure she's not the only one dreaming of a hot shower and a soft, warm bed to lie on. As if reading her mind, Tiffany shoots her a cheeky smile before groaning out loud to get the attention of the group.

"Does anyone know how long will this next schedule is going to be?"

Seohyun, the maknae, looks up from her phone and relays the information from the device in her hand.

"Manager says we should be done by 1am."

Resigned expressions settle upon the members' faces and the rest of the ride is quiet. Only Yoona and Seohyun mumble softly to each other, continuing a conversation that they had started earlier. In contrast, the other members, including the usually boisterous Tiffany, choose to keep to themselves and rest before their next scheduled event.

They arrive at their destination and their manager sends them a soft smile, then a small nod, regarding them with sympathetic eyes. Their tiredness was evident from the lack of their usual playfulness and the muted atmosphere during the ride.

Taeyeon gestures for her members to gather around her as they disembark.

"Taeyeon unnie?" Yoona speaks with a trace of curiosity colouring her otherwise tired tone.

"I know we are all pretty worn out. We all had a big, albeit, successful day today, with rehearsal in the morning and of course our mini-concert this evening where we performed our new song, but the day's technically not over yet. Each and everyone of us have worked so hard for so long and it's finally paying off. It means we're doing something right if we are so in demand for these interviews, right? So, let's finish off the day with a great appearance. Let's do this not only for our fans, but for ourselves."

The group is silent for a moment, before Sooyoung's mouth cracks into a smirk and she elbows the shorter girl.

"Taeyeon do you hear yourself? What happened to the dumb kid we once knew? You hit your head? Got replaced by an alien?"

A ripple of laughter arises from the rest of the members and each member takes their turn to tease Taeyeon. Taeyeon find herself receiving two smirks and another elbow nudge courteous of Tiffany.

Taeyeon just sends Sooyoung a glare in return.

"Taeyeon unnie, I agree with your sentiments. Let's do our best!"

Of course, only the hardworking maknae would respond earnestly.

Their manager calls them in and the members began filing into the room where their interview would be conducted. Taeyeon sighs, shaking her head slightly at her members silly antics. A gentle weight comes to rest upon her left shoulder, pulling her out of her musing.

"Tae?"

Taeyeon gives a quiet hum in response.

"Are you okay?"

The question is laced with genuine concern and she turns around finding Tiffany's brown eyes softly yet carefully regarding her countenance; as though Tiffany's expecting to find something out of the ordinary but what that something is, Taeyeon isn't entirely sure of.

"Err...yeah. I'm good, just a bit tired, like the rest of you lot." Taeyeon lets out a small chuckle, "I know you guys don't think much of my leadership capabilities, but I'm trying, I think I'm getting better..."

"Tae, no one thinks you're a bad leader. We love you, you know that right?"

"Heh, yeah, I guess it feels different to hear it out loud though. Kind of weird actually. Regardless, I'm going to keep working hard to improve, if not for me, then for you guys."

"I'm proud of you, Tae. I’m proud of us."

"Me too."

"Are you...happy?"

"Yes...well, I think so."

Tiffany seems to pause slightly before nodding at her, and where concern previously resided, Tiffany’s eyes twinkled with mirth.

"We better go Leader Kim Taeyeon, the others are waiting for us and it's time to deliver on those cheesy words you spilled out early."

Taeyeon lets herself be dragged along by Tiffany, mulling over their conversation.

Was she really happy?

/

She finds herself averting her eyes from her own reflection on the closing elevator door.

Ever since that conversation she had with Tiffany, there was a seed of doubt, a persistent niggling thought that something wasn't quite right. That or she was going insane due to the lack of sleep amongst other things.

Whilst she had been able to use the "sleep deprivation" excuse for the past few weeks, everything was winding down now as they neared the end of the promotional period. She was somewhat relieved that promotions were coming to an end. It meant no more of those days that Taeyeon dreaded—scheduled events from 6am to 1am the following day.

Days filled with obnoxious MCs who were trying to trick them into saying something that would garner a public reaction. 

Positive or negative, it didn’t matter to them.

Days filled with cranky perfectionist directors who would scrap a take should a single finger be out of place.

She understood. This industry was...ruthless. But what Taeyeon found herself dreading more than the ridiculously packed schedules were the "relaxed days”. Because it was in those moments of calm and quiet that her thoughts roamed, stumbling upon ideas she did not want to contemplate and replaying conversations like the one with Tiffany.

It was on these quiet days that something akin to a weed had taken root in her chest; had begun to fester, eating her away from the inside, feeding off her dangerous stray thoughts. Paradoxically, as the feeling in her chest grew, Taeyeon felt a greater urge to retreat into herself. In the coming months, she notices Tiffany's concerned expressions, growing more and more troubled.

/

Taeyeon feels Tiffany glancing at her one afternoon during their shared vocal lesson and when she raises her eyes to meet those of the other girl, she finds Tiffany biting her lip, as if internally debating whether she should say something to Taeyeon.

A beat passes and Tiffany opens seemingly having made a decision to speak. There’s a knock and both of them turn towards the sound to find their manager and a company producer standing in the doorway.

"Kim Taeyeon-ssi?"

"Yes?"

"Come with us, we want to have a word with you. Are you busy right now?" The manager speaks evenly, tone neutral.

Taeyeon wonders if she had done something wrong and upon scouring her memory and coming up blank, she is still confused about their manager’s intentions.

"I can come now, Manager."

Tiffany manages to give her a small wave as she leaves the room.

Taeyeon follows her manager and is promptly ushered into a small office somewhere down the hall.

"Following the success of the group, we are planning on giving you a solo debut--an entire album--in fact. We know you've always expressed the desire to be able to share some of your self-composed songs, so we are rewarding your hard work with this opportunity."

Taeyeon’s eyes widen and she freezes, her mind slowly processing the words her manager had just uttered. Was this real? When the initial shock fades, she feels the quickening of her heart beat as the excitement sets in.

"Thank you, Manager! I can't believe this!" Taeyeon is certain her face displays an unattractively dopey expression and her eyes are glistening with the threat of fresh tears but, she doesn't care. Even her personal demons and seeds of doubt, seem to be temporarily tamed.

"Go celebrate now, Taeyeon-ssi, you deserve this."

Taeyeon manages to bow gratefully before scampering off to the dorms to break the news to her fellow members.

/

"So what did you do this time, Tae?"

Taeyeon's wide grin startles Tiffany as she glances up from the magazine she had been perusing prior to the leader's arrival.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just got told that I am going to have a SOLO DEBUT!!!"

Taeyeon all but shouts the last two words, unable to contain her excitement.

“OH MY GOD! That’s AMAZING TAE!!”

Tiffany wraps herself around the smaller girl, pulling her closer into a crushing embrace. Then there’s the sound of rustling, scampering and Taeyeon finds that one pair of arms wrapped around her tightly becomes four pairs.

“Taeyeon-unnie, this is awesome, we need to celebrate!”

“YES!! I’ll go get the drinks!!!” Sooyoung immediately volunteers, ever so keen on parties.

“Oh and even though it’s not a birthday celebration or anything, can we get cake? I’ve been craving cake fo