Seungri

I never understood why people tended to get depressed when winter came, but maybe it’s only because misfortunes happen during winter.

It was early in the morning, and not a single person was on the street yet. The sky was still dark, which reminded me of the time when we met.

I kicked an empty can along the street as I walked. The cold air seeped through my light jacket, but I didn’t care. I realized that I was so indifferent that I felt like the frost had frozen my heart along with the plants around me.

After a few minutes, I arrived at HQ. Getting in wasn’t going to be a problem since they’ve seen me enough already.

“Can I help you?” one of the security guards by the door asked.

“Uh yes, can I see Secretary 3?” I asked. The guards looked at me suspiciously, and then looked at each other.

“I’ll you there.” The first guard said.

We walked in and I couldn’t keep my eyes off the surroundings. There were many offices, and each of them had high-tech equipment, from surveillance cameras to tracking devices. There was also a big room with whiteboards on the walls, and a map-like figure drawn on one of the boards. Probably a meeting room. I followed the guard through what seemed like a maze, and then we finally stopped at two large cubicles that were beside each other. The guard went to tell the secretary that I was there.

Then something caught my eye.

In the first cubicle, I saw a few pictures taped to the wall. Not just any pictures though, they were of Eun-Mi and me. Just seeing our smiling faces together was enough to make my heart ache again.

“Seungri-ssi?” the secretary’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Oh yes, um, you see, I found out something important yesterday…”

“Can you find information on Eun-Mi’s parents and their death?” I asked.

Secretary 3 quickly typed something and pulled up a bunch of files. I skimmed through them, but it only said that they died in a fire.

“Hmm…would it be possible to find the surveillance tapes of the area before the fire?”

She typed in some more, and pulled up a black and white video clip. I watched carefully, expecting something unusual to happen, but nothing did. In fact, there was nothing interesting about the video at all; the only thing that happened was that a boy carrying a giant water dispenser refill bottle walked by.

Hold on…someone walked by?

“Wait, can you pause and zoom in on that guy’s face?”

She did as I asked and zoomed in on the boy’s face, but it turned out a bit pixelated.

Even though he was a lot younger and the picture was bad quality, I recognized him immediately, for it wasn’t a face I was going to forget.

But that wasn’t what made my blood run cold. At first I thought he was holding a water dispenser refill, but up close…it looked more like…

Gasoline.

Eun-Mi

I observed the people walking by on the sidewalk. Many people were carrying bags of stuff, probably gifts for their loved ones. Everyone was very joyful, in the holiday mood already. Well, everyone except for one guy who slouched and looked very depressed. He hung his head and bumped into people, but he kept walking. From far away he kind of looked like— No. Why did I keep thinking of him? I must have been hallucinating. Although I tried to pull my eyes away, I found myself looking in his direction again. I watched as he made his way to the corner of the sidewalk.

Suddenly, the guy suddenly looked up. Just like that night in the club, a jolt of recognition flashed through me. Seungri. It felt like my heart stopped for an instant while an unexpected wave of emotions flood though me. He stood by the crosswalk, waiting for the lights to turn green.

Then it looked like he started to cross the street. The lights weren’t green yet.

It was exactly what had happened in my dream.

 Seungri

What if this wasn’t the reason?

“Have you ever thought that I DON’T love you, and never did?”

Her words were constantly replaying in my head, bringing the feeling of anguish back. It was finally light outside and people were out and about. As I was walking home, I passed by the local mall. People looked so happy, already in the spirit of Christmas. It seemed like they were all so oblivious to the other things going on in the world. I closed my eyes just for a second and imagined that Eun-Mi was beside me, maybe even throwing a snowball at me. The thought didn’t last for long.

“Hey watch where you’re going!” a voice shouted when I bumped into someone.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and kept on walking. It was pretty cold so I stuffed my hands in my pockets.

Feeling something in my right pocket, I took it out.

The moment I set my eyes on it, my heart was being shattered into a million pieces for the umpteenth time today.

It was the panda charm that we got together.

I put it away before anything could happen, and continued walking to the corner of the sidewalk. I stood there, waiting for the lights to turn green. I took out the charm again and fiddled with it, while getting lost in our memories.

“Pick a hand!” she said.

“That one,” I pointed to her left hand.

She pulled out her hand and passed me something. It was a tiny panda, attached to a thin string. Then she brought out another one, and held it up in front of me, as if she was comparing how much we looked alike. I smiled at the sound of her unique laughter.

She pulled out her phone and attached the charm, not before snapping a picture of us together. I gave my best eye-smile.

When I came back to the present, I realized that the little panda was no longer in my hand. It had fallen onto the road in front of me. A strong fear of losing my only piece of Eun-Mi washed over me, and without thinking, I stepped forward and reached for it.