It was over. All over. I should have been happy that I made the right decision, but my heart felt full with regret. Maybe if we hadn’t met at all then it wouldn’t hurt this much. Happy memories of us together kept flashing around in my head, unable to stop. My brain was torturing me; with every hug and every smile that I saw. I had thought that it hurt when everyone around me left me, but this was a different kind of feeling. The worst is being right beside the person that you could never have. And I realized that I had been doing that for a while.

There's hell in hello and good in goodbye. That's why you shouldn't be afraid of goodbye, but careful with the hello. I should have been more careful from the beginning.

I closed my eyes, trying to keep the tears from sliding down. The skin on my cheeks was already becoming dry from the endless fat drops constantly wetting them, and the harsh winter wind. I hated being this weak. I hated how he could make me like this. Most of all, I hated myself for causing everyone pain. Even my own pain.

Attempting to stand up and find something to do, I mentally scolded myself again for acting like this, but it was to no avail. I sighed. Life had to go on. Without knowing where I was going, I stumbled along. Suddenly, the bitter cold wind blew through the thin sweater like a slap in the face. I looked down and realized that I hadn’t brought anything with me, not even my jacket. Crossing my arms around me, I shivered and gave myself another mental scolding.

I didn’t know what I was doing, so I started to jog. It had been a while since the last time I actually trained, and I had to get back in shape. I let the chilly air refresh my mind and wipe away all of my thoughts. It felt good to run again. I felt faster than the fastest cheetah; able to hunt down every animal I wanted to.

Without realizing it, I reached a dead end. I stopped, confused, and looked around. Then I felt my heart give a painful squeeze as I remembered this place. The place where all of it started. The place where all of it ended. I knew that the thoughts would come back and haunt me if I didn’t do anything, so I ran away from the alley, as fast as I could.

Panting, I finally slowed down and took a break. I guessed my body wasn’t used to running so fast all of a sudden. I leaned against then door and took a deep breath before going home.

…home?

I blinked again, trying to make sure I was in the right place. I heaved a sigh upon realizing where my feet have taken me. I was standing on the porch of his house. But I was too defeated to move, so I closed my eyes, slid down with my back still against the door, and curled up, getting ready for the pain to choke me again.

I needed some fresh air, but also a good distraction. It was almost midnight, so I brought myself to the local club. The loud music made everything else impossible to concentrate on, which was exactly what I needed. I missed the taste of alcohol, burning the worries away as it ran down my throat. I lost count of how many shots I had, but I knew that I wouldn’t be drunk. I watched as the people were dancing, just having fun, and wished how I could feel so careless like them.

Then someone who looked seriously drunk was stumbling over, trying to make his way over to the dance floor. He had on the same shirt as one of Seungri’s…

Of course it was him.

My heart made a loud thud that I could hear even over the loud music. The butterflies were back in my stomach and suddenly the alcohol that I drank made me feel a bit queasy. I watched as he went up to a random girl who was sitting at the other end of the bar. She had on a short silver tube dress and silver stilettos to match. I saw as she nodded and they walked over to the dance floor together. He clumsily wrapped his arms around the girl’s skinny waist and pulled her so close that they were pressed against each other. A bubble of jealousy tried to surface in me, but I pushed it back down, eyes still glued at them. The girl looked surprised but didn’t complain.

Then my eyes widened at what I saw. He started kissing her. She froze, with her eyes still open, and then she pulled away quickly. She said something to Seungri and left entirely. He tried to stumble after her and managed to grab her arm but she yanked it away and ran with a creeped-out look on her face. Well at least she had some self-respect. I knew he wasn’t this kind of guy though…that was it. I had to stop him before he did something really stupid. Seungri stumbled over to a table and was trying to step onto it when I reached him.

“Seungri.” I said with a flat voice.

That did it. He immediately froze and slowly turned towards me. His eyes widened and it was like he almost sobered up.

“Seungri! Stop doing stupid things before you hurt yourself.” I hissed, my jaw clenched, emotion threatening to overwhelm me.

“It’s not like you care about me.” He looked away bitterly. “So you can stop pretending.”

I was surprised. I opened my mouth to say something, but he went on.

“You know what, I kind of wish we never met in the first place. Then we wouldn’t be in this situation huh?” he laughed and picked up another drink. I still stood my ground, my brain processing what he just said. Then I realized that he started to walk away.

“Yah!” I shouted.

He didn’t stop but he turned around.

“Don’t pretend anymore, Eun-Mi. Just think like nothing happened at all, and we don’t know each other.” He replied and disappeared into the crowd.

He was definitely not this kind of guy. I knew him. He wasn’t like this. I stumbled out of the club and ended up in an alleyway. It was raining heavily, reminding me of how the weather tended to match moods. But the pain came so fast that it knocked me to the ground.

Seungri

I could see the pain in her eyes, but I really didn’t care at that point. She hurt me and took off without any explanation, even after all that we’ve been through. Now she could have a taste of her own medicine. Screw her.

But at least I could tell that she still cared…

Why Eun-Mi? Why would you do this to me, to us, if you still cared?

Something didn’t add up.