The frightening scream woke the other two up. Both Jaehwan and Hongbin heard Hyuk’s scream from their rooms and woke up immediately to see what was wrong.

‘Was that Hyuk just now?’ Hongbin asked and saw Jaehwan come out from his room at the same time.

‘I think so. Let’s see what’s wrong.’

Hongbin nodded and the both rushed to Hyuk’s room.

‘Hyuk-ah! What’s wrong?!’ Jaehwan shouted in worry as soon as he opened the door with Hongbin following close behind.

The two of them saw Hyuk covering himself with his covers at the very corner of his bed, as if he was avoiding something or someone…

Then they noticed their leader was also in the room but frozen and trembling as well.

‘Hyung! What’s wrong with Hyuk?’ Hongbin asked.

‘I don’t know.’ Hakyeon voice sounded as if he was going to cry. ‘Hyuk-ah, what’s wrong? Answer me please. You’re scaring me.’

Hakyeon wanted to reach for Hyuk but his hands would not stop the shaking while looking at the frightened boy.

‘I woke up to get a drink and heard Hyuk having a nightmare. I wanted to wake him up but as soon as he saw me… he freaked out and started screaming.’ Hakyeon broke down into tears as he recalled witnessing Hyuk’s reaction. ‘I tried to get closer to him but he kept backing away and …’

Hakyeon choked on his tears, unable to continue.

Jaehwan looked at Hakyeon than at Hyuk. He noticed that the maknae wasn’t fully conscious of what was reality and what was a nightmare. He and Hongbin glanced at one another and both understood immediately what was going on.

Only Hakyeon didn’t understand. If only their leader remembered what happened that day… what he did… then he would understand why Hyuk was so afraid.

Jaehwan approached Hyuk carefully while Hongbin stayed by Hakyeon’s side in hopes that the leader would stop his trembling and tears.

‘Hyogi. Hyuk-ah. Can you hear me?’ Jaehwan asked.

‘Jaehwan-ah, I tried but he’s just so scared… what do we do?’ Hakyeon desperately asked. For once, he had no answers to the problem and it was painful to see the youngest so frightened of him.

‘Don’t worry hyung. Let me handle this.’ Jaehwan assured Hakyeon while Hongbin tried to calm Hakyeon down still. ‘Hyuk! Han Sanghyuk! Wake up.’

Jaehwan embraced the poor maknae and calmly whispered into Hyuk’s ears. Trying to wake him from his nightmares.

‘It’s okay. It’s just me, Jaehwan. Ken. You’re alright now, no one is going to hurt you.’

Hyuk froze for a minute upon hearing Jaehwan’s name and voice. He felt the warm and comforting embrace and immediately held onto Jaehwan’s shirt. Finally, the poor child felt much more secured and eventually, he fell back to sleep peacefully. As if… he had never woken up from the nightmare.

Hakyeon watched on the side at how Jaehwan was able to do something he could not. Hyuk accepted Jaehwan’s comfort yet rejected his.

The expression of fear on Hyuk’s face was unforgettable. It kept flashing in his mind and his heart ached from feeling so helpless. He was the oldest in the group, as well as the leader of VIXX yet, he was completely useless when it came to comforting the youngest member.

~

Taekwoon and Wonshik finally decided to head by to the dorm around dawn. They were being careful while opening the door, as all the members should be soundly asleep by now. But as soon as they opened the door, they saw the living room lights still .

The two exchanged a glance.

‘Who’s awake so early in the morning?’ Taekwoon asked.

Wonshik shrugged.

The two of them walked into the living room to see who it was and to their surprise, three of their members were sitting quietly by the couch without a single sound. Each of them looked sad and dejected.

‘Why are you guys awake? Shouldn’t you all be asleep still?’ Wonshik asked them.

‘We didn’t sleep…’ Hongbin answered tiredly.

‘Huh?’

Just then, Taekwoon noticed Hakyeon sitting further away from the other two and quietly looking away. He had a sad and helpless expression on him in which Taekwoon could not ignore.

‘What’s wrong? What happened?’ Taekwoon sat down next to Hakyeon.

‘Hyuk… had a nightmare,’ Hakyeon’s voice cracked as soon as he recalled. His eyes were still puffy and red. Taekwoon noticed immediately that his friend just finished crying.

‘A nightmare?’ Wonshik asked and concerned about the unusual situation.

Hakyeon nodded.

‘I tried to wake him up but as soon as he saw me… he screamed and backed away,’ Hakyeon’s tears broke out once again from remembering.

‘He was just having a nightmare hyung. It’s not your fault,’ Jaehwan finally spoke up.

‘But, he wouldn’t even let me get close to him!’ Hakyeon cried.

Being rejected by any of s is probably the most heart-wrenching thing for Hakyeon. The leader loved s as if they were his own family. Especially when it comes to Hakyeon who cherished Hyuk a lot, being rejected so violently like that broke Hakyeon’s heart.

Taekwoon could see how much Hakyeon was hurting and embraced his friend to calm him down as much as he possibly could.

‘Please stop crying Hakyeon-ah. Hyuk was just having a nightmare. He must’ve confused you for someone else. Don’t cry please. Come, you’re tired and had a long night, let’s go back to bed and rest.’ Taekwoon suggested and pulled Hakyeon from his seat.

Hakyeon’s tears wouldn’t stop but he obediently followed Taekwoon. The other members could only watch their leader yet could not lend a helping hand. They were all tired and distressed.

‘I’m taking him back to his room. You guys need to go back to sleep as well. Wonshik-ah, look after Hyuk just in case anything else happens okay?’ Taekwoon instructed.

‘Got it,’ Wonshik replied.

As soon as Taekwoon and Hakyeon went back to their bedrooms, the three members looked at one another. They all knew the reason for Hyuk’s fear and nightmares. They’ve all had similar ones ever since that day. Ever since the filming for Chained Up but Hyuk was definitely more traumatized than the rest.

‘I think we should tell Hakyeon-hyung what happened after all,’ Hongbin suggested.

‘I don’t think Taekwoon-hyung will agree to that… he would hate to see Hakyeon-hyung even more broken than he already is. Especially after what happened tonight,’ Wonshik said.

‘I know! But… Hakyeon-hyung also has the right to know. The right to get treated.’ Hongbin almost shouted aloud.

‘Don’t talk like that. As if Hakyeon is sick or something. Taekwoon-hyung would be angry if he hears you.’ Wonshik shushed his friend.

‘But…’

‘No Wonshik-ah, I think Kong is right this time. We can’t just hide this from Hakyeon-hyung forever. He needs to know. The right to know.’ Jaehwan broke up the two’s argument.

~

Taekwoon assisted Hakyeon back to the leader’s own bedroom but it was obvious that Hakyeon’s tears were not stopping any time soon. It has been so long since Hakyeon have cried this much in front of anyone especially crying from such heartbreak and pain.

‘Hakyeon-ah. Don’t cry,’ Taekwoon tried to wipe Hakyeon’s tears away. ‘It’s okay now, so please just get some rest?’

‘I can’t… if only you were there to see the way Hyuk looked at me. You wouldn’t be saying that.’

‘He was just having a nightmare. It’s not your fault.’

‘Is it really not my fault? Then, why did he reject me? Why is everyone pushing me away like this one by one? First you and now Hyuk too?’

Taekwoon suddenly felt the guilt stabbing through his chest. If it is anyone’s fault, it is probably Taekwoon’s… if only he didn’t cause Hakyeon to break in the first place, then maybe this nightmare would not exist at all.

He pulled in to comfort Hakyeon but could no longer say anything more. He was at a lost for words himself.

It’s not your fault Hakyeon-ah. It’s not. I’m sorry…

After awhile, Hakyeon finally fell asleep from crying too much. Taekwoon went back out to see if the others were asleep but they were not.

‘Did hyung fall asleep?’ Jaehwan asked as soon as he saw Taekwoon come out of Hakyeon’s bedroom.

Taekwoon nodded.

‘We were just talking and we think Hakyeon-hyung needs to know the truth. About what happened last year.’ Wonshik said.

‘Yeah. We just can’t keep hiding things from Hakyeon-hyung like this. I know it isn’t exactly Hakyeon-hyung’s fault tonight but… if it wasn’t also because of him, Hyuk wouldn’t be having such a nightmare.’ Hongbin didn’t want to blame Hakyeon but it was almost hard for him not to. After all, he had nightmares himself because of the incident.

‘Taekwoon-hyung, I know you want to protect Hakyeon-hyung by not telling him but I really don’t think it’s wise anymore. We need to get Hakyeon to see a doctor or psychiatrist along with… well, all of us.’ Wonshik suggested.

Taekwoon was in a dilemma and he really didn’t want to break his friend’s heart even more but the younger members had a point.

Hakyeon needs to know about what happened last winter.

~

All of the members barely got any sleep at all due to what happened earlier that morning and luckily, they had no schedules that day. They woke up still half asleep and yawning about while sitting around the table for a late breakfast meal.

Taekwoon could see that Hakyeon probably didn’t want to even be sitting with the members and as soon as Hyuk came out of his bedroom, the leader jolted. The other members also took notice that Hakyeon suddenly backed his chair slightly away from the maknae’s. As if he was trying to stay away from Hyuk so that he wouldn’t cause any harm to the younger.

But truth to be told, Hyuk did not remember anything about what happened that night. It wasn’t until Wonshik told him that he had a nightmare that Hyuk realized why the leader looked so sad and dejected.

‘Hyung,’ Hyuk said to Hakyeon.

‘H-huh?’ Hakyeon stuttered. Just by the sound of Hyuk’s voice had him trembling helplessly.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘W-what for?’

‘About last night… I was just having a nightmare. It’s not your fault!’

Hakyeon didn’t expect Hyuk to be the one apologizing when he should be the one to do so instead. He took a deep breath and tried to stop his shaking.

‘No, it’s okay. Are you … doing better now?’ Hakyeon asked while trying his hardest to look Hyuk in the eyes.

Hyuk nodded.

The rest of the members only watched silently as the oldest and the youngest try to be normal around each other again. They were worried for both of them.

After they had finished their meal, Hakyeon left the dorms to rehearse his scripts for his webdrama. Worried that Hakyeon wasn’t by his side, Taekwoon could not help but text Hakyeon instead.

Taekwoon: [Are you okay?]

There was no reply.

The usual Hakyeon in the past would reply almost immediately if not a phone call. So, Taekwoon was worried and feeling restless.

He was afraid that Hakyeon was becoming distant again.

Everyone could see Hakyeon’s changing slowly especially for those that were around him. The leader no longer clings onto s like he did in the past but rather just sits on the side to watch over them. Those that don’t know Hakyeon would think that the leader has finally matured but the members knew well that that wasn’t the case.

Hakyeon have always been quite child-like since their trainee days especially because everyone else was younger than him. Though he felt obligated to guide them, he also didn’t want to have too much of a distance between him and the younger members. So, he joked and played with them a lot as if they were his own younger brothers. And unlike the quiet Taekwoon, Hakyeon enjoyed the company of those he cared for the most.

Taekwoon still remembers the first impression he had when he met Hakyeon in the dance studio.

A boy suddenly approaching him while he was trying so hard to try and be alone.

‘Want to stretch together?’ Hakyeon asked.

Taekwoon was quite puzzled at first as to why a random boy would even dare approach him when the other trainees were trying to avoid him. But he knew right away that Hakyeon was a kind and warm person, so he accepted the boy’s offer.

Despite the fact that the two had almost nothing in common there was a strange similarity by which they differ a bit from their alias.

Especially on their day offs.

Unlike the outgoing N of VIXX, Cha Hakyeon enjoyed the indoors to make candles or read books quietly. He liked to be alone and relax whenever he didn’t have to entertain others by his stage name as ‘N.’ He’s still the kind and caring Cha Hakyeon that everyone knows of but sometimes, meeting so many people everyday can be overwhelming for him.

On the other hand, unlike the cold Leo of VIXX, Jung Taekwoon is just a bit awkward when it comes to dealing with strangers or being in front of the camera. In reality, he likes to hang out with friends to play or visit his family from time to time. He’s just more comfortable being with the people he’s familiar with rather than strangers.

After a long day, Taekwoon still haven’t gotten a reply from Hakyeon yet so he decided to call one of their managers to see what was going on.

‘Hyung,’ Taekwoon called.

‘Oh, Taekwoon-ah? What is it?’ His manager asked.

‘Is Hakyeon there?’

‘Yes. Why?’

‘I’m just wondering if he’s okay…’

‘He seems fine to me.’

‘Is he still rehearsing right now? Filming?’

‘No, we’re on a break right now. He’s just catching up on some sleep.’

‘Oh, that’s good. Sorry to bother you.’

‘It’s fine. I heard about what happened last night from Wonshik and Jaehwan already. I know you’re worried about Hakyeon. Don’t worry, I’ll watch over him. I’ve also told the CEO about it and we’ll talk about what to do with Hakyeon after things have settled down a bit okay?’

‘Thanks hyung.’

‘No problem.’

Taekwoon sighed a relief as soon as he ended the call. At least Hakyeon is all right.

But is Hakyeon really okay?

He was in a haze during his short nap but he definitely heard his manager talking with Taekwoon on the phone just now.

Are they talking about me? Why do they need to talk about me with Sejun-hyung as well?

Hakyeon felt the frustrated and pain building up as he kept thinking about it. He knew the members are hiding something from him. When he thought back about last night, he found it rather strange at how calm both Jaehwan and Hongbin was when dealing with Hyuk. It was as if they were used to it or expected it. It was only Hakyeon that didn’t know what to do…

He wants to believe that he may be overthinking about things but the more he thought back about things, he more doubtful he became. Hakyeon wants to trust the members but how can he when it feels like the whole world is against him? Hiding things from him?

I’m so useless… and here I call myself the leader of VIXX when it’s the younger members all trying to take care of me instead.

Hakyeon looked at his phone. He saw the message from Taekwoon asking him if he was all right. He saw the message the moment it was sent but he couldn’t find the words to reply because he wasn’t okay at all. He was feeling depressed and conflicted. Even to the point of feeling isolated and abandoned. He wanted to tell Taekwoon that but he knew that his friend would be even more troubled if he knew what Hakyeon was feeling at the moment.

He didn’t want to become a burden.

Taekwoon have been apologizing over and over to Hakyeon ever since the leader was hospitalized. His lifelong friend have always been the type to care for people around him but just expressed it differently compared to Hakyeon. And Hakyeon knew that Taekwoon was trying his best to step out of his comfort zone to show affection rather than hide it.

But Taekwoon was still in the process of learning and changing for Hakyeon. He’s just not the type to really know what to say at the right time to comfort Hakyeon and Hakyeon knew that very well.

Then, he thought of someone. Someone to consult with and probably wouldn’t sugarcoat or hide anything from him.

After all, Hakyeon have always gone to the boy for advice whenever he needed someone to talk with.

Ravi or Kim Wonshik.

Hakyeon scrolled down his phone to find the number and dialed it. Wonshik picked up.

‘Hello?’ He answered.

‘Wonshik-ah, it’s me Hakyeon. Can we talk?’

Maybe he’ll tell me what’s going on with everyone.

* * * * * * A/N * * * * * *

I've finally finished < If You >, so I'll be fully focusing on this story now! 

Also, HAPPYRAVIDAY!