‘Hyung, what are you doing right now?’ Hyuk asked on the other side of the phone.

‘The usual.’ Hongbin replied as he talked on the phone with his speakers on.

The keyboards of his computer was clicking away. Hongbin was in the middle of an intense match, from a game.

‘Oh. Have you… been thinking about Hakyeon-hyung?’ The younger wondered.

‘When haven’t I? I’m almost tired of it.’ He sighed as he continued to play on his computer. The younger can hear Hongbin’s keyboard click nonstop from his end. Hyuk was worried about Hongbin.

As soon as their call ended, Hongbin stopped what he was doing and leaned back on his desk chair. He stared up at the boring white ceiling.

He went back home just like all the other members did but he was the only one actually at home. His sisters have all moved out from their family house for awhile now and his parents are currently away for vacation to celebrate their anniversary. Hongbin was left home alone and even though the lady named Soo-ah told the members to reflect on their feelings for Hakyeon, Hongbin didn’t really know where to begin.

He’s known Hakyeon the longest, they’ve been training together the longest as well compared to the other members. And honestly, Hongbin has never stopped being by Hakyeon’s side.

The younger used to tease and joke about how he was always paired up with Hakyeon no matter what they were doing or where they were going.

The two of them were the closest during their trainee years and Hakyeon would often bug Hongbin about their visuals. The good-looking pair of hyung and dongsaeng. Everyone has always told Hongbin that he was really good looking, despite the long perm hair he had back then. But Hakyeon on the other hand, would always compete one-sidedly with the younger.

‘I think I’m better looking!’ Hakyeon boasted about his visuals.

‘Yeah, yeah whatever hyung.’ Hongbin would try to ignore it.

Though they were three years apart, their age differences were never the problem for how close they were together. Sometimes, Hongbin would forget about using formal speech with Hakyeon but the older didn’t care. They might not be the clingy type of friendship others assume they would have, but they were close to one another and often consulted the other for advice. That is, until the group of two became a group of six.

Even though Wonshik was the same age as Hongbin, they were rather different from each other. They were still friends but they didn’t have much in common. However, when Wonshik entered the company and started getting closer with the other trainees, Hongbin felt that Hakyeon was drifting away from his side. The older would end up consulting to Wonshik about his problems rather than with Hongbin even the two of them have known one another the longest.

Then, when Jaehwan came in, Hakyeon would always play with Jaehwan because the two of them were the inseparable cute and clingy duo. Only Jaehwan would openly show how much he cares for Hakyeon unlike the chic Hongbin.

After that was Taekwoon. The same aged friend as Hakyeon. They obviously had nothing in common yet one day, their CEO told Hakyeon to take care of Taekwoon since they’re the same age and that the younger trainees were a bit intimidated by Taekwoon’s icy personality. Hakyeon listened and would not leave Taekwoon alone and rather, bugged him a lot like how he used to be with Hongbin.

With Sanghyuk or Hyogi as Hakyeon would often call the youngest of the group, Hongbin was rather awkward with the maknae at first. He thought it was unfair that this boy who barely got any training suddenly debuted with them as a group even though he and Hakyeon have been in the agency for years.

Despite Hongbin’s pretty visuals, he had a sharp tongue and was too straightforward. He didn’t know how to deal with people like how Hakyeon could and would rather stay inside to play video games. It just wasn’t Hongbin to tell lies and up to others. But Hakyeon openly accepted that side of Hongbin when others could not.

‘How I feel about Hakyeon-hyung huh…’ Hongbin asked himself that while he stared at the ceiling, then the four empty walls before he flopped onto his bed instead to rest his eyes.

Those who didn’t know Hongbin and Hakyeon’s friendship would often say that the younger was too mean and disrespectful towards the older. But only the two of them truly understood their friendship and it was the most comfortable way for them to communicate with each other. It was how their bond worked.

Negative feelings for Hakyeon? Hongbin snorted. Never.

Hongbin didn’t really voice out how much he loved Hakyeon as the oldest member of VIXX as well as the a close friend. He knew that Hakyeon knew how he felt inside so Hongbin didn’t have to voice it out. It didn’t matter whether or not others can tell, but as long as Hakyeon knew, nothing else matters.

He still remembers how he ran away on impulse not long after their debut because training became too hard to endure. He escaped his duties right from the start and even thought about quitting. Hongbin was afraid that being an idol or a celebrity just wasn’t a very fitting career for him. Maybe he could be a professional gamer instead? He wasn’t an exceptionally good dancer like Hakyeon nor a passionate singer like Taekwoon or Jaehwan. So what is he? Just the face of the group? Hongbin questioned as to why he was selected to be a part of VIXX in the first place and ran away.

After a few months however, Hakyeon surprised Hongbin by suddenly barging into his bedroom door and persuading the younger to go back with him, back with VIXX.

‘Ya! Lee Hongbin! Are you really going to be like this?!’ Hakyeon shouted at him.

Hongbin ignored him as he continued to play his games and putting on his large gaming headsets.

Hakyeon pouted and walked to the power outlet to take the plug out.

‘Ya! What are you doing!’ Hongbin shouted angrily back at the older as he was in the middle of an intense match.

‘Don’t you use informal speech with me! I’m older than you remember?!’

‘It’s not like you ever cared…’ Hongbin grumped and mumbled away.

‘You’re coming back with me to Seoul whether you like it or not.’ Hakyeon pulled Hongbin’s arm forcefully.

‘Says who?’

‘Says me!’

Hongbin growled a bit just looking at how bossy Hakyeon was being towards him.

‘I don’t want to! I’m quitting!’

‘What?!’

‘I said I’m quitting! I don’t like training or rehearsing and being an idol isn’t my thing.’ The younger shouted.

‘Then what is?’ Hakyeon questioned him.

‘I don’t know!’

The two fell silent for a bit and was catching their breath from their argument. Then, Hakyeon flopped onto Hongbin’s bed and let out a deep sigh.

‘I miss you, you know that Kong-ah? VIXX just doesn’t feel the same with you.’ Hakyeon said.

‘…’ Hongbin turned around to see a sad and defeated face on Hakyeon.

‘I’ve always wanted to be in the same group as you and I thought you said you felt the same way…’ Hakyeon suddenly teared up.

‘Hyung!’ Hongbin got shocked from seeing the older suddenly crying and rushed to Hakyeon’s side. ‘What the heck, why are you crying? Is this really something to cry about?’

‘Kong-ah, can’t you please come back?’ Hakyeon grabbed onto Hongbin’s wrist. ‘Even if being an idol isn’t your dream career right now, maybe… you’ll fall in love with it in the future. I’ll help you! Just give it a try? Please? If even after a year, no, half a year and you still don’t like it, I won’t force you anymore…’ Hakyeon looked at Hongbin with pleading eyes.

Don’t look at me like that… Hongbin could feel weakened from the look on Hakyeon’s face and it pained him to see the older so defeated. Hongbin sighed and agreed.

Eventually, Hongbin returned to the group and continued with his lessons. Of course, he didn’t have it easy when he came back after running away for a few months without notice. But Hakyeon stayed by Hongbin’s side and taught him everything the younger needed to know. Hongbin didn’t particularly love being an idol but he eventually found it more enjoyable as he got along with the other members and because Hakyeon was there to support him. Hakyeon has always been by his side, monitoring him, teaching him and encouraging him. That itself was more than enough.

That’s why, when Soo-ah asked him whether he bared any negative feelings towards the older, Hongbin knew right away what the answer was.

Hongbin loves Hakyeon without any conditions.

~

‘You never smile Taekwoonie!’

The same aged friend was bugging him and whining to Taekwoon about his stoic expressions again.

Cha Hakyeon.

He was clingy, affectionate, bright and cheerful. All in which Taekwoon wasn’t.

It all began when he was still in high school.

Taekwoon never really thought of his future in being a singer when he was younger. Sure he enjoyed listening to music and humming to himself from time to time but his first choice in his career was soccer.

He was athletic and loved to play soccer with his friends a lot. He was a part of the junior team in his school for the longest time and his greatest friends were in the same team as him. They were his most trusted friends for the longest time and even talked about entering the nationals league together until one day…

‘You look disgusting. Don’t smile.’ One of his friends told him one day.

Taekwoon was shocked and felt betrayed being told such a thing by the one person he trusted the most. He didn’t know why but others began to avoid him one by one and Taekwoon felt isolated. He was outcasted for no reason and eventually, Taekwoon lost trust in people. Especially to those who claims themselves to being his ‘friends.’

That’s why, Taekwoon forgot what it was like to smile.

After a major injury during his last years of high school, Taekwoon could no longer enter the national juniors league for soccer and instead, was forced to focus on rehabilitation. He had to give up his dream as a professional soccer player and had to decide for a new path to take.

So, he chose singing instead.

He didn’t care whether he was going to be a solo singer or an idol as long as he could have a career in singing. It could be anything to be honest.

But his distrust in people continued even after being placed as a member of VIXX. He couldn’t understand why idols had to fake who they were in front of the camera and smile at the public. Shouldn’t they be focusing on singing instead of the constant fan-service? That’s why, Hakyeon annoyed him a lot at first.

The latter was loud and rowdy. So unlike Taekwoon.

They were the same age but Hakyeon never acted his age. He was always close to the younger members and played around with them whereas Taekwoon could only watch from afar.

Taekwoon didn’t know how to open up to others and he couldn’t stand cameras staring at him or strangers touching him. But he was now an idol, a public figure and he had to do his best. He always tells himself to endure, that as long as he could sing, he had to try to give it his all.

Hakyeon was persistent when it came to Taekwoon though.

Taekwoon found out that their CEO secretly told Hakyeon to be friendly with him because they were the same age and that the younger members were uncomfortable being around Taekwoon. That automatically made the two of them lifelong friends, as Hakyeon would label Taekwoon’s name on KakaoTalk.

He’s only doing that because the CEO told him to. You’re such a fake Cha Hakyeon. Taekwoon thought.

Taekwoon eventually felt discomfort and irritation whenever Hakyeon was near and being too clingy. He tried to push the leader away time after time. Get away from me.

Taekwoon could not trust Hakyeon’s affections, they weren’t genuine.

But then, Hakyeon surprised Taekwoon one day when the latter suddenly confessed his feelings for Taekwoon.

‘I love you Taekwoon-ah.’ Hakyeon’s voice was obviously shaking, his body was trembling with anxiety and even his cheeks were flushed red through his caramel colored skin.

Taekwoon didn’t know how to reply.

‘I…’

‘Wa-wait! You don’t have to say anything! I know you don’t feel the same way and I’m a guy! But, I just want to tell you that!’ Hakyeon looked as if he could cry at any minute.

Taekwoon didn’t give a reply to Hakyeon’s confessions and thought it was fine at first. He couldn’t understand where Hakyeon’s feelings of love for him suddenly appeared from. Except Hakyeon never stopped showing his affections towards his lifelong friend and crush. He continuously spoiled Taekwoon and clung onto the latter because he loves him.

Hakyeon confessed a few more times afterwards as well and Taekwoon as usual, didn’t give a reply. But Taekwoon didn’t know what got to him that day, he didn’t remember how it happened or why he said the things he said.

‘Get away from me. You’re disgusting.’ Taekwoon said that day. The moment he realized the hurtful things he said, it was already too late.

He broke Hakyeon’s heart.

If he never gave Hakyeon a reply, the boy would still be jumpy and clingy as if hope was still there. But because of Taekwoon, their relationship began to change. Taekwoon knew what he said was harmful and mean but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t particularly like the skinship that Hakyeon throws at him and he still continued to believe that Hakyeon’s feelings for him was false.

But Taekwoon regrets it.

The distance that grew between him and Hakyeon pained him. If only he didn’t ignore the other, Hakyeon would not end up disappearing from his side.

It wasn’t because Taekwoon truly hated Hakyeon when he said those things but because he was in doubt about the boy’s so-called love for him. Taekwoon wants to care about Hakyeon and be friends with him, but he was worried that Hakyeon’s affections were false.

Why did it bug Taekwoon that much though? Of whether or not Hakyeon’s feelings for him was real or not? If it was other people, Taekwoon would probably not care as much and just ignore it like he always had.

No. Taekwoon cares. He cares a lot about Hakyeon because he too, loves the latter.

He loves Hakyeon as well.