~I just want to say.....~

Sipping my morning coffee while looking at the morning scenery inside my office. It's a hectic morning but I'm sure it will get better soon. But not my heart.

I can't stop thinking about what happened yesterday. Joo, that's so not you. I can't believe this. I don't know whether she's really changed but I was so shocked to witness her outburst. I've never seen that before. But to be honest, it's my fault for not paying attention to her. What am I supposed to do when she sounded so different than she used to be? I didn't have a courage to look at her after what had happened between us. Besides, I couldn't look at her without feeling like I'm still in love with her. I want her back. I really do but I have no courage. I don't know how to fix my mistakes. Yet, I'm acting like a jerk yesterday.

Joo, will you forgive me? Can we get back together again? I've been dying to say this to her ever since I saw her two days ago but I just can't. I really can't. I'm afraid that she had moved on from me and lead a better life without me. She seems to be so happy, I think. Joo, perhaps you already have someone in your life? Who is he, Joo? Is he better than me? Does he give you a hug and a kiss everyday? Does he calm you down when you're sad? Does he make you feel happy?

I'm not going to lie, thinking about this makes my heart aches even more. As if the pain from the past isn't enough for me to feel this hurt. The only thing that can heal my broken heart is only Joohyun. I'm craving to hold her under my arms again, to touch her body, to kiss her lips. I want all that again. When will I get that chance again?

While I'm still lamenting on my time with Joohyun, someone knocks my door, ruining my moment. But it's good because I only think about our hurtful past so, I need to thank Yoona for this.

Yoona opens the door even without I say anything. What kind of secretary do I have? "Are you done? The meeting is about to start soon. They're not coming from a various countries just to waste their time to wait for you!" Yoona blurts out like a boss. Thanks to my patient, I'm glad that I can stand that filled with mocking. She should be thankful that she's married so I have a huge toleration to her.

Without waiting any longer, I take all my things and files before going to the meeting room. It makes me feel nervous but at the same time, I'm a little bit excited. I missed Joohyun so much that I don't care if we're not going to talk or anything. Just to see her a glance is more than enough for me.

As soon as I get inside the meeting room, I feel something odd today. Something different. Something is missing. Where is Joo? Don't tell me that she's not coming today. No, she will come, right?

I turn to Yoona to ask her. "Ms. Nakamoto hasn't arrived yet?" Nakamoto. Nakamoto Jun. From where she got this name? Is she married to someone named Nakamoto? Why do I hate that? But she's a miss though. At least I have a glimmer of hope that she's not married. I think? To be honest, my tongue just wants to let out Seo Joohyun instead of Nakamoto Jun. I'm not used to her new name.

Yoona looks at me feeling uneasy but she only smiles at me. Tell me, Yoona! "Maybe you should just start the meeting without waiting for her." She directs me to just go on without worrying about Joohyun. I can smell some tea hiding in her. She better spills it later.

But Joo is not coming? I want to meet her. I want to see her face. Why didn't she come today? I hope it's not because of yesterday.

Meeting finishes and everyone is going for a lunch break including myself. I'm going back to my office room and heads to the pantry. It's just a small pantry but at least it filles with some foods and drinks. Instant foods to be exact. Joo is going to kill me if she ever finds out that I'm eating junk food.

Sipping a cup of tea that I make just now and honestly, I can smell the scent of tea getting stronger inside my nose. Then, I put the cup on the saucer in which I'm holding right now. I stand still in my place without making any movement while waiting. "Spill it!" I say.

I don't have to turn to know that Yoona is just standing behind me even though she didn't make any sound after she enters my room. I can feel her presence very well. I know why she comes here and I really want her to tell me something in the first place.

"Thought you wouldn't ask." Yoona says sarcastically. "I want to ask you something. Do you still love her?"

Honestly, Yoona has her own connection. She knows everything about me even some deep dark secret. Creepy? Yes but I have nothing to hide. In fact, that deep dark secret is what I want from her. In this case, Joohyun. Actually, she doesn't know that Joohyun is..... well, Joohyun until recently. I didn't tell her anything about Joohyun but she knows it by herself. How? Connection.

"I have no time to answer your question. Just tell me! Where is Joohyun?" Seriously! I just want to know where is my love Joohyun.

"Not until you answer my question."

I roll my eyes with her mild threat. It's so annoying. "Yes! Now, tell me!"

"Really?"

I clench my jaw. She's really testing my patient. "Yes, Yoona. I still love her."

"Are you sure?" She surely knows how to make me go mad.

"Cut the crap and tell me, woman! Where is she? I need to know where the hell she goes. Why is it so hard to tell me?" Yup, I'm so rude but Yoona doesn't even give a damn about. The truth is to annoy me is her favorite hobby. So what is respect to us to be honest? She never respects me either.

Yoona crosses her arms and sits on the counter while crossing her legs like a boss. Not gonna lie, I'm asking myself everyday who is the real boss. With Yoona, it seems like I'm her assistant instead of her boss. I really have no power against her because I need her. She's my secret weapon to me. It sounds like I'm using her but she wants to help me so it's a win-win situation.

A smile creeps on her face and I don't know what kind of mocking she's going to say now. "Suho told me that she has gone back to Osaka yesterday."

"What?!" No, I can't believe this. No, it's not true, right? Plese tell me this is not the truth.

Then, Yoona gives a smirk to me. She's lying, right? "Look at your face. You look so hopeless."

This is not the time for you to point out my face, Yoona. Can't she be serious about this? This is urgent and she's just fooling around here.

"Yeah, she already left."

No! My baby. My Joo. Why? Is it because of yesterday? Is it because of me? Is she okay? Is she crying? I want to hug her right now. Joo, please come back! I need you. I want you. I want to see your face again. "Why?" I'm so shocked right now. I want to know why. "Because of yesterday?"

"Kinda." She replies shortly. I don't understand what she means though. "But there's something else that trigger her to leave."

Trigger? What is it? I wait for her to continue but she's only sitting there staring at me with a smug smile. Ugh, talk! "Tell me!" I'm so impatient right now. Anything about Joohyun, I need to know now. Can't she just say everything straight to point without any suspense or anything? This is really important. I can't let Joohyun leave me just like this.

"I'm pretty sure you know what happened in the past, right?"

Past?

"As you know, your mother had warned her to stay away from you."

Hearing that, my heart is boiling to the maximum. I clench my fist tightly, trying to hold myself from bursting in anger.

"Your mother also told her that she will make sure that you will reject the deal from her company. That's all."

My jaw tightens as I hear something that I hate. My mother. My parents. They were the one who ruined my life. They planned all this. I can't forgive them until now and I won't forgive them if they ever lay their finger on Joohyun.

Yoona gets off from the counter and makes a step closer to me. "If you still love her, you should do something now. Tell her! Don't be stupid. She won't come back if you won't do anything. She won't come back if you don't tell her that you still love her."

As much as I want her to back, it's really hard. Yoona doesn't know what prevents me from getting her back. Technically, it's just a petty reason but I'm sure Yoona will scold me for being like a coward. I can't face my Joo without pretending nothing happened between us. I feel so embarrassed to know that it was my fault for not be there with her. I didn't know what happened to her but remembering her face back then, it was clear that she needed me to help her. But what did I do? I decided to divorce. Just because of the words from my parents.

I roll my eyes and walk out of the office to have lunch. Talking to Yoona about this is useless. I need someone else to talk to so that I know what should I do in order to get my Joohyun back to my life.

But Yoona is right. If I want her back, I should tell Joohyun that I love her, I want her but it's easy to say than to do it. I feel like a hypocrite and I'm so ashamed of it to be honest. I have no guts to face her.

I just want to say that I still love you, Joo. I want you back in my life.

Have you guys watched and listened to Seohyun's new song? It's quite good. Can't wait to see her in music shows.