~How our life will be?~

I take a sip of red wine that I bought recently. Such a bittersweet taste. Just like how I feel right now. I'm not a heavy drinker but I drink it when I need my head cleared of something. And today is different. Of course I still need to clear my head now but this time, I just want to drown myself to the past. My wonderful past. It was all happy and fun. Only to be ruined by my parents.

Joo, I miss you! I'm starting to become sober. Seeing her in front of my eyes again was something that I didn't expect the first thing in the morning. I'm telling myself that this was all just a dream but at the same time, I don't want it just to be a dream. She's still the same. Haven't changed a bit. Those words are playing in my mind after I saw her. Still beautiful. I thought to myself. Where is the lie?

Seo Joohyun. She was my wife 15 years ago. We had known each other since high school and started dating since then. My parent didn't know that I was dating her until I brought her home to introduce her to my parents and informed them my intention to get married with her. My parents agreed to it and they liked her. Huh, that's a huge lie!

I pour the red wine into my glass again and drink it. After that, I massage my temple before my hand reach to my nape. I need to get over with this. That scene is haunting me again. It's nothing scary but after I regretted it, I remember it again on different perspective and noticed how much I've hurt her back then.

I'm such a jerk! She doesn't deserve me. Yet, I still want her. I just want to stay with her and be happy like before. What a hypocrite and shameless man you are, Luhan! You're the one who decided that. No matter how I want that scene to be erased from my mine, it keeps coming again. Trying to find other memories to brighten me up but it only lasts for awhile before it replaces with that scene.

"ARGH!" Grabbing my hair really hard, shutting my eyes tightly, and letting out a loud scream. I feel a bit better but I'm still sober.

I hold the wine glass and blankly stares at the red wine while gently shaking the glass causing the wine to make a wave left and right. I bring my other hand close to the glass and traces an invisible pattern on it with my finger. My lips forming a curve automatically and I don't know why am I like this. It must be wine effect.

"Joo, do you love me? Because I love you." I keep mumbling like a madman. I keep asking a question and then answer it back. How pathetic!

Flashback

Morning as usual, I went to my desk and began my day with working. I really need to work hard. For me and Joo. Thinking about Joo was making me happy. She told me that she had a surprise for me but I had to wait until I finished my work. This made me feel motivated to work and couldn't wait for 5:00pm.

As I reached to my desk, there's one white envelope on it. I scanned through it but there's no mention of name to whom and from who. Should I open it or not? Since the letter was nameless, I didn't have a courage to open it. What should I do now? But I noticed that the envelope wasn't glued. So maybe I would know who's letter was this. What if it wasn't mine? I'm dead if it was belong to other people and I basically intruded their privacy. Oh well, if I didn't read it, maybe whoever the owner won't know it. Who knows it could be an urgent letter?

I opened the letter and instead of letter that I was expecting, only photos came out from this envelope. Picking up one of the photos, I observed it. What was this? What's going on? Why was Joohyun in this picture? Who was that guy? I looked at other pictures and it was the same thing. It was Joohyun and other guy. They looked so..... close! And intimate. This couldn't be real, right? Joohyun wouldn't cheat on me, right? She loved me, right? I didn't want to believe this. I need to meet her during lunch time.

Lunch time. I went to head home but I didn't tell Joohyun that I would be coming. Honestly, I didn't want to believe that my Joo did this but why did I have a bad feeling? Why did I feel that she's been doing something behind my back? I shook my head to clear my bad thought. I believed that Joo won't do this to me.

Reaching the house, I waited outside for a while. I hesitated to ask her about this but I wanted an explanation. I wanted to know where, when, and who about this photos. What matter to me the most was who was the guy with her in this photo. I wanted to know. I just didn't know how my heart would take it if Joo was indeed cheating on my back.

I went inside the house. Silence. And I wasn't feeling good. I gulped and I didn't know why my mind told me to go to the room. I felt so anxious. Like there's going to be a disaster happened. With a heavy breath, I made my step towards the room. Slowly but quick enough.

As I got close to our bedroom, I saw something that breaking my heart. My life was shattered. I couldn't explain how betrayed I was. Joohyun. She was kissing with other guy. She only had her towel wrapped around her body. I didn't have to say what they were going to do next. I felt betrayed by the one I loved.

Joohyun pushed that guy as soon as she saw me. She looked so shocked that I was here. While I was supposed to feel shocked too. Not only that, I felt disgusted. I was so disgusted with her. Never thought that she would do this to me.

"Oppa, that's not what you're thinki-"

I raised my hand to stop her from approaching me. "Stop!"

"But-"

"I said STOP!" I raised my voice to her. This was so painful. My heart was aching so hard. The one I loved was cheating on me.

"Oppa....."

I shook my head as I was staring at her eyes in sadness and anger in one. I couldn't stand this. I couldn't bear to watch this anymore so I left her just like that. Feeling so disappointed and angry.

My whole world was breaking into pieces.

End of flashback

Inside the bathroom, I splash the water to my face a few times. Then, I stare at myself in front of mirror with my wet face. I close my eyes and let out a sigh. Meeting with Joohyun today makes me feel like this. I can't believe that I meet her again. I'm so happy but sad at the same time. I'm so sad because of our fate. If only I'm not that impulsive, our marriage can be saved.

Marriage? Marriage. My marriage with Joohyun. How much I miss those days.

I go back to my room and open one of the cupboards revealing a small white box sitting inside the cupboard. This box was like our treasure box. Every 11th on every month, at 11:11 both am and pm, we would write our wish. Or we put a photo that was a great memory for both of us and we would indulged in reminiscence on 11th November. Joohyun like number 11 so much. It was her lucky number.

I open the box and there are a lot of papers and photos. We loved to write our wish so much. It was a beautiful moment of our marriage.

'I wish our kids will take after my feature.'

'I wish our son is interested in soccer.'

I laugh at what I wrote. It's so cheesy but cute. We used to write about what kind of our kids will be. It's our wish after all.

'I wish our son is manlier than oppa.'

I scoff at this. Joo wrote this. She was so annoyed that I wished for my kids to take after everything of me so she took a revenge and wrote this to annoy me back. Manliness was a sensitive topic to me and I can't hold myself when people questioned my manliness. I still remember what happened after I found out she wrote this. Try to challenge my manliness again, you will face the consequence.

Reading all of this again, I just notice how much both of use wanted a son as our first child. What we wrote about our 'son' here, it seems like he is a perfect son to us. I look up, using the edge of the bed as a support for my head while thinking of something.

Joo, I wonder how our son will be if we didn't end up like this?

I'm so sorry for the late update. I was on family vacation and there were some things going on and I can't update it. I'll try to update quickly.

BTW, Happy New Year!! I hope that 2017 will be a better year for all of you. =) What's your wish for 2017?