A/N: This is Yuta's first POV

 

 

~ What is his name? ~

 

"Yuta!"

I turn as soon as I hear someone is calling me. Sana makes a quick dash to chase me so that we can walk together to school. Minatozaki Sana is my friend. My best friend. Nope! Don't think of any other things. We're just friends. She's my friend since we were young. How young we were when we know each other? Since kindergarten.

Both of us are an only child while other kids in the kindergarten at least have one sibling. I remember those days when I asked mother for another sibling. She was taken aback. Now, I understand why. You can't have another sibling without a father. I sigh while thinking about that.

Opposite with Sana, she has parents. Both father and mother. A perfect one. I envy her in that but she's still whining for being lonely without any sibling. So what did our teacher say to us was, jokingly, to adopt each other. As a kid, sometimes when you want something so bad, you will do everything. So yeah, we told our parents to adopt us. Of course they were shocked and met our teacher. The teacher apologized for that but in the end, our parents understood the real reason and instead of adopting each other, we just treated each other as siblings. We became an unofficial twins.

Sana stops running while panting in front of me because she's chasing me from far and I don't even stop to wait for her. I can't wait for her. If not, we will be late to school. Only 3 minutes left before the school bell rings. If you're asking me why did I come so late, well, I'm like this everyday. It's not like my school is close but not that far. It just needs 15 minutes of walking from my house to my school unlike Sana where her house is a bit far from here and needs to transit from shinkansen to bus and proceeds with walking to school. It's surely time consuming but there's no other school that close to her area.

"How's your weekend?" I ask her to start our day.

"Okay. How about you? Are you working?"

I nod at her as a reply. "My mother was busy so I spend my time working." I'm working at the flower shop owned by my neighbour, Sooyoung-san. I can only help her after school and occasionally on weekend if mother is working on weekend because I feel bored and lonely at home. Although it may seems so weird for a teenage boy like me working a florist. If we're looking at the general stereotype, it's always a lady or woman who work at flower shop. Let me just break that stereotype and works as a florist. To be really honest, there's no other job that suit for a 15 years old teenage boy other than a job like this. It was awkward at first but Sooyoung-san helped me a lot and now I have a lot of knowledge about flower. More than what I learn in school.

 

"30 SECONDS BEFORE THE BELL RINGS!!!!!"

I can hear the school guard shouts to the more incoming students to hurry up before the school gate closes and if we're late, we're going to face a punishment. Shoot! There's no other way but we have to run to reach the school. Sana and I immediately run right after we hear the announcement. As Sana is really weak in running, I grab her wrist and drag her so that both of us can reach the school.

"15 SECONDS LEFT!!!!!" The school guard announces.

We're almost there. I try to run as fast as I can and I can hear Sana yelping at the back because she's staggering to match with my step but whatever. I don't want to do morning exercise. Yup! That's our punishment. It might look like it was nothing but we have to do it at field with the students watching it. Ugh, I don't want that. It's embarrassing.

The guard already pushes the gate to close it. I sprint as fast as I can and.......... I DID IT! The gate is almost hit me but I'm fast enough. I heave a heavy breath while placing my hands on my knees, trying to gasp some air. But then, I notice something.

I make a turn and apparently Sana didn't make it. She's outside the school gate, whining and gives me a death glare. While scratching my non-itchy head, I smile apologetically. I didn't mean to let her hand go but I'm in rush. So does everyone. Not my fault that she can't make it. I immediately run away from there to go to my class. I feel sorry for Sana and it seems like I have to prepare my ears for constant nagging, whining, complaining from her.

 

Lesson is almost start and all the late-comers are finished with their morning exercise punishment and now they're coming to their respective classes. I'm waiting for Sana although I know what she's going to do once she steps inside the class. And before I even realize, Sana is already inside the class and smacks my head. When does she come? I don't even notice that she's coming inside the class. Ah! She must be using the back door of the class. Why am I so stupid? I'm actually a genius and no one can disagree this.

"Yuta-kun, how dare you leaving me alone!" Sana starts to whine and continues whining.

I giggle at her antic. She's really cute when she's mad. Actually, she looks funny rather than cute. Because the sound that she makes while whining and angry is like an annoying anime character.

"I'm sorry. I'm in hurry." I say shortly while trying to keep it cool but of course it annoys Sana more. She hits my shoulder and goes to her place. It's only take a while for her to cool her anger. She's not going to get mad at me. It will be a record if she ever ignores me for the rest of the day.

 

Not too long after that, Nakazawa-sensei comes inside our class for our first lesson; Japanese. Nakazawa-sensei is great but her lesson can be a bit boring. Japanese isn't her forte. She's more to Science teacher than a Japanese teacher. I know. She's so happy when there are students ask something about Science. You can see the glow on her face when students ask her a question related to Science. It does. And I know because I ask her before and I have to be honest, she teaches Science much better and enjoyable compared to any other lesson that she was asked to teach. I wonder why she doesn't teach Science instead. I can't understand why the principal or whoever in charge to arrange the teacher assign her in other subject. Clearly Science is her expertise.

After we give our greeting and sit down, Nakazawa-sensei walks to the board and begins to write something. As soon as she finishes writing, she stands next to the word written on the board to give us a chance to read it. I gasp and gulp my saliva down to my throat after I read it. I can feel my heart palpitating in ache. Why does Nakazawa-sensei have to mess my mood in this morning?

"Okay, class! Since Father's day is coming soon, let's talk about our father, shall we?" She states to the class and some of them purse their lips because they don't know what to talk about their father.

I wonder if there's anyone else who is like me? That's when I look around the class and observe their reaction. I'm not sure if there's someone who..... who didn't have a father like me.

But then, I accidentally make an eye-contact with Sana and she tries to avoid it. I know that she has been eyeing me quietly. I know that she's staring at me right after Nakazawa-sensei announced the topic to discuss. Sana knows. She's my best friend after all. The word father is a sensitive word for me. She knows that.

I honestly don't know anyone in my class very well. So I don't know if there's anyone from my classmates, aside from me, is fatherless. That would be interesting to know that I'm not the only one. Maybe we can exchange our story about our life.

Nakazawa-sensei begins to talk about her own father. She tells us a story about her childhood and how her father protected her from any danger. Caring, loving, protective, humourous; that's how she describes her father.

Is that how father supposed to be? Then, if father is still alive, he will be take care of me very well. If father is still alive, he will love me from head to toe, everything about me even my weakness. If father is still alive, he will protect me with all his heart even when it's going to danger his life more. If father is still alive, he will be throwing some jokes to make me laugh happily.

Sigh. If only father is still alive. I don't know how does it feel to be loved from a father. There are the times I wish that mother is lying and says that father is still alive and he comes back to us and we will be a happy family. A happy family and a complete family. Even just three of us. It's okay. As long as I have mother and father and myself. Right now, it feels.......... incomplete. Sigh.

"Anyone wants to share some story?" She asks to the class but everyone is trying to avoid her eye-contact so that she won't call their name. And they also look at each other too. Probably trying to tell someone to go first.

What if she calls my name? I thought.

"Nakamoto-kun?"

Speak of the devil.

"Nakamoto-kun, you must have some interesting story and memory to share with your father."

Interesting. Story. Memory. I have none of those. My heart stings so hard. It's like someone is stabbing your heart repeatedly in gruesome way. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to talk? About my father? I don't even know how he looks like.

Nakazawa-sensei keeps urging me to talk. I can't blame her though. She doesn't know that I don't have a father. It's not her intention to indirectly hurt me by asking me about my father. "I have nothing to talk about." That's all I can say about my memory with my non-existent father.

"Why, Nakamoto-kun?"

I gulp while forcing myself not to cry before saying this. "My father passed away before I was born."

Silence. I can see Nakazawa-sensei feels guilty for asking me about this. I look away and turn to the window while staring at the scenery outside blankly. Somehow, I can feel the stares from my classmates. Probably feels sympathy about the news that they just found out; I don't have a father. My father died before I was even born. I don't have any memories with my father.

A drop of tear falling out from right eye. I try so hard not to cry on this. I'm not the type to cry over something but this, sigh, is really hard to control my tears. Sometimes, I wish that I can meet him through my dream. For 15 years, I don't think I recall any dream involving me and someone I don't know that I usually assume to be my father. I don't remember at all. I wonder how he looks like.

 

"Yuta?"

Sana is calling me while holding 2 cans of cola and a lunch box for herself. It's recess time but I need to find a spot where I desperately need to be alone. Well, Sana can't leave me alone. Not when I haven't open my lunch box to eat.

"Are you okay now?" She asks in concern.

To answer her question, I shake my head without saying anything. Honestly, I'm not in a good emotional state currently. I didn't open my mouth throughout the whole class. I'm not paying 100% attention in every lesson. Everything is ruined.

"Yuta, can I ask you something?" Sana wants to ask something to me and I can sense from her tone that she's being careful. Something tells me that she wants to talk about my father. "I'm sorry for hurting you. It's okay if you don't-"

"What is it?"

Sana is hesitating for a moment. I know that she is afraid that I might feel offended but it's okay. I know that she just wants to know something. We've been friends for a long time but there are a lot of things that she doesn't know about myself yet.

"Do you know how your father looks like? Look! Don't get me wrong. I haven't seen any photos at your home except you and your mother. So I wonder....."

Her question makes me froze while having a deep thought. I've been saying this a lot and I don't know how my father looks like. My mother told me that she didn't keep any photos of my father because it gives her sad memories. She loves him so much and she couldn't bear to look at his face again without crying. I don't want to see my mother cry so I didn't ask her again. But then there's me who is wanting to see him in dream. I pray so hard everyday so that I'll meet him but nothing.

How does he even look like? I ask myself.

"He's so handsome like you."

That's what I remember from my mother's word. Just that. Nothing else. She didn't say anything prominent features about him. She just said that. Only that every time I asked her. And when every time I asked her about my father's charm point, she just said he's handsome. That's it. Oh, and eyes. I remember that she said that she loves my father's eyes. When I asked why, she said he had sparkling eyes.

I almost forget that Sana asked me a question. How long have I been daydreaming?

I turn to Sana and chuckle in pain. Why do I feel so pathetic? "I have never seen him. Not even a photo." It's true and I don't want to hide it. I just want to be honest with myself. I tell everything to Sana on why I didn't get see my father in a photo and even know how he looks like. Mother didn't keep his photo.

"Then, what about your father's name?"

Sana's next question caught me off guard. It is too sudden. Why does she ask about my father's name? But then, I'm aware of the fact that..... I don't know my father's name.15 years of living and I don't even know how to spell my father's name. Why don't I notice this? I should know my father's name. Why mother didn't tell me father's name? And I don't ever ask about it either.

I turn to Sana as soon as I know that I have no idea about my own father's name.

"You don't know?"

I shake my head. And then, there's something struck my mind. It's like I just connect the final piece of a puzzle. That can't it be. But what if- no, I shouldn't think like that but- sigh. There's no legit reason except that.

Sana looks like she wants to say something but holds her back, afraid that she's going to hurt me. She's being cautious right now. Somehow, I can see what she's going to tell me, ask me. In fact, I'm starting to doubt myself as well. I should believe mother that father died in an accident. No, I still believe it. But what if?

Father, are you even exist in the past? Of course he was. If it wasn't him, how I was born? But the real question is were they even married in the past? What if........... I'm an illegitimate child? What if it's true? What if mother lies about this? What if father is still alive? But at the same time, I think about something else. Other possiblities on why I have no father. But I choose not to think too much about that. However, I need to know the truth. I need to know whether father is really dead or he abandoned us in the past or..... they don't know each other. I hope that the last option isn't the answer. Even I can't totally accept that father had abandoned us and left us alone here.

When I come back home, I will ask mother about this. I will make sure that she will answer to me honestly.

 

Mother, I want to know more about father.

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm soooooo sorry for the late update. Thought that I could finish this chapter really fast but there are a lot of distractions. I'll try my best to finish the next chapter and update it fast.