Taekwoon slowly walked across the long and wide hallways of his home. He looked at his surroundings and the interiors of the mansion. Everything was too strange and unfamiliar for him. He didn’t want to take another step forward and he could feel the anxiety clenching in his stomach. He was about to meet the sick minister of this city, his biological father.

As he came upon the door, he took a deep breath before knocking.

‘Come in,’ he could hear a man’s voice inviting him inside. A weak and unenergetic voice.

Taekwoon slowly opened the door, intimidated by everything that was visible in the room. The curtains were down and the room was not very lit. Barely any sunlight came in and it was dark. He slowly walked onwards to the large bed inside the room to see an old man lying there and waiting for him.

‘Father?’ Taekwoon asked in a questioning tone.

‘Leo-ah…’ His father called for the name.

The old man that was his father was pale and sickly. His skin was covered in uneven tones of white and yellow. Bloodshot eyes could be seen and a long tube was attached from the man’s arms to the complex machinery next to the bed.

The minister knew of his son’s return. His nephew, Ken have mentioned it to him the night before. Though he wanted to meet his son last night, he realized that Leo was not around due to the unfamiliar settings. So, he was prepared to see his ‘dead’ son once more. As he saw Taekwoon’s face, the man became relieved.

‘Come here my son,’ he took his hands out for Taekwoon.

Taekwoon obeyed and sat by the minister’s side.

‘Let me take a good look at you.’ The minister reached for Taekwoon’s face with his wrinkled hands, trying to remember his son’s facial features. ‘You’ve grown to be a fine man after all. I’m so proud of you.’

Taekwoon could see the old man’s eyes become teary and weak. The eyes of nostalgia.

‘I…’ Taekwoon however, really didn’t know what to say. He still couldn’t remember anything about his father.

‘It’s okay. You go by the name of Taekwoon now right?’

Taekwoon nodded.

‘I see. Ken already told me everything. My son, it’s okay that you don’t remember. It’s fine that you don’t remember. What’s important is that you’re still alive. I… regret it so much having to send you off into the warzone and making you go through all those painful experiences. I have once served in the army myself. The pain and trauma… I know what it feels like. So it’s fine that you don’t remember. In fact, it might be better for you not to remember anything at all. I know you don’t remember who I am but I want to tell you this. You’re my one and only son. I was harsh and strict on you ever since you were a child. Not having a mother by your side must have been hard for you as well, yet you still did everything I asked you of. No matter how much you didn’t like the tasks, you still carried them through. Not once have you fought back for what you truly love to do. You’re a good boy and always have been.’ He patted on Taekwoon’s head.

Taekwoon’s eyes began to water and his heart began to ache. Watching the poor sick man in front of him, his father, being in such a state was painful to watch. He wasn’t a good boy. If he were, he would have remembered everything about his past as Leo already. Taekwoon felt guilty.

‘Hakyeon told me once that you really love the piano and wanted to pursue a future in musical compositions. But because of me, because of our family history, you gave up that dream. You threw away your passion for us. I won’t stop you anymore. You’re no longer Jung Leo, so you can do as you please and desire. I don’t want to prevent you from doing the things you love anymore or who you choose to love. I just want you to be happy and live your life to its fullest without regrets. Can you do that for me Taekwoon-ah?’ The minister called his son by another name.

Both Leo and Taekwoon was his son. That’s what he had come to accept.

Taekwoon took the minister’s boney hands in his own. He was touched by his father’s words and despite not having any memories with his father, he couldn’t help but let the tears fall slowly.

‘Father,’ Taekwoon said. ‘Although I can’t remember anything still, whether I’m Taekwoon or Leo, I promise to you that I’ll live my life happily and do my best in everything. Because I know that you’ll always be there by my side.’

‘That’s my son.’ The minister cried.

The two sat in silence, looking at one another in tears and did not speak of another word. In fact, words didn’t have to be said to know what the father and son were feeling just by being with one another. The remaining time they have together was all that matters.

‘Taekwoon-ah,’ The minister finally said.

‘Hmm?’

‘Can you call Hakyeon here for me please? There’s something I wish to tell him as well.’ The minister asked.

‘I got it. I’ll get him right away.’

*   *   *   *   *   *

Taekwoon went to find Hakyeon back at the living room and told him that the minister wishes to see the boy. As Hakyeon stepped foot inside the minister’s bedroom, he could instantly smell the scent of medicine within it.

‘Sir? You were looking for me?’ Hakyeon asked.

‘I was. It’s been awhile hasn’t it Hakyeon-ah? Come, let me take a good look at you.’ The minister said. ‘How are you? How was your journey?’

‘It was great sir. I have so many stories to tell you.’

‘I’m glad to hear them. Taekwoon-ah, can you leave me and Hakyeon alone for a bit?’

‘Uh, yes father.’ Taekwoon replied.

As Taekwoon turned around to leave the room, he looked back to see Hakyeon and his father. Hakyeon was rather close with his father and it almost felt like Hakyeon was his father’s son and not him. Hakyeon must be a greater friend to Leo than Taekwoon had thought if even his own father was so close to the boy.

As soon as Taekwoon had left the room, Hakyeon exchanged all his amazing stories to the ministers. He even took out his sketchbook to show it to the man as the minister has always admired Hakyeon’s drawings. The minister was pleased to see how much Hakyeon have grown since they last saw one another. He was happy to see that Hakyeon had learned and discovered so much about the world on his journey. It was like watching his very own son grow up.

‘Thank you for finding Leo.’ The minister then said.

‘I didn’t really find him. It was a coincidence that he ended up at the town where Amelia was staying at during my visit.’

‘That’s what we call fate. Hakyeon-ah, can I ask you something?’

‘Hmm?’

‘What do you think of my son?’

‘Huh? What do you mean?’

‘Like what do you think of Leo as a person?’

‘Hmm… he’s a bit timid and doesn’t really talk when you talk to him. Sometimes when we talk, it feels like I’m talking to myself but he’s always attentive in his own way. Though he’s short on his replies, he always cares about the people around him. Although he doesn’t remember his past, he hasn’t changed a bit. During my stay in Pinewoods, I saw Taekwoon caring for the children at the orphanage. The children loved him playing the piano or simply singing together. So in a way, Taekwoon is still Jung Leo.’ Hakyeon smiled at just remembering his short time at Pinewoods.

‘Hakyeon-ah, do you love him? Do you like my son?’ The minister suddenly asked.

‘Wh-what?’ Hakyeon was shocked. ‘I…’

The minister broke into a small smile looking at the flustered young man.

‘In our country, a man loving another man is considered a sin. The impossible and the must-nots. People tend to point their fingers, gossip or even outcast those that commit such a sin. But to me, there is nothing wrong with loving another man. As long as you love, it should never matter whether or not that person is a man or woman. Don’t you think so?’

Hakyeon hesitated but nodded with embarrassment.

‘You know, I know my son very well. We don’t talk a lot but I watch his every gaze and movement. I care for him and I care for you just the same. I knew for the longest time that my son loved you. The way he looked at you when the two of you were talking or hanging out, reminded me so much of back when I loved his mother. He is my son after all. I have never seen my son look at someone with so much admiration and so much love. I have always found it strange that despite the amount of time he and Amelia had spent together, he never once looked at her the way he did when he was with you. He wasn’t even upset when Amelia ran away from the wedding. But whenever he heard anything regarding to you, he would become very interested and intrigued.’

‘Sir…’ Hakyeon felt the love that Leo must have felt for him just from hearing the words from the minister.

‘Ever since his mother passed away, he have only become more timid and didn’t like to socialize with other people. He grew to hate the nature as it reminded him of his mother. Though he and Ken are cousins, there are still times when even Ken didn’t know what was on my son’s mind. I was always worried about how to help him grow but could not find the answers to it until the two of you met. I was a bit doubtful about my son’s feelings for you at first but as I watched the two of you, I know I can trust you. Especially if it’s you. Those six years while Leo was away for war, you have constantly listened to my stories, stay by my side to aid my pains and always being a good son to me as well. Hakyeon-ah, can I ask you to do me a favor?’

‘Yes! Anything!’ Hakyeon said with tears in his eyes.

‘Please take care of my son for me?’

‘I will! I promise!’ Hakyeon’s tears kept falling as he looked at the minister becoming weaker and weaker.

‘Thank you…’

The minister’s final breath was one of a blessing. He left his son in Hakyeon’s care as his final wish. Hakyeon took the minister’s hands and vowed to stay by Taekwoon or Leo’s side for as long as he is capable of.

Hakyeon loves Leo too much and he has always looked up to the minister as his role model. He would do anything to protect the wishes of the minister and also love Taekwoon with all his heart.

*   *   *   *   *   *

The whole city was in silence.

The sky was crying on this very day of sending the minister off to the Heavens. The man who once protected his beloved people and country as well as the man who brought peace to this city.

The city cried for the minister’s passing and the news of  Leo’s innocence were also announced.

The entire Jung family household as well as those that assisted the minister were walking down the streets of Brampton and carrying his will throughout the city.

The people watched and cried.

Brampton has lost a respectable man.

Taekwoon, held his father’s picture and walked at the front along with his sisters and relatives to the cemetery in order to bury his father’s ashes. He held back his tears but inside, his heart was weeping. His memories were slowly returning since his father’s passing and as he began to remember, he shed more tears. It was no longer the pain from his headaches that were hurting but the pain in his heart.

I wish I could be of a better son for you. I wish we could have spent more times together and do the things normal fathers and sons would do. Though I can’t remember everything about you, I know you’re a great man. Just look at all these people whom cry and mourn for you is proof that you’re a great man for this city and a great father. Thank you for looking after me and caring for me even until the end.

Taekwoon closed his eyes and was starting to recall the small bits of memories he could during his childhood. Yes, his father was strict but he never hated it.

Leo has never once hated his father.

 ‘Thank you for coming here,’ Taekwoon said to all those that have gathered to see his father off.

One by one, Taekwoon greeted everyone as his identity being Leo. He saw faces that he could barely remember or not remember at all. It was a strange feeling but all he knew was that he was grateful for everyone who attended.

Hakyeon watched Taekwoon from the side. He was holding his tears as he watched. Hakyeon was the last person whom the minister saw before he passed away. He can still feel the hands of the minister’s as he held them for the last time. Is this how it feels like to lose someone you care for? Your father? Leo-ah, what are you feeling now?

Hakyeon wanted to cry so badly but how could he when he was just an outsider? An acquaintance? Even Taekwoon wasn’t crying despite wanting to so badly. He could see that Taekwoon was holding back his tears and so, Hakyeon had to as well.

He clenched his heart from the aches and just as he felt like he could no longer control it any longer, he turned around and ran to hide.

I can’t let Taekwoon see me like this. Not when he’s already hurting so much. I can’t let him worry about him and burden him even more.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Hakyeon stood hidden underneath a large tree, hoping that it would cover him and keep him out of sight from everyone as he reminisced. He wants to cry. Hakyeon wants to cry so badly yet he was holding back.

‘Hakyeon-ah!’ Someone called found him.

Hakyeon turned around and saw Hongbin coming towards him. Hongbin also attended the funeral along with Minhyuk, Hyuk and Sungjae. They were all part of the Leo and Ken’s acquaintances and classmates after all and wanted to be there for their friend.

‘Kong-ah…’

‘Are you okay?’

‘I…’

Hongbin saw that Hakyeon was holding back his tears and reached out to the boy to comfort him.

‘There, there. You can cry you know. Just let it all out.’ Hongbin said.

Immediately, Hakyeon could no longer hide his tears. Hakyeon started to cry uncontrollably.

‘He was like a father to me…’ Hakyeon continued tear.

‘I know.’ Hongbin rubbed Hakyeon’s back.

‘Kong-ah, it hurts. My heart hurts. I don’t know what to do.’

‘It’s okay. I’m here for you.’

As Hongbin held Hakyeon to comfort the boy and allow him to ease his sorrows, Taekwoon saw the two.

Taekwoon saw that Hakyeon was missing from the sight and went to look for him but when he found Hakyeon finally, Hakyeon was in Hongbin’s arms. The boy was crying uncontrollably in someone else’s arms.

A jab of pain was felt through his heart and he clenched it.

Why? Why do I feel this way each time I see you, Cha Hakyeon? Why are you crying in someone else’s arms and … not mines…

*   *   *   *   *   * A/N *   *   *   *   *   *

I cried a lot while writing this chapter so I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes. I was listening to sad piano/acoustic instrumentals just to get into the zone of writing this painful chapter so it made it worst. 

This was the playlist I was listening to while writing this chapter - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNQNqNKFnGY

Now I need to go cool down my puffy eyes after crying loads.