❧

Jongin presses the phone as close to his ear as he can and anxiously waits for Baekhyun to pick up. His heart is racing and he’s sweating like crazy. Damn it. Damn it all.

Baekhyun picks up after the sixth ring. “Hello? Jongin? What’s the matter?” his voice is raspy and laced with drowsiness.

“I…there’s something,” Jongin starts and quiets down when he realizes he has no idea how to say what it is he’s about to say. “Something - there’s something. Listen, I need you to come over right now.”

On the other end of the line, Baekhyun is dead silent and for a second Jongin thinks he’s fallen back asleep until he speaks up again. “What? Jongin, are you having another nightmare? Are you sleepwalking? And sleeptalking, I guess.”

Jongin almost facepalms. “No, I’m not dreaming, I’m obviously awake. Seriously, I have something to tell you, it’s really important, please; just come over,” he says in desperation.

“Is it really that important? Why do you feel the need to tell me at six in the morning?” Baekhyun groans. “We’ll talk about it in a few hours, alright? Good night.” He’s about to hang up when Jongin’s sudden outburst nearly causes him to drop his phone.

“If you don’t get the over here I swear to God,” Jongin exclaims. He takes a deep breath. “You’re my best goddamn friend, aren’t you? It’s really ing important.”

Baekhyun sighs heavily. “Alright, fine. Damn you, Kim Jongin, I’m coming over. But I swear to God, if I get there and it turns out that you’re pulling my leg or having another nightmare I’ll never forgive you.” And with that, he hangs up.

Jongin tosses his phone to the side and lays face down on his bed, thoughts swirling around everywhere. He runs a hand over his face and moans in disgust when his face gets covered in a thin layer of sweat. Wiping his hands on his pyjama pants, he sits up and closes his eyes while waiting for Baekhyun to arrive. Baekhyun doesn’t live very far away and Jongin figures he should arrive in less than ten minutes. He falls backwards and lands on his back on the mattress.

~~~

He wakes up what feels like ten seconds later to the sound of frantic knocking.

Standing up, Jongin ignores the massive head rush that’s starting to settle in his head as he walks out of his room and down the stairs. He squeezes his eyes shut in order to stop the spinning in his head before reaching out and opening the door. “Hey-”

“Tell me what it is right now so I can turn around and go home and go right back to bed,” Baekhyun cuts him off, a tired look in his eyes. His hair is a messy red blob on top of his head and Jongin figures he forgot to comb it. He’s still wearing his pyjama pants but for some reason he’s chosen to put on a casual looking T-shirt. Jongin’s gaze stops at Baekhyun’s torso and once again he feels a headache coming on when he sees the outline of Baekhyun’s (extremely) defined abs. He feels sweat trickle down his neck and he frantically shakes his head. “No.”

“No? What do you mean, no?” Baekhyun exclaims. “Just tell me what it is! And look at you, you look like death, did you get any sleep last night? Why’re you looking so-” Baekhyun’s sentence is abruptly cut short when Jongin suddenly grabs his collar and yanks him inside before slamming the door behind them. Turning around, Baekhyun stares at Jongin with a confused and semi-frightened expression on his face. “What on Earth are you doing?”

“Let’s go upstairs,” Jongin says quickly, tightening his grip on Baekhyun’s shirt and pulling him towards the staircase. Jongin finally lets go when they climb up the last step and he leads Baekhyun to his room.

“What the hell?” Baekhyun exclaims, tripping over something as soon as he enters Jongin’s room. “Have you been laying awake in the dark all this time? At least turn on some lights!”

Switching on the light, Jongin sighs before gesturing for Baekhyun to sit down on his bed. The latter does, although albeit reluctantly, and stares at Jongin with an expectant yet confused look on his face.  He frowns when he sees Jongin’s anxious expression and stands up when he sees the latter’s gaze dart back and forth. “Hey, what’s wrong?” 

“Sit back down,” Jongin orders and Baekhyun complies, plopping back down onto Jongin’s bed.

Baekhyun quickly scans his surroundings and furrows an eyebrow when he sees a big stain on the other side of the bed. “Did you wet yourself?”

“What? No, what the ,” Jongin says, quickly running over and covering said spot with the blanket. Damn perspiration. “Anyway, the reason I called you over here is because,” he starts and quickly stops himself when he realizes he has no idea how to formulate himself. Swallowing hard, he rubs his damp hands together before averting his gaze and fixating it past Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Because…”

“Is everything okay?” Baekhyun questions, looking at Jongin with a suspicious look in his eyes. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Jongin says quickly - almost too quickly - before his right hand comes up and rubs at his neck. “Anyway, what I wanted to say is that…I…uh…”

“Why are you all sweaty?” Baekhyun asks when Jongin doesn’t say anything. “Have you been…God, I don’t want to know. Nevermind. Anyway, please, just get to the point already before I fall asleep.”

“I’m going to!” Jongin exclaims before opening his mouth to speak. He almost chokes when he realizes his throat is almost completely dry. He swallows a few times to make it easier for him to talk. He opens his mouth and attempts to speak again but his words quickly die out before they even get a chance to leave his lips. Jongin feels his heart race when he sees Baekhyun staring at him in the corner of his eye. Clenching his hands into fists, he gulps in frustration. A bead of sweat trickles down his neck. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, he suddenly thinks. I should ask him to leave.

Baekhyun yawns before falling backwards and landing on his back on (the clean side of) Jongin’s bed. He closes his eyes. “Wake me when you think of it.”

“I’m gay,” Jongin blurts out and quickly slaps a hand over his mouth, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates. Realization of what he’s just said instantly washes over him and his heart feels like it’s going to explode out of his chest any minute. He prays to God it doesn’t. His anxiety has skyrocketed to the point where he feels like his head is going to implode - he wants to massage his temples but he decides against it since he doesn't dare remove his hand from his mouth in fear of saying something he’ll end up regretting. He wonders why Baekhyun hasn’t said anything yet and he reluctantly averts his gaze so he’s looking at the latter. 

Baekhyun is sitting upright and staring at him with an unreadable look on his face and for a second Jongin thinks he’s frozen in place. He’s about to walk towards him and tap on him to make sure he hasn’t turned to stone when Baekhyun suddenly leaps forward and embraces him, crashing into Jongin and sending the latter staggering backwards until his back collides with the door to his dresser. Wincing painfully, he can’t help but feel a certain relief settle in the pit of his stomach as Baekhyun continues to hug, or, to be more specific, squeeze the life out of him and Jongin carefully pries him off. Baekhyun takes a step back with a bright smile on his face, any signs of him being on the verge of sleep just a minute ago gone without a trace. He’s practically bouncing up and down and Jongin’s grateful, since Baekhyun’s hyperactiveness is doing wonders for his own nerves and he suddenly feels much less nervous.

It’s not until they both fall into silence that a certain shyness suddenly hits Jongin and he quickly looks down at his feet. Well, this is awkward.

“If I’m not saying anything it’s because I’m freaking the hell out on the inside,” Baekhyun suddenly says, way too loudly for Jongin’s liking. “Seriously, Jongin, as happy as I am for you I’m still a little bit astonished it took you so long to say it.”

Jongin looks up in confusion. He keeps his head low so Baekhyun doesn’t see the redness that’s currently spreading across his cheeks. “What do you mean?”

“Duh, I mean I’m surprised it took you this goddamn long to realize it. Oh, what the hell - I’m guessing you realized it long ago, didn’t you?” Baekhyun sits back down on the bed. 

“Um,” Jongin stammers, not knowing what to say. “I guess. I mean…yeah. I realized it like half an hour ago.”

Baekhyun blinks. “That recently? Jesus, some people need weeks, good for you. Anyway, what made you finally come to terms with it? If you don’t mind me asking, obviously.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jongin reassures him before running a hand through his hair. His anxiety is long gone now, thankfully. The room is still spinning though, and he slowly slides down the wall and sits on the floor. “Well, what made me come to terms with it was-” he suddenly blushes and looks away. “Nevermind."

“I think I know,” Baekhyun says knowingly voice and Jongin squawks. “Sehun. It's always Sehun with you. Don’t worry, though. I won’t tell anyone,” he adds while putting both hands up in defense.

“How’d you know? Wait, nevermind, I really don’t wanna know. Forget it.”

They sit in (comfortable) silence for what feels like forever. Forever roughly translating to three seconds, in this case. “I’m happy for you, you know that, right?”

Jongin looks up, not having expected Baekhyun to speak. “Huh?”

“I said I’m happy for you,” Baekhyun says in a genuine voice. There’s warmth in his eyes and Jongin can practically feel every nerve in his body relaxing. 

“T-thanks. I gue-”

“Isn’t this great?” Baekhyun suddenly squeals, reaching forward and grabbing Jongin’s shirt, pulling him closer. “Now we can go out and hit on guys together! I’ll give you some beginner tips and tricks, so don’t worry about coming off too awkward.”

Jongin lets out a squawk before stumbling backwards. “Hey, wait a minute, what? What on Earth makes you think I'd wanna do th-”

“Oh, right, the next one on your hit-list is Sehun,” Baekhyun suddenly says, laying back down. “I forgot, sorry.”

“Baek, please,” Jongin groans, running a hand across his face. “Don’t do this, my head’s pounding like crazy.”

“Fine,” Baekhyun chuckles before his eyes light up. “Speaking of Sehun–”

“Baek, shut it!”

“Message him,” Baekhyun deadpans, looking Jongin dead in the eye.

“Why should I?” Jongin crosses his arms over his chest and curses when his lower lip his quivers. He really hopes Baekhyun missed it. 

Baekhyun, being eagle eyed and all, does not miss it, much to Jongin’s disappointment. “See,” Baekhyun moans, “you don’t even believe your own words anymore. What’s the problem anyway? You literally just confessed that you like , Sehun’s out there waiting for you to message him back - what are you waiting for?”

Jongin suddenly goes quiet and he lets out an awkward cough. Baekhyun’s eyebrows immediately furrow in concern. “What? Jongin, what is it?”

“There,” Jongin starts and stops before letting out a long sigh. “There is…there’s something…I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

Baekhyun blinks. “Honest with me? What do you mean?”

Realizing there’s no use in holding it in anymore, Jongin takes a deep breath before coming clean. “He sent me something else after he sent the selfie.”

“So?”

“He asked me if I wanted to come with him to the salon.”

Baekhyun nods slowly. “So?”

“I turned him down,” Jongin confesses and gulps. 

“That…is that why he hasn’t messaged you in four, no, five days?” Baekhyun asks with an unreadable expression on his face. “Not because you simply didn’t reply?”

Jongin nods. He feels a headache coming on and he desperately wants to lie down. Baekhyun speaks up before he gets to, though.

Baekhyun sighs in expasteration before running a hand through his hair, messing it up even more, if that’s even possible. “Why don’t you just take my goddamn advice,” he says and Jongin winces when he hears the irritation lacing Baekhyun's words, “and. Just. Message. Him. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this already.”

“I’ll probably come off looking like a desperate creep!”

“You are a desperate creep, for ’s sake,” Baekhyun exclaims. “Just ing message him, see if he’s still interested and if he’s not, then boo hoo, at least you tried. Delete him and find another guy. If he’s still interested, then you’re welcome.”

“But you don’t understand,” Jongin whines, “I totally ed up last week! I barely said anything interesting and he did like ninety percent of the talking. I was so goddamn awkward throughout the entire thing, I’d be surprised if he still finds me interesting, to be honest. Hell, when he hugged me I didn’t even hug him back, I just kept my goddamn hands in my pockets, can you believe it? ing , now that I think about it, I didn’t even tell him goodbye! I just ran off towards the bus! Why I did that I have no idea, but who cares! I ended our first meeting with not saying goodbye, way to go me. I didn’t even thank him for the food, Jesus, I’m a moron,” he slaps a hand on his forehead, “a real moron. Oh, and by the way, he’s most likely found somebody new, see, he offered to take me the the cinema when I told him I had to leave and I wouldn’t be surprised if he went to see the movie this week with some other dude he met on that app. For God’ sake, I turned down his movie proposal, what kind of idiot am I? That was obviously an ‘I’m-interested-in-you’ action, why didn’t I say yes? God, I lied to him and said you had to tutor me since I just wanted to get the out of that place at that point but now,” he stops and lets out a sigh before continuing, “now I realize I kind of regret saying no and not going with him to the movies.”

“Okay, yeah,” Baekhyun says in an expasterated tone, “it actually does sound like you ed that up pretty badly. But how the hell do you know he’s still busy freaking out over it? Just message him about it for God's sake!” 

“He’s probably forgotten about me at this point!” Jongin exclaims, standing up and instantly regretting it when the headache suddenly hits him out of nowhere. “I mean, wouldn’t you? If you invited someone to go with them to your favorite beauty salon and they said no, and they don’t message you for nearly a week afterwards, wouldn’t you also th-” 

Jongin is briefly cut off when Baekhyun stands up and proceeds to slap him across the face.

Stumbling backwards, it takes Jongin a second to figure out what happened. And when he does, he feels the floor shake underneath him. He blinks before looking up at Baekhyun who is staring at him with an enraged expression on his face, jaw clenched in anger. Jongin almost doesn’t recognize him. Now that he thinks about it, he’s rarely ever seen Baekhyun angry. His stomach churns in discomfort and he winces when he feels a hot stinging sensation spread across his face.

“There you go again,” Baekhyun starts, flailing his arms in frustration, “there you go doing the thing for the twelve billionth time this week, you’re such a ing idiot, you know that?” His eyes are no longer warm, any hint of happiness vanished without a trace. 

Jongin blinks, the bitterness in Baekhyun’s voice making him wince. He rubs at the left side of his face. “The thing? The hell are you talking about?!”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what the I’m talking about,” Baekhyun exclaims in frustration before rolling his eyes sarcastically. He shoots Jongin a smirk. “Even if I explained it to you, it’d still go flying over your head anyway so what’s the use.”

“What the ’s gotten into you?” Jongin says, still rubbing the side of his face. “And why the did you hit me!”

“Stop doing this all the time, stop calling me over for no reason, stop using me as some kind of machine that you can talk to about your problems, stop whining about Sehun and how heartbroken you are and in how dire need you are of advice only to turn around and ignore every ing thing I say! Not only that, you also come running back to me like a minute later and gripe about how confused you are and why he’s ignoring you. Well, tough luck, should’ve listened to me then,” Baekhyun says in an outraged tone. “These days all you talk to me about is Sehun, nothing else! You even ignore me when I have to something to say about myself - like yesterday when I showed you the books I bought, you didn’t even look in my direction and instead opted to ogle that tall- blond kid across from us! You know, I’d be totally fine with all of this if only you’d let me talk about myself and my own problems as well sometimes instead of living with the mindset that I only exist as someone you can moan to about your goddamn problems. Well, for you, since I don’t.”

“Baek, calm the hell down, damn it!” Jongin exclaims before grabbing Baekhyun’s arm only for the latter to aggressively shake him off. Jongin takes a step back.

“At first I was okay with you being so dense since I thought you had yet to listen to what I had to say, but here we are two weeks later and still nothing's changed. I’d also be totally fine with all of this if you’d just be a good person and listen to my ing advice, since it seems to me like everything I say just flies over your head and never returns. Tell me, why the do you care so much about spilling your feelings out to me in hopes of getting some rational advice if you know you’re just gonna nod and forget everything I say less than a minute later? Huh? Do I mean that little to you? That you can’t even listen to what I have to say? I’m tired of repeating myself, Jongin. Oh, and about the meeting that you so badly screwed up, what the makes you think I’ll give you any goddamn advice on how to get your together since you I know for a fact that you won’t give two s about what I have to say anyway?” Baekhyun is practically yelling at this point, shoulders heaving up and down in fury. “Oh, and not that you give a or anything, but I actually got a ty grade on that Math exam since I had to help your sorry study, what a big in’ waste of time that was, at least for me!”

Jongin suddenly feels something snap inside of him and he doesn’t know if it’s due to the aggression in Baekhyun’s voice or the stinging in his face. He assumes it’s probably both. Eyes widening in shock and mock surprise, he points to himself. “Oh, so this is my fault now?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact it is!” Baekhyun yells. “I don’t know if you know how many tutoring session were completely wasted on you sitting and typing away on your goddamn ing phone during the entire hour, but I certainly do. Like, it’s one thing to have love issues but letting them affect those around you is a whole 'nother matter.”

“Don’t pin this on me, you idiot,” Jongin says while gritting his teeth. “Your ing test result had absolutely nothing to do with me texting Sehun.”

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow before crossing his arms over his chest. “Really? Then what caused it?”

“I don’t know, maybe you’re just getting stupider,” Jongin sneers. He hates his tone but he can’t help himself. “Ever thought about that?”

“You, are a goddamn idiot,” Baekhyun seethes before taking a step closer to Jongin with an open palm raised above his head. He doesn’t get a chance to hit Jongin a second time when he’s suddenly grabbed and harshly thrown on the floor. Landing on his back, he feels a sharp sense of pain shoot up his spine and he winces before looking up at Jongin from his position on the carpet. Jongin hovers above Baekhyun with an unreadable look on his face. “What the is wrong with you, Jongin, you ing bastard!”

“Why’re you acting like such an assmangled little all of a sudden,” Jongin says before clenching his fists. “Are you saying I can’t talk to you about how I’m feeling? What kind of best friend are you, even?” He curses when he realizes just how childish he sounds, but again, he can do nothing to help it.

“Did you just,” Baekhyun starts, blinking in astonishment, “literally ing ignore everything I just told you?” He shakes his head. “Why am I wasting my time talking to you, I don’t get it. It’s like talking to a mothering wall.”

“You haven’t even said anything remotely worth taking into consideration anyway,” Jongin huffs. “All you say is ’message him, message him',” he mimics Baekhyun’s high pitched voice, making the latter see red. “That’s all you say every time I ask for help! I don’t get why you’re complaining about me not listening when you never say anything worth listening to in the first place! You didn’t do anything for me while I went through that stupid- emotional period.”

“Actually,” Baekhyun says, standing up and locking gazes with Jongin, “that isn’t true, you see. Remember last week how I had to take your sorry dirty under my wing since you got kicked off the goddamn bus after ing up your first date? How I let you sleep over at my house despite knowing I never said yes, how you woke me up in the middle of the night with your weird- dream and whacked me in the face for no good reason. How I let you talk to me about Sehun until your idiotic fell asleep on my couch while still wearing that gross- muddy jacket of yours which, by the way, I took off you while you were sleeping and threw in the hallway. I even gave you advice then, but your sorry just went right to sleep. Did you forget all about that, or?”

Jongin exhales a shaky breath before slowly shaking his head. “Go.”

Baekhyun his head to the left. “The hell do you mean.”

“Go,” Jongin repeats, voice dropping three octaves. “Get out. I can’t stand seeing your ing face right now.”

“Oh, so you’re just gonna shove me aside like you always do? Just ignore and forget about everything I said? You’re selfish, Jongin,” Baekhyun says, making sure to look Jongin square in the eye as he talks, “selfish and stupid, that’s what you are. Get a ing grip and pull your goddamn head out of your already before you cause more trouble and scare even more people away. Oh,” he turns around, “don’t come crying to me when you try messaging him a month later and find out he’s moved on, just so you know. Let’s hope this whole thing doesn’t get too en dramatic 'cause you can bet your I won’t be there to help you if you up even more. I’d help you through the rest of all of this but I can’t be bothered since you’ve proven that you’re nothing but a selfish, ignorant fool so I won’t waste any more time with this. And since you’re apparently better off on your own, I’m assuming you don’t need me any longer - which is totally fine by me since frankly, I’m exhausted. I don’t know why you’re doing this - making so complicated; if it’s because you’re blinded by love or because you simply don’t give a about me; I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that I’m done; with this and with you. Good ing luck with everything,” he says before turning on his heel, “because from now on, you’re on your own.”

And with that, Baekhyun storms out of Jongin’s room and down the stairs. Jongin stands in his room, frozen in place for a good ten seconds before realization hits him like a wrecking ball. Mouthing a frantic '’, he rushes out of his room and starts down the stairs, hoping to catch up with Baekhyun. He only manages to catch a glimpse of Baekhyun’s bright red hair as the latter walks out the door and slams it shut behind him. The sound of the door slamming closed echoes in Jongin’s head and he feels another headache creep up on him.

Deflated, Jongin trudges back to his room, a black cloud hovering above his head. He doesn’t have the energy to crawl into bed, and instead opts to slide down the wall and curl up in a ball in a corner of the room. Knees pressed tightly against his chest, he squeezes his eyes shut when yellow sunlight seeps through his curtains, reminding him of the fact that it’s morning. His head is pounding so hard he fears his skull might burst and he grabs onto it while backing up against the wall even more. He pulls out his phone and opens the app for reasons he can’t explain and feels a certain numbing sensation take over his heart when the words 'No Missed Messages’ pop up on the screen. Throwing his phone across the room, he breathes out a sigh of relief when he hears it slide under the bed and hit the wall. A ray of sunlight hits him square in the face and he swears his head and heart (but mostly heart) might explode. Leaning his head against the wall, he closes his eyes.

Life doesn’t get much worse than this.

❧