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Jongin races down the hallway and turns the corner, nearly running right into a group of students. Awkwardly excusing himself, he picks up his feet and heads towards the main exit (he's surprised he's even able to find it given the fact that he has the worst sense of navigation in the world). He doesn't see Sehun anywhere and momentarily wonders whether or not the latter has disappeared into thin air. He couldn't have made it out that fast, Jongin thinks while throwing the doors open and hissing when the bright light from the outside world hits him right in the face, I don't believe it.

Making his way down the stairs leading to the building two at a time, Jongin feels a bead of sweat trickle down the back of his neck when he scans the entire yard and doesn't see Sehun anywhere. He feels a hundred pairs of eyes pointed in his direction and he's seconds away from a mental breakdown when he suddenly spots him - in the car, behind the wheel. Jongin exhales in relief. Of course. 

Jogging over to the car, Jongin stops outside the passenger side and waves a hand in front of Sehun's face. The latter jumps a little and stares at Jongin with wide eyes. "Oh, hey."

"Hi," Jongin replies before proceeding to open the door and slide into the passenger seat. Expecting Sehun to put the key in the ignition and drive off, Jongin furrows his eyebrows in confusion when Sehun doesn't, in fact, do that. "Are you okay?"

Sehun sighs and adjusts his right leg so it's not pressing against the wheel. "I'm fine. What about you? Is your arm okay?"

Jongin blinks. "Oh. Um, yeah." He looks down at his wrist. He's nearly forgotten all about it. A nasty shade of purple stares up at him and he winces. "Still hurts, kinda."

"Want to stop at a pharmacy and pick up something?" Sehun asks, still not looking Jongin in the eyes. He moves to turn the key. 

"No, it's fine, really." Jongin smiles in Sehun's direction, still trying to get the latter to look at him. "Where are we off to next?"

For the first time in hours, Sehun stares at Jongin with an unreadable look. Something seems to flash across his eyes but Jongin barely catches it before it disappears, as quick as it came.

Jongin blinks. "What?"

"Nothing." Sehun shakes his head before averting his gaze and putting the car in reverse, backing out of the parking spot and driving through the open gate. 

Jongin feels a certain numbing sensation engulf his body when they approach the usual round-a-bout leading to Jongin's apartment and Sehun proceeds to turn to the left instead of to the right. "Hey," he says and mentally slaps himself when he hears his voice quiver, "you're going the wrong way."

"I know." Sehun doesn't take his eyes off the road as he drives forward. Jongin's confusion only doubles.

"So...where are we going?" Jongin looks around. He doesn't recognize the road they're driving down - he doesn't think he's ever visited this place before. A certain nervousness settles in the pit of his stomach when Sehun turns a sharp right - nearly jerking Jongin out of his seat for the nth time since he's sat in Sehun's car - and proceeds to back into a parking space. Jongin gulps. Is this a parking lot? It looks deserted. 

He turns to look at Sehun who shoves the gear shift backwards before turning the engine off. Jongin blinks in confusion when Sehun doesn't move to open the door and get out. Instead, the latter turns to face Jongin with a serious expression on his face. Jongin subconsciously leans away until his back comes in contact with the door behind him. "Um."

"We need to talk."

Jongin gulps. "I'm sorry?"

"I mean, not that we need to or anything," Sehun chuckles dryly, "it's just that I feel like we should."

Nodding slowly, Jongin's lips form an 'o'-shape. "Okay," he says, dragging out the last syllable. "About?"

"Not to sound super corny or anything, but," Sehun chuckles again and clears his throat, "us."

Jongin nearly falls out of his seat. He thanks the lucky stars he has the door for support. "What?"

"I know, it's stupid." Sehun speaks up again before Jongin has a chance to answer. "Can I ask you something? I've been meaning to ask you this for ages now since it's bothering me quite a bit."

Damn it. "Sure."

"Do you have like," Sehun stops before raising an eyebrow, not sure how to formulate himself, "how do we put this," he clears his throat, looking up at Jongin, "some kind of...problem with calling or introducing me as your boyfriend?" He sighs when Jongin doesn't say anything. "Because it really, truly seems like you do. And, if it's not too much to ask, I'd like to know why."

Jongin sits glued to his chair until it hits him that he should probably say something. "Yes," he blurts out but quickly flails his hands in the air, "wait no, no! I don't! I mean...yeah. No. I don't, really. Why do you ask?"

Sehun shrugs, gaze fixated on the gear shift between them as he absentmindedly plays with the key chain hanging from the key in the ignition. "It's just that lately I've been getting the impression that you seem almost...I don't know, embarrassed? about telling people I'm your boyfriend, or at least the idea of telling people we're together." He looks at Jongin. "Because, I mean, we are, right?"

Jongin visibly swallows, nodding slowly. "We are." He raises an eyebrow, "What, have you been questioning us?"

Sehun is silent for a long time before putting both hands in the air. "I'll be honest and say I have. I've been questioning...a lot of things lately, as a matter of fact."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Do you want me to be completely and flat-out honest with you?"

Jongin nods. "Of course."

Sehun looks down. "I feel like everything; and by that I mean, well, us - that this whole thing has been mainly one-sided on my part. I know you probably don't agree but that's how I feel. Like, you just seem so very...reluctant to do, well, anything with me. I mean, I always get the feeling that I'm the one who constantly initiates hugs and stuff like that - not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that you seem to incredibly unreceptive, everytime. And I'm fully aware that we've recently slid into this relationship but I want you to know that it genuinely hurts me, especially combined with that you seem so unwilling to call me your boyfriend." He runs a hand through his hair. "I mean, don't get me wrong or anything, I really like you and I'm glad we met and everything, it's just that I don't know if I can keep up with this one-sidedness for very long. I'm really trying to do my best to make you as happy and comfortable as possible but I just can't help but feel like you're bored or that you just don't care. I want to know if I'm doing something wrong or something you're not comfortable with." He exhales before looking back at Jongin who's staring off into the distance. "There's nothing wrong with you as a person or anything, I mean, maybe you view relationships differently than I do, but I hope you understand."

It takes Jongin a full minute to process Sehun's words and when he does, his mouth falls open in surprise. "What?"

"Stop with this 'what'-nonsense of yours 24/7, I know you heard me loud and clear," Sehun says in a semi-irritated tone. 

"I...you know I like you too," Jongin says, heart in his throat. "I don't get it, why would I be embarrassed to be with you?"

"That's not what I said," Sehun sighs. "I said I think you're embarrassed about the thought of telling people we're together. As in, that I'm your boyfriend."

"I mean..." Jongin swallows. "I have a reason, but it has nothing to do w-"

"Tell me."

"I'm not used to telling people I have a boyfriend," Jongin says quietly while playing with his fingers. "Like...my friends don't know I'm with you, some of them still think I'm with Jenny. And-"

Sehun blinks. "Who's Jenny?"

"My ex girlfriend," Jongin mumbles and swallows when he sees Sehun bite his lip in what he assumes is discomfort. "I haven't told you about her? Anyway, they still think I'm with her. I haven't told them anything about having gotten together with somebody new, let alone a guy, not a single word. I mean...I don't want to think about how they'd react or what they'd think if I told them I've got a boyfriend now. Point is, I need a little time to get used to it, okay? I'll get used to it eventually, but not right now."

"So what you're saying is," Sehun says slowly, nearly too slowly for Jongin's liking, "that you refuse to introduce me as your boyfriend or call yourself my boyfriend because of what your goddamn friends might think if they found out you're dating a guy now and not a girl?"

Jongin nods. "It sounds stupid, I know! But like I said, I'll get used to the hand-holding in public and the kissing and stuff eventually, just not for the time being! I hope you understand, I really do."

"As a matter of fact, I don't." Sehun continues to stare at Jongin. "So you're gonna keep introducing me as your friend and avoid holding my hand or kiss me in public because it doesn't sit well with you?"

"Like I said, for a short while, not forever." Jongin attempts a small smile but it quickly fades when he sees Sehun's less-than-amused expression. "Not forever, I told you!"

"Is that why you flat out refused to hug me back when I visited you earlier today? Because Baekhyun was standing two feet away?" Sehun asks and Jongin nearly winces when he hears the hurt in his voice.

Jongin blinks. He hadn't thought about that. "Y-yeah. You heard what he said! About us!"

"He was ing kidding," Sehun says in expasteration. "He was joking, you know that! And you know damn good and well he approves of our relationship, don't try to tell me otherwise. Honestly, I don't see your problem."

"I'm still not a hundred percent comfortable with dating a guy," Jongin practically yells, throwing his hands in the air. "I thought I made that clear the first time we met! It has nothing to do with you, it's just that I've never been with a dude before, I need time to grow used to it. I don't see your problem either!"

"So you're gonna keep this...whatever this is, up because you need time to process the fact that you're dating a guy and not a girl? Let me ask you one thing, if you'd walked into that store four weeks ago and met me, except this time I was a girl and not a guy, would you still try to run away and out the door?"

Jongin raises an eyebrow. "Yeah! But," he breathes, "like I keep saying, it has nothing to do with you! At all!" he stares at Sehun with an annoyed look. "Look, I don't see why this bothers you so much! I told you, I'll get used to it someday, just not right now! Why do you care so much?"

"Because you're so-very-obviously lowkey repelled by the idea of dating me solely because of the fact that I'm a guy!" Sehun runs a hand through his hair. "Is there something wrong with me? My personality? Did I do something weird? Is there something you don't like about me or that you want me to change about myself? I want you to be honest with me, am I boring? Mean? Anything?" He looks at Jongin. "Was it the kiss? Was it too early of me to do that? Were you uncomfortable with that? I mean, you didn't even do anything so I guess, but still."

"No, you're perfect," Jongin exclaims, attempting to reach for Sehun's hand only for the latter to move it away. "It's not you, it's never been about you! It's about me, can't you tell? This is my problem, not yours!"

Sehun is silent for a couple of seconds before speaking. "Which leaves one thing - you're secretely repulsed by the idea of us being together because we're both guys."

Jongin opens his mouth to speak but quickly closes it again. "Um."

"I kinda figured since the beginning," Sehun chuckles humorlessly. 

"Figured what?"

"You know, this whole you-being-uncomfortable-with-dating-a-guy-and-not-having-the-guts-to-tell-people thing, I felt it since the beginning, before we even got together," Sehun says and buries his face in his hands. "I even beat the out of a random dude over it, Jesus Christ!" He looks up. "Why did you even accept his number in the first place?"

"What?"

"Shut up, you heard me!" Sehun exclaims, making Jongin recoil. "Why did you accept his goddamn number, knowing damn good and well you-"

"He was scary as hell, I didn't have the courage to turn him down," Jongin interrupts him. 

Sehun shoots Jongin a disbelieving look before nodding. "Fair enough." He exhales shakily while staring at his shoes, right foot resting on the gas pedal. "I really sympathise with you for being scared of coming to terms with your uality and whatnot, like I understand how you're feeling. You most likely view relationships differently than I do, which is fine and all, but," he presses his lips together before speaking, "and I know this sounds super selfish and I sincerely apologize for coming off as narcissistic and self centered, but even if it's just for a short while, and I know I said this a minute ago, but, I refuse to and won't date someone who's obviously repelled by the idea of being with me solely because of the fact that I'm a guy like them. Not to mention you seem to have grown bored of everything lately, which, by the way, if you have, do let me know. But yeah, it doesn't matter how long you plan on dragging this out, point is, I'm not having it."

Jongin feels his world stop. "Are," he blinks, fighting the urge to scream, "are you-"

"You're super cute and funny and all but this," Sehun gestures between them, "just isn't working out. You know, the whole relationship thing. Not to mention I feel like I rushed everything along too quickly considering the fact that you weren't ready for a same relationship yet, and for that I apologize."

Heart threatening to combust and bleed out, Jongin grabs the edge of his chair. "Sehun, what are you sa-"

"Maybe I'm too selfish and whatnot but I take relationships seriously, I want both parties involved to be equally committed to each other. I hate one-sidedness, if that wasn't obvious enough. And I'm not saying this is your fault; if anything it's my fault for not being able to figure out you weren't ready for this," Sehun chuckles dryly before in his lower lip. "This lack of communication is really getting on my nerves."

Jongin does his best to process Sehun's words. He can't feel his legs anymore and he seriously wonders if his heart has stopped beating because he can't feel anything move in his chest. He opens his mouth to speak but his tongue feels like sandpaper, reducing his words to nothing but an incoherent jumbled mess. He fights the urge to reach up and grab at his chest, praying he doesn't drop dead from an unexpected heart attack. Although he lowkey wishes he would, since he figures a heart attack would hurt much less than what he's hearing right now.

After a brief struggle, Jongin finally manages to croak out a few words. "Wh-what happens now?"

Sehun exhales in expasteration. He runs a hand through his hair while sighing deeply. "I don't know," he breathes, staring into nothingness. "I honestly don't know."

Clearing his throat, Jongin looks away, away from Sehun. "It's getting dark out."

Exhaling slowly, Sehun nods before checking his watch and reaching for the gear shift. Jongin feels a thick fog settle between them and he fights the urge to wipe it away before Sehun completely disappears. 

Backing out of the parking space, Sehun exits the parking lot before driving back to the round-a-bout and turning to the right. They end up on the familiar road leading right to Jongin's apartment. and the latter feels a cold chill travel down his spine. He desperately wants to reach out and grab Sehun's hand and interlock their fingers but decides against it. Not to mention that his hand feels heavy and refuses to move from its spot in his lap. Jongin subtly looks to the left and nearly cries when he sees Sehun's expressionless look as he drives - right hand clutching the wheel and gaze intently fixed on the road ahead of them. Jongin thinks Sehun's eyebrows look much less sassy and funny compared to how they usually look. If anything, they're closely knitted together to form a scowl, but Jongin isn't sure about that. What he is sure about, however, is that Sehun looks tired. Tired and maybe even a little bit stressed. That, and pissed off. Jongin chuckles to himself. Of course.

They pull up next to Jongin's apartment door after riding in total silence for nearly five minutes. Jongin half expects Sehun to get out of the car and follow him up to the porch but he, to Jongin's disappointment, doesn't. Instead, Sehun remains in his seat and watches as Jongin proceeds to awkwardly open the door and step out. Scratching the back of his head (and avoiding Jongin's gaze), Sehun whispers (or, according to Jongin, mutters) a low 'good night' before turning the wheel and slowly driving away and out of sight.

Jongin's feet feel like they weight a hundred tons; he can barely move, hence making it nearly impossible for him to walk forward. He isn't shocked or mad - he isn't even sad - he figures the adrenaline pumping through every vein in his body has yet to dissolve before he can feel sad. Getting out his house keys, he unlocks the front door and steps inside, nearly tripping over the doorsill in the process. Leaning against the wall, he removes his shoes before locking the door behind him and trudging upstairs to his room. He makes it to the second floor without tripping once (considering the fact that it's nearly pitch black inside the apartment), to his surprise, and decides not to brush his teeth before bed. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't even know why he's feeling so incredibly exhausted. He just...is.

Walking into the room, he doesn't even bother turning on the light before moving to flop down onto his bed. He misses, though, and ends up on the floor instead. Not having the willpower to get up and try again, Jongin simply opts to get comfortable on the carpet beneath him. He doesn't even know what he's feeling at this point and neither does he know what to think, given the fact that his entire head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. Thinking of nothing in particular, his eyes slip shut, the sound of his dull heartbeat gradually lulling him to sleep.

~~~ 

Buzz.

Jongin jolts awake and instantly moans in disgust upon realizing he's lying in a puddle of his own sweat. , how long was I out? With some force, he removes (or to be exact, unsticks) his sweater and chucks it aside. Wiping his palms on his jeans, he blinks the sleep out of his tired eyes before pulling out his phone and covering his face in order to avoid permanent blindness when he unlocks it. 

A sense of dread washes over him when he opens his messages and proceeds to read his most recently received text.

From: Sehunnie :3

i did some thinking while driving home and i've come to the realization that i want to give you the time and space you need to come to terms with your feelings until you're comfortable enough for a relationship. idk if it's bc of something i did or said (i really hope not), but i hope everything works out for you and that you feel happy with yourself and who you are in the end. 

all the best. 

The first thing that catches Jongin's attention is the lack of emoticons in the text - Jongin barely even recognizes Sehun's text without the latter's usual use of an excessive amount of emoticons or hearts. He checks the sender's name again - yup, it's definitely Sehun. But it doesn't feel like it. Jongin bites his lip as he re-reads the words a second time. Should I call Baek? he thinks, in his lower lip. I should call Baek. It's only 6:40, he's probably; no - most certainly awake.

Jongin's fingers seem to move on their own as he dials Baekhyun's number. He doesn't even know what it is he's doing at this point, and he's extremely distracted (and irritated) by the strange and erratic beating of his heart. He wipes his brow when he presses the phone against his ear and waits for Baekhyun to pick up. 

After four rings, Jongin barely registers the faint sound of Baekhyun's voice but he doesn't even get a chance to think any further nor reply because the next thing he knows, his phone has fallen out of his hand, landing with a dull thud on the carpeted floor. Reaching up, he places a hand on the left side of his chest. He feels a certain weight settle on his heart and his eyes widen when he comes to the alarming realization that it's not due to sadness (he isn't feeling sad or depressed in the slightest at the moment). His brows furrow when he suddenly feels his entire body break out in an ice cold sweat. The hell's going on.

The last thing Jongin hears before everything blackens around him is the frantic sound of Baekhyun's voice somewhere to his left. 

Then everything just...disappears.

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