Coming back from the shower I saw it, he was being obvious. When I came to the waiting room with a small towel over my hair, in clean shirt and the same jeans, Donghae´s eyes unknowingly slid on my crotch. I pretended I didn´t notice since the actor himself was flustered by his own reaction. What can I say? I don´t have any underwear on after all. I plopped on the sofa next to him.

“Do you have any info from the manager?” I asked leisurely.

“Nah,” Donghae sighed and leaned into the sofa. We were alone in the quiet room and I took out my phone. Drop-Face was stuck to the ceiling, his confused face on his knee. He still wasn´t sure if the situation was good or bad for him.

“Do you know this one?” I played a song on my phone.

“No, but the voice is familiar,” Donghae was listening to the melody, “I like her voice.”

“Yeeun from Wonder Girls, they disbanded recently, tho,” I sighed.

“What´s the name of the song?” Donghae asked.

“I played it because you reminded me of the song,” I chuckled and Donghae looked up at me curiously, “It´s ´Peter Pan´.”

“You think I´m childish?” Donghae wasn´t in mood for the joke and instead threw me a nasty pout. Cute.

“I meant it in a good way,” I told him but scrolled for another song quickly, “how about this one?”

“Zion.T? It sounds like him,” Donghae was guessing.

“And Simon Dominic,” I said and grinned at Donghae, “´Stay cool´, is the name of the song.” Donghae rolled his eyes.

“I wasn´t angry, I´m just nervous, okay?” He admitted and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Because of me?” I asked before I could hold myself back. Donghae´s eyes widened but then he covered his face with his hands. I worried he would ruin the make-up.

“Actually, I was nervous about the next schedule and my manager that was somewhere out in the storm,” he mumbled into his hands. “Self-involved, aren´t we?”

“Uh, sorry,” I scratched my neck nervously, “I thought that I shouldn´t have told you about the underwear thing and that you were angry maybe.” I was fondling with the phone again.

“Hyukjae!” Donghae whined into his palms. “Now I´m conscious about that too! And stop playing ´Sorry, sorry´! That´s so cliché!”

“Now you are mad,” I whined and threw my phone on the sofa between us.

“Just a little frustrated,” Donghae then sighed and uncovered his face, the make-up seemed okay. “You keep messing around with me, when you say into the radio that I´m your new love, even if it´s just joking, I get my hopes up.”

“I´m a player,” I shrugged, “You fell for the wrong person. I think I can´t stop messing around with you because I like you.”

“See? You are doing it again!” Donghae jumped on his legs and began pacing around the small room. “You can´t just say that you like me. It makes my heart beat.”

“Like and love are different, I differentiate between those two feelings,” I spoke up confidently, “when I say I like you, it means I like spending time with you and think you are fun. When I say I love you, I mean something deeper.”

“have you been in love, Hyukjae?” Donghae suddenly stopped pacing and shot me a glare, I was caught off guard by that. I nodded my head, I had my first love, after all. “Do you remember how it felt? Will the next love feel the same?”

“You say I wouldn´t know if I fell in love again?” I asked him sincerely. Donghae was leaning against the mirror in front of me, the whiteness behind the window dyed the room in a strange colour and drew our shadows on the floor.

“I´m not talking about me personally here, it´s just an example,” ten fingers emerged from Donghae´s shadow and when I looked up, I saw the man waving with his palms in front of me defensively. There were twenty fingers in the mirror behind him at times and I smiled at him in order to calm him down. The room fell into the comfortable stillness again.

“How do you know you are not in love with me? Maybe you just imagine the feeling differently and that´s how you fail to recognize it.” I felt shivers down my spine. Looking at Donghae, he was embarrassed under my stare.

“Makes sense,” I uttered, “you think I love you?”

“What? No, I said,” Donghae panicked and began pacing the room again, then he stopped abruptly, “wait, you are messing with me again.”

“Sorry,” I stuck out my tongue and he walked to me and grabbed my ears. “Ouch!” I cried when he began pulling on my ears, Drop-Face started laughing hysterically.

“Suits you well!” Donghae snorted when I was gently rubbing my red ears. I was going to say something but Donghae´s phone then rang.

The situation was better, it was still snowing heavily but the wind stopped blowing and roads were being cleaned so Donghae’s manager was coming in a different car. We dressed up and finished our instant coffee before walking down to the lobby again. I apologized to Donghae one more time and said something strange even for my own ears. That I would think about what he had said to me about love.

And I did my homework. When I woke up in the late afternoon and heated myself some food I had in the fridge, my thoughts wandered to Donghae by themselves. I was sitting by the table, music was playing from the living room. Songs were randomly switching on my phone and Donghae´s song began playing. At first I didn´t notice until I caught myself humming it with my mouth full. Then I realised I was thinking of Donghae.

I have to admit that there are things that have been bothering me for the past month. My troubles with Donghae began in fall but we truly got closer during Christmas. Since then I began having weird thoughts. Not romantic, not that. Donghae was a man and I didn´t feel attracted to him physically. I tried to imagine him and touching me, or me touching him. I almost choked on my meal. I didn´t feel comfortable with that, but I could imagine kissing him. Yet, wasn´t that messing around again?

And then I thought of Donghae´s words from this morning. What criteria do I use to differentiate between messing around and actually desiring? I was a natural prankster but when it comes to Donghae, I was maybe attacking his heart too often. There are other things I could joke about, after all. Why didn´t I feel bad for messing around with Donghae’s feelings? Because I meant it? Because it wasn´t a game but because I actually wanted him to feel flustered with me in the room, blush when I said something cheesy or feel tense that I´m not wearing any underwear?

That´s still only like. It´s not love. I want to understand my feelings.

Hello! So, Hyukjae is finally admitting that there is something between them. :P Thank you for subscribing and upvoting the new fic, although I didn´t start updating yet. You guys are awesome. You can check a oneshot I added here too :3 Also, have you seen Knowing brother with Teuk and Shindong? The second highest rating, I was laughing and at the same time it was somehow heart-warming. They expected members to attack each other but instead they played together. Thank you for reading and commenting and see you on Wednesday! - PandaHero