Gift for Sparklyunicorns

Gift from ???

Title of the gift: Too Late

Pairing(s): Markson, a little tiny bit of Markjin, Markbum and Jackjae

How many words: 2417 words (including the title)

Rating: Angst. Just like how you wanted it.

Warnings: Ummm... prepare for best friend zone angst I guess? XD


Note to my giftee: I had fun writing this even though angst is really not my genre (tho I have some angsty fics) and I don't know how I had fun even though this is angst but I hope you'll enjoy reading.

Too Late
 

“Did you love him?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you not end up together?”
 

They were long friends. Ever since they were kids, they always had been together and close. In every moment, they always protect each other. They’ve got each other’s back. That’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s what friends do.

No leaving behind.

But Mark Tuan is love for Jackson Wang. He couldn’t look at the other boy the way he looks at the former. It’s like he sees the stars in the twinkle of his eyes. He sees the promise of the night in the darkness of his hair. He sees their bright future in his smiles.

At such a young age, Jackson vowed that he will end up with Mark one way or another and will get to spend his whole life with him. At such young age, he started planning his future. And everything involved Mark. Jackson wrapped his life around him.

Jackson had only one problem. They were friends. And he knows that it’s a universal law that you cannot be together with your friend in a romantic way. The moment you cross the borderline between being friends and lovers, you can’t ever go back. And the moment the love will be gone, there’s no friendship that you’ll come back to.

It’s an uncharted territory, like a jungle waiting to be explored. But there is a possibility that one will get lost and he believes that he will. And so he kept his unwanted feelings to himself. And at such a young age, he got his heart broken.
 

They just transferred to Korea from Hong Kong and even though adjusting is hard for the two of them, Jackson saw how quickly Mark became famous because of his looks. And some even “love” him.

Sometimes, he sees people who actually has the courage to confess to Mark.

But every time it happens, Mark just smiles and says “I’m sorry. I’m still too young.”

And Jackson is happy every time also. At least, he could still keep him to himself for a little bit longer.
 

When puberty hit both of them, maybe it favored Mark more. He became more handsome and his voice was deeper. He also lost some baby fats and grew taller.

While Jackson still had his baby face and only grew an inch. He’s disappointed.

A little because of the unfairness of the world but a lot about how Mark became more attractive day by day that he attracts more people each day also.

And Mark also gained some friends apart from Jackson.

While Jackson stayed as the awkward kid, the one who still doesn’t socialize. Mark is the only person who can make Jackson open up and talk for hours.

And that’s when Jackson felt the gap between their friendship. Mark hasn’t been meeting with Jackson after school because he was too busy with his new friends.

But some people still thought that there’s something between him and Mark.

And every time when someone asks “Are you and Mark together?” he always answers “No.” But whispers an “I wish.” afterwards.

Jackson felt that Mark’s world kept growing bigger because of his rising social life and admirers. While his world still only revolved around Mark. Sometimes, he’d stare alone up the starry sky and wait for a star to fall. Then he’ll wish even though he knows it won’t come true.

Maybe they weren’t for each other. But Jackson still hasn’t lost all hopes. They’re still young. Maybe when they grow up, they will share the same love. Maybe they were both fated to each other. He would just wait for Mark to realize that.

He was hoping that he will.
 

They were graduating when Jackson tried to confess to Mark. They were each other’s date to ball. That’s what they agreed to.

He still remembers.

“In our first ball, can you be my date?” Mark told Jackson.

“What if somebody asks you out?” He asked the older.

Mark only smiled and put his arm on Jackson’s shoulder. “Then I’ll say no.”

“What if they look more dashing than me?” Jackson voiced out his concern. He was never confident with his looks. Especially if we talk about Mark.

“I’ll still choose you.”

“What if you’ll regret your decision when you see them?”

Mark frowned, “You don’t want to?” There was a pout on his face.

“Of course I want to!” Jackson quickly said, earning a smile from Mark. “But, really, you just can’t tell…” Jackson smiled back.

Maybe it was finally time to tell Mark.

But then what Mark said next made his heart hurt. “Of course, best friend comes first.”

Best friend. His adolescent heart was yearning for something more. He wanted to be his first kiss, his first hug, his first boyfriend, his first everything. He wanted Mark to consider him as someone he could possibly be romantic with. But with his awkward attitude and not so attractive face, he thought it was a very long shot.

Even his first dance in the ball, he didn’t get. Before Jackson could even protest, Mark was whisked away to the middle of the dance floor by some guy he could never measure with. He also heard a lot of praises at the two.

“They fit together.”

“They look perfect.”

“They’re so cute.”

“What a perfect couple.”

Jackson doesn’t have the courage to argue. It’s not about the looks, he wanted to say, it’s about the length of time they’ve known each other. If I were to be Mark’s boyfriend, I’m sure we’ll last until eternity.

They have so many things in common or that fit together. Surely, that counts as something. He just forgot to include one variable to his flawless formula.

Mark doesn’t like him that way.

Mark and Jaebum was hailed the best couple. There’s no surprise there. Jackson expected it. What chance does he have against him?
 

Mark and Jaebum’s dance didn’t end that night. Jackson only knew right after the ball, that the two are now in a relationship. As if his heart haven’t had enough blow, he also found out that Jaebum got Mark’s first kiss.

That was supposed to be his’. But is there even any chance?

When summer came and the school year has ended, he went home to Hong Kong to relax a bit and spend time with his family. He always felt pain in his heart when he’s always with the couple and he thinks it’s unhealthy. They were always together anyway, even if Jackson wasn’t there. One cannot be without the other. Just like them before, inseparable

Now, he’s just a third wheel and he could not bear that.

When summer ended, it was obvious that he physically matured. From the biceps he now had on his arms and he also grew a little taller. And all those baby fats are gone from his face. Maybe it’s because of daily exercise, good diet and normal sleep.

His classmates were pleasantly surprised. A lot of them wanted to talk to him. The people who normally just ignored him a year ago now treats him with utmost care. He confesses that he likes the attention but only wanted one person’s attention to be his’ again.

“Wow, Jackson! Such improvement! Maybe you’ll finally get a boyfriend now!” He was happy he finally got Mark’s attention. It surely took him so long.

There’s also some of his classmates that showed their love for him. Although he was flattered, he didn’t reciprocate their attention. Even though years has passed, it’s Mark that he loves. And he still believes that they still have a chance to be together.

He gained confidence in himself. He was more open about himself to other people. He became a cheerful person and he felt like Mark was slowly being drawn to him.

Not long after, Mark broke up with Jaebum. He was so happy that day. He secretly smiled while comforting the crying Mark. He knew that it will just be a matter of time before Mark turns to him. And he will accept him whole-heartedly.

As a friend. As someone who loves him.

But the only mistake Jackson probably did is he stopped waiting. He became too confident. He didn’t make any move. Until someone came again.
 

They were both in college when Mark had another boyfriend. He was so hurt. He felt betrayed.

I thought he hasn’t moved on with Jaebum yet? Why is there another one?

But his lips remained sealed. He kept his pain as a secret. Mark looked happy again.

At the end of the day, Mark’s happiness is what’s important to him. While Mark is smiling, he’s ready to be hurt. It was unfair that Mark was happy with someone else and not with Jackson.

He was so miserable, he started seeking this happiness that he could not provide. He started dating.

After some months, Jackson had his first boyfriend. To him he gave his first kiss, first hug, first holding hands and a lot more that was supposed to be reserved for Mark for a long time now.

After a while, Mark broke up with his boyfriend. Jackson almost broke up with Youngjae, but he doesn’t want to hurt the poor boy. So he held on. And still holding on, Jackson hoped again.

He hoped his love for Mark will disappear so that he can pour his everything to his lover, Youngjae.

But it was never that simple.

The mind can be persuaded. But the heart is stubborn. It can’t be taught. It doesn’t listen. And though Youngjae was great, he could never be like Mark. He could never love him like he loves Mark.

It was not the same.

After two years of their relationship, Jackson finally had the strength to break up with Youngjae.

But the problem is, time wasn’t on his side. Mark has another boyfriend again. And he seems so in love with him. Crazy in love.

The new guy crossed the lines he never expected to be crossed so early. Mark’s first happened with the guy and it happened again and again… and again.

Jackson felt like he was dying because of the pain that he felt.

“Why won’t you tell him?” His friend asked him.

“For what?” He drank his beer, “Mark is happy with him.”

Why don’t you confess? At least, he will know… That’s what he always told himself. Go tell him. Maybe something will change

But he didn’t listen. He’s afraid that something will change. What if Mark will avoid him? What if their friendship will also break? He just couldn’t take the risk. So he kept his feelings to himself.

He started to lose hope. Chance wasn’t on his side anymore. He knows it’s almost the time where all these things will end in one way.

Regret.
 

Mark’s parents and Mark himself wanted to transfer to Los Angeles to finish his education.

And Jackson made no move to either stop Mark or go with him.

He just… simply let him go. He thought it would be better for the two of them.

He heard that Jinyoung, Mark’s boyfriend was also going to Los Angeles with Mark. Jackson thinks it’s for the best.

But after years, the news of the couple getting married ruined him so much, he doesn’t even know why he decided to let go. Why he decided to give up. And why he thought he’ll move on without the other close to him. Because he didn’t. It was all the same.

This was it. The ending of their story. Right from the start, he was doubting how it would end. He already expected that it won’t be a happy ending for them.

In the end, he was right. He was right all along.
 

He was right that he will take him to the altar. He was just wrong on how it will go. He’ll just send the man he loved all his life to the guy that he’ll end up with. They mistook his tears as the tears of a friend who finds it hard to let him go. They did not understand that they were tears of a man who got his heart broken over and over and over again by the same man who is breaking it again today.

Jackson hugged Mark for the last time and whispered the words he always longed to say.

“I love you.”
 

Too bad it was too late.

Too bad he was too late in saying the words.

Too bad he was too late to realize the he feels the same about him.

Too bad they didn’t get the chance to love each other like they were meant to.

“Did you love him?” The writer asked Mark.

He nodded while wiping the tears in his eyes that are the cause why his eyesight is blurry, “Yes.”

“Then why did you not end up together?” Mark saw the sadness in her eyes. Sympathy. Pity. Trying to feel his pain. But he feels like his pain won’t be reduced even if everyone in the world will sympathize him.

Instead, he felt worse.

“It was too late when I realized I love him.” He answered so weakly.

I love you.

He still remembers how his whole life changed because of those three words. Those three words ignited something in his heart, something he never thought he have. He have feelings for Jackson. He didn’t know since when and he didn’t know why he didn’t see it before.

But the realization came a little too late.

I do.

Because he tied his self to a different man.

Because he chose to give his heart to someone else.

Because he saw him as nothing more than a friend.

Because he thought it was impossible to fall in love with him.

Because of these, he spent his lifetime full of regrets.

That’s why he always felt lacking. He was looking for something that he can’t find in anyone. That’s why every time he’s with Jackson, everything seemed right. But he didn’t cast a second thought about that.

They are friends. They chose to not cross the line and they spent the rest of their lives wondering what could have been. What if they were brave enough to try? Would things still end up this way?

He just shook his head. He can’t do anything with regretting. It already happened.

It was too late.