Gift for Jinxsan

Gift from ???

Title of the gift: Brittle Hard

Pairing(s): Markson, slight 2Jae

How many words: 6,101

Rating: Teen and Up Audience

Warnings: none


Note to my giftee: Enjoy reading and have a wonderful journey as an ahgase. Fighting!

 

                                                                                   Brittle Hard

 

Jackson

Mark

We’re different in this story. We’re something else.

They call us monsters. An abomination. We’re not.

We don’t hurt people. They just don’t get us.

They kill many of our kinds. We’re the lucky ones, they said.

We just want to fit in. Live like normal people. We’re only kids.

We’re better than them. They can never do what we can. We’re better.

We’re human too, we still have hearts. Why can’t they see it?

They’re the monsters. They hunt us down one by one and force us to go into hiding.

There was this man. He said he’d like to make peace and give us a hideout. We trusted him.

We didn’t trust him. We gave him nothing more than cautious.

He let us live in this house with other kids just like us, away from the Normals, deep in the forest.

We’re still outcast. We’ll never be like them. That’s what they want to believe.

They’ll learn to accept us one day and we’ll get to be just like them.

We’ll never be like them. They can have the world to themselves. We’ll have our own story instead.

 

It was a dream.

He knows it as a dream; realizes it and still seeing it but past encounters teaches him to stay asleep. Waking up would only worsened things; the first and last he’d ever force his eyes opened.

As any other time, the dream would make him feel afloat. And he would still be a boy just as he is, standing in an empty street wearing a white shirt with jeans and barefooted. The first night he questioned,

‘Why are my feet so cold?’

This was how he figured out he was dreaming; nothing seemed to make sense, at least to him.

‘Where is everybody?’

His view was of tall buildings stretched up high and cloudless sky tinted with weird shades of the sun. To his left the wind was blowing dead leaves that had come from so far away since there were no trees left in the city and he wondered how something smaller managed to fit in with the Normals when he looked just like a human and yet rejected by the living souls.

The sound of swift droppings to his right changed his angle and he put out a hand, palm facing upright to catch what he thought was the downpour but then the sun was still overruling. There had been no rain for so long he could hardly recall what it was like. All he expected was something liquid to feel cold to his touch.

This was the part where he would ask,

‘Which way should I go?’

And later he would wake up without looking what was behind him and every time he opened his eyes, the city would be too far away for him to reach.

 

“Jaebum hyung!” Jackson shouts from across the room, finding the former standing in the kitchen facing the window.

The said older guy turns his head around at the sound of his name, his eyes questioning and eyebrows frowning as effect.

He speaks, “What do you want, Jackson?”

The younger’s face as always carries his trademark grin. Jaebum can’t help it when he feels his cheeks muscles twitch a little.

“Why is it that whenever I call for you, you’d think I wanted something?” Jackson asks with a dissatisfying look on his face. He then adds,

“And when Youngjae calls for you, you’ll go all softy and fluffy.”

That earns Jackson a smack on the back of his head.

“Ow!” He rubs the spot with his hand.

“I do not go softy and fluffy.” Jaebum amends firmly, reassuring no one as he retrieved his hand from Jackson’s head. “Then what’s your reason for waking up the whole house this peaceful morning? Did you wet your bed again?” Jaebum predicted while smirking teasingly.

“Ew!” Jackson replies, looking grossed. “I haven’t done that since forever, hyung. I’m turning 18 next year!” He exclaims unnecessarily.

“I know.” Jaebum sighs. “And I’ll still be older and wiser than you.”

Jackson huffs. “I can already see how this is the worst decision in my life.”

“Oh really?” Jaebum is amused. “And what is that exactly?”

Jackson rolls his eyes. “Talking to you early in the morning is obviously not the smartest thing to do.” He states.

A snort leaves Jaebum’s mouth. “That’s what I said; I’m wiser.” He replies as he looks down at his hands in the sink.

“What are you doing by the way, hyung?” Jackson peers over to Jaebum and watches as the older guy manhandles something that he can’t see in the sink.

“I’m trying to open this jar, without using my power.” He calmly says. Jackson watches as Jaebum’s muscles struggles with the lid for a few seconds before a pop sounds and it opens.

Jaebum sighs again, this time with relief. “That wasn’t hard, was it?” He asks, more to himself than to his only audience.

Jackson shakes his head gently and smiles. “No.”

Jaebum lets his lips loose and beams as well.

A voice talks over them, cold and steely as he says,

“Now you’re just like the Normals.”

Jackson and Jaebum look around at the same time and caught Mark leaning on the archway of the kitchen. His hair, the colour of white snow late evening yesterday is currently an ashy blonde. The sunlight hits him at the right spot and Jackson witnesses the reincarnation of an angel on earth. But something’s wrong.

He isn’t smiling and the two standing in the kitchen knows partially why. Jaebum speaks first.

“Morning, Mark. How are you feeling?”

“If I’m still sick would you still call for the old man?” Mark asks indifferently.

Jaebum obviously didn’t catch the look on Mark’s face and ends up with the wrong thing to say.

“Of course I’ll get JYP-nim right away if you’re still under the weather.” He answers with sincere.

Mark sneers unlikely. “Then no, I’m perfectly fine.”

With that, Mark pushes himself off the archway and walks back into the living room. Jackson looks at Jaebum as he says,

“I’ll look after him. If anything goes wrong, I’ll tell you immediately.”

Jaebum nods his head weakly. “Just make sure he doesn’t wander off like last time.” He stares at where Mark stood seconds ago. “We can’t afford to lose him again.” He breathes out tiredly.

The words were soft but Jackson hears them clearly. He nods his head once, firmly and moves to find his friend, leaving Jaebum to stand in the kitchen with an opened jar forgotten in his hands.

He finds Mark sitting on one of the steps at the front door and casually he sits next to the older guy. Mark’s eyes are looking straight at the pathway before them, which treads among the trees in the forest and leads to where their guardian, JYP-nim and the rest of the Normals are staying and living, taking advantage of all the luxuries they are barricade from.

It feels so easy for Mark to just take a step out of their little asylum and cross the border that protects them from eyes so that no one can find them.

“I don’t see how keeping us here, away from the Normals helps in anything.” Mark suddenly speaks but Jackson seems well prepared with the outburst so he listens.

“There are crimes everywhere, murders every day. We staying here aren’t stopping wars from happening, they provoke it among themselves. Politicians draw blood more than we ever would.” Mark grumbles, his chest rising and falling a beat faster. Jackson stays faithful by his side.

“Why won’t they just leave us alone?” He whimpers softly, only meant to be heard by the guy next him. Slowly, Mark leans over sideway and places his head on Jackson’s familiar shoulder.

“You’re still warm.” Jackson tells him.

“I just woke up.” Mark says a little too sharply.

“Did you dream again?” asks Jackson, unaffected with the tone used against him. He receives a soft hum from the blonde haired.

“What is it?”

Mark inhales deeply, never letting go of his gaze on one of the trees.

He speaks,

“I dream all the time. For things to change. For things to get better.” He exhales a quite disappointment. “It’ll never change.”

“Yi-uen,” Jackson breathes softly as he shifts his position to look at the older guy. That sacred name only a few knows and Jackson merely takes his opportunity when he finds it necessary. Like right then.

“It will. You must believe it will for things to be better.” He says with an edge of assert. Mark brings his head up and they lock eyes with each other. One could clearly see the distress and a hint of fever still circling Mark’s soul.

He frowns almost sadly. “How are you so sure, Jia-er?” A payback. Redemption. Retribution. A plea.

“I’ve always been.” Jackson smiles. “And so have you. You told me once when we first got here that even if they locked us away the Normals can’t stop us from doing anything.” He explains, seeing distant memory as he leans closer to Mark.

“What took that faith away from you?” asks Jackson in a breath.

Mark shrugs his shoulder. “I don’t know. This fever perhaps.” He answers. He claims his spot back on Jackson.

“I don’t want to stay here forever. This isn’t living.” He tells Jackson.

“Where would you go?” The younger one questions with curiosity in his voice. Jackson feels the weight on his shoulder leaves and he knows a second outburst is about to follow. He still hopes he’s wrong. Like every other time.

Mark exhales sharply before saying,

“We’re a part of this world. We’re part of the city as well. We have every right to live like them. To eat, to breathe, to bath and to sleep like them.” Every word rises equally with the rage within and Mark is starting to breath hard. But he doesn’t seem to realize it as he keeps on talking.

“They were wrong when they take away everything from us, what was ours. They can’t do that. They took away our family, our houses, our money, our childhood and now they’re taking away our lives-“

“Mark,” Jackson cuts in, “breathe.”

The one with the blonde hair is trying to ease his breathing. He was hyperventilating and he didn’t see it coming no matter how many times it happened. Mark’s eyes are wide and his face scrunched with pain, seeking Jackson’s round ones for relief.

“I’m sorry for doing this but…” Jackson softly utters before he clicks his fingers and Mark’s form goes limp in his arms. His eyes so scared and wild a second ago is then tightly shut with sleep.

A few strands of hair falls onto Mark’s face and Jackson gently pushes them away to have a better look at the older guy. He is still a little too pale to be fully back on health and his temperature a notch too warm for Jackson. He tightens his hold on Mark and closes his eyes, wishing for the fever, the pain and everything that is hurting his friend, his brother, his other half to just wash away. He wishes for things to actually start getting better and he hopes for it to be tomorrow.

With his heart heavily clouded by emotions, Jackson lifts Mark in his arms and carries him inside all the while keeping his embrace on the older guy solid and strong.

Mark’s heartbeat has long returned to normal.

 

“W-Who are y-you?” A small voice said and the older man took a cautious step forward.

“Don’t move.” A second voice, stronger yet identically youthful commanded. “Stay where you are.”

The old man put out his hands as if on defence. He told the two frightened children in front him,

“I’m here to help. There’s no need to be scared.”

“We’re not scared,” said the one with a brighter colour of hair. His eyes were the shades of steels and he held his posture straight and confident, pushing out whatever resolutions he had towards the man. “But you should be.”

A flicker of something in the man’s eyes and he straightened as well. He looked around, his eyes roaming the surrounding enveloping them and when the silence decided to settle, he broke it.

“You’ve done quite something with this area.” He spoke to them with amusement, glancing over the walls of the abandoned factory and tilting his head to read off the words sprayed on the cement.

“What do you want? How did you come in here?” The boy asked again. The old man’s gaze landed back on the two young boys.

“My name is Park Jin Young but people know me as JYP.” He introduced himself.

The one that had been quiet for a while then leaned out slightly and nodded his head.

“I’m Jackson and this is Mark.” He said, pointing to his side. Mark hissed and glared at him. He pulled his head down once again.

“You must be older than Jackson, aren’t you Mark?” JYP asked, staring at the said boy.

“What if I am?” Mark said sharply.

“I’m just voicing out my thoughts.” JYP says with a smile.

“You’re lying.” Mark quickly retorted. “That’s not what you’re thinking.”

This time, JYP smiled a small pity.

“Then you must know why I’m here and how I got here.”

Mark’s hands formed a small fists and his figure trembled a little.

“What is he thinking, Mark? What did you hear?” Jackson asked in a small whisper. He was holding onto the older boy’s shirt with a grip that looked like death. It was as if he’s trying to draw out some of the courage from his older friend and transfer it to his soul.

“We’re not leaving.” Mark said, to both JYP and Jackson. He kept his eyes on JYP still. “We haven’t done anything wrong with our powers and we’ve been keeping it secret.” He explained, almost pleading at the end of his sentence.

“But people are starting to suspect and you surely realized the danger of getting exposed.” JYP words denied Mark’s and the boy was getting more and more restless but the old man kept on talking.

“I’m sent here to get you to the others, people just like you. The Normals will kill you if they find out.”

Jackson cut in. “They won’t find out. I can wipe out memories and change them so they won’t remember what they see or hear.” He said with no emotions in his voice. Something shifts in the air between them before Jackson carried on,

“I can wipe out yours and you’ll forget this. You’ll forget everything.”

JYP turned his head towards Mark. “Has he ever wiped out yours?” He asks with no guilt as if Jackson wasn’t even standing there.

Mark shook his head forcefully. “No.” They both answered at the same time. Then Jackson told him,

“He’ll know if I did.”

“And that’s why you trust each other, maybe a little too much.” JYP stated to the young souls. He frowned even more, calculating the look on the two boys’ face as if he had powers himself; powers to strip off people’s outer layer and peer into the depth of their darkest secrets.

He sighed. “I won’t separate you two, I can guarantee that. I’ll keep you both in one place and you’ll still be together.”

“Why would you do that?” Mark asked. “You won’t get anything by protecting us.”

Jackson added, “You’ll be hunt down as well.”

JYP shook his head good willingly and a small corner of his lips curled.

“There’s no need to worry about me. It’s your lives that are more precious than mine.” He stared at the door behind him for a few seconds too long which made Jackson pulled Mark closer to him by the arm.

“We have to go.” JYP said; a rise in urgency within his tone. He reached out a hand tentatively when he saw the two boys sharing a look with each other. “We don’t have much time.” He pushed.

Mark stared hard at Jackson. “Do you trust me?”

The younger one nodded his head with final. “I do.”

He slipped his fingers into Mark’s slims one and gripped them tight, swearing to himself that he would never let go of that familiar hand. Mark gave him a blink that tells so much and they took JYP’s hand, knowing too well what they were leaving behind.

 

Mark wakes up to the creaking sound coming from the bed next him and he slowly peels his eyes open. Jinyoung’s face resolves in his view and Mark pulls himself into a sitting position.

“How long was I asleep?” He croaks out. Jinyoung isn’t even blinking when he answers the older guy.

“Long enough.” He looks over to Mark’s head and nudges his chin, “Your hair’s black again.”

“My fever’s gone.” Mark tells him and indeed, he isn’t feeling crappy anymore.

“How are you feeling now?” Jinyoung asks, glancing over to the window briefly before staring back at Mark.

“Overslept.” Mark tells him honestly. “Where’s Jackson?”

One would have thought by now that Jinyoung had learnt how to control his expression but his jaw tenses visibly and his knuckles are white when he clenches them unknowingly.

He controls the annoyance in his voice when he answers the older guy,

“He’s helping Jaebum hyung with dinner.”

Mark’s confused. “Why aren’t you in the kitchen?” He questions. Jinyoung isn’t looking at him. He keeps his eyes busy scrutinizing his hands and when the silence had become too overwhelming, Mark asks again.

“Jinyoung-ah, did something happen?”

A sound of clearing throat. A beat of misplaced heart. A drop of broken truth.

“JYP-nim came to visit.” Jinyoung states softly. Then he adds, “While you were healing.”

“Oh.” was Mark’s only respond.

“Yeah.” Jinyoung breathes out. “Things are finally changing, Mark hyung. They’re finally going the way you want it to be.”

“What do you mean?” inquires Mark.

“I’m leaving the house.”

“What?”

Jinyoung takes a moment to find his words but his face is starting to fall apart every second he keeps on talking.

“I’m moving out from here, hyung. JYP-nim is taking me to another asylum.” He explains.

“But why?” asks Mark, slightly leaning closer towards the other guy.

“There’s been a riot going on and the rebels are hiding in the forest. They might cross the border.” says Jinyoung.

Mark seems dissatisfied. “Wait.” He says. “So why is he taking you alone? What about the rest of us?” He demands.

“He’s taking us separately so the Normals won’t get suspicious. I volunteered first. My departure is tomorrow.” Jinyoung tells him.

He looks up and straight into Mark’s eyes. They stared into each other for a solid minute and something changed; Jinyoung was a little too hopeful and Mark’s eyes a little too sorry.

The older between them then gently says,

“I won’t say that. I won’t lie to you, Jinyoungie.”

A pitiful laugh escapes Jinyoung’s lips.

“You’ve always sympathize me, do you know that?” Jinyoung speaks in a low voice. “You feel sorry for everyone because you think you know us well enough.” He stands up too fast and Mark thinks he hears a bone pops into place.

“Well guess what,” Jinyoung says, “people change.”

Mark’s jaw tightens with unspoken words. He chooses to say,

“I haven’t.”

Jinyoung shakes his head a little before looking at him. “No, you haven’t. And you’ll always be a liar.”

Mark takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. This isn’t how a farewell speech is supposed to go but then again he had never experienced one so how would he know?

“I love you, Jinyoungie but as a brother-“

Jinyoung cuts him. “You love us all as brothers except for Jackson. And you’re never telling him how you feel when you, on the other hand obviously knows how he feels all these years.”

“I don’t know where you pick up those facts, Jinyoung-ah.”

Jinyoung snorts a little. “You’re not the only one with a brain.” He spats. “And if you knew better, you would have confessed your feelings long time ago.”

“That’s none of your business.” Mark grits out.

“You just used the word ‘brother’ on me.” Jinyoung mutters lowly.

“That doesn’t give you the right to interfere-“

“I have every right because I love you!” Jinyoung claims sharply. His eyes are starting to brim with clear liquids and his chest rises and fall with his feelings.

Mark feels so tired so suddenly.

“If you love me,” Mark whispers, looking away, “as much as I care for you, you’ll leave this matter alone.”

“Don’t worry Mark hyung.” Jinyoung whispers back. “I am leaving.”

 

It was summer when Jinyoung first came to the asylum and Jaebum had been the one to invite him in. JYP left the moment he could with the excuse of having a meeting in ten minutes and everyone knew he was lying.

Mark had once caught JYP’s thought of having to handle a number of houses filled with the Mutants-that’s what the Normals call the kids with powers-and he found theirs to be the most ‘unsettling’ to stay at. Jackson had partly suspected it was due to his powers so Mark only told them half of what he heard because he knew Jaebum would appreciate it if he kept the other half a secret. He heard that one too.

A silent plea.

It had been two years since Jackson and Mark arrived and a lot longer for Jaebum. He’d been staying in the house since forever and he basically grew on the elders in the house. They treat him with affection a young boy should receive and yet they look up to him as a leader as well. It didn’t pass Jackson’s and Mark’s knowledge of how important Jaebum is in the house.

He’s the only one JYP had ever really communicated with and treated like they were the same. An equal. And again, only Mark knew why.

The morning of Jinyoung’s first day, he’d walk himself around the house; Jaebum was trying to make peace with two very young boys-BamBam and Yugyeom-who were arguing because of something that no one could recall. They were always trying to pick a fight with each other.

He came across door after door, recklessly opening them without consent and putting his head inside the room just to get a brief look. That was until he came across Mark’s room.

There were two boys inside and Jinyoung, having just arrived at the house had no idea who is who even though Jaebum had shared with him some of the residents’ common details not a few minutes ago.

The taller boy, the one sporting a platinum white hair was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a broken wristlet in his hand while the shorter boy with a broad shoulder was rummaging through the closet looking for something.

Then the boy said, “Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.”

The one on the bed shook his head. “You can’t.”

“Dammit, Mark. Can’t you just be optimistic for once?” The boy said from the closet. So the one sitting on the bed must be Mark, Jinyoung pondered.

“It’s in your head, Jackson. You’re thinking of it.”

Then the boy stopped. He turned around and stared at Mark, a curious look spread all over his face.

“I wasn’t thinking of that.” Jackson said and just as quickly their heads turn to the door, catching Jinyoung’s eyes that had been sneaking peeks at them.

He in a surprise gasp and went invisible. He disappeared from where he was standing.

“Who’s there?” Jackson asked, getting up from his position and striding to the door.

Jinyoung had only seconds to slip through the door and tiptoed into the room. But his success was only short lived.

“What are you doing?” Mark spoke, looking at the spot where Jinyoung was standing but he wasn’t meeting the latter’s gaze.

“Who are you talking to?” Jackson asked him and Mark pointed a finger towards the window.

“There’s someone else in the room. I can hear his thoughts.” Mark said and Jinyoung let go of his invisibility.

“Hi there.” He said, sounding sheepish to his own ears. “My name’s Jinyoung.”

“Has anyone told you that it’s rude to eavesdrop and intrude in one act?” Jackson was speaking to him. Jinyoung gulped absentmindedly and his eyes landed on Mark’s form.

Why didn’t he know that a boy could be beautiful as well?

“I’m sorry.” He muttered. “I was just looking around and this was the only room with occupants in it so I thought I could introduce myself to you guys.”

No one spoke for a very long time until Mark stood up and walked across the room to get to Jinyoung. He stretched out a hand and said,

“I’m Mark. It’s a pleasure to have you here.”

Jinyoung felt stupid as he kept on blinking and leaving Mark’s hand hanging in the air. As surely the hand outstretched itself, it pulled back and another figure stood beside him.

“Jackson.” Jackson nodded his head. Jinyoung nodded back as acknowledgement. He was caught off guard when Jackson’s hand travelled to Mark’s waist and wound his arm protectively around the latter.

He kept on looking between the two, exchanging gazes from Mark to Jackson but nothing was told off from their faces. After a moment of silent, Jinyoung cleared his throat and scanned the wall as he spoke,

“I must’ve interrupted something.” He observed the floor next. “I should get going. Jaebum-ssi must be looking for me.”

A rush of wind and Jinyoung was already outside the room and when he turned to look behind him, the door closed shut and the lock clicked.

He didn’t know why but he spent years later on trying to understand what he felt. He’d always hoped for Mark to open up his heart for him when he was finally sure.

And when he did, he realized that Mark’s heart was never opened to begin with. It’s been sealed tight the day he came to join the asylum by some other boy. A boy he didn’t bother to get to know.

 

No one is talking.

Dinner is ready and Jaebum moves everything into places as he commands them in his head. He sits at the head of the dining table with Jinyoung and Mark on both his ends, facing each other.

BamBam looks like he’s going to cry and Yugyeom silently grabs his friend’s hand under the table. Youngjae tries to meet Jaebum’s gaze every now and then but nothing seems to settle his restlessness.

Jaebum sighs. “Let’s eat.” He says. Cutleries and plates collide with one another, producing noises similar to the echo of thunder.

After a few minutes into the meal, Jackson speaks up,

“Jinyoung-ah, what are you planning on doing tonight before JYP-nim comes to get you tomorrow?”

“I’m packing my stuffs.” Jinyoung answers indifferently. He doesn’t catch the small pout forming on Jackson’s face when BamBam suddenly knocks his fist hard on the table.

“Bam-ah!” Yugyeom shrieks in his high pitch voice.

“It’s not fair! We’ll be separated from each other and I don’t want that! I want us all to stay together!” He declares, his eyes getting teary by the minute and the liquids threaten to fall.

No one speaks for a moment.

“BamBam-ah,” Jinyoung tries to smile but it looks painful, “thank you.”

And they fall. Every drop of them, they fall carrying what is left as memories that will soon be tainted by the future awaiting them.

Yugyeom breaks right then. “We have our powers. We can use them to protect us and this house as well-“

“Keep it together, you fools.” Jaebum says sharply. “You all heard what JYP-nim said.” He glances over to Mark. “Well, most of us did. We’re under orders and to keep each of us safe, we must stick with those orders.”

“Jaebum hyung,” Youngjae calls over and every head turns to his direction, “that goes the same for you as well.”

Jaebum sighs tiredly and rubs his eyes with the heel of his palms. He then mumbles softly, “Don’t you think I’d figured that out by now?”

“Mark hyung.” Jinyoung suddenly utters. “Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

Mark stares down on his plate, the food long forgotten when Jackson decided to use his voice and he tries to swallow but his throat feels dry.

“You kids better take care of yourself from now on. It’s a new place for all of us and I won’t be around to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong.” His voice cracks at the end but he keeps on talking. “You’ll have to figure it out on your own.”

A humourless laugh dances around Jinyoung’s lips and the others can only guess why.

“Why did you ask, Jackson-ah?”

The said guy blinks. Once. Twice.

“I was thinking we could play games you know, before tomorrow comes.” He says with honest. Jaebum’s mouth curls slightly at the corner and Youngjae catches it. He too fights with his emotions as he looks down on the table and says nothing.

The youngest two, now with puffy and red eyes both stare at their older brothers, waiting for answers.

Then Jinyoung says, “I would really love that.”

This time, Jaebum smiles a tad wider.

And sitting at the end of the table, Mark is left to listen to everyone’s thought like he always does but he never let his lips loose for unnecessary purposes and he thinks, maybe things won’t be so bad.

Jaebum might worry for the maknaes and Youngjae will be there to help him assist with everything in the house and Mark will have Jackson by his side, at least until he leaves as well…

A mirror cracks. A glass shatters. A heart fades.

Mark glances around the table, grasping each face with what differentiates them most and instantly he feels the shifts, the alterations like nothing before.

This isn’t like the time when they first met; how Jackson had nicely introduced himself with polite and how Mark had reacted coldly not knowing the former would be his life-long companion. This isn’t when they were going to run away from their families after finding out of their powers. This isn’t the same as the day they met JYP and this isn’t the first step of opening a new door.

No.

This is separation. This is where the goodbyes begin. And none of them knows how to survive with no one to hang on to.

Mark has just finishes unravelling all of this when he perceives that; Jackson had accepted all of it and he’s ready to go.

And at least more than one sitting around the table that night had wish for things to stay, for time to travel back and for words to be unsaid.

 

They were playing hide and seek and Youngjae was the seeker. Being too vulnerable already, Jaebum had purposely exposed himself where he knew Youngjae would see him.

BamBam was clinging onto the ceiling, his arms and legs stretched inhumanely around the chandelier, supporting what little burden he weighed. Yugyeom was upstairs.

Jackson was hiding beneath one of the furniture in the house and Mark was in the refrigerator. Jinyoung was impossible to find.

They went around playing all day, the seven of them as they take turn being the seeker and Mark would get the least vote since he could easily hear them in his head. He didn’t complain though. He liked to hide. He was good at it, hiding. He’d been hiding his whole life with Jackson, treading along crystal-clear barrier that exists between them and the Normals.

He didn’t mind the discrimination back then.

“Ready or not, here I come.” Jinyoung’s voice echoes throughout the house and for safety issues they were restricted from hiding outside the house because he couldn’t differentiate the border line at that time and he might cross them.

“I can hear you.” He sang as he walked halls after halls, corridors after corridors, rooms after rooms.

‘Mark, can you hear me?’

The thought made Mark jumped a little and he had to hold his breath until he was sure no one heard him.

‘Mark!’

It was Jackson. He could tell it was Jackson because-

‘Yi-uen.’

He breathed in. He took another step.

‘Don’t do it, Yi-uen. Turn around. I can see you.’

He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to stay calm. He was almost reaching the border.

‘For god sake, what do you think you’re doing? People will be able to see you!’

Let them, was what Mark wanted to say. I want them to see me, was what he said.

‘No, you don’t. They’ll kill you.’

Another step. Another shout. Another embrace of desperation.

‘Mark, look at me. If you’re leaving, then take me with you.’

He stopped. Time froze. The wind halted and the trees died a little.

Nothing changed and yet he was still standing. Why am I here?

‘Take me with you. Let’s go together.’

It seemed believable for the world to work with them at that age, at that time when the sun was still forgiving and the moon was still a fellow. They didn’t know better.

They didn’t know that promises weren’t supposed to be broken and if you couldn’t keep one, then don’t.

Mark learnt then what it meant to have a brittle hard soul. What it was like to care for someone, to love someone to the extent you feel fear enveloping you each time you try to get closer.

And he knew this how?

He’d heard Jackson’s deepest thought.

It was the scariest moment in his life.

 

Three had left. Four remains.

Jackson stares out his window, watching a bird builds a nest on a tree not too far away and he got caught with the time.

He doesn’t realize it when Mark enters his room but he recognizes the scent that travels along with the older guy ever since he’d known him. He feels comfort reaching out to him and he clasps them with grace.

“How’s Youngjae?” He asks, still looking at the mother bird.

“Barely holding on.” Mark speaks, keeping his gaze on the other guy. “Jaebum’s still in one piece.”

“Mark.” Jackson says.

“Hmm?”

“Will you be fine?” He asks, in a lower voice.

Mark takes a few heartbeats to reply. “I don’t know. I’ve never been away from you and I don’t think I remember my life before you.”

Jackson laughs a little. “I get that all the time. I kind of grow on people easily, you see.”

“Yeah.”

Jackson makes a sound deep in his throat. “And I know I’m lying but I’ll be fine.” He says.

“If you say so.” Mark tells him.

“Mark?”

“Hmm.”

“How can I forget you?”

Silence.

“No one taught me how to use my power to myself.” A shaky breath. His voice coming to a catch. He barely keeps his form steady.

“Can’t you promise me that we’ll find each other?” whispers Mark.

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” Jackson says to him. “You know that.”

Mark gulps. He tastes futures of isolation and loneliness and years left behind to be regretted.

Jackson blinks. He let loose every thread he had tried to knot together and still won’t connect and he opens up new possibilities.

But they’re still seeing each other next them in their eyes.

“I’ll look for you.” Mark utters.

Jackson finally turns his head to look at the older guy and he stands up slowly as he crosses the room to get to Mark.

He mouths something that Mark can’t decipher in time when the latter feels icy cold skin on his temple and Jackson keeps his hand hovering over Mark.

“I’m not going to apologize.” And he erases Mark’s memories like he did with Jinyoung’s, BamBam’s, Yugyeom’s and Youngjae’s. He lays Mark slowly on the bed and plant a kiss on the older guy’s forehead.

He whispers to Mark’s sleeping soul, “In the next life, if we ever meet again I hope you’ll be able to tell me how you feel about me. Because I will.”

To those who deserve it; second chances are as fragile as the next ones but what makes it counts is how one wants it, seeks for it and proves it.