Chanyeol places the control on the table with a huge, deep sigh after another win against the CPU. He glances to his left, finding a sleeping Yixing, holding in his sleep and with his death arms against his chest an open book, his headphones on.

The tallest shook his head, sneaky smiling underneath his frowned eyebrows. It’s incredible how people can change so brutally and, at the same time, keep being exactly the same. His friend still at videogames like back then, even though when Sehun, Baekhyun and Chanyeol himself persuaded him to play with them during their high school years, but now they weren’t kids anymore.

Chanyeol smiles to himself longingly, but his grin fell, turning into a sad shadow which didn’t reach his eyes.

They weren’t kids anymore, and they’ll never be.

Everything was easier back then.

Gloomy thoughts slides in Chanyeol’s mind as a stinging pain places itself in his chest, filling his mouth with a bitter taste.

It’s kind of funny how things change, so suddenly, so abruptly, and all thanks to your own decisions and the ones made by the people you care most about. It’s kind of funny how something or someone who made you happy can make you feel miserable within a day, a word, a gesture, a second.

Yeah, it was kind of funny, so, that it was almost heart-breaking, but maybe was because of the heart-breaking that was it was that funny.

A bittersweet ache which could make you cry of laughter and laugh of sadness.

But maybe the pain wasn’t caused by anything but the feelings you have for that person, feelings which make them able to break you into pieces. Feelings like love, trust and friendship make them powerful and make you weak, because only the persons who you love in any way are able to destroy you.

Because a stranger can’t break your heart.

Because a person you don’t know can’t hurt you emotionally.

Beware the ones who you’re close with, beware the ones who are important for you, beware the ones who make you happy. Because they are the ones whom most easily can destroy you.

In the same way Baekhyun destroyed Chanyeol.

Chanyeol looks through the window at the wet night outside with an empty feeling filling his chest. A dark sky devoid of stars and moon, covered by huge and dim clouds almost invisible in the night’s shadows, sometimes illuminated by thunderbolts before the terrifying sound of thunders covered the melody of raindrops pranging against the ground.

Chanyeol feels himself insignificant, not scared nor gloomy, just small, there, seated next to the huge window of the lunge in deafening silent broke by the storm outside, there, sated, unable to sleep when everyone else’s was.

He holds his knees and hides his head between them, wanting that unwanted feeling go away, wanting that weird pain leave his heart, wanting turn back time to those nights in which the two of them would be cuddled, next to each other, keeping each other’s nightmares away.

He felt overwhelmingly alone. Almost heartbroken. He didn’t even know how a heart broken felt, but his ached way too much to bear.

The warm sensation of his owns tears took the eighteen years old out of his trance. Chanyeol wiped them, almost wanting to laugh when he felt his fingerprints wet, but he couldn’t find the heart to do such thing, which seemed impossible since he couldn’t find his heart anymore.

Everything inside of him hurt, every fibre of his body ached, his head, his languid and shaking legs, his tired shoulders, his white knuckles stained in red, but his heart hurt the most.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but wonder what did he do wrong, what made his best friend disappear without saying a thing. He blamed himself and felt the guilt chocking him, the pain dumbing his body, not able to stop the trace of thoughts crossing his mind.

He only wanted to know if Baekhyun was okay.

 The oldest just kept ignoring his calls, and Kyungsoo refused to talk about what the happened to Baekhyun or why did he actually left.

It didn’t matter the times he asked, it didn’t matter how much he implored to his cousin nor how much his heart ached, the owl eyed didn’t tell him anything but “He’ll be okay, Chanyeol”.

“But he isn’t right now, is he?” Chanyeol almost yelled at the shorter, hands through his hair, not caring too much if he messed it up “Lord, Kyungsoo, you can’t just tell me he moved to London without tell any of us and ask me to not to worry, damn it, Kyungsoo!”

Chanyeol was a mess, he knew that. His heart beating faster than usual, his hands trembling, an invisible weight placed on his chest, which made berating too difficult, but he couldn’t mind less.

“I just need to talk with him, Kyungsoo-ah. I just need to hear his voice and make sure he’s fine” Chanyeol wanted to cry so bad, that numb on his throat was chocking him “He’s my best friend, Kyungsoo” he added after a couple of deep exhalations, calmer this time.

His cousin gave him a sad look and then shook his head.

“If he isn’t piking the phone, I can’t do anything, Chanyeol-ah. I’m sorry” said the smallest missing to tell Chanyeol that Baekhyun wasn’t answering his calls either.

Chanyeol covered his face with his big hands and collapsed on the floor, not caring to hold back the tears anymore.

It hurts, it, it hurts too much and I don’t even know why is so painful.

“Why?” he asked in a shaking mumble more for himself than for his cousin and then, he fell apart, feeling his heart breaking into tiny pieces.

Maybe, if he would be less heartbroken, or maybe if Kyungsoo would talked a bit louder, the tallest would be heard the little “Because he’s in love with you” that escaped from Kyungsoo’s full lips without the latest permission.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but wonder what would happened if Chanyeol’d heard him.

The days passed and Chanyeol couldn’t find the heart to move out of his bed. He lost his appetite, his characteristic bright smile, his distinctive happiness and lame jokes. He lost himself in the continuous messages he left to Baekhyun.

“Where are you?”

“Are you safe? Have you eaten?”

“Please, answer me”.

“Baekhyun”.

“Please”.

“Your father doesn’t want to see me”.

“I’m sorry”.

“I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done, Baek, I’m so sorry. Please, come back”.

“The guys miss you”.

“Kyungsoo is worried too”.

“I miss you”.

Chanyeol glared down to his phone screen, his heart aching, his eyes glassy and tired, his body heavy because of his lack of sleep and food. He ignored Kyungsoo’s messages, hating himself for being such an , but he couldn’t help but ignore everything not Baekhyun related.

Almost as if his body wasn’t his, he moved his legs, placing one foot and sung them out of the bed with clumsy movements and stumbled before entering in his kitchen, thirsty all of sudden.

He opened the fridge and he felt his head spinning and something cold and tough crash against his body. Then he remembered. He hadn’t eaten anything in days.

Oh well, I’m ed up.

Everything faded into black, the screen of his phone lightening up with a new notification.

When he woke up he was in a bright white silent hospital room that hurt his eyes. The smell of chemical products itched Chanyeol’s nose and his head hurt more than usual. Kyungsoo was by his side, holding back his tears, shaking from head to toe, Kai by his side, patting his back, comforting him with concerned eyes.

Chanyeol wanted to say something dumb to light up the atmosphere but his throat was dry and any sound came out of it, but the big but swollen eyes of his cousin lightened up as soon as he noticed Chanyeol was awake.

“You, stupid giraffe” he said in a broke sigh, wanting to keep a poker face, but the relieve was too obvious in his tone as a little smile spread across his face.

Chanyeol tried to smile too, but his smirk faded into a guilt grimace.

“Sorry”. He mouthed and Kyungsoo shook his head.

“No more “sorries”, Chanyeol-ah, but for God’s sake, don’t ever do that again. Did you hear me? Do you want to kill me of worry?” Now was Chanyeol’s turn to shake his head, now, a little but sincere smile curving his dry lips.

“I won’t”.

Crash.

OKAY YOU CAN HATE ME I'M SO SOSOSOSO SORRY BUT I'M OUT OF IDEAS