When Chanyeol first spotted Baekhyun he felt a painfully weight compress his chest and how he lost his consciousness of space and time. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the smallest one entering into the lounge with wide open eyes and clumsy steps, biting his lower lip nervously, playing with the end of his oversized hoody, which made him look even smaller and too adorable to bear.

How could be someone so cute without even trying?

He barely listened to Saebyul’s words, whispered into his ear, surely asking him who was that strange short guy with raven hair and the pain of the guiltiness painted in his dark glance. The problem was that Baekhyun wasn’t a strange for Chanyeol, far of it, he was his childhood friend, the one who always worried about him, the one who was always there, the one who he wanted to take care of. Yes, he was his little Baekhyun, who also was the one who ran away without any explanation, letting him alone, miserable and lost without a sunshine to light him up every time he felt sad or gloomy.

As soon as their eyes meet, all his world froze and the same thing happened to Baekhyun, who just could melt again and again every time he looked up into those deeply sweet brown eyes that Chanyeol had. He wanted to say something, do something, think about anything, but his mind was totally blank because of his damn nervousness, his ing irrational fear.

Greeting words surrounded Baekhyun, but he wasn’t paying any attention, his eyes still in Chanyeol’s, his mind in another world, his body too dumb to actually move by itself. He felt someone’s hands inviting him to sit on the couch by him after a couple of awkward hugs, and Baekhyun just left those hands to drag him down with them. He was out of his senses, still thinking about that girl making out in the restaurant, the same girl who was standing next to Chanyeol glaring at him with abhorrence. He barely answered to all his friend’s questions because of her and he blamed his fictional jetlag when they asked if he was alright.

“Baekhyun-hyung” Jongdae’s voice called him and he looked up to him. He had changed too, like everyone had, his hair has grown longer and he has even sharper cheek bones, which seemed difficult five years ago. “We’re all glad to see you back again in Korea”. He says with a kind smile from the chair in front of him.

Baekhyun could see everyone in the room nodding and smiling at him, agreeing with Jondae’s words, and he couldn’t lie, it was as awkward as nice. They’d have to hate him, but Baekhyun couldn’t help but felt thankful to them, having already enough to worry about with Chanyeol’s sharp glance stuck on him, too hard to ignore it, too strong to face it.

“I’m glad too, guys…” Baekhyun looked down to his hands and ignored that pair of eyes looking though him with an indescribable feeling that made Baekhyun shiver from head to toe “I’ve… I’ve missed you too much”. He mumbled, wanting to cry all of sudden because it was too much pressure. His sorry and guiltiness were replaced by the woman's picture and the idea of his friend getting married with her and that image made Baekhyun wanted to throw up.

Junmyeon gave him a concerned look and tried to comfort him patting his knee. Everybody was looking at him with pity, but he didn’t want their damn pity, he wanted their angry, their shouts blaming him, saying that they hated him, something which remembered him how miserable he was, anything but pity, but those shouts never came.

“We know” he whispered. Baekhyun didn’t ask how, he just assumed that Kyungsoo should’ve told them even when he asked him to not to say a word.

He needed to talk with Kyungsoo about how to keep a secret once they were alone.

“Byun Baekhyun, isn’t it?” a female voice interrupt into his thoughts. It was Chanyeol’s fiancée which was looking at him with fiercer dark eyes and a half-fake-smile barely curving her thin lips “I’m Kwak Saebyul, Chanyeol’s girlfriend, nice to finally meet you” she said, still smiling at Baekhyun, but everything that came out of just seemed too fake and rehearse to sound actually kind nor friendly. “I’ve heard a lot about you”.

The brunette added and gave him another fake smile and Baekhyun wanted to throw up. Baekhyun couldn’t help but throw a short glance to Chanyeol before look back at the girl standing in front of him. Did Chanyeol told her about me? Asked a quiet voice inside his head, but Baekhyun shut it before that voice become a thought.

He could realise, now the girl was just a couple of steep far from him, how pretty she was. She was even shorter than him, had big chocolate eyes, perfect eyebrows and long brown hair. Definitely Chanyeol’s type. Baekhyun thought and his chest ached again.

Stop it.

“Nice to meet you too” Baekhyun tried to say awkwardly, totally out of place, wanting to run out of there and lock himself in his room in London. “Uhm-uh. Congratulations, by the way” Baekhyun managed to say faking a smile, almost chocking with his own words and staring at the girl’s extended hand after he reached for it.

The both of them shared a long and tight (maybe too tight to be polite) hand-shake after Saebyul pulled him into an uncomfortable hug and whispered something into his ear, pretending she was kissing his cheeks.

“I know who you are, I know you know that of me, I also know you’re still in love with Chanyeol, but you should know that Chanyeol loves me, and he’ll be my husband in less than a week. So it would be lovely for you to not nosing in affairs.”

The female’s words echoed in Baekhyun’s head over and over after she, finally and thankfully, pulled away of the hug and returned next to Chanyeol with a triumphal smile drawn in his face. This one wasn’t a fake one, maybe because she definitely knew that Baekhyun saw her with another guy, but, as she said, Chanyeol loved her, not him, Chanyeol was happy with that woman, and all Baekhyun wanted was to Chanyeol to be happy, didn’t he? Baekhyun loves Chanyeol, and Chanyeol’s happiness meant his own’s happiness, and Chanyeol was happy with her but, why was he feeling so… dreary?

Baekhyun checked his phone after what seemed an eternity of roaming. 8:34, he wanted to take some sleep but he couldn't since Saebyul's warning was still spinning around his head again and again. He felt soulless, empty and extremely tired. Kyungsoo carried him up two and a half hours ago to his and Sehun’s room for this week after he said he felt exhausted because of his jetlag and collapsed on the bed as soon as his friend left the bedroom. It wasn't totally a lie, he actually felt exhausted, but it wasn't because of his "jetlag" exactly, it was because he couldn't stop thinking about that who claims that owns Chanyeol's heart and the fact that they'll be husband and wife in least that a week.

He felt a warm jab of anger prickle his stomach and he couldn't help but clench his jaw and throw his pillow against the opposite wall with a frustrated groan coming out of his throat without his permission.

Why was Baekhyun even upset with that girl? Why did he even care about her or Chanyeol? It wasn't like Chanyeol gave a about him before in the lounge. He even talked to him, he just kept looking at him with sad confused eyes while everybody greatened him. Why was his heart in pain, why does a part of him keep expecting him to forgive him, or, at least, talk to him?

They were as close as strangers at this point, even worst, because they shared a painful past, and Baekhyun hated it though he tried to deny that fact.

He tried to stop thinking and closed his eyes but his mind kept running, remembering when they first meet and coming to the conclusion of that actually, what he and Chanyeol had now was definitely worse than strangers.

****

A trace on spring bound for warm sunlight and sweet fragrance of roses bring him at this place. The sensation of the wind caressing his skin, the wet feeling of every blade of grass under his body and the gentle melody of the birds singing from inside the resurgent trees made him stay and forget about everything till he fell asleep under a tree’s shadow.

An explosion of bright warm colours painted the endlessly sky when he opened his eyes. The little kid yawned and stretched, still on the ground and smiled to himself because he didn’t know there was a such beautiful place so near to his new house. Maybe moving on here wasn’t that terrible after all. He definably needs to come to this secret place more often. He thought.

“This airplane is mine, Chanyeol-ah! Give it me back!” Yelled a childish voice somewhere not too far away from him, and Baekhyun heard cute laugh, surely from a different person, in the distance and he couldn’t help but wonder what would be happening.

“You’re very small Kyungsoo-ssi” said another voice before start to laugh again.

“I am not! It’s you, you are too tall! Now, give me my airplane!”

“Okay, I will give it to you” said who seemed to be Chanyeol-ah “But you will have to catch me before, pygmy!”

“Do not call me that, giraffe!”

Baekhyun could heard laughs and steps and the image of another kid appeared in front of him after a couple of minutes. The boy had black hair and big round eyes and he smiled Baekhyun from the distance.

“Hello! What is your name?” said the child and Baekhyun assumed the he was that Chanyeol-ah, who was teasing the other boy. He was very tall and had an airplane toy in his right hand, so he couldn’t be wrong, couldn’t he?

“I-I’m Baekhyun” muttered the smallest playing with the end of his shirt. He was new in the city and didn’t had any friends yet, and, to be honest, he wasn’t very outgoing with people until he was close with them.

“Oh! Your name is very beautiful! I am Chanyeol, nice to meet you” He added with a bright smile and a cute dimple appeared in his left cheek. Baekhyun smiled him back without even being aware of that.

“I got you!” exclaimed a short kid who appeared behind a near tree with round face, round eyes (even more than Chanyeol) and full lips without even notice Baekhyun’s presence. “Now, give me back my airplane as you promised”. But Chanyeol ignored the guy and approached to Baekhyun instead dragging his friend with him.

“Look, Kyungsoo-ssi, this is Baekhyun, and this is my cousin, Kyungsoo, Baekhyun-nie. Can I call you that?  I think it sounds cute, as you, but I don’t know if you like it” Chanyeol laughed for himself and Kyungsoo, who looked at him for the first time, smiled at him and mumbled a short “nice to meet you”.

“Nice to meet you too, Kyungsoo” Said Baekhyun and he was about to say he had to come back home, but Chanyeol leaned closer to Baekhyun and whispered into his ear with too much confidence to have just meet him for the really first time.

“Kyungsoo-ssi it’s a grumpy pygmy, but I think we all can be friends, he is not a bad person, promise. I am not neither by the way”.

“I told you to not call me that, giraffe!” Shouted an angry Kyungsoo but it seemed to not alter Chanyeol, who smiled Baekhyun and whispered a little “I told you”.

“I still can hear you, Chanyeol-ah!” And Chanyeol earn a deserved punch in his shoulder form the sorter guy. Baekhyun couldn’t help but laugh at the image of the little kid punching the taller one and without any success. These two were really funny.

And weird.

“Anyways. We are new in the neighbourhood, and we don’t have any friends here, so I was wondering…” the taller guy couldn’t finish the sentence, Baekhyun cut him off, couldn’t believe Chanyeol’s words.

“I am new in the city too”. Chanyeol smiled, bright, from ear to ear and it fluttered Baekhyun’s heart. He definitely has a beautiful smile. He thought.

“We don’t live too far away from here, so, I was wondering… Maybe we can play here tomorrow. You know, together... It is late and my uncles will kill us if we stay in the park for too long.”

Baekhyun nodded as he saw them run to their house shouting “Here, tomorrow at 5PM. See you, Baekhyun-nie” waving and smiling at him. Baekhyun heart fluttered and he was glad he wouldn’t be by himself in his new city. Maybe he could make some friends this time, good friends.

He made his way back to his new home and greatened his mother with a bright smile, telling her about the two new friends he made that afternoon.

****

Baekhyun stared at the celling of the bedroom, giving up on take any sleep, and let a heavy sigh to come out of his lips. Definitely, life hated him. All that he wanted was to get over of ing-once his impossible fist love, all he wanted was to just forget Chanyeol and move on like he did, there was not point on keep waiting for the day that he would have feelings for him. It was stupid and heart-breaking, especially heart-breaking.

Not all love stories are happy ending, and sometimes you're just faster at giving up.

He went downstairs once he felt like he was capable of look at his friend in the eye without feel guilty anymore and once he felt ready for Chanyeol ignoring him as he's flirting with his fiancée.

Everybody was having dinner when he entered at the livingroom. Saebyul playing with Chanyeol’s hair and his heart broke again. Kyungsoo smiled at him as soon as he spotted him and Baekhyun smiled him back because his friend always knew how make him feel better, and he wouldn’t break again because of that next to his Chanyeol. He tried to ignore Chanyeol's stare as he sat down next to his friend and started to participate actively in the conversation that his friends were having, feeling upset all of sudden.

Chanyeol stopped looking at him and kept quiet during the rest of the dinner and Baekhyun felt that he actually could move on, get over him. Who cares if the girl who’s getting married with hhis friend is a heartless , who cares if Chanyeol didn’t love him? Not Baekhyun.

He laughed, he drank some cheap beer and he even joked about London's weather and old times. "It isn't that hard" Baekhyun thought to himself helping to wash the dishes "You just have to forget that he's here, you just have to forget about everything he has meant to you".

It was near to midnight. Baekhyun was helping with the dishes since he was in his room when his friends setted the table though they all insisted on that it wasn’t necessary, being that he must be still tired. But he didn’t hear to them and forced Kyungsoo, Minseok and Yixing to go upstarts and rest once they were almost done with the dishes.

It felt good. Being helpful again, joke around with his old friends as he used to do five years ago. Baekhyun wondered if he would come back to his old life, that life he has missed that much. If he could only sort out things with Chanyeol…

What was he even thinking? He has to get over him like Chanyeol did, and don’t stop thinking about him won’t help him at all.

He washed the last couple of dishes and glasses and wiped his hand in his shirt humming absently, so, that he didn’t notice the tall person, wandering in the kitchen at his back till it was too late to run away from it.

He turned around and found the black haired guy standing a couple of meters away from him, at the kitchen’s entrance.

His heart stopped and he lost his breath as soon as he recognised those eyes looking down to the floor with pain and his figure leaning against the door frame, hands inside his pockets.

.

Chanyeol didn’t look up to him tough, he even said a word during a couple of minutes that seemed hours to Baekhyun, who couldn’t manage to even articulate half term nor move. He was about to collapse; his world already was anyways.

What the heck was doing Chanyeol here?

Pain, physical pain was what he felt compressing his chest and stirring his stomach. Nervousness, he didn’t know what to expect. Chanyeol’s expression was indecipherable, which left him with any clue of what was he thinking nor why was he standing in front of him without say a word, looking at the nothing, more especially, looking at everything but Baekhyun.

“I tried to hate you”. Chanyeol suddenly mumbled without move a muscle. Okay, Baekhyun didn’t expect that words to came up in this situation, he didn’t even expect to Chanyeol to ever talk to him again.

He was decomposed, Chanyeol could pull all his defences down way too easy, and Baekhyun hated that. He tried to settled an “I know, I’m sorry, please, hate me” when he wanted to mean a “forgive me, stay with me, don’t get married, I love you” but any sound came out of his trembling lips.

“During all this years, I really tried to hate you with every inch of me” he kept talking in a cold and emotionless tone that froze Baekhyun’s blood. He sounded hurt, broke, and it was all his fault. “But I just couldn’t”. He added with a sigh.

Chanyeol looked up and stared straight into Baekhyun’s eyes making the smallest shiver. Damn it Chanyeol, I’m supposedly trying to get over you, stop making things so difficult. Baekhyun thought watching the younger man coming closer. He gulped.

“I called you a thousand of times but you changed your number. I just wanted to know if you were save, if I were the reason why you left, why did my best friend suddenly disappeared after what seemed the best evening of my life. At least, it was so for me.” Chanyeol stopped two steps away from Baekhyun, and the older didn’t notice until he felt the cold worktop against his back that he was walking back as Chanyeol stepped closer and closer.

“Chanyeol, I…” Baekhyun started to say but the tallest guy shocked his head without show any emotion, which worried Baekhyun as . All he wanted to do now was to run away from there and never come back, be a kid again, turn back time to this time when all his problem could solve with an “I’m sorry” and a hug, but now... now everything’s different. Now he has hurt Chanyeol and words aren’t enough anymore.

“I said I couldn’t hate you after all” Chanyeol assured with sharp eyes, taking one step closer and it, Baekhyun was at bay between Chanyeol’s body and the kitchen’s worktop, unable to breathe at this point.

Chanyeol, stop making thing so difficult.

“Why” that was all Baekhyun could say in a broke whisper as he looked up into Chanyeol’s eyes, refusing to cry in front of him, because what he wanted wasn’t that invisible but huge gap between them, he didn’t want the pain he has went through nor his heart breaking he didn’t want anything of that. He wanted back his friendship with Chanyeol.

He wanted his smiles, his sparkly eyes looking at him with fond, his hugs, his laughs his nearness. Even if he would break again and again because, even if with his friendship he could get all these things, he’ll never get Chanyeol’s heart.

It had an owner already, and it’s getting married with him in least than a week.

Baekhyun could feel the torment in Chanyeol’s glace and he wanted to comfort him with a hug, embrace him with his arms and mumbled to him that everything would be okay, like five years ago, before he messed it all up. He wanted to make him smile even when he wasn’t capable himself. He felt that again, that weird but familiar feeling bubbling inside his stomach and he knew he was falling again, and he will fall very time their eyes meet, because, damn it. It was Chanyeol, his Chanyeol, his first love, his everything, and he couldn’t bury those feelings that easy and Chanyeol just made it all more and more difficult.

Chanyeol looked down, facing Baekhyun and didn’t move an inch for a couple of seconds before mumble a “I don’t know either”.

Baekhyun had enough. Enough nearness, enough confusion, enough everything. His entire body ached, his knees were trembling and his head spinning. He wanted to cry for no reason in particular, just cry and get rid of the ache burning his heart, because “to cry” was the only thing he was really good at.

“I gotta go” Baekhyun whispered trying to stop the sacking on his voice and starting to walk towards the door, but Chanyeol’s hand warped around his cold wrist warming it and stopping Baekhyun in his way to his room.

“Wait!” Chanyeol said and it sounded too loud in the tense silence of the kitchen, too desperate to be asking him to stay a bit more in the same room when they’ll be living together for the rest of the week.

Baekhyun didn’t turn to face the taller one, just waited for his words in silence, trying his best to hold his cry just a bit more, just long enough to hide it from the black haired.

“Welcome back to Korea” Chanyeol finally murmured and Baekhyun felt weak. He couldn’t hold back the warm salty tears anymore.

“Congratulations for the wedding” The smaller said with a hurt whisper and left the room breaking Chanyeol’s grip, leaving him to, practically, run to his room.

He closed the door behind his back once he was upstairs, Chanyeol’s hand’s gosh still around his wrist, and let out a gasp come out of his mouth. He tried to cover it up with his hands, but it was too late, Sehun was already awake and turning on the lights.

“Hyung?” he asked rubbing his eyes, still sleepy and confused “What has happened?”

Baekhyun couldn’t answer, his heart broke into pieces once again and he fell apart, bursting into tears as he leaned against the door and sited down on the floor. Sehun gave him a concerned look and tried to comfort him with a hug and silent till Baekhyun’s eye lids just felt too heavy to keep them open, but it wasn’t enough to fill up that empty inside his chest. Baekhyun felt the tiredness make his entire body heavier and let himself go with Morpheus way to the dream’s world, way to a place where pain didn’t exist.

Okay, you can actually hate me for the long wait, I'm really sorry D:

But at least, this chapter is longer than I expected :)

Also, I'm going on holydays  the next week and I'm not sure if I'll could update nor write during this time, but don't worry, I'll try to upload before that happens.

And, as always, thank you for all the subscribers and the comments, especially the patience. It means a lot :)

Ari.