What does to love someone mean? That was a question that had always been in Baekhyun’s head since he was little, and that night, under de cold covers of a strange bed, that difficult question repeated into his dreams once more.

He could hear again the sweet words of his mother telling him endlessly fairy-tales and love stories between beautiful princesses and brave princes, like she did every night until she left him alone with his father.

Baekhyun missed his mother, he missed her voice, her chocolate cookies, her comforting words when dad was mad at him when he focussed more in arts than in maths, he missed her smile over everything. It was the brightest and more beautiful smile a person could have, and Baekhyun liked to watch his mom grinning at him as she related with passion every word written in her storybook before Baekhyun fell asleep and dreamed about those magical places, those incredible adventures and that true love that his mom told him about.

He always wondered if he would even find it, “true love”, his important one, his princess. Baekhyun has always been a romantic, and maybe it was thanks to how his mother described him magically that “unique feeling” which makes you feel butterflies inside your stomach and makes your heart beat fast with joy. And maybe it was because of his mother, because Baekhyun wanted to experiment those things, find that person who could make him feel like this.

“What does love someone mean?” he asked to his mother after she kissed his forehead that February night.

The woman smiled him and made Baekhyun smile too. It was just impossible not to smile when you feel so much love in just a glance, a pair of eyes which can speak by themselves, telling the black haired kid that she will be always by his side.

It was late and Baekhyun couldn’t sleep, his father’s angry shouts still echoing into his head and he only wanted them to stop, he wanted to his mother to stop them and embrace him and tell him that everything will be okay, that his father doesn’t hate him as he said two hours ago.

“It means a lot of things, sweetie” His mother whispered caressing the kid’s black hair. Baekhyun frowned, confused.

“But what does it mean? When can you know you love someone?”

The female sighed without quit smiling and closed the book placed in her lap looking at her son.

“To love someone means that you give your heart to that person, even knowing you can get hurt. You give it to the person that you love and share all of you with her or him knowing you can’t take it back, and then, that person gives you her or his heart, because “love” isn’t about just give or just take. Love is about both. You can’t take if you don’t give, and you shouldn’t give if you don’t take, because love is about two, is about trust, true, happiness. Love is about love.”

“That sounds like magic” Baekhyun whispered with sparkly eyes, amazed at the power of love, and maybe it was just him mother, but she made Baekhyun feel like love was the most important feeling in world and the only one that really mattered.

“It is magic, darling. Love is just a feeling, but it can change the world. Love is what make us persons, never forget that.” Baekhyun nodded at his mother and he, suddenly, felt better, he didn’t want to cry anymore, his father’s voice shut up, he didn’t feel useless anymore, and it all was thanks to his mother.

What would he do without her?

“Mommy, I love you”. He mumbled and his mother’s smile became even brighter, infecting Baekhyun with it. All that he wanted was to make his mother feel happy, he wanted to make his mother feel loved as she does with him. “I have the better mom in the world” The kid thought to himself.

“I love you too, darling. Are you feeling better now?” Baekhyun nodded, still thoughtful, still rambling about the meaning of love his mother gave him.

“If you love me, does it mean that you don’t love dad?” He asked, worrying that, maybe, his father was mad at him because his mother loved the kid and not him.

“There are different kinds of love Baek-ie, don’t worry about that, okay?” said the woman letting out a little chuckle which calmed Baekhyun a bit, though he didn’t understand what she meant with different kinds of love. “The way I love you is different from the way I love your father and different from the way I love Joon-unnie. You’re my son, and I love you abode all and everything, your father is my husband, and Joon-unnie is my childhood friend. You can love more than one person.” She added but Baekhyun was still confused.

“Does it mean that I can love you and at the same time I love my music teacher for teaching me amazing songs and the way I love Hwan-hyung because he is always nice to me and we play together after school?” Her mother nodded, but Baekhyun could see a worrying glow in her eyes. He wondered why.

“Of course, Baekhyun. And don’t get confused, love isn’t just between a boy and a girl, love is between persons, always remember that. You can’t decide who you love, you just love, but don’t tell your father about Hwan, okay?” She said in a lower voice, but Baekhyun was too tired to notice the grey shadow in which became her smile nor the nervousness in her voice as she glared at him with lovely eyes.

“Thank you, mum” Baekhyun mumbled closing his eyes “love is amazing”. His mother smiled him and kissed his cheek before she turned off the little lamp on his side table and exit the room.

“Yes, it is”.

Those were the last words he ever heard from his mother. She left him the next day. He didn’t know exactly why nor how; he just knew that she'd never come back. He heard a phone conversation be, it was late, mum should have arrived home an hour ago after she have ended her shift, which ended at 8PM.

He heard his father talking to a stranger about a thief, talking about of a botched robbery, talking about a murderer, his mother’s murderer. His father never cried her death though, he yelled, he showed his angriness, his frustration. He swore over his death body he would kill that bastard with his own hands, he even got drunk, depressed. It was horrible for him but also was for Baekhyun.

He didn’t just lose his mother, he lost his father too.

They moved to Seoul moths after that tragically night because all in their house remembered his father too much to Baekhyun’s mother. He started again in a new town and it didn’t go bad. Baekhyun’s father barely showed up at home but it wasn’t that terrible, Baekhyun has now new friends, and they are very funny and kind.

Maybe he could be okay from today.

“Their names are Chanyeol and Kyungsoo” Baekhyun whispered to his mother, well, it wasn’t exactly his mother, it was just a frame in the lounge with her photo, but maybe she could listen to him if he talked to her every day, he keeps having that hope. Maybe Baekhyun could make his mother happy wherever she’s now if he told her he is okay even if she’s gone, even if she’s too far away from him, even if she’s out of his reach till his own dead.

“But don’t worry, mommy, they are kind, you’d like them. Kyungsoo is little and shy, almost like me, and Chanyeol is too tall, I wonder if he’s older than me, he must be, don’t he? He is very nice though, he even said I was cute… Oh, look, mom! I’m smiling” Baekhyun let out a little chuckle and tried to stop but he couldn’t. He was happy for the first time in months since his mother passed away and he actually liked that feeling, he loved it “I’m happy, and I hope you’re happy too. I miss you, I love you, mommy, you know that, right?”

Click.

He turned around to find his father’s shape entering in the living room with shady and troubled grimace. He shuddered and felt… terrified… of his own father… once more. But this time his mother wasn’t there to protect him from his angriness, from his shouts, from himself and whatever he would do to him this time.

“What were you doing?” A dead tone filled the man’s question and Baekhyun couldn’t help but gulp with nervousness. He was trembling and about to cry, because, to cry, was the only thing Baekhyun was truly good at, because the only thing he could do was to cry.

“I-I was talking to m-mom” he stuttered, couldn’t stop the shaking of his voice two tones higher than normal.

His father smiled, but it wasn’t a normal smile, it was a half smirk which told Baekhyun he had to get the hell out of there but he was paralysed and unable to move.

“You’re so stupid, Baekhyun.” The man muttered with that half smile still curving his thin lips, but the smile fell and it turned into a sad grin, a sad and painful one.

Silent preceded his words and Baekhyun wanted to comfort his father, because, above all, he loved his father, didn’t he? Then, Baekhyun saw a single tear rolling down the man’s left cheek and he felt relieved. His father could cry now for his wife’s death and let the pain go for once. Baekhyun smiled and took a step ahead just before that a harrowing yell of pain came out of his father’s throat.

“STOP TALKING TO A ING PHOTO, YOUR MOTHER IS GONE! DID YOU HEAR ME? GONE! AND SHE’LL NEVER COME BACK! SO STOP TALKING TO HER, GIVE UP, GET OVER IT! WE’LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.” And that was when his father fell apart, that moment was when he set free all the pain he was trying to hide, the ache he was trying to deny; he showed the love he never used to show and burst into tears into Baekhyun’s arms.

“You miss her, do you?” Baekhyun whispered with a sad smile “You really loved her”. He added in a lower voice, caressing the man’s hair as his mother used to do to comfort Baekhyun.

His father cried and cried till he fell asleep on the couch, still hugging the kid, asking him to stay, to grown up heathy, to study a lot, to get a good job, a one which won’t make him came home too late, a job which would make him have a good live, a long one. O very long time by his side.

That was the last time Baekhyun could see his father’s weakness though.

After that night, he barely showed up at home again, he turned stricter and meaner. He even made Baekhyun quit music and arts and forced him to study maths and chemistry harder than ever; he almost jumped of joy when Baekhyun told him five years ago he wanted to study medicine abroad and become a doctor.

And he did it, Baekhyun graduated on University of London with good marks, outstanding marks, nay. He’s currently working as a nurse in his father’s friend’s hospital in London and everything is going fine for Baekhyun. He has a stable job, which is more than well paid, a cute apartment in the centre of the United Kingdom capital and he even have a bunch of lovely people waiting for him inside the hospital who talk to him and make him feel important to someone.

The problem is, even if he enjoys his position, especially chatting with Ms. Hudson and all her friends, to be a doctor never was his dream. Since he was little he always dreamed about big scenarios filled with people cheering his name, waiting for him; he dreamed about that wave of applause dedicated to him after his performance and that bubbling feeling of proudness into his stomach. He wanted to write a song which could cheer up anyone whenever they feel blue, he wanted to write a song which could make anyone jump, he wanted to write a song which could make someone cry. He wanted to live inside of the people’s heart forever.

But you can’t live from immaterial dreams, which slip away between your fingers before you can reach them. His father taught him that.

And here was Baekhyun now, staring at the white celling of his and Sehun’s room with tired and swollen eyes because he cried until fall asleep last night, he cried again for Chanyeol. He was such a fool for that, but maybe that wasn’t weird, because he’s also a fool for Chanyeol.

He cried and cried even when there weren’t more tears coming out of his eyes and it just left the painfully ache in that place in his chest in which his heart should be, the problem was he couldn’t feel it anymore.

He smirked with hollow at the noting od the bedroom. He was such an idiot. Why was he attending to Chanyeol’s weeding anyways? Why was he even hoping to get something out of his reach, hoping change this story which end is already wrote?

He almost wanted to laugh at his foolishness, he has been so blind all this time… Chanyeol wasn’t more than a dream, an impossible one. And Baekhyun was living now in the real world, a world in which you can’ afore any dream without break yourself, because that is what grownups do.

“Baek-hyung?” Sehun’s voice called him, but, even when he was already awake, he didn’t say a word “Are you still sleeping?”

Baekhyun just let a little “hmm” come out of his throat, not trusting his voice to answer.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked with a chary tone in his voice and Baekhyun shrugged even knowing his friend couldn’t see him.

If he was being honest with himself, he really doesn’t have a clue about how the heck he’s feeling right now, he doesn’t even feel a damn thing anymore, just emptiness, just nothing.

“It’s late, we should get up and have breakfast” Sehun said, but the raven haired just kept staring at the ceiling.

“I’m not hungry” he wailed in a dead emotionless tone before turn his back to the contiguous bed.

“But you need to eat something. Do you wanna worry everybody? The last time you worried them Chanyeol fainted after three days without take any sleep nor eat and we all were sick wondering why would you leave without tell us.” The younger said sitting up in his bed and looking at Baekhyun’s back frowning his eyebrows.

Please, don’t say his name, please, don’t give me hope, he doesn’t give a about me.

“Thank you for remember me what an I am.” The smallest rapped out with annoyance but Sehun shook his head letting a deep sigh come out of his lips.

“I’m not telling you you’re an , though you’re an , I’m reminding you how much you matter for us, hyung. So, get your up of that bed and have some breakfast before I call Kyungsoo-hyung, and you know how he’s when he gets mad.” Sehun stood up and was about to leave the grumpy dwarf alone when the oldest spoke.

“So, you’re not just talking informally to your hyung, you’re even threating me? How do you dare, you little ? The shame is on you, Oh Sehun!” The taller boy let out a little chuckle, glad to her his friend was feeling better, even if he was probably just pretending, and smiled to him fixing is fringe with his fingers.

“And I’ll even drag you downstairs if you don’t get up now, hyung. Don’t think that I’ll have any mercy for you.” The both of the laughed even when such thing seemed impossible to Baekhyun minutes before, but such a random talk could make him feel lighter and relaxed.

It helped him to stop thinking for a while.

“Thank you” He muttered and Sehun just shocked his head with a little smile in his lips.

“You don’t have to thank me, hyung.”

Kyungsoo cheeked his wristwatch. It was almost noon and Baekhyun was upstairs, still locked in his room. The black haired guy let out a deep sigh out of his mouth as he reminded himself he didn’t have to worry about his friend that much, Sehun was with him, all of them were now with him in his father’s summer house and he won’t disappear this time, did he?

He glanced at his cousin and couldn’t help but sigh again. He watched him talking (if you can name that talk) absently with Saebyul as she gave him fake smiles and chatted about how excited she was about their weeding while Chanyeol merely mutter short and cold answers. What the hell could have happened between his cousin and his best friend was the question which repeated over and over into Kyungsoo’s head.

The woman started to talk about her dress and commented Chanyeol would love it, but she even was wearing her ring. Almost funny, isn’t it? The younger man didn’t notice it though. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but think that the giraffe was a stupid blind.

“Hyung? Hey? Earth calling Kyungsoo, can you hear me?” A big (but not too big) hand moving lively, interfering in his field of view, get the smaller out of his thoughts and Jongin’s face suddenly appeared just a couple of inches of his own.

When the hell did he came so close to me?

Kyungsoo tried his best to think straight but his numb tongue refused to collaborate and say something coherent, but damn it, he just couldn’t even think with the younger man’s breath against his skin.

They were too ing close.

“What?” was all Kyungsoo managed to say, almost choking with his own words, blinking twice as Jongin gave him a bright smile that made his heart skip a beat. Ok, maybe two or three. Nay, it stopped the elder’s heart.

“Kyungsoo-hyung was ignoring me again” the brown haired said with a cute pout on his lips which made them look even fuller and even more kissable…

Damn it, what was he even thinking about.

“Sorry… I-I was…” Kyungsoo tried to say, but Jongin cut him off with another smile, shaking his head before to look at Kyungsoo straight in the eyes.

“I know, you were thinking, you always are”. The younger man smiled at him again but, this time the grin didn’t reach his brown eyes. “I know you’re worried about your cousin and his hasty weeding, you’re family and that stuff after all, but he’s a grown up now and I think that he’ll be able to short things with Baekhyun before Thursday. It’s still Morning Saturday.”

“Wait. How did you?” Kyungsoo asked, surprised at the younger answer. He thought he was the only one aware of Baekhyun’s feelings for Chanyeol.

Jongin started to laugh at Kyungsoo’s face, even harder when the black haired frowned in confusion before Jongin placed his right hand on the elder one’s head. He was still giggling and wiping the tears from his eyes when he talked again.

“Oh, come on, they are just too obvious, little Kyungsoo-ssi-hyung, but I bet you would be the only one without knowing if Baekhyun wouldn’t told you back then”. The taller boy laughed again and his hand fell down the shorter’s cheek, so his thumb was now caressing Kyungsoo’s cheekbone as his other fingers could reach his jawline and his neck.

Kyungsoo shivered at the touch but he didn’t move an inch though. His heart was beating fast, too fast and loud inside his chest he was afraid that the brown haired could hear it. He felt his warm hand and he wanted to just lean in, so he could have more, but he couldn’t do that. He’ll never do that, because they were friends, almost like brothers, they’ve always been together since basic school, thick as thieves.

Jongin was the one who always stood up for him when Chanyeol because he was a grumpy pygmy, Kyungsoo was the one who always told him that it was okay when people bullied him for his no-so-dark-but-dark-enough-to-be-teased-and-nagged-for-it skin. Their relationship was perfect at the point they were, but Kyungsoo wanted more than Jongin could give him.

After all, the fool wasn’t other than himself, who fell in love with his straight friend even knowing he couldn’t love him back.

“Hyung is so bling that he could have the person who’s deeply in love with him just in front of his nose without even notice it.” Jongin muttered, maybe more for himself than for Kyungsoo, with a sad grin drawn in his full lips.

Don’t steal my line, you brat.

The warm care slowly disappeared from his cheek and maybe Kyungsoo was already a hopelessly devoted of his friend, maybe he has no hope anymore, but he already missed his fingers stoking his neck and his thumb rolling through his cheekbone. He missed the sensation of his skin against his even if it wasn’t too much.

Nonetheless, he knew as soon as he couldn’t hear the woman gabbing about weeding gifts and expensive clothes anymore that Baekhyun just entered in the room and his eyes just met with his cousin’s ones.

Wow I could update a long chapter within a week. I feel proud of myself. Okno.

Well, when I first started to write this fic I really thought it would be a silly/short one. Y'know, easy to read and without too much drama. I didn't even know if I were going to write a second chapter but it, now Baekhyun has a past.

Sorry if the chapter was too long and nothing Chanbaek really happened. Also sorry for the cheesiness of everythig (aka Kaisoo).

And, as always, thank you so much for read :) I really apreciatte your coments :D

I'll try to update soon.

-Ari.