The annoying sound of the alarm clock wakes Baekhyun up, exactly at 6:23 AM. He groans as he turns it off, too tired to open his eyes, and he stretches indolently. After a couple of minutes staring at the nothing, still sitting on his messy bed and digesting he was actually awake, Baekhyun wanders into the kitchen of his flat, yawning and grabbing some cereal for breakfast. He has to take a flight bound for Seoul in two hours so, he hadn’t time for anything else.

Ordinary, the idea of a trip would thrill Baekhyun; he has always loved to discover new places and live new adventures, but today wasn’t “ordinary”. He sighs deeply with an empty feeling flooding his chest. He didn’t want to take that flight and see him again, he didn’t feel like he was capable of such thing after five years without have seen nor talk to each other, and especially in this particular situation.

He would break even more if he sees him again.

Baekhyun sighs again and stares at the elegant wedding invitation, which announces the marriage between Park Chanyeol and Kwak Saebyul in six days. He reads the paper over and over till his heart aches and a numb closes his throat.

Baekhyun hasn’t get over Chanyeol after all. And he hates himself for that.

Why couldn’t he just cancel his flight and tell Chanyeol that he has a lot of work to do or that he was sick so he couldn’t go to his wedding?

Because he isn’t a kid anymore and he has to get over Chanyeol, he needs to. It’s time to close the chapter of his “first love” in his life once for all.

He hadn’t his number neither, but it’d be funny though. “Hey, Chanyeol-ah, I know that we haven’t talked in like five years? but hey, I’ll can’t go to your weeding, I’m sick. That’s all, sayonara <3”

It was a stupid thought.

Baekhyun snorts in anger and throws the invitation far away of him so he can’t see that damn thing anymore. —I’m such a childish —. He thinks to himself chewing his cereal with his mouth half open. He used to do such thing every time he was annoyed or upset for anything.

He couldn’t even attend to his friend? Wedding and act like the 24 years old grownup he was?

Then, Baekhyun loses his gaze in the dawn through his window. It was very beautiful and it calms him a bit, it helps him to not to think about what happened too many years ago, what changed his entire life.

He left Chanyeol and all his friends and moved to London without any explanation. He only told Kyungsoo once he was at the airport, too late to back down, so they could say at least goodbye; but Baekhyun didn’t told Chanyeol nor didn’t want him to know that his stupid crush on his “best friend” and his heartbroken was the reason why he was leaving. He was too ashamed for that.

He messed it all up, he started to have those ing feelings for Chanyeol and he couldn’t hide them for that long, they were stronger than him. Baekhyun ruined their friendship and then ran away. It was all his fault and he still regrets his decisions.

The same day he arrived at London, Chanyeol sent him a message since he ignored all his calls, begging him to return to Seoul, but Baekhyun ignored his message too. “Why do you always make things more difficult?” Baekhyun thought.

Then, Chanyeol started to send him messages, every day, asking him if he was fine, what had he done, why was the reason of all this, telling Baekhyun that he missed him.

Baekhyun’s heart split in two as he answered him with tears rolling down his cheeks “It’s better that way” before block him and delete his number. That was the last time they ever talked, and, damn it, Baekhyun missed Chanyeol, he really missed him. He missed his bright smiles, his manly smell, his warm hugs, his laugh… He misses Chanyeol since the first day, but now his friendship or whatever they had is over and it’s all his fault.

He thought he could forget him with some time and space in between them, but it was impossible to Baekhyun. How can you forget the person who became your whole world?

You just can’t.

Baekhyun checks his wristwatch. It was already 6:54. He had to hurry up and change his clothes or he’d miss the flight, and he paid an awful lot of money for that damn ticket so he couldn’t be late.

Baekhyun closes the door of his flat, knowing he will regret take that airplane, knowing that once he meets eyes with Chanyeol he’ll fall again, and knowing that he was just lying to himself pretending he was strong enough to watch the person who he’s deeply in love getting married with another person, surely a tiny girl, prettier than him, cutter than him and good enough for Chanyeol.

Baekhyun chest hurts as he turned up the music, hoping it’d help him to stop thinking for once. He was tired of that, tired of thinking and overthinking, wanting something out of his reach.

Outside his apartment the weather wasn’t hot, but it wasn’t cold neither. The sky was totally blue and without any cloud, and Baekhyun could feel a sweet breeze caring his checks and messing his hair. The sun was up and the streets were now filled with grumpy early birds in their way to their respective jobs and schools.

He stopped a cab and paid the cabbie once he arrived at the airport after a silent journey. Baekhyun stopped at the airport’s gateway nibbling his inner cheek. Now he was here he couldn’t back down.

He sighed deeply, nervous and kind of afraid of come back from London after five long years. He wasn’t ready for it, nor mentally nor physically.

He wonders if things have changed there in Korea, he wonders how are his old friends and if they’re going to Chanyeol’s wedding too. Baekhyun was kind of freaking out for the fact of seeing them again. He wanted to apologize to them for being a total , he really wanted to since he took that flight five years ago, but he knows that he doesn’t deserves their mercy and he wasn’t expecting them to just forgive him and pretend that nothing happened, but he needs to explain himself though he didn’t deserve it; because he missed his friends, he missed his life and because these five years have been the worst five years in Baekhyun’s life.

He was tired of this ing empty feeling running through his veins, sick of feeling lonely even so when he was with another guys, tired of can’t just forget Chanyeol.

Baekhyun doesn’t know too much about anyone’s life since he moved to London being that he just talks with Kyungsoo once in a while and that fact terrorizes him. Few were the times that Baekhyun directly asked him if they were fine, and his answer weren’t another than “they all are good; you don’t have to worry”. Ironically, it just made Baekhyun worry even more.

And that guilty feeling hasn’t gone yet.

A new message gets Baekhyun out of his thoughts. It was a message from Kyungsoo. He frowned at his mobile as he read it.

Kyungsoo: Are you coming?

Baekhyun: To the weeding? Yep. Are you coming too?

There were a couple of tense minutes in which neither of them said anything, but Kyungsoo was the first to talk, although he ignored Baekhyun’s question.

Kyungsoo: Are you okay with that?

Baekhyun: It’s been five years, do.

Kyungsoo: I know, and that’s the problem. Both of us know that you haven’t get over him yet…

Baekhyun: I have to go. They’re calling us to boarding.

Kyungsoo: Ok. See ya later. Do you want me to pick you up once you arrive in Seoul?

Baekhyun: Not necessary. I’ve made a reservation in a hotel already.

Kyungsoo: Cancel it. You’re staying at my home this week. Don’t want objections.

Baekhyun: Whatever you say, ma’am. I really gotta go now. Bye.

Kyungsoo: Bye.

The flight was awful, lengthy and strenuous. He had a noisy family with three children, which didn’t let Baekhyun take any rest during the flight until they fell asleep after lunch time, behind him and an English old lady next to him who started to talk to Baekhyun without any reason in particular, asking him about his personal life. She asked if he was returning to Korea to see his girlfriend and the woman was lucky that Baekhyun is one of the politest person in the world, because it was a low punch for him. She didn’t know it though, but that hurt Baekhyun so bad.

“God willing! But my holidays are over and now I have to go back to work again.” He lied drawing a fake smile on his face.

When Baekhyung arrives at Seoul it’s 3AM of the next day and he’s exhausted and very hungry. All the plane’s food was crappy, tasteless and expensive without any logical reason. His stomach starts to make noises and Baekhyun knew that he would faint or something if he didn’t eat something soon, so he starts to look for a cheap restaurant in which eat something since he couldn’t find Kyungsoo. —He must be sleeping— He thought.

He walks down the street, under the streetlight’s yellow glow and with a strange feeling in his chest. He had missed his natal city way too much. The cars pass him and the sound of the all-nighter city filled Baekhyun’s ears. He smiles as he whispers.

“I’m back”.

Baekhyun still doesn’t know if he is happy, sad, gloomy or just nervous, but he kind of like the feeling as much as he hates it. The bubbly sensation in his stomach wasn’t strange for him but he couldn’t get used to it neither.

Baekhyun ends up finding a tatty 24 hours’ restaurant not too far away from the airport and decides to eat, or dinner or whatever, there. The place isn’t that bad at the inside. It’s almost empty and there’s only a young waiter who’s almost falling asleep on the bar.

Baekhyun takes a sit next to the window after order some ramen and a can of Coca-Cola and waits patiently as he writes to Kyungsoo to tell him that he was at a restaurant and no at the airport, sending him his location too. The last thing that Baekhyun wanted now was an annoyed and tired as Kyungsoo who deal now.

He rests his head against the window and stares at the dark street in silence, and that’s when Baekhyun finds himself thinking again of Chanyeol, reminding random moments that they had together.

Chanyeol used to be shy and pretty innocent but funny and deep-thinking, he could tell the worst of the puns ever and, the second later, start to talk about the human existence and its reason to be. He always made Baekhyun smile when he felt down, he always took care of him, he was just too good to be real, and maybe that’s why it was that easy for Baekhyun to fall in love with him.

Chanyeol wasn’t perfect just for Baekhyun’s eyes, he was perfect for everybody’s ones, and that’s why Baekhyun always felt he will never be good enough for him. Because he was too childish and obstinate, he gets angry easily and was the more impatient person ever, but he was also deep in love with his best friend and he couldn’t help it, even knowing that Chanyeol never loved Baekhyun in the same way that Baekhyun loved (and still loves) Chanyeol. He never looked at him in the way he looked Chanyeol and that hurt Baekhyun’s heart till it broke.

He wonders if he’s still the same Chanyeol that he used to be five years ago as his eyes shout unwittingly.

***

“I don’t know why the I’m here nor why you hate me so bad that you want to torture me watching this ing film.” Moaned an upset Baekhyun behind a big cushion, shrunken at the end of the couch and shaking from head to toe.

It was 2AM in the morning and he was watching Chanyeol’s favourite horror film with him. The pettiest one was terrified while the tallest was just commenting the great effects and laughing at the fake blood.  Baekhyun hates horror, but he hates to watch horror films in the early morning with every light switched off even more.

“Oh, come on Baekhyun-ie, it isn’t that terrifying.” Said Chanyeol with a bright smile in his face staring momentarily at Baekhyun before focus his attention again in the movie.

Baekhyun’s heart pounded hard against his chest when the cute nick-name came out of his friend’s lips. It always does that every time they eyes meets or he call him things like cutie, dwarf or Baekhyun-ie, but he forced himself to give him a dirty look and play it cool. He couldn’t let Chanyeol found out his feelings. It’d be the end of their friendship if he does.

“It IS that terrifying, Chanyeol-ah. And you know how much I hate horror films.” He added pouting and holding the cushion even closer.

The tallest guy smiles fondly at his friend, taking out Baekhyun’s breath, and puts his arm over his shoulders, half-hugging the smallest one and pulling him against his chest. They were too close and Baekhyun started to feel dizzy. “Don’t y’know what personal space is?” he wanted to rap out, but his tongue wasn’t like responding at this moment.

“You don’t have to be afraid” he mumbled against Baekhyun’s ear. His heart was racing at this point and he was just praying for his own sake that Chanyeol wasn’t able to hear his nervous heartbeat rumbling inside his chest. “It’s just a movie. Anyways, here I am to protect you from the nightmares this night.”

Baekhyun’s face turned completely red. Thank God it was completely dark in the room, so Chanyeol couldn’t see him in that miserable situation. His voice was too deep, sweet and ing seductive for him and it messes with Baekhyun’s sanity too easy.

“You’re dead if I can’t sleep tonight, giant.” He mumbled trying to hide the nervousness in his voice.

Chanyeol just gave Baekhyun another precious smile in response and it melted Baekhyun’s heart once more. They continued watching the movie without pulling out of that “half-hug”. The younger one was totally immersed in the plot while Baekhyun spent half of the time with his head hide in Chanyeol’s shoulder, unable to watch the entire film because that was actually scary as .

He wondered how in wold can someone don’t be afraid of the movie.

“It was horrible”. Whimpered Baekhyun once it ended, holding Chanyeol’s arm even closer, too scared to move nor think straight.

“I’m sorry, can you forgive me?” said Chanyeol, but Baekhyun knew that he wasn’t “so sorry” as he said.

“No! Now it’s gonna be impossible to me to sleep a wink all night and it’s your fault. I hate you.” He cried out in anger, but Chanyeol’s hand petting Baekhyun’s head paralysed his entire body before he could say anything else.

“I’m really sorry, little guy. Promise you this is the last time I ask you to watch a horror film.” Whispered Chanyeol taking Baekhyun’s chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing him to look him straight in the eyes.

“”. Thought Baekhyun.

Just a few inches between them, they were that close that Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol’s breath against his lips. Baekhyun’s heart was in pain and he wanted to kiss his friend so bad, maybe, too bad. Omnisciently, the smallest one parted lips as he sighed nervously. All his senses were filled with Chanyeol’s scent, his nearness and his person.

Baekhyun looked down to his friend’s lips and, damn it, they looked just too kissable to bear. He tried to think, but kissing Chanyeol was all he could think about at this moment and that wasn’t helpful at all. His heart beat faster and he bit his lip, trying to take control of himself.

Too close, they were too close, and Baekhyun would it all up if Chalyeol wouldn’t have moved away after Baekhyun’s head again with a smile from ear to ear decorating the piece of art that his face was.

Baekhyun was actually sweating and he felt his legs like jelly. Thank God Chalyeol moved away.

“We can watch another film if you can’t sleep, whatever you want. Not more horror, I promise.” Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile, still a bit stunned as they started to watch Baekhyun’s favourite show, Glee. He could feel Chanyeol’s eyes on him and watch him with the corner of his eye smile when he lip-synced all the show’s songs till the younger fell asleep on Baekhyun’s shoulder after three chapters.

It was nearly 5AM and it was still dark. Just the faint glow of the tv lighted up Chanyeol’s face, emphasizing his features. “How can be someone so handsome?”  Thought Baekhyun playing with his friend’s hair and smiling foolishly.

His feelings for Chanyeol were wrong, but, damn it, it feels just too right to be a sin. The way his skin burns every time he touches him, the way his heart speed ups when they’re close, the actual physic ache in his chest every time he wants to kiss him but he can’t.

It was so ig wrong… His feelings were forbidden, and maybe he was born sick, but Baekhyun loved it as much as he hates it and himself.

He started to feel sleepy and his eyes shout before he could stand up or wake up Chanyeol. “Tomorrow we’re gonna have a terrible neck ache.” Baekhyun thought falling asleep with his head resting on Chanyeol’s.

***

“Bon Appetite.” The waiter’s voice gets Baekhyun out of his thoughts.

“Oh.” He says back to the Earth “thank you so much.” He stutters still out of himself.

“You’re welcome.”

Baekhyun can’t help but wonder what it would happened if he’d kissed Chalyeol at that time as he eats his ramen in silence, feeling gloomy once again.

It wasn’t a good idea to drink a litter of water all of once, it really wasn’t. Baekhyun’s bladder was about to explode, so he hurried to the bathroom but, unfortunately for him, he wasn’t alone.

There was a couple making out violently and half on the top of the bathroom’s sink. Okay, that was pretty awkward.

“I’m so sorry!” He gasped as he slammed the door closed, his face was completely red and he was actually rethinking his existence, hating life. Why things like this only happen to him?

He was forced to use lady’s bathroom if he didn’t want to pee on himself, and this time, he prayed for his own shake that it was empty. He sighed in relief once he found the room totally empty as he entered cautious. He washed his hands and face, feeling extremely tired suddenly. He glared at his reflex in the mirror; there were purple circles under his eyes and his hair was a total mess. That was something normal since he didn’t sleep more than four hours yesterday and took a flight from London to Korea this morning.

Baekhyun fixed his hair with his fingers and meet Kyungsoo’s eyes once he exited the lady’s bathroom. His friend stared at him with a bright smile, but he looked almost as tired as Baekhyun. Baekhyun smiled too. Kyungsoo hasn’t changed a bit after all this time. Maybe his hair was now shorter and his cute full cheeks were gone, but he hasn’t changed at all.

“Mr. Byun Baekhyun-hyung”. Greeted Kyungso standing up and opening his arms without stop smiling. “Should I ask why are you coming out of the lady’s bathroom?” Baekhyun couldn’t help but laugh. He has missed too much his friend.

“Long story, don’t wanna talk about that now. I feel like I’m gonna fall asleep right here and right now” Complained Baekhyun hugging his friend.

Kyungsoo wasn’t a person who specially liked hugs nor physic affection from anyone, anyways, there were only three exceptions in which Kyungsoo would hug another person without pulling out immediately:

If he hasn’t see you in five years, if it is actually necessary, and if you’re Kim Jongin.

“Nice to see you again. How was the flight?” He asks sitting down again in front of Baekhyun.

“Horrible.” Baekhyun yawns and rubs his eyes with his hand closed in a fist. “Kids are cute until they don’t let you sleep because they are shouting like actual animals.” Kyungsoo laughs and shakes his head.

“Let’s go home, you’re too tired to a proper conversation.”

After this, Baekhyun pays the food and sits in the passenger seat of Kyungsoo’s car. He really tried to listen to his friend and answer his questions, he really tried to, but it was impossible for him. His eyes shut as soon as he rested his head against the seat and he fell asleep within minutes.

Tomorrow’s going to be a long day for Baekhyun, there’s a lot that he has missed and there’s something that Kyungsoo needs to tell him, but, for the moment, he’s gonna let him sleep.