Apologises should NOT sound y, the iness of Chanyeol’s voice should be the really last thing he could think about in that moment, nowadays, the husky low tone of his voice and the warm breath that came out of his lips sent shivers down Baekhyun’s spine, and everything started to spin around.

Baekhyun caught the last bit of consciousness that was left on him, pushing away all the thoughts that concerned anything “Chanyeol-related” and gave the tallest an odd look. He should be the one apologising, he was the one who left Korean and moved to London without even say a word to anyone, he didn’t understand why the was Chanyeol begging for forgiveness in such way, he didn’t why everyone was so understanding, why nobody actually hated him for being an .

Baekhyun didn’t understand it, he just didn’t get it, but he came to the conclusion that that wasn’t the best moment to overthink anything, so he parted lips, taking a deep breath and his time to digest Chanyeol’s words.

He said he forgives me.

He wants me to forgive him.

He doesn’t hate me.

I hurt him, but, even so, he doesn’t hate me.

I can’t hate him either. Even if I try.

He wants back our friendship.

I want it too.

But It’d hurt.

It’d hurt too much.

Because I still love him.

And maybe that’s the reason why I want him back so badly.

Everything was so clear now it almost frightened him. He was so hopeless he’d do anything to get back the old memories, to turn back time and erase his mistakes, be he couldn’t, and he’ll never be able to change his own self, he was still that coward too afraid of mess everything up to do anything about it.

Baekhyun looked back to Chanyeol’s eyes and the stare they shared locked. They his dark iris glowed with determination, making the smaller shiver and melt once more under his stare.

He was so ed up, so ed up he couldn’t even care, so lost in his dismal one-sided love, having fallen so deep and so fast that, even after all this time, he hadn’t managed to get out of the black hole he entered himself, the black and unescapable hole that his love for Chanyeol was.

He was in love with the man glaring down at him with his big dark puppy eyes and messed hair, he was painfully in love with the man he shared so many good memories with and the one he had so close, but, at the same time, miles apart from him.

He was so in love, but still, he was too afraid to try to reach out for his own happiness. Because now he had Chanyeol back he didn’t want to let him go so easily, so stupidly. Even if he had to swallow his feelings and pretend he was over him.

it was the last thing he thought before give the black haired a little smile and whisper:
 

“I forgive you”.

A bright, gorgeous and perfect smile spreaded in Chanyeol’s lips, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile him back, slightly dazed because it’s pultrude, because Chanyeol was still that dumb giraffe with goofy but sweet smile, that innocent fool of his book of memories… Yeah, Baekhyun could meet his eyes and see that this Chanyeol was, the one who was getting married in three days and five years older was, and forever will be, his Chanyeol.

His heart ached, because he loved him, he loved that dork and everything about him, and that hurt. That hurt because he loved him, but he didn’t love him back, not in the way Baekhyun wanted, not in the was Baekhyun needed.

The taller seemed to notice Baekhyun’s smile fading away, and suddenly realised how close they were. He let Baekhyun’s hands slip in between his, and looked down in a try to ignore his flaming checks.

“T-Thank you” Chanyeol stuttered as Baekhyun’s features softened. He must be crazy, he really does must be crazy, insane, out of his senses, because he kind of liked that pain, the pain that Chanyeol made him feel every time their eyes met, every time he remembered himself he should put himself together, he’s an engaged man.

But, even so, he couldn’t stop his heart from racing every time he was close enough to feel his breath against his skin, he couldn’t help but feel his heart being ripped and smashed into little pieces every time he remembered Chanyeol wasn’t his, but will be soon Saebyul’s husband.

He wanted to laugh at himself. He was so pathetic, so hopeless, even so in love and so in pain.

He should had thought it twice before falling for someone who was straight and could never love him back, but he had always been a stupid.

“I’m the one who has to say that” Words spoke before he could even think about sallow them, regretting them as soon as he opened his damn mouth “Sorry, I… I just-”

A bright smile from the other silenced him, doubt and confusion in the air he inhaled but couldn’t let out of his lungs.

“Don’t be sorry, grumpy dwarf” the nickname made Baekhyun’s stomach bubble, he haed himself for that, but he couldn’t help it. The younger sighed “I know I can’t ask you to forget everything and just act as if nothing had happened, I understand if it’s awkward for you… But, I just wanted you to know t-that I’ve just- I’ve j-just m-missed you” he added lowing his head, stare glued now on his feet.

Baekhyun felt that his heart was about to burst, because he has missed him too, he has missed him every day, every minute, he had missed him every second of these five years, but in a different way Chanyeol did for sure.

He wasn’t in love with him unlike Baekhyun was.

“I-I’m sorry” He apologised, but them he remembered there was no need to “I-I m-mean, uh, I-I have- I-I’ve m-missed you t-too I-I j-just” the smaller had to shut his eyes because he couldn’t bear the embarrassment anymore. Why was he so awkward? What the was he even saying? He better shut up before he talks too much.

He didn’t see Chanyeol’s smile nor his slightly pink cheeks. He didn’t see how he lifted his hand, wanting to his head and make a mess of his hair. He didn’t see how he backed down in the last moment, thinking that that wasn’t the right thing to do right then, not knowing that would make Baekhyun’s heart stop, not in an unpleasant way exactly.

“Does that mean-?” Baekhyun opened his eyes, his cheeks still burning like fire, his heart still racing, his mind still cursing himself for being such an awkward human being, but he managed to stare at Chanyeol right in the eye and breathe. Kind of. His heart skipped a beat as soon as their glances locked. “Does that mean we’re friends again?” He asked, hope glowing in his deep eyes, love drawn in every feature of the older, who couldn’t help but nod with embarrassment.

Chanyeol’s smile became wider, and Baekhyun knew he had done the right thing. Even if it hurts, even if it tears his heart apart and breaks it in two or two thousand. He was happy only if Chanyeol was happy, even if he wasn’t really happy.

Because that was what love was about wasn’t it?

“Liar” Jongin’s words echoed in his mind once more and he could feel once more the touch of his fingers against his skin, he could feel once more when he stepped closer to him and the air ran out of his lungs as water between his fingers, heart pounding inside his chest, threating to break in two, too many thoughts running around his head, becoming everything blurry and confusing.

It was difficult to breathe even now.

“Hyung, please, don’t lie to me. You don’t have to tell me, but just don’t lie to me”.

Such a painfully words, said with dead, monotone tone, and sad eyes. He had been so stupid hiding the truth, he felt small and stupid he hated himself for that.

He ran his hands through his hair in a stupid try to calm himself down.

“I messed things up, didn’t I?” He mumbled with hollow cursing his damn self for being such an idiot, wanting to laugh to hide the tears that blurred his sight. Why did he lied Jongin? Why had he to hurt him like that? He did know how much Jongin hated lies, and, even so, he lied to him.

He felt the stupidest human being alive.

Kyungsoo let out an exasperated sigh and glared at himself in the mirror and felt the guilt invading him again.

He had no apologize. The sooner the better.

Jongin wasn’t mad nor angry, he wasn’t even upset, he was just worried as hell, and stupidly concerned about Kyungsoo. He was so absent and looked so worried, and he knew that he knew, and even so, he dared to lie to him as though he wouldn’t notice.

Okay, maybe he was slightly mad, but he had a reason though! He knew Kyungsoo was worried about Chanyeol and that stuff, they are cousins after all, but he couldn’t coddle him for life, he was getting married in three days (being that the worst mistake he could do), he was a grownup, and he could take care of himself! There was no need to worry Kyungsoo too! There was no need to perturb him! He didn’t deserve feeling like that! But now was rage who was talking into Jongin’s ear.

He was so mad, he just wanted to protect Kyungsoo and he just tells him less than nothing and that drive him crazy.

“Okay, y’all, I want all of your flat asses right here in less than three seconds or I’ll personally drag them into the lounge even if you don’t want to” it was nearly nine in the night and the even had dinner yet, but Sehun seemed way too amused to being with an empty stomach, wide smile curving his thing lips, something that Jongin described like ‘you better run while you can if you wanna live’ glowing in his eyes “we’re playing some games” he proclaimed victorious, smile growing wider and wider, mischievous and dangerous and oh my God.

“Oh no” Jongin berated, wishing that that wasn’t happening to him, not today.

Sehun seemed to hear him, so he cached his eye, and smiled at him, and he looked like the Joker, but much more harrowing, not good intentions at all hiding behind his pearl white teeth.

“Oh yes, dear”.

And the wink he gave Jongin was enough to make him fear for his life.

Wow, it’s been a while, a lot, more like a ing lot, I’m so sorry, exams are a .

This is shorth though, I’m sorry for the awkward chanbaek and the stupid kaisoo. You’re gonna hate them for real, they’re gonna go so ing slow and you’re gonna hate me too for that lmao, so prepare yourselves, but don’t worry, Sehun has something prepared *winks* ugh, sorry, that was unnecessary, I apologise for that.

ANYWAYS more action is coming. I swear, I’ll try to not bore you too much. Two days and three nights before the weeding people, what’s gonna happen?

Thank you so much for waiting, I really appreciate you’re not sending me hate for not uploading (like seriously, I would do it to myself lmao). I finish exams this 13^th. Thenceforth, I’ll have much more free time, I promise I’ll write more often so I can update before January :)

A big, big hug, I love you all, I’ll try to make the next chapter longer. I’m gonna have fun writing what’s coming, but not as fun as I’ll have writing the night before the weeding ;)

-Ari

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