Jae is a funny drunk because he’s not actually drunk. He just acts like he is when all he’s had is a sip of beer and a bunch of breadsticks. Where he even got the breadsticks, I don’t ask. I don’t want to know. But he’s off telling some story about how he was skateboarding while filming around campus the other day when he ran into Sammy Kim who is also in a band who is friends with Matthew Kim from the basketball varsity team and how they are now the best of friends. According to him, they now have regular basketball dates.

“You all think I’m a nerd, but the truth is I’m a jock on the inside,” he says with a flourish. “I just don’t look like it, but I’m totally hottie material. I’m a very multi-faceted individual.”

Jamie just snorts and rolls her eyes. “I once watched you pick a fight with a lawn chair and you lost that round. Like, by a league. Leagues, in the plural.”

We’re at Catharsis again, and it feels like a brand new experience. Stepping in with all the trepidation and moving on from it is a victory in itself. It’s been long enough. Sungjin is sitting next to me, by some miracle (and mine and Ayeon’s combined contacts) we’ve found a booth and have been spending the better part of waiting for Dowoon’s birthday getting drunk on each other’s company. The alcohol, not so much. Perhaps in another hour, give or take. And then it’s pandemonium. At least Sungjin’s around to make sure no one falls into a ditch on the way home.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask Sungjin.

“What do you mean?” he replies innocently.

“You’re looking at me like something.” Besides Brian coming home earlier than he was supposed to and thus interrupting cuddle-time, nothing else out of the ordinary happened. But he’s looking at me all weird. Not necessarily a bad weird. Just weird.

"I'm really not?”

“You are, though.” Brian’s head pops in from Sungjin’s other side as he reaches for the basket of fries on the table. “What were you guys doing when I got back anyway?”

Sungjin swats Brian away, but Brian just smoothly evades Sungjin’s attack and grins annoyingly at us. “None of your business,” Sungjin says, gruffly.

Brian’s grin just gets even more annoying—endearing, but still annoying. “Oh, I see. That’s what you were doing. That’s why you’re in a mood, I see.”

Sungjin scowls at his friend but I’m just laughing at them now. We can’t miss Dowoon’s birthday party. Besides, there’s always tomorrow and the next day and the next day, we’re not going to run out of days.

Jae’s still not done with his story, though I’m not even sure who’s listening still. Ayeon and Dowoon are talking about something at the other end of the booth. Brian is busy eating. Wonpil is saying something in response to Jae, I think, but it has nothing to do with Jae’s topic. I think. Wonpil also keeps leaning in and touching Jae and clinging to his arm, and Jae just keeps pushing him away and finding ways to extricate himself from Wonpil. It’s going to be a long night.

When I grab a beer, I feel that weird look from Sungjin again. I get it now. I take a long drag. “Are you worried I’ll end up too drunk for my own good again?”

He doesn’t answer.

“Would it fair to say I’m not emotionally compromised tonight and am thus capable of making wise drinking decisions?” It feels like an argument I don’t want to have. Sungjin can get overbearing when he doesn’t realize it. He means well, but even that can go wrong so easily. It’s a problem because he wants—he needs—to be needed, and when I’m having my Good Days, I might not need him in a way he wants to be.

That’s a problem.

“You’re right,” he says after a beat. He picks up his bottle and takes a careful sip.

“Also you’re right here. What’s going to happen?”

He makes a face, but it’s the Fine, you have a point face so we’re okay. He’s so tense, though. I know this isn’t his crowd, and he’s usually just dragged around because he feels morally obligated to be the responsible one by virtue of being Like That. I lean back to catch Brian’s gaze behind’s Sungjin’s head. We share a meaningful glance, and Brian’s off in charge of keeping Sungjin distracted. At least until Ayeon decides she’s had enough socialising for the night and spends the rest of it with her boyfriend.

But this is my crowd, from a certain perspective. My fingers itch to do something. Anything. This music…the DJ is terrible. I catch Ayeon’s eyes from across the table. And she grins immediately.

“We’re gonna be right back,” I announce.

Ayeon and I don’t wait for any questions and we don’t linger long enough to even explain anything. We hurry to the back, where we know the floor manager hangs out. I want to spin tonight. Even just for a little while. There’s no set program—I hope there’s a slot for me.

We’re not the only ones with the same idea. Someone else is here, too.

Joonyoung is waiting outside the small office, hands in his pocket and leaning against the wall. He sees me, and it’s not just recognition that lights up in his eyes. “Hey,” he says over the music.

Ayeon’s hand curves around my arm. “Let’s get out of here.”<