I like to think I’m not a complete disaster, but Jae points it out as soon as I walk into the station Wednesday night.

“What happened to you?” he asks as soon as I settle into the booth with him. People like to think that Jae isn’t the sharpest tool in the figurative shed but when one has a thing for tearjerker dramas and movies, one develops as sixth sense for these things.

I saw Sungjin this afternoon, but I guess he didn’t see me because he didn’t even look at me. He just went ahead and walked straight into the faculty room. I saw him again when I left my classroom and he was walking down the hall, but he was talking to someone and it must have been important because he was so focused on it to see me standing there.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snap. Then I take it back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. My sleep schedule’s been out of sync.”

“More than usual?”

“More than usual.” I notice an extra chair and an extra set of things. “Wait, am I not on tonight? Jamie’s here.”

Jae bobs his head, but it’s not really an answer. “I don’t even know who goes on what day anymore,” he says. “Who even does our schedule?”

“You do?”

“Huh.”

Unfortunately, I know I’m too awake to even wonder if I’m dreaming. I don’t want to go back to the apartment in case I run into Ayeon or Huiryong. I’m still too embarrassed to face them, and honestly I’m scared of Huiryong when she’s angry. Once, one of her ex boyfriends came to say sorry and he brought in this large bouquet of flowers as an apology gift, but the poor guy had the flowers whacked into his face for even trying. I don’t blame Huiryong though, she caught the guy kissing some other girl at some other party and that’s not unacceptable.

“Oh, hey!” Jamie comes in with a huge smile on her face as usual. She waves at me and takes the seat between Jae’s and mine. “Tonight’s gonna be so lit,” she beams. “I got this new playlist from Jaebum and it is giving me life.”

“Was that from the Thursday?” asks Jae, slipping his circular glasses off to polish them on his hoodie sleeve.

“No,” Jamie answers, rummaging through her bag. “This is the one from Saturday.”

“Oh, that one!”

“You guys were out Saturday?” I ask, feigning to be unaffected.

“Yeah, after radio. We crashed that party at Jackson’s residence. Bambam was wasted!”

Jamie bursts out laughing. “I can’t believe Yugyeom actually dared him to do that and pillow surf down the stairs.”

Jae slaps his knee, still laughing at the memory. “I can’t believe he didn’t get a concussion after doing it all night.”

I don’t know who Yugyeom and Bambam are, but the way Jae and Jamie are talking about them makes it sound like they’ve met them on multiple occasions before. I can’t claim to know who all their friends and acquaintances are, I don’t think anyone could, but how much do their social circles overlap?

They continue to talk about this one other party they were at and when the next one is, and I pull on my headphones and check my monitor. I’m not really upset. I’m used to never being in on a conversation…but sometimes this sick feeling in my gut shows up at all the weird times. I like being around these people. And they’ve respected my eccentricities and understood to a certain degree that some introversions are simply so deeply ingrained we can’t change the way we’re wired. Exactly why I can’t fault them for not inviting me out. Besides, after all the time I’ve turned them down…maybe they were getting tired of me too.

I put on Jamie’s playlist and play along to whoever’s in the chatroom. Most of them just want a little cheering up for their deadlines and exams, and this time when I say I’m rooting for them, I mean it. In a way, it feels like I’m rooting for myself. All this time staying away from people, I’ve missed the companionship the good ones bring.

And maybe, just for once I want to feel like I didn’t miss out.

“So I have not seen you in a very long while,” Jamie says to me, leaning close and resting her head on my shoulder. “We need a show together.”

“And what would we do on this show?” I ask, playfully nudging her away.

“We’d dish out advice, of course.”

“On what? Mass destruction?” Jae tosses in. “Oh! Mass Distraction.”

Exactly what it says on our tagline. “Chicken Lethal, Weapon and Mass Distraction,” I say, “Yeah, I think we already have that pretty much established.”

“Yeah,