I nearly forget I'm upset at Sungjin when I see him across the hall Monday night after I’m done working on my latest synth lab homework. He’s not smiling now. His brows are furrowed and his lips are pressed in a tight line.

“Was it just you in there?” he asks.

I look behind me, at Wonpil’s designated studio. He’s been letting me use it these past few days. I don’t ask why. Or who Sungjin is looking for. Even if I want to. “Yes.”

“Great.” Sungjin runs his fingers through his hair. Frustrated-Sungjin runs his fingers through his hair, good to know. Do all versions of Sungjin run his fingers through his hair like this?

Against my better will, I ask “What’s wrong?”

He’s on his phone, furiously tapping on the screen. “It’s nothing. Have you seen Nayeon?”

I saw her after class. She was on her way somewhere with a big group of her friends. This is probably not something I want to be involved in. “No.”

“Great. Just great,” he mutters under his breath.

“Call her.”

“I have been.” Angry? Annoyed? “We were supposed to meet more than an hour ago.”

“Ah.” I want to say ‘good luck’ or ‘more power to you’, something—anything—just to spite him but he looks sort of pathetic. And desperate. “What’s wrong?”

“We’re supposed to work on my homework. We were supposed to work on it last night, but she got distracted and I need to get this done tonight.”

“You have homework?” I ask. “Just do it without her?”

He sighs. Angry, still. “No, she said she’ll help me.”

“Clearly, she’s not in the helping mood right now so maybe you just need to get it done on your own?” I don’t get it. Why need Nayeon’s help? Isn’t Sungjin a grad student? He’s supposed to be the advanced learner. What does he need an undergrad’s help for? Does he really just want to spend that much time with Im Nayeon?

Sungjin doesn’t respond. He’s still staring down the hall, maybe thinking if he looked hard enough, Nayeon would magically conjure into being. I should walk away. Just leave him alone. I obviously have no more reason to stick around here.

“What were you supposed to work on anyway?” I hate myself sometimes.

He shakes his head. “Never mind. It’s not important.” he mutters. “I’ll figure something out.” But he doesn’t sound so sure.

“It sounds important.”

Sungjin gestures helplessly at his studio. “I’m working on this project Professor Park assigned. It’s a synth lab exercise.”

“Okay. What do you need Nayeon for?”

“I told you. She said she’d help me.”

“With a synth lab exercise? It can’t be that complicated?”

Sungjin draws in a sharp breath. “It’s not that simple either.”

“You’re the TA. Shouldn’t the students be the ones asking you for help?”

“You don’t understand.”

He’s right. I don’t. It’s just a synth lab exercise. It’s like reading, almost. Or singing. At the very worst, it’s a really complicated math problem. “Just trudge through it, really. Think of it like writing a song or even a long tedious transcription exercise.”

Sungjin runs his hand through his hair again. “You can say that because it’s easy for you. You really don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what? It’s homework? You sound like you’re—“

“That I’m what? Cheating on my homework? Getting a student to do my homework for me?”

“Then just do it. You’re saying it like you can’t even work a computer.”

“I can work a computer.” He sounds hurt.

“Okay. Fine.” And I hear myself sounding so mean. “Whatever.”

“I’m not a music student,” he finally says. “So the things you’re good at, I need time to learn. I’m not like you.”

Sungjin looks at me, just enough to acknowledge that we’re in the middle of a weird fight that I shouldn’t even be involved in. I’m just so tired of people. Talking. Being around them. Having to be a certain way and being so conscious about everything. Then he turns back to the door of his office and disappears inside.

I let out a breath. And took another one in. It hurt, too. Like I couldn’t breath and my chest is so tight. As if Sungjin found all the right notes to access my chest and make me feel this way.

It’s just a synth lab exercise. How hard can it be?

I lift my hand and knock on the door.

Sungjin opens the door just enough to see who’s outside. “What now?”

Sungjin wasn’t just nobody. He might not have been Ayeon or Huiryong, who, now that I’m less pathetic, have graduated to being my best friends instead of my only friends. In a way, Sungjin was something else from Jae and Wonpil.

“So…I didn’t realize you even had homework. Which is weird because you’re still technically a student, kind of—“

“What is it?”

“Maybe I can help?”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s fine, really.”

“I’m sorry if I raised my voice. I can’t remember if I did, but if I did I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t. And I was mean. I’m sorry, too.”

Sungjin looks into my eyes, and I don’t look away.

“Let me help you,” I say again. Like I mean it. Because I do.

“Are you sure?”

I shrug. “I’m done with my homework and I really don’t have anything else to do tonight. It’s not a big deal.”

“You really don’t have to do that…”

I push my way inside his studio. “Yeah, maybe I do. I’m sorry. Sometimes…I guess I forget that people need help too, you know?” Because I never ask for help, it doesn’t make sense to me that other people might need it. That maybe I need it but the thought of it makes my skin crawl. “And this sounds important to you, and I didn’t realize it until I realized it was a real conversation and maybe it was a fight.”

“Now I’m worried. This is the most I’ve heard you talk about yourself like this.” He’s smiling now, but only just. He’s still really worried about the work.

“Let’s just get to work,” I say, putting down my things on the floor. Of course, Sungjin gets the studio with a couch.

It’s nice and cozy inside, and I think it has more to do with places taking the personality of their owners. Wonpil’s studio wasn’t messy in the Jae sense. There were no papers and books strewn haphazardly around the table, and there were no takeout and pizza boxes needing to be cleaned up. But Sungjin’s studio is levels above Wonpil’s tidiness. Nothing  is out of it’s proper place, and I’m just standing here figuring out where I should designate my spot.

Sungjin pushes a chair in my direction and I take it. Sungjin sits next to me in front of the console. I keep my eyes on the screensaver on the monitor.

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