Sungjin and I don’t talk on the way back to my apartment. I don’t cry. Even if my tears are already on the verge of falling. I already feel like a fool.

Maybe because it’s true.

What was I thinking? That Sungjin liked me? Even after all the effort I put into explaining to myself why he could never have feelings for someone like me. How could I still have believed that?

Was I hoping it was possible? What a fickle friend hope is, always leading you to believe in the impossible. Maybe it was because Young K—Brian believed that it could be possible if I wanted it to be. And Brian, despite doing himself wrong, is nobody’s fool.

When we get to my building, I don’t linger by the stairs like I usually do when Sungjin walks me home. But neither does Sungjin stop by the landing. He follows me all the way inside the lobby.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Walking you all the way up to your door,” he says.

“What for?”

Sungjin gestures at the stairs. “Just let me walk you all the way to your door so I know you’re safe inside your apartment, okay?”

“Fine,” I huff. Doesn’t he realize this is exactly what leads to misunderstandings all around? If Sungjin doesn’t want his actions to be misconstrued, then he shouldn’t be doing things like walk me all the way to my door because such things lead to dangerous assumptions.

Boys really shouldn’t do things like walk you home, or hold you while you cry, or kiss you if it’s not supposed to mean anything.

I walk ahead of him, so I don’t see the apprehension on his face until I stop by my doorstep. “This is me, are you happy now?” I ask, fishing out my keys from my pocket.

Sungjin nods, but he doesn’t appear to be as present as he should be. It’s almost like he’s worried about something but I’m not sure what it is. But I decide I don’t care so I reach out for the door…

…only to have it slam into my shoulder.

I fall halfway into Sungjin whose strong arm instinctively curls around my waist. I clutch at my throbbing shoulder and check to see if anything’s broken. Bruised, definitely. But at least not broken.

Huiryong utters profanities. “Are you okay? What were you doing standing at the—”

“I’m fine,” I answer at her abruptly interrupted question. But Huiryong isn’t looking at me anymore and Sungjin’s arm drops like deadweight from my waist.

Neither Huiryong or Sungjin say a word. My eyes bounce between them like a tennis ball, waiting for something to happen. Anxiety twists in my gut and a bitter taste spreads in my mouth.  Huiryong, mouth agape, has not blinked since. Sungjin’s jaw is clenched tight, and his eyes are drawn tense at the edges. It occurs to me now what’s happening here. Sungjin is Huiryong’s Bad Breakup.

I slip into the apartment with my head down and head straight to bed.

I don’t even want to think about it.

I just want to pretend this never even happened.

* * *

Huiryong and Ayeon are not very good at not talking about things, but they don’t mention anything about Sungjin or about me or about the blanks in the past few days over the weekend. It helps that we’re not really talking yet. Or anyway, Huiryong and I aren’t talking. Whenever we do, it’s clipped and forcefully civil. Ayeon rolls her eyes every time.

“So remember that new bar and that new band I was telling you about?” Ayeon asks over dinner Sunday night.

We’re eating out because it’s Ayeon’s idea and the truth is, I think Huiryong’s afraid of Ayeon just a little bit. Like how the entire Sweg Crew is afraid of Jamie but none of us are willing to admit to it because Jamie will just use it against it. She already does, but there’s not need to explicitly let her know just how much power she wields over us.

Just the other day we were figuring out how to schedule ourselves over the summer break, and Jae said whoever wins rock paper scissors gets to decide the shifts. Jackson said we should stick to our current lineup since he doesn’t want to move around his fencing schedules after he’s already worked it out with his coach. Namjoon said he’s fine with whatever, but that maybe he’d take one night a week alone to play Philosophy Radio even though we all know that’s a terrible idea. Anyway, no one listened to Jae until Jamie said we should all just go with rock-paper-scissors. So we did.

So maybe Jamie ended up manipulating Jae into going with paper all the time since he’s supposed to be a manly dude and whatever, and he lost all the rounds. Jamie won, of course. Now she’s our supreme summer leader. But no one is brave enough to complain about it.

So now my roommates and I are out at our favorite family restaurant, tucked into a corner booth with the grill heating up and waiting for the meat to arrive. Ayeon didn’t so much as suggest it as demand that the three of us should go out for dinner since we haven’t done that in a long while.

“What about it?” Huiryong says, twirling her straw around her soda.

“I told you guys we’re g