Amalya! Your cheesecake is ready!
Cheesecake Archive
Title: Symbiosis
Description:
Ever since he was given into the service of Bahamut’s Aerie and first laid eyes on a dragon, all Taekwoon ever wanted to be was a dragonrider. Mesmerized by the great, winged beasts, he was determined to join the elite ranks of the Stardust Battalion, a collection of riders who cared little for the titles of men. And while he was prepared for anything in regards to accomplishing that goal, he never expected the unshakeable presence of one Lee Jinki, more dragons than he bargained for, or the growing danger from within that threatened to destroy them all.
Foreword:
They call it Symbiosis – the process in which a dragon and rider become one.
“I am yours and you are mine”
Connected.
Bound.
Partners for life.
Not every person who seeks to become a rider is fit for the role and even those who are deemed worthy do not always survive the encounter. It is not a profession for the faint of heart or those who lack the dedication necessary to earn their place amidst the honored ranks of riders.
But for those who are able to rise to the challenge, it is the pinnacle of honor among men and the epitome of never being alone again.
It is an honor Taekwoon will earn, but all of his preparation and training may not be enough when friends become foes, bonds are tested and broken, and everything he thought he knew begins to crumble beneath his feet.
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Entered into the: ★彡 Wᴀɴᴅᴇʀʟᴜsᴛ & Sᴛᴀʀᴅᴜsᴛ ミ☆ Cᴏʟʟᴀʙᴏʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ Mᴜʟᴛɪ-Cᴏɴᴛᴇsᴛ
Gorgeous poster done by Asphyxy at Beauty Lies Within Graphics. You should seriously check out her other works too!
For Amalya:
Title (5/5) - How original is your title and how much does it relate to the story?
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What can I say? I am a er for one word titles and that word being a word you don't hear often? I love how it feels slightly biological too. It's just beautiful
Description/Forward (10/10) - how much did it catch my attention and relate to the story?
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It grabbed my attention and that's all I really ask for. And that picture oh my word it is gorgeous I'm in love with it so much I just had to read as fast as I could!
Plot (19/20) -
Originality - how unique and different is your story?
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It certainly is unique. Especially the way you go about the story. I feel that someone would want to hurry up and get Taekwoon in there right away, but you don't. And I like having that little bit of set-up. It really gives us time to be immersed in the world as well, which is just fantastic in so many ways so we aren’t overwhelmed.
Believable - in your story's world, how much do I believe this is what is happening?
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Yes I do believe this would progress this way in the world, especially how nicely it progresses from the very beginning. I just, however, found it a little jarring it jumped to Taekwoon fighting/wrestling with the dragon after he clearly was only scooping dung in the chapter before. I just wanted a little more, say, how did we get here from that chapter.
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As for your plot I think it's perfect. It's a hero’s journey, and we are following Taekwoon and seeing how he develops and accepts the challenges. One suggestion I would have is to add a tad more conflict. Of course you don't have to, but since you asked my opinion, just right now everything seems pretty happy--but that could be your goal. But if him and Jinki had more of a rivalry (even a little bit later in the story and not in the beginning) the reader would even be much more invested in seeing Taekwoon succeed. That is only a small suggestion, though. Otherwise it's great! I love a good hero who has to face obstacles and has to grow to face them.
Characters (27/30) -
Voice - how strong is your narrative voice/the character's voice?
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I love Taekwoon. His voice and his quiet determination is beautiful. I also love Kino as a foil and a friend, a compliment in areas Taekwoon is lacking.
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Your writing voice is spot on too. Great word choices and sentence structures.
Development - how much does the character grow in the story?
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Taekwoon is growing, I can see it. It is only chapter 3 and the beginning but I can really see he is determined to improve himself and his tactics to get to where he wants.
Personality - how alive do they feel?
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These characters are so alive I feel like I need to take notes from you XD not only your human characters, but N has such spunk as a dragon (just like his idol self)
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I want to see more of Jiho. I feel like he could be a much stronger character if he had more lines and was present more. I could see him really being a signature character in the story. Even Jinki. If we had a chapter on Jinki or just more time to get to know him, him Taekwoon could be such iconic characters.
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One small thing is that there are a lot of characters. I think it's good to have the story populated, but at times I would get confused on who was from which band, or even if you mean for them to be from a band. I got stumped on Jiho until I saw Tigress’s comment (oops my fault for forgetting you Zico haha). But if you want that many characters, hey, go for it. That and I would want more idol-dragons because that's just awesome
Setting (10/10) - how well-built and represented is your setting in the story?
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Your descriptions are gorgeous as is your world-building (which is also included here.) I am so impressed and that is also why I am disappointed there are only 3 chapters. You spent so much time developing this that I would like to see more and see where it goes!
Mechanics (14/15) -
Flow - how does the story pace itself and move along?
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Amazing
Grammar/Vocab - how many errors were there?
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I only caught a couple of things but ehh I won't be too picky. Haha. Just one point for a couple things here and there. When I got into it I didn't even care anymore
Misc. (10/10)
Enjoyability - how much did I enjoy your story?
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YOU GOTTA UPDATE THIS I understand losing your muse but omg that poster and the story I want to see Taekwoon grow into a master and I want him to steal Jiho’s dragon because Neo XD otherwise, I loved it. A very refreshing read I don't see a lot
Satisfactory - am I satisfied with the way it is progressing/ended?
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Um. No. Because I want more (no really I am satisfied with what I have)
Total (95/100)
- Why does this have so little subs and stuff it makes me sad because it's just gorgeous and creative. I'm gonna sub and upvote in case you ever decide to update! <3
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